Cursed (20 page)

“Yeah,” he said quietly, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Ember, why are there a bunch of dead…” Realization dawned across his expression, and in that pause, he looked sad—disappointed. Not what I expected.

“Hayden?”

“I haven’t been working with you,” he said.

“I know, but—”

“You’ve kept up on it.”

“Well, not until recently.”

“Em, I’m sorry. I’ve let my own problems—my own mixed-up feelings—get in the way.”

I stared at him, growing impatient. “Hayden, it’s okay. All is forgiven, but can you just look—”

“It’s not okay.” He dropped his arms over his bent knees. “You’ve been at this all alone and why? Because of… well, whatever.”

“Hayden.” I leaned forward and wrapped my hand around the closest thing I could reach—his calf. He stiffened, but didn’t move, although I think his body gave off more heat than normal. “It’s not your responsibility to fix me. I’m not your science fair project. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“Em, I don’t think of you as an experiment. I don’t think of you like that at all.”

I wondered how he did think of me. “Okay, fine. But can you just watch me for a second? I have something I want to show you.”

Hayden nodded.

I let go of his leg and closed my eyes. Concentrating with him in the room proved harder than I’d thought. When I felt sure I had that “I have control” mantra on repeat, I cupped the slender stem and ran my hand up it.

Hayden’s startled gasp caused my eyes to flutter open. The snakelike plant remained whole and healthy.

“Em.” He dropped to his knees beside me, eyes wide. “Did you see that?”

I grinned. “Yes.”

“How—how did you do that?”

“I’ve been practicing, but it hadn’t worked till tonight.”

“Okay.” He picked up the pot and placed it aside. “Touch me.”

“What? I don’t think that’s the next logical step, Hayden. This is the first time I haven’t killed a plant. Let me soak in that victory for a bit, first.”

He smiled, momentarily stunning me. It had been ages since I’d seen him really smile, the one that showed those dimples. “What did you do differently this time?”

A hot flush spread over my cheeks. “It was something Parker said, actually. That I’d made myself believe… the whole soulless thing so I didn’t have any responsibility or control, but it’s more than that.”

Hayden shifted closer. “What?”

I swallowed. “I told myself. I had a gift… I’m not cursed, you know?”

“I know—I’ve always known that. I guess you just had to believe that.”

My eyes fell to where his hands rested. Out of everything to ask and be concerned about, I went with the entirely ridiculous. “Why have we been mad at each other?”

“Mad at you?” Hayden rocked back. Three counts went by before he spoke again. “I haven’t been mad at you, Em.”

There was no turning back now. I was probably going to regret this. “But you haven’t really talked to me or… spent any time with me. Not since that night in the cabin when I told you that my parents knew about Olivia’s gift… and I thought, after what you said when I woke you up… well, I don’t know what I thought.”

He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It’s been hard. I didn’t want to believe that anyone I knew was behind the stuff in the locker, and you were right, but it’s more than that. I just need—
needed
some time to sort it all out.”

I came to my feet, wiping my hands over my shorts. I felt his gaze inching over me. I realized then, he’d probably never seen my legs before. He didn’t say anything as he stood. “What is it?”

He looked like he was about to retreat, shut back down. Watching the war of emotions battle across his face, I had a burst of courage. “I’m not mad that you didn’t believe me when I said it was one of your family members doing that stuff. Okay, I
was
mad, but not anymore. It’s done now.”

“I should’ve believed you, though. The evidence was pointing at one of them. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”

But he’d had reason to doubt me. They were his family and Phoebe was important to him. If the situation had been flipped, I’d have had a hard time accepting what was in front of my face, too. “Can’t we just move past this?”

Hayden stared, eyes darkening to a shade of night.

Frustrated, my arms dropped to my sides. “Don’t you like me anymore?”

“Yes,” he said immediately. “Of course I do.”

“Then can’t we be friends?”

Hayden moved his hand to his chest, rubbing a spot by his heart. “Em, it’s hard being friends with you.”

My stomach dropped. Not a pleasant feeling. I thought of my effect on Phoebe and winced. What had Kurt said? I was getting to Hayden, too. “I… well, wow. I have no idea how to respond to that.”

“I don’t mean it the way you’re taking it.” He glanced around the room, sighing. “Look, I’m not explaining this right. Aren’t you tired?”

I shook my head. “Are you?”

His dark eyes flicked to my face, impossible to read. “I’m wide awake now.”

I admitted to myself right there, I had no idea where this conversation was going. “Um, you can stay—if you want to.”

He stared at me in silence, and then headed over to the balcony doors. Somewhat mystified, I watched him draw the shades over the door. There was a barely there smile on his face when he locked the bedroom door.

“I doubt anyone will check on you, but better be safe than sorry.” He gestured at the bed. A faint blush tinged the tips of his cheekbones. “You first?”

I hurried to the bed and scooted to the far right side, suddenly nervous. My eyes felt impossibly wide as I watched him come back to the bed. “Do you want to practice with the plant some more?”

Hayden made his way to the side I’d escaped to and sat on the bed beside me. “No.”

“Oh.” I bit my lip, racking my brain for something to say. I came up empty.

“There are a couple of things I want to clear up.” His eyes found mine and held them. “Phoebe and I aren’t seeing each other. In fact, there’s never been anything romantic between us.”

A ridiculous amount of elation swelled in my chest, but I pushed it down. “But I’ve seen the way she looks at you. And the night of the arrow accident, I… saw you two together in the living room.”

“Phoebe may’ve had a… crush on me at one time, but she knows I’m not available.” He leaned over me, placing one hand on the bed beside my hip. We were so close I could feel the heat rolling off of him. Shifting closer, he picked a strand of hair off my shoulder and wrapped the thick curl around his finger. I froze. “And you misinterpreted what you saw. Her gift… well, you know it’s been getting to her. I was draining some of it so she wasn’t feeling everything. I’ve done it for years.”

“But you guys were so close…”

“Yeah, but it wasn’t what you thought.” His lips formed a crooked smile. “She’s not the one I want to be close to.”

I sucked in a deep breath. Confused, I pressed my hands against his stomach. I wanted him… to touch me like he had in the cabin, but he’d said it was hard to even be friends with me. How was this making it easier? But I couldn’t—didn’t want to stop him. Hayden’s warm breath danced over my cheek and his eyes held a lot of depth. I thought I could probably get lost in them if I wanted to.

“And it’s been hard being just friends with you when I want to be more than that. Seeing you every day, wanting to touch you…” He stopped, looking thoughtful.

“What are you thinking?” I breathed.

“Well,” he drawled. “I’m thinking something really crazy right now.”

“What?” I moved my lips closer to his. I’m not even sure if I was aware of doing it.

“I’m thinking about kissing you,” he said, “and touching you. It’s all I can think about. It’s why it’s been so hard being around you.”

My heart jumped in my chest, and then sped up erratically. The thick tension hit a new all-time high. Surprisingly, I found that I still had the ability to speak. “That’s really crazy.”

“Yeah.” He dropped my hair. “Crazy stuff.”

“You should really think about something else,” I advised, even as I moved my hand up the front of his shirt, stopping over his heart.

Hayden placed his hand on the small of my back. That touch wiped away the logical part of my brain. “What are
you
thinking about?”

He was close, way too close. The scent of soap and spice filled my senses. I let my eyes drift shut. “Kissing you,” I admitted in a low voice.

“I wish you hadn’t said that,” he said, unbelievably still.

“I know, but you started it.” I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. “We shouldn’t do this. I don’t know if I can.”

“You didn’t kill the plant, Ember.”

“But that’s just a plant. It’s different. I can’t—”

Hayden kissed me.

Chapter 24

H
is lips barely brushed mine, as if he wanted to test out what would happen. I didn’t dare move. Because nothing happened, he pressed forward. Gentle and soft, then hard and hungry as the kiss deepened.

My world exploded.

Little shivers of pleasure and panic shot through me. I needed to stop, but I couldn’t pull myself away, couldn’t focus on anything other than how wonderful his lips felt against mine.

And when he pressed me onto my back, I was lost in this madness. Any memories of kissing were blown away. My body sparked alive; my heart swelled and thundered. Blood flowed to every part of me.

A fine tremor shifted through Hayden, but he kept kissing me. His hand slipped to my shoulder, slid down to my hip. I wasn’t thinking anymore, just acting. My hand crept from his chest to the back of his neck. I pulled him closer.

He made a strangled sort of sound against my mouth and jerked. A heart-stopping second, and then all the strategic parts of our bodies met, and whatever control I had left snapped. Both of his hands had dropped to my hips and I wrapped my legs around him. My pulsed pounded and my skin burned, but I didn’t mind.

Twenty seconds of kissing, of touching, maybe a little more.

Then it happened.

Hayden tore his lips from mine and reared back, breaking my hold. Veins bulged and pulsed on the exposed expanse of his neck.

“Hayden…?” My breath came out in short gasps.

He shook his head and rested his hands on his knees. “I just… need a minute, okay?”

I nodded and wrapped my arms around myself. The poison in my touch still had gotten to him. Plants were one thing, but humans must still be up in the air. Then something else struck me. “Why didn’t you drain my touch?”

His hands unclenched. “I won’t do that…. again.”

“Dammit, Hayden. I could’ve killed you!” I came to my knees in front of him. “God, I’m… sorry. I shouldn’t have let you do that.”

“No. Don’t be sorry. I’m not. We… we just have to be… more careful.”

“You want to kiss me again? After that?”

“Yeah, I want to do it again. This… all of this is progress.” He stopped, a small smile spreading across his face. “Maybe I could. I mean, it took a while for your touch to kick in. And you didn’t kill the plant.”

“Well, I could concentrate
then
.”

Hayden laughed softly. “Maybe one day you’ll be able to.”

Concentrating on anything other than kissing him while, well, kissing him, didn’t seem likely.

“Anyway,” he said, grabbing my arms and pulling me right up against him, chest to chest. “For now, we’ll just work around it.”

Before I could even ask what that meant, Hayden kissed me again. This time he pulled back every couple of seconds, leaving me breathless. Soon, I realized he was timing the kisses, pulling away before my touch kicked in. He exhibited far more control than anyone, including himself, ever gave him credit for.

Hayden sat back, pulling me into his lap. “This is working.”

I looped my arms around his neck, careful to not touch his skin. “Mmm-hmm.”

He chuckled deep in his throat, and then put his mouth on mine again. He pushed it to the limit, stopping only after the first tremor racked his body, and God, it was like sweet torture. Just when I thought I’d come right out of my skin, he’d pull back, breathing just as heavily as me.

“Em, do you know how long I’ve wanted to be this close to you—to kiss you?” His voice was rough, thick.

I pressed my cheek against his chest, inhaling his scent. “As long as I have?”

“Longer,” he murmured, working his fingers into my hair and tipping my head back. “You’re so beautiful to me.”

“Beautiful?”

“Yes,” he said so seriously. “Your lips, your cheeks, your eyes… I find everything about you beautiful. Your strength, the way you care for your sister…” His gaze dropped, and I shivered. “I admire your control. Your willpower. Everything. I wouldn’t change a thing about you.”

My heart seemed to take over everything. I crushed my mouth to his, immersed in the thrill of his lips against mine. I don’t know how long we did this or how many different places his lips touched before he’d pull away, take a moment, and then start all over. I felt feverish, alive, and… and something far, far stronger than anything I’d ever felt in my life.

Sometime later, I was wrapped in the bed sheet and Hayden lay beside me, that clever mind of his finding a way to hold me without really touching. He stayed above the covers, one arm and leg thrown over me. Every so often, he’d brush my hair back and I’d snuggle in closer.

“Ember?”

Tipping my head back, I opened my eyes so I could see him. He looked terribly serious. “What?”

“I really am sorry for not believing you,” he said quietly. “I won’t doubt you again.”

“It’s all right. It’s over now.” But it really wasn’t over. Phoebe may’ve been responsible for the stuff in the locker, but she hadn’t been behind the accident that started all of this. But right now, curled up in the closest thing to being in Hayden’s arms, I didn’t want to think about that.

* * *

“When’s Santa coming?” Olivia asked for probably the hundredth time in the last hour. Phoebe glanced up from her magazine, actually smiling.

I yawned. “At the end of the parade, Olivia. You know that. It’s the same every year.”

She walked her Barbie doll over to where I sprawled across the floor. “I wanna see Santa now!”

“So do I.” I picked the doll up and inched it back toward her.

“Have you written a list for Santa yet?” Gabe asked, surprising the hell out of me. “You know, telling him what you want?”

Olivia whirled on Gabe, launching into a rather detailed description of the toys she wanted while I closed my eyes and replayed last night over and over again. Nothing could take the smile off my face or stop the somersaults that kept occurring below my navel.

Last night had been wonderful. Perfect.

And apparently, the happy feeling clouded any sense of judgment I had, because when Liz asked me to help her with the stuffing, I agreed.

We stood side by side at the kitchen island. I wished I’d had the forethought of tucking my hair back before sinking my bare hands into the mix of bread, egg, butter, and milk.

“Did you used to do this with your mother?” Liz asked after a couple of minutes.

I squashed my hands around, feeling egg ooze through my fingers. “Yeah, but we… we used to do it the night before.”

“And stuff the turkey then, too?”

I nodded. “I used to eat the stuffing when Mom wasn’t looking, but the last time—when I was fourteen—she saw me eating it. Said I’d get salmonella or something.”

She laughed softly. “Do you think it needs more onions? Bread?”

“Sure.” Not that I had a clue, really, but I think she asked to make me feel like I’d contributed.

Liz reached into the bowl—carefully avoiding my hands—and plucked out a small ball of mixed stuffing. She raised her brows at me.

“Want some?”

I stared at her a moment, then decided
what the hell
. I opened my mouth and she tossed the little ball. I missed the first one, second, and third. By the fourth try, when the ball actually went into my mouth, we both were laughing and stuffing slime covered my chin.

“You know,” Liz said, crumbling up chunks of bread and adding them in. “I think your mother hears you when you talk to her.”

I looked up from the bowl. “How do you know I talk to her?”

She smiled, fine lines spreading out from the corners of her sloe-colored eyes. “I’ve heard you a few times. I think it’s good you do that. She’s still in there.”

“Do you really think so?”

Liz nodded solemnly. “Yes, I do.”

“Think what?” Hayden asked, sauntering into the kitchen.

I froze beside Liz; all rational thought flew right out my head. I didn’t even need to look in a mirror to know my cheeks were turning a bright red.

“Nothing, just me running my mouth,” Liz said, laughing softly. “We’re making stuffing. Want to help?”

Hayden propped himself against the island, close enough that I could
feel
him smile. “I think you guys got it handled.”

I stole a quick glance at him. He wore a simple, black shirt and jeans, but he looked amazing. He nudged my leg with his, earning a grin.

A sudden squeal broke the silence, followed by, “Santa! Santa!”

I turned back to the stuffing, mashing it together. “That would be Olivia.”

Liz laughed. “I have to see this. Do you think you can finish it up?”

“Yes.” I nodded and blew a curl out of my face. It fell right back.

She hurried from the room, wiping her hands on her apron. My eyes followed her, silently acknowledging that she really did care for Olivia. “As much as it pains me to say this, she really is good for Olivia.”

“And who is good for you?” Hayden asked, moving behind me, trailing quick kisses over the curve of my shoulder.

My breath caught. “I think… you know the answer to that.”

Hayden placed his hands on my hips, pulling me back against him. “Hmm, maybe you should show me?”

“I’m making stuffing, so you better—” He placed lips against the side of my neck, then behind my ear. “
Oh
…”

He laughed and pulled away, leaving one hand on my back. “Need help?”

“Sure.”

“Good.” Hayden tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

We finished up with the stuffing, laughing and talking about nothing in particular. Every so often, Hayden became distracted. He’d stop, give me a quick kiss or brush my hair back. I think it took us a little longer than necessary to get it in the turkey.

I was washing the gunk off my hands and Hayden sat on the counter beside me when his father walked in. If anyone could kill my buzz, it was Cromwell.

“Liz tells me you two are making the stuffing. I really didn’t believe it.”

“What? I have a bit of the chef in me.” Hayden smiled.

Drying off my hands, I turned around. “He was helping.”

Cromwell raised a brow. “You can’t even boil an egg, son.” He paused. “Or toast bread without burning it.”

I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “Nice.”

Hayden frowned at me. “I can toast bread.”

“You tried to shove a fork in the toaster to get your bread out—that was only a few years ago.”

“Oh. Wow.” I grinned at Hayden.

“Thanks, Dad.” Hayden pushed himself off the counter.

Cromwell smiled at him as he walked to the oven, and I seriously believe he was checking out the stuffing.

Hayden tugged on my sleeve and nodded at the back door. He mouthed
outside
.

I nodded, immediately looking away when Cromwell turned around. “So, what are you two getting yourselves into now that you’ve proven you both can cook?”

Hayden shrugged. “I think I’m going to take a nap.”

“Up late last night?” he asked innocently.

My eyes widened as I stared at the floor, but Hayden sounded unfazed. “Yeah, I stayed up late watching TV.”

“What are you doing, Ember?”

“Huh?” My head jerked up. “Oh. Now—I think I’m gonna go sketch.”

“Well, we have dinner at three. I expect both of you to be here.” His gaze fell on Hayden. Cromwell smiled, but it never quite reached his eyes. “Before you run off, Hayden, I’d like to talk to you for a moment.”

I headed for the door, worry gnawing at my stomach. As I went to my bedroom, I could hear Liz and Olivia’s giggles mingling in with the male voices. I pulled on a hoodie and a pair of gloves before grabbing my sketchpad and a pencil.

Taking the route farthest from the kitchen, I slipped out the front door. I felt a little bit guilty about not spending time with Olivia. It used to be just us, and for two years, there wasn’t the smell of turkey or so much laughter.

I convinced myself she was okay while I waited in the chilly air for Hayden to appear. He showed up five minutes later, a wide smile across his face. Bright sunlight broke through the trees, casting a halo around his head.

“Aren’t you cold?” He hadn’t even put on a sweater.

“Nah.” Hayden held out his hand.

I stuck the sketchpad under my arm and took his hand. “Where’re we going? The cabin?”

“I thought we could take a walk.”

“Okay.” I let him lead me into the woods. A chorus of dead leaves crunched under our feet. “What did Cromwell want?”

“He wanted to know what we were up to.” He held a branch back.

“What? Does he know about…” I couldn’t say “last night.”

“No.” He sent a reassuring smile over his shoulder. “He just wondered what was up, I guess. I told him we were making stuffing.”

“He still doesn’t want you around me, does he? He’s worried you’ll get hurt.”

Hayden looked away. “I don’t think he really thinks about it anymore.”

I raised my brows.

“Seriously, I think he knows I like you and nothing is going to change that. He’s coming around. So it’s nothing to worry about.”

“Are you sure?” I didn’t believe him, not in a million years.

“Yes.” He squeezed my hand. “Let’s not worry about him right now, because later—after dinner—I’m seriously going to take a nap.”

“It’s something in turkey,” I told him.

“Tryp-a-something, right?”

We’d stopped walking, and I wasn’t sure how far we’d gone. The sun barely broke through the canopy of branches out here, if that was any indication. Hayden circled his arms around my waist and pulled me forward. I came all too willingly.

“So why did you want to come out here?” I asked.

Instead of telling me why, he showed me—with his lips, his hands. And eventually we were on a pile of fallen leaves, testing just how far we could go. Breathless and a bit dazed, I rested atop his chest, running my fingers down the side of his face.

“Take off the gloves,” he demanded.

“No. It’s too much.” That was something we had learned last night. If a lot of skin touched, then, well, my. gift went into overdrive.

He tipped his head back and sighed. “Later, then.”

I smiled and dropped a kiss on the middle of his throat. “Can I ask you something?”