Damage Done (18 page)

Re: Ryan Vann, age 17

I was given one more chance. “He still asks for you,” Noor said, shrugging in the door to my office. “I don’t know if it’s a game, but if you’re willing, and you promise not to lash out again…”

Of course I promised. What else could I do?

This was, after all, the career opportunity of a lifetime.

He wasn’t sitting this time, or staring at the floor. “Good afternoon, Doctor,” Ryan said.

“It’s not afternoon,” I replied. “It’s ten in the morning.”

He shrugged with one shoulder and smiled boyishly. Even with his smile so crooked, he was quite charming when he wanted to be. It wasn’t a natural charm, though; it was something he could switch on and off like a light.

“I tried,” he said. “You came back. I’m glad you came back.”

“You asked for me,” I said. “And I brought you something.” I pulled a photo out of my pocket. It was a photo of him and his sister, one I’d found on a social-media profile of Julia’s. It was a good picture. I was hoping it would get him to talk, that the sight of his sister would pull him over that edge.

He took it and brought it up to his face, searching it with his eyes, then lowered it. Whatever he was looking for, it wasn’t there. “You said you would never give up,” he said. “And you haven’t. You’re back.”

This had all been some kind of test, I realized, or had it? It could just be a game, as Noor had warned. “Are you ready to talk now?” I asked.

“Come over here,” he said. He glanced back down at the picture, as if he was bolstering himself.

I stepped forward, then hesitated, glancing back at Noor. Noor stood in the open doorway, arms crossed over his chest. He shrugged.
Your funeral,
he seemed to be saying.

Internally, I shrugged as well. There were cameras everywhere, and Noor was right there. Ryan had killed eleven people, but somehow I felt he wouldn’t kill me.

I walked over and stood before him. “Closer,” he said. “I have to whisper.”

I leaned in, my heart pounding in my throat. He could reach out and strangle me. He could have a shiv hidden up his sleeve and stab me in the gut before I could blink.

And yet I leaned in anyway.

“I don’t want the cameras to hear,” he whispered. “I need to tell you something. About the band room. But you might not believe me.”

“Tell me,” I whispered back.

He told me. I wasn’t sure I’d heard correctly—his voice was slurred, after all—but before I could lean in again, Noor cleared his throat. “Please step back,” he said.

I obeyed. I couldn’t not obey. I looked at Ryan. Ryan nodded.

I had some research to do.

As Noor and I left, me promising Ryan I’d be back the next day, I glanced over at Noor. “We’ve become friends, kind of, haven’t we?”

He gave me what I thought was a dubious look. “Kind of,” he said, though after a pause.

“I need your help with something,” I said. “I want to look at the police records of the shooting.”

He surveyed me, top to bottom. I was left feeling, absurdly, like a teenage girl being checked out by a boy she was pursuing. “I can do that,” he said.

“You’re
what
?” Alane’s eyes and lips were matching circles. “Were you just not going to tell me?”

“Of course I was going to tell you. I’m telling you right now.” I’d met up with Alane after show choir, as usual, and told her about my plans for Ella. I hadn’t worried about being overheard; every student who had to get through the hallway to the student parking lot had magically found an alternate route. It was like they thought I had a gun clamped against my side. “Do you want to be there?”

“Um, I think I should be. Don’t you?” she said. “So that they don’t all run away when you show your face?”

“They won’t be able to run,” I said. “I’ll be blocking the path.”

Alane slung her arm around me. “This sounds like you’re aiming to give them heart attacks before you can even tell them why you’re there,” she said in an overly patient way, as if she were a wise old woman explaining something to a child.

Her tone raised my hackles. “Well, if one of them were by chance to drop dead of a heart attack, I can’t say I’d be devastated.”

She clapped me on the back. “That settles it. I’m coming. You need me.”

I grabbed her hand as we walked back through the school. She squeezed. Was that love? “Do you love me?” I asked.

A surprised sort of laugh burst from Alane’s throat. “Do I love you?” she said. “Did you really just ask me that?”

“I’m serious,” I said. Her laugh died on her lips.

“Sorry,” she said. “I thought you were kidding. Of course I love you. You’re my best friend. You rescued me from a life sitting alone at the corner lunch table.”

“Would you steal for me?” I asked.

Her whole face scrunched. “I don’t know,” she said. “It depends on the circumstances.”

“Would you die for me?” I asked.

“Now you’re being creepy,” she said.

I forced a laugh as we walked into the woods. “I was joking! Obviously.”

Alane rolled her eyes. “You weirdo,” she said. “Come on. We have reputations to save.”

She hadn’t answered my question.

Alane and I found a place for ourselves between two trees and settled down onto the carpet of moss to wait. If I ignored the potential bugs crawling all over me, it was almost like sitting on an especially velvety carpet. “So when are they supposed to be coming?” Alane whispered.

“Any minute,” I whispered back. “Michael said they’d come right after swim.”

“Do you know what you’re going to say?” she asked.

I had an idea. “Kind of,” I said. “I’ve rehearsed a few things—is that them now?”

I hadn’t heard anything, but Alane nodded enthusiastically and gestured before us. Now that I listened hard, I realized there were twigs snapping, the swoosh of branches being pushed aside. Maybe I was psychic.

But the crunching and swooshing faded away like it had never been, bringing no Ella or Michael or hangers-on. Alane looked back at me and shrugged. Before she could say anything, though, it started back up again, from the other direction. As the sounds drew closer, words and exclamations drifted toward us on the breeze.

“Oh my God, Mike. I think a bug just flew in my eye.”

“Just a little farther—I swear.”

They crunched to a halt in a small clearing just off the path. Through curtains of branches and leaves, I could see six of them standing in a circle: Michael, Ella, and four of her friends, two of whom I recognized vaguely as having names that ended with
-issa.

“So where is it?” Ella asked.

I wondered what Michael had told them to get them here.

It didn’t matter. Time to make my grand entrance. I grabbed Alane’s hand again, and together we stepped into view.

“Hey,” I said.

You would have thought my greeting had been a gunshot. It made Michael tense and Ella shriek; she tried to back away, but Michael grabbed her by the shoulder, sending a flame of jealousy through me. The Issas bleated like goats.

“Don’t run,” I said, holding my hands up, palms out. “I promise I just want to talk.”

Ella yanked her arm free from Michael and shot him a withering look. “So this is what you wanted to tell me?”

“I had to lie to get you here,” Michael said. “Sorry. Just hear her out.”

She took another step back, a violent one, and clung, panting and trembling, to the trunk of a tree. “She’s going to kill me,” she said. “Just like her brother killed her old friends.”

“I’m not my brother.” My voice wavered a bit, but I struggled to keep it as even as I could.

“You had something to do with it!” Her face was round, red, vicious. “You were in that room, too. You could’ve stopped him. You’re just as bad as he is.” One of the Issas stroked Ella’s hair. Ella jerked at first, but then stood there, glaring at me, letting the Issa soothe her. “I’m getting out of here.”

“Wait!” This was getting out of hand. I had to get things moving. I raised my voice. “I’m not my brother!”

Dried leaves crunched, there was a collective gasp, seven people surfacing for air, and there he was.

My brother.

The first thing I noticed when I looked at him was, as always, how handsome he was. The stubble glittering over his jaw. The dark curls spilling over his forehead. His silhouette, sharp and defined, against the sun behind him. Even with the new frailties wrought by his injuries—the way his left eye drooped a little and his left arm hung by his side—he was still my brother.

The second thing I noticed was that he had a gun. For just a moment I was sent hurtling back to the band room, where I’d crumpled on the floor like a dying flower, crushed by the heavy metallic smell of blood.

“It’s over, Julia.”
Words from the past. They echoed in my ears.
“We’re safe now. They can’t tell.”

I heaved and shuddered, rocked back and forth, then grabbed his outstretched hand and let him pull me to my feet.

I blinked, hard, and shook my head. I couldn’t afford to go back there now. “Ryan,” I said firmly. “Put down the gun.”

Words sputtered on Ella’s lips, but nothing came out. Her eyes were wide, and she was shaking so hard I could hear her body buzz like a hummingbird’s wings. The Issas were bleating again. Alane, standing beside me, had frozen solid; chill emanated from her in waves. Michael…

Where was Michael?

“Don’t move, and I won’t shoot,” Ryan said. A thrill ran through me at the sound of his voice—I’d almost forgotten how deep and rich it was, like dark chocolate, with the way it melted all around me. Even more so now that his words slurred together. It actually made him sound more dangerous. “Where’s the bitch who ruined my sister’s life?”

Water splashed to the ground. Ella had peed herself.

“Put the gun down,” I said. I caught his eye, and his smile, at least on half of his mouth, was hard and blinding. I frowned a little and gave a shake of my head; he dropped the smile and etched a frown deep into his cheeks. “It’s not Ella’s fault. Nobody else needs to get hurt.”

“Ella.” The name rumbled deep in his chest. “Ella! Which one of you is Ella?”

One of the Issas squealed. “Her! That’s her! She’s Ella! It’s all her fault!”

I snuck a glance at Ella. She’d gone white as a corpse; every freckle dotting her cheeks stood out in stark relief, as if they were holes poked in her face. “I didn’t mean anything,” she said. Each breath caught in her throat, and her words ran into each other like they, too, were trying to get away. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’ll take it all back. Just don’t hurt me, please.”

I sidled toward her, my hands raised. Ella was staring so intently at my brother that she jumped in surprise, slamming into the tree beside her, when I inserted myself neatly between them. “This can’t happen again,” I said. “If you want to hurt someone, you’ll have to go through me.”

My brother squinted. For a moment I lost myself in the barrel of the gun, in its endless dark eye. “Really?” he said. “After all she’s done to you, you would…” He furrowed his brow.

Sacrifice,
I mouthed.

His eyebrows jumped to his hairline. “Sacrifice,” he proclaimed. “After all she’s done to you, you would sacrifice yourself for her?”

“Yes. Because I’m not you. I’m better than you. And I won’t let you hurt anyone else ever again,” I said. My shoulders relaxed. He’d said all his lines. Now all he had to do was turn and melt back into the trees, where he’d be long vanished by the time any black suits made it to the area.

He bowed his head. “You’ve vanquished me,” he said. I gave a minuscule shake of my head again.
Too dramatic.

He winked, and I clenched my teeth, but he backed away, already lowering the gun.

And then hit the ground with a crash and a thud.

“Drop the gun!” Michael thundered. “The police are on their way!”

The dust cleared to show Michael straddling my brother, who had fallen on his stomach. His cheek was down against the dirt, his eyes half closed, like he had decided now would be a good time for a nap. The gun had flown a few feet away; one of the braver Issas ran forward and kicked it so that it skittered off harmlessly into the trees.

My heart stopped, and my stomach filled with lead. No. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I lurched forward, my feet stumbling on the uneven ground. “Get off him,” I cried. “He’s got a gun.”

Michael gave me an odd look. My brother wasn’t moving; he was still as a corpse, his limbs heavy and sprawled out around him. His eyes were still half lidded, though I could see them beginning to flicker. He had to get out of here.

“Get off,” I said, kneeling next to the pair. Ella, Alane, and the Issas had backed off, forming a ring of judgmental faces. Of judgment. They might as well have been barbed wire. I couldn’t get too close to them. “You’re hurting him.”

“He’s out cold,” Michael said. “I think he hit his head or something.” He gave my arm a somber pat. “Don’t worry. I called my dad. They’re sending the guys who have been following us around. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

My brother was beginning to blink. I had to do something fast. I couldn’t let them get him, not when he was only here because of me. “Get off him,” I said roughly. I was going blind from panic. “Or I’ll never speak to you again.”

Michael’s expression didn’t change, but his voice came out low, concerned. “Julia, are you—”

My brother bucked, and Michael, distracted, went flying. Ella screamed, and birds took flight from the surrounding trees, their wings flapping with the sound of a collapsing circus tent. Michael rocked, trying to stand back up, but my brother made it first, kicking Michael in the side. Michael groaned.

“No!” I shouted. The world was unraveling around me. “Stop it! Don’t hurt him!”

My brother’s eyes met mine, and everything around me stilled. The wind rushed to a halt, and the birds huddled above the clouds. Even Ella’s scream cut off. In the midst of all the silence, his words were extra loud and clear. “I can’t do it anymore,” he said. “I’m going to end this.”

My blood turned to sludge in my veins, my muscles all froze, and I couldn’t seem to swallow the spit welling up in the back of my throat. “Don’t you dare,” I finally managed to say. “You
promised
me.”

His arms were shaking. They’d changed, I noticed, grown weak. “You’ve shown me today. This isn’t going to work. Ever,” he said. “I’ll give you until tomorrow. You have until tomorrow night.”

My eyes swelled in their sockets, pushing against the bone of my skull and making my brain throb. “Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare. Don’t you
dare.
”

He smiled at me like he knew when the world was going to end.

He did.

“I love you, Julia,” he said, and then he went down again, Michael piling on top of him.

A sob burst from my throat. I was on the ground, pine needles pricking at my skin like a thousand shots, and everything went black.