Curse the Dawn (39 page)

I frowned. The sleep haze started to lift as my hand went exploring. It found a man’s chest, hard with muscle, a sweeping ladder of ribs, a ridged abdomen and a . . .

I jerked awake with a sharp gasp of pure panic. It caught in my throat, threatening to choke me, and for a moment, I couldn’t think at all. This whole experience was so alien it shredded my brain. Because I’d had a lot of strange things happen to me, but I’d never woken up as someone else.

I stared out the window, gulping for air, waiting for my pulse to edge out of heart attack territory. The vines didn’t do much to block the view beyond, where a bank of low-hanging clouds were rolling restlessly over the sky. At least they’re black, I thought, as they began leaking.

I spent a few minutes lying there, tracking the hypnotic slide of drops down the windowpane. It was raining, but it was daylight. What was the old saying? That meant the devil was beating his wife.

Or maybe he just wanted his dog back.

If I didn’t look at my body, I was okay. The bed was warm and comfortable, with well-washed linens and fat feather pillows. It was so tempting to go back to sleep, to forget everything for a little while, to forget about Pritkin. Because he was going to expect me to fix our little problem, and the truth was, I just had no idea.

But if it was morning, Billy would be back soon. I had to get a grip. I had to get up.

I concentrated on the slow in and out of my breath, ribs moving, lungs inflating, telling myself that most things were the same, most things were familiar. A body was a body, after all: two arms, two legs, a head. Not much difference, really. I was doing pretty good until I looked down the length of my new form to find a not-so-little something that wasn’t the same
at all
.

I scrambled back until I hit the headboard, but of course my newest problem came, too. I stared at it in a sort of wondering horror, but it didn’t go away. It just kept jauntily tenting the sheet, obviously excited to welcome the new day.
Now
what?

A quick poke to try to push it down only had it bobbing back up relentlessly. I tried again, starting to feel a little frantic, and held it down this time. It was hot and hard beneath my hand, like there was no sheet there at all. It made me notice other things that were just plain wrong, like breasts that were flat and no longer shifted with every breath, like the heavy mat of hair arrowing down over my abdomen, like the blond hairs on the patch of thigh that had slipped outside the sheet.

Despite my little pep talk, this body did not feel more or less normal. It had been easier to ignore that last night, when I’d been so exhausted I’d been staggering. But now I noticed things, like the current of electricity that ran beneath my new skin, rolling and hot and bothersome, making me sweat and shiver. Suddenly, everything was exciting, from the soft kiss of the sheets to the vague tickle of air filtering in around the old windowpane.

I’d never been so aware of myself, of the way I inhabited muscle and bone and skin. I wondered if Pritkin felt the same, sharp and fresh and vivid, with every sensation maddeningly familiar yet completely strange. I wondered if it was driving him up the freaking wall.

I caught sight of my reflection in a mirror and it didn’t help. Long eyelashes drooped over flushed cheeks and the usual tight lips were softened by surprise. The broad shoulders and nice arms were the same, the skin sleep-warm, the signs of the fight almost healed. There were only a few raised, red lines to contrast with the cream and gold.

My fingers slid over the beard coming in along his jaw to the fine-skinned hollow just behind his earlobe, and into his hair. He had nice hands, the fingers blunt and callused, the nails trimmed round and no-nonsense short. He’d be
strong
, I thought, a shiver of awareness cutting through me.

And the flesh under my palm leapt.

I snatched my hand back, swallowing hard, and the sheet slid off. And there it was, hot and huge, the stretch of it a biting, static ache. Maybe it’ll go away on its own, I thought desperately. I held my breath, panic crowding my lungs, and it
actually got bigger
. Long and thick, it was darker peach than the rest of him, with an elegant bend to the left. I’ll have to remember to tell Pritkin that he has a pretty dick, I thought hysterically, and shoved a pillow over it.

Someone knocked on the door.

I stared at it, horrified, and yanked up the sheet just before my own frowning face peered around the crack. “Do you mind?” I asked a little shrilly.

“Breakfast,” Pritkin said shortly. He noticed my expression. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I’d just like a little privacy.”

“You’re in my body. Privacy is rather out the window, at this point.” He came in, ignoring the glare I sent his perfectly pulled together form. Marsden’s shopping trip must have included day wear, because Pritkin had on a nice pair of khaki capris and a yellow drawstring top.

“I need clothes, too,” I reminded him, hoping he’d go hunt some up.

“Marsden sent you these. They’re his but they should work well enough for the moment,” he said, dropping a bundle onto a table beside a small armchair. And then he
sat down
.

“What are you doing?!”

“We need to talk.”

“Why not now?”

“I . . . haven’t had a shower yet,” I said lamely, and then it hit me. Cold showers. That’s what guys did about this sort of thing, right?

“You had a shower last night. Get dressed. We need to talk before you see Jonas.” He crossed my legs, perfectly at ease, one strappy sandal dangling from one pale foot. I’d been ready for angry, bitter, miserable. I was having a hard time with the usual brusque impatience. What sucked the most was the sinking feeling that Pritkin was handling this better than I was.

“If I want another shower,” I told him heatedly, “I’ll damn well take another shower!”

“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded. I managed not to shift under that piercing blue gaze. I hadn’t known my eyes could look like that. But then, I doubted they did when I was in residence. And the fact that my own eyes were making me uncomfortable really pissed me off.

“What’s wrong?
What’s wrong?
I don’t have
breasts
! I do have other things I
do not want
. What the hell do you think is wrong?!”

“I thought you were taking this too well yesterday.”

“Running for my life tends to override other issues!” The pillow wasn’t helping. If anything, it had made the situation worse, since Pritkin’s body really seemed to like pressure and friction and heat. As well as just about anything else. I was starting to wonder why he ever got out of bed.

“I should think you would be accustomed to it by now.”

There was something in his tone that had me looking up sharply. If he had a sense of humor I’d suspect him. “No. And it doesn’t seem to be growing on me.”

He waved it away. “We need to discuss our options. Jonas brought you here for a reason. He wants to deal.”

“Yeah. And if the Circle finds out, I’m dead. They hate me already. How do you think they’re going to feel if they believe I’m cozying up to their crazy ex-leader?”

“Not a great deal differently, in all likelihood,” he said dryly.

“Are you seriously suggesting—”

“I am suggesting that you do not agree to anything but that you also do not summarily turn him down. If the Circle continues to be intransigent, he may prove useful.”

“How? By starting a civil war? That would kill off mages at twice the rate and do Apollo’s work for him!” I shifted, trying to get some relief, and accidentally pushed the problem into the pillow. And wasn’t
that
the world’s worst idea. My heart stuttered slightly, my breath hitched, and I thought, Oh,
God
.

“It may not come to that.”

“And if it does?”

“I am simply advising that you do not turn Marsden down outright. Listen to what he has to say and tell him you’ll think about it. Meanwhile, we’ll try again to reach a compromise with the Circle. If they can be brought to accept you as Pythia, even for the duration of the war, it would be enough. Once Apollo’s forces are defeated, we can deal with our internal troubles.”

“Fine.” God, this was actually becoming painful.

“We also need to determine how you are going to switch us back.”

“I’m working on that.” Please, please just
shut up
and
leave
.

“How? The salesman told you the effects are not reversible.”

“Our bodies weren’t changed, just swapped,” I snapped. “And I’ve had a little experience with that. Assuming I don’t get murdered by psychotic sadists masquerading as allies, I’ll come up with something.”

“Such as?”

“We’ll discuss it later.”

“I would prefer to discuss it now.”

Something in my voice finally seemed to get through. “I suppose we won’t be talking while you’re in the shower,” he said, getting up.

“We will not.”

“Then I shall see you at breakfast. And remember, Marsden is not nearly as vague as he appears.”

“Yes, okay, whatever.”

He went to the door but paused with his hand on the knob, looking back at me with terribly amused eyes. “And lightly chilled is usually sufficient. I’d really rather you didn’t scald me with cold.”

I looked around for something to throw at him, but he’d already left. He really
was
dealing with this better than I was. Goddamnit.

I waddled to the shower as soon as the coast was clear. I didn’t know how men managed with something taking up so much room down there. And what the hell kind of design left a person’s privates dangling loose in the air and changing sizes all the time?

The shock of freezing-cold, needle-fine spray against my chest made me yelp, but I stuck it out, shoulders hunched, determined. It pounded my head and neck and tattooed against my back, over the lines of thickened tissue just under the skin of Pritkin’s left shoulder. I’d never asked him what had marked him like that, when all other injuries just seemed to disappear. And I guessed doing so now was out. I groaned. Even if I got us switched back, I was
never
going to live this down.

The water torture eventually helped with the whole thing-I-was-going-to-repress-with-a-vengeance, but the pull of wet body hair was still driving me nuts. I was addressing that when Billy popped back in. I ignored him, not wanting to add another cut to Pritkin’s collection, and for a long moment, he was uncharacteristically silent.

“Uh, Cass?” Billy finally said, sounded a little odd.”What are you doing?”

“I believe it’s called manscaping.”

“Why?”

“Because that is really, really disgusting,” I said, pointing up and down wildly at all the hair on Pritkin’s left leg. His right looked better. It was even kind of shapely, now that you could actually
see
it.

“You, uh, you don’t think he might be a little . . . upset . . . about—”

“Oh, who are we kidding?” I paused to concentrate on the knee. That part was always tricky. “I don’t know how to put him back, Billy. No clue. We could be stuck like this for days, weeks,
months
even—”

“I can get him back,” Billy offered.

I almost took a chunk out of Pritkin’s leg. “What?”

“Yeah. I was thinking about it last night. It’s like when I helped you possess that dark mage that time. I pushed you out of your body and sent you flying into his. Well, the way I got it figured, you can do the same thing with Pritkin. You can move back to your own body and force him out.”

“I know that,” I said, resuming work. “I’ve always been able to go back. But there’s no telling where his spirit will end up once it’s on the loose.”

“Yes, there is. Because spirits recognize their own form. It’s like with ghosts and whatever we’re haunting—it calls to us.”

“You make it sound like we haunt our own bodies.”

“In a way, you do. Your body feeds you, protects you, lets you move around. After death, if you want to keep doing all those things, you have to find something else for a power source. Like my talisman.”

“I know. But—”

“And a soul separated from its power source is dragged back like metal to a magnet. It’s why I’m able to find you sooner or later wherever you end up. I zero in on the talisman.”

I rinsed the razor and put it down. Marsden had supplied it, along with a few other toiletries, probably assuming that I’d want to shave Pritkin’s day-old beard. But it was probably too dull for that now.

I toweled off, crossed to the sink and brushed my teeth while Billy waited. “What if you’re wrong?” I finally asked. “I could end up back home, safe and sound, and in the process kill Pritkin.”

“That’s why you have me. If the mage can’t find his own way home, I’ll help. And if he blunders back into you, I’ll inhabit his body until he’s ready to try again.”

Yeah. I could see myself explaining to Pritkin that he was about to have yet another houseguest. I sighed. “You know there’s something wrong with a world where we’re even having this conversation.”

“I’m telling you, I can do it,” Billy said stubbornly.

I stood over the sink, hands braced on the countertop. I grinned at my reflection, and my borrowed green eyes looked hopeful. It just couldn’t be this easy. Could it?

“We can try,” I said, my voice breaking the slightest fraction. God. To be back in my own body. It suddenly seemed like every other problem I had was surmountable, if I could only get that one thing right.

“What about the Senate?” I asked. “Did they mention where I am when they accused Marsden?”

“I don’t know. It’s a madhouse over at war mage central. They’re trying to establish a new base in some warehouse out by Nellis, and it’s not going so great. Nobody looks too happy.”