Dakota Love (55 page)

Lil walked to her camper, lifting a hand in limp greeting at a passing vehicle whose horn tooted its hello.

Once inside, she flopped down in her easy chair and slipped off the ballet flats. Sandy was probably thirteen at the time Lil roomed with Harmony.

She rolled her eyes at the name. Vivian was so much prettier than Harmony, but the former name was just too conventional at the time. Lil stayed with Vivian’s family over spring break her junior year. Sandy followed them around everywhere. Asking them questions about the war and the rallies and college, just pestering the way little sisters do.

Who’d have guessed that, years later, Lil would run into her again. She’d love to ask Sandy about Vivian, but…she couldn’t risk it. She couldn’t risk running into Sandy anymore either. Sooner or later, she’d remember who Lil was and innocently spill the beans.

“And the truth will set you free.”

Lil checked the time. Tiffany should still be in the office. Rummaging through her purse, Lil retrieved her cell phone, pressing the preset number before she changed her mind.

“Tiffany, it’s Lil.”

“Hello, Lil. After the message you left a week ago, I thought you’d have called back by now.”

Tiffany was multitasking, as evidenced by the sounds of the rhythmic click of a keyboard. Holding the phone to her right ear, Lil rubbed her left temple.

“I really need to be reassigned.” Lil’s heart squeezed tight at the thought.

“Why?”

The
click, click, click
continued, irritating Lil that she didn’t have Tiffany’s full attention.

The ache in Lil’s heart forced out a deep sigh. “You wouldn’t understand, but…it’s because Walt’s a Vietnam vet.”

“The truth will set you free.”

Lil shook her head. Why did that Bible verse keep popping into her head?

“You’re right. I don’t understand. What does that have to do with his recovery from hip surgery?”

“Everything.”
Or nothing
. Lil frowned. Tired and drained from the day, she realized her thoughts didn’t make sense.

The clicking stopped. “Lil, is he having flashbacks? Are you afraid he’ll hurt you?” Concern filled Tiffany’s voice.

“No, no, it’s nothing like that.” Lil couldn’t tell her about her and Walt’s feelings for each other. Their relationship had become so unprofessional.

“Then what is it? Does he not respond to your nursing skills? Because you’ve been a nurse a long time, Lil, and should know every trick in the book to work around that.”

“It’s not that either.” Lil’s heart raced and her breaths came quickly. She seldom struggled to find the words to express her thoughts, but something held her back. Her heart pounded harder and her hand shook as if she were watching a horror movie.

Lil’s eyes widened as the phone slipped from her fingers, clamoring across the floor with her realization. She was scared. Scared of the recriminations of her past rebellion. Scared of allowing her emotions to influence her mind. Sacred of losing the man she loved.

“Lil!”

Dropping from the chair to her knees, Lil crawled toward the phone. “Tiffany, I’m sorry. The phone slipped from my hand.”

“Look, Lil, it’s only a couple more weeks, maybe days if Walt’s doctor appointment goes well.”

Tiffany had obviously logged into the company database and was reading Lil’s updates.

“When you hadn’t called back, I began hoping that you’d had a change of heart.”

I have
.

“I hate to tell you this, Lil, but I’m short staffed. I’ve had two people quit. I have no one to replace you. Can’t you stick it out just a little longer?”

“I guess.” She made her resignation clear in her voice. No matter how much her heart wanted her to stay, she needed to leave. Fear traced an icy path throughout her body. She shivered. “Good-bye.”

Lil tapped the E
ND
C
ALL
button. Sitting cross-legged on her living room floor, she bowed her head. She’d been praying for God to provide strength and stamina for Walt. Now it was time to include herself in that prayer.

This relationship just couldn’t end like the last one. Lil could never, ever tell Walt the truth.

A
fter her restless night and nerves jostling her stomach until she felt nauseated, the walk from the camper to the house seemed endless.

She missed the buzz and click of the walkie-talkie and having someone to say good night to. Several times she awoke with a start, thinking that she heard Walt calling through the speaker, but it’d only been her dreams.

Her hand trembled as she tried the door. When Walt had started feeling better, he’d get up and unlock the door, welcoming her to his home. Would that be the routine today?

This morning, she’d slipped into her pocket the extra key he’d given her to use, just in case he’d flipped the welcome mat in his home…and heart.

The knob turned in her hands. Relief flooded her limbs at the same time the spicy aroma of fresh-brewed coffee invited her in.

Walt sat at the table, fingers looped through a mug handle, reading a magazine. He looked up over his glasses. “Morning, Lil.”

“Good morning.”

Walt lifted his head and looked at her straight on.

The quietness of her voice must have surprised him.

“Help yourself to coffee.”

Lil draped her jacket over a chair back and did as she was instructed. Glad Walt no longer seemed angry with her, she felt moisture form in her eyes. When she blinked back her tears, mist settled on her lashes like frost on the grass.

“What would you like for breakfast?” Lil carried her cup to the table.

“For you to sit down and talk to me.” Walt closed the magazine he’d been reading and pushed it to the center of the table.

Lil bit her lower lip before it quivered with fear. She’d hashed it over and over all night. She just couldn’t let Walt know about her past. She couldn’t stand to see hate flash through his eyes where appreciation had once shone. She couldn’t take the chance….

She laid her elbows on the table and folded her arms one over the other.

Walt scooted his chair closer to her, the scrape of the metal legs on the floor slicing through the heaviness in the air. He reached for her hand and covered it with his.

“Lil, I care about you. I know it sounds silly because we’ve known each other for such a short amount of time, but it’s deep. I’m sorry I tried to force you to unburden your problems. It’s just…” Walt broke eye contact and looked heavenward for a minute before pinning her with his mesmerizing hazel eyes. “I want to be your confidant. Your secret keeper.”

If you only knew the secret, Walt, you’d want me out of your house once and for all
. Larry had. Now she understood why, but understanding and wanting to live through it again were two different things.

“So I got to thinking it might be easier for you to tell me what’s bothering you if I shared something about my past. I don’t tell very many people this, Lil. I didn’t want the Purple Heart the government awarded me with. I didn’t feel I deserved it. Still don’t. Other soldiers frame them and hang their honor on the wall. Mine is buried in the far corner of my dresser drawer.”

“But Walt, you were wounded in action. You’re a hero.”

“Of course you’d think that.” Walt squeezed her hand, leaning forward, closing the small gap between their heads, trying to close the gap between their hearts. “I can tell that you support our country’s troops.”

“And the truth will set you free.”
The pleasant aftertaste of her coffee turned vile on her tongue. She swallowed hard, sending the bitterness burning down her throat. How did he get that idea? She’d sidestepped the subject of war or made no comment at all. She didn’t want to tell him her secret, but she now knew it was the right thing to do.

“Walt—”

“No.” Walt held up his hand like a crossing guard wielding a stop sign. “Let me share this.”

“But Walt, I need to tell you something.” She’d found her voice. Blurting it out wouldn’t be appropriate, but it might be necessary.

“Lil, don’t be so exasperating all of the time.” As Walt flopped back in his chair, his hand released Lil’s and made a squeaky trail across the tabletop.

The decibel level of Walt’s voice caused Lil to draw a sharp intake of breath. Defeat etched the time-kissed creases in his face. Her soft heart took control of her head. Somehow he’d jumped to a conclusion. If he mentioned it again, she’d correct him. Right now, he needed to unburden himself and she needed to make it easier.

“I’m sorry, Walt. I didn’t mean to be. I won’t interrupt you again.”

Pursing his lips until all that was visible was his mustache, Walt’s eyes narrowed and his sideways look screamed, “
Doubtful
.”

Taking a swig of his coffee, Walt stared into space as if reconsidering his confession.

Lil’s hand shook as she lifted her cup. Wrapping her other hand around the warm mug, she managed a sip, hoping it’d settle her nerves.

“Our unit had been on the ground for two days, walking through the jungle looking for the enemy. One of our guys, David Hanson, caught some kind of a bug. Don’t know if he drank bad water or what, but that boy was sick, running a fever in that jungle heat; he could barely walk. He was a good soldier and though he tried with all his might, he finally collapsed. We took turns sitting with him while the others went in search of the enemy. Our commander finally decided the area was secure and he radioed for a chopper to pick us up.”

Walt sat straight in his chair. His hands ran down the length of his thighs, swooshing the well-worn denim of his overalls legs, silently returning and starting the trip over again.

“Water was in short supply, but we all rationed ours so David didn’t get too dehydrated. His sweat-soaked clothes didn’t help his chills. At times he was delirious, moaning, crying, and screaming. That made some of the guys uneasy.”

Sucking his lips in and out, Walt dropped his gaze until he had his memories in check; then he looked up at Lil.

“It was tense. Some of the guys were certain he’d get us all killed. They wanted to…” The bob of Walt’s Adams apple was a sign the words were sticking in his throat.

“They wanted to kill him,” Lil whispered softly. She knew that happened. On her first nursing assignment, she’d heard a soldier’s deathbed confession of how he’d almost turned against his fellow soldier. That’s when her shame of being a protestor started.

Slightly nodding, Walt leaned toward her once again, taking her hands in his.

“I told them they’d have to kill me first. Thank God the commander stepped in. After his lecture, he turned to me and told me that Dave was my responsibility until we got back to base camp. It took twenty-four hours for that chopper to come. The thunderous blades, music to any soldier’s ears, sounded like the Halleluiah chorus to me.”

Walt smiled. “Not only was I getting out of that jungle, but we could get Dave to the medic. I hefted him up over my shoulder, his torso dangling over my back, slung my gun over the other shoulder, and started running with the other guys in the direction of the sound.”

A dark veil of sadness curtained Walt’s eyes and his smile turned into a grim line. Lil’s heart dipped in her chest. Past shame clogged her throat, strangling her. How could she have treated those brave men so badly?

“The clearing wasn’t really that far from us, but it was so hot and I’d shared so much of my water with Dave that I was dehydrated, so my muscles didn’t want to work. With Dave’s extra weight, I struggled with each step. The jungle seemed to come to life with vines snaking around my ankles, limbs dipping downward, catching my helmet or Dave’s clothes.”

Obviously reliving the moment, Walt’s hands tightened around hers, his breath coming in rapid little puffs. “I tripped a couple of times but I made it to that clearing. Nothing had ever looked better to me than that powerful, lifesaving chopper. Knowing the area was secure and that the soldiers inside were covering us, we left the camouflage of the jungle and ran out into the open.”

A tremor started in Walt’s hands, clacking Lil’s ring against the hard tabletop. She wanted to pull her hands free and cover her ears. Instead she closed her eyes. A solitary tear slipping down her cheek, she braced herself for what had to be coming next. “Ambushed.”

“Yep.” Walt’s grip loosened.

Lil opened her eyes. “Is that when you were shot?”

Walt nodded. “I was halfway to the helicopter when the gunfire started. Chunks of ground shot up in the air and rained dirt down on us. The sweat and dirt stung my eyes, but still I ran. I heard the pop of gunfire and felt the velocity of bullets whizzing past me, painful cries of soldiers hit, and through my hazy vision, I saw soldiers drop to the ground.”

Guilt gnawed at Lil. No wonder Larry turned her away, couldn’t forgive her. Walt wouldn’t either. Not after all he’d been through.

Mist forming in Walt’s eyes, he swiped at them with his thumbs. “All I could think of was getting Dave to the helicopter, so I just kept running toward the arms pulling soldiers into the gut of the chopper. Just as I got to the chopper, bullets tore up the ground. They pinged against the metal of the helicopter, but I was close enough that someone pulled Dave off my shoulder. I was so much lighter without his weight. I reached up and an arm grabbed me, half in the chopper as I felt it lift up. Then an incredible force pushed me the rest of the way in and my backside burned like fire.”

Lil sucked in a breath as her muscles winced, feeling Walt’s pain. She searched Walt’s face, unable to read the emotion in his eyes. “How can you say you didn’t deserve a Purple Heart?”

“Because…” Walt hung his head when his voice cracked. “I didn’t save Dave. He’d taken a fatal hit.”

“But that wasn’t your fault.” Lil’s voice carried like a shout through a canyon.

Walt lifted his head, eyes meeting hers. “I didn’t carry him right, Lil. We’d taken off his helmet. I should have protected his head. If I had carried him differently, a mother wouldn’t have had to bury her son.”

Lil tried to speak but words wouldn’t come. The insults she’d hurled at returning soldiers were no different than the grenades they’d thrown during the war. Theirs tore up land; hers tore apart fragile souls. She opened her hands then closed them.