Damaged and the Knight (29 page)

On the spot, I glanced at Judd who shrugged. “Say yes and weasel out of it later.”

Cooper snorted. “You’re not helping.”

“Wasn’t trying to, man.”

Farah stepped closer. “You can take your time, so it doesn’t have to be stressful. I know you hated school, but this isn’t school. This is just courses on a computer. You are plenty smart enough to handle that, Tawny.”

Sighing, I nodded. “Thanks for the laptop. I can use it for other stuff too, right?”

Cooper rolled his eyes. “I’m not monitoring your computer use. Do what you want with it. Just promise you’ll give school a chance. That way, you can look at your kids one day and seem fearless to them. Trust me that having fearless parents is fucking awesome.”

Breathing easier now, I hugged Cooper. Once I did, I felt Judd tense. As Cooper hugged me back, I had no doubt he was glaring at Judd. Finally, Farah cleared her throat and pulled me into a hug with her.

“Men are stupid sometimes.”

“That’s why God made these two so hot,” I said, grinning over her shoulder at Judd. “He knew their good looks would offset the dumb.”

Cooper waved off my words and returned to Aaron who entertained Sawyer. I knew Farah wanted to hang out more, but she had to play hostess. While I cuddled with Judd, Bailey helped Farah in the kitchen until everyone was ready to head home to wait for Santa. Well, Sawyer waited for Santa. Judd and Cooper just wanted to enjoy those sexy Christmas gifts.

***

Christmas morning was a picture of laziness. Judd and I woke up around seven, worked up a sweat then returned to sleep. At ten, we woke up and messed around in the shower. Soon, we were in bed, giving each other oral gifts. Finally, we made it out of the bedroom for a leftover pizza breakfast.

Even knowing what was in the dozens of gifts surrounding our little tree, I was giddy while unwrapping. Since the gifts were as much for his pleasure as mine, we took turns opening them. Twice, we were so happy with our presents that we stopped unwrapping to enjoy them. Eventually, I walked around in a white and pink hearted babydoll while Judd threw on a pair of boxers. We finished with our gifts then enjoyed a glass of wine in front of the fire. Based on Pearl’s shock at how the gas fireplace roared to life, I suspected Judd didn’t use it often.

By the time Vaughn and Zaria arrived, I had a dumb grin plastered on my face. This was the best damn day of my life and Judd was perfection especially after agreeing to adopt a kitten in the New Year.

As the guys watched football in silence, I helped Zaria in the kitchen. Days earlier on the phone, we decided to bake a ham because it was easier than a turkey.

“I used to hate cooking,” Zaria said, grinning while glancing at her son. “So now I only cook for holidays and special occasions.”

“Farah is learning to cook, but I’d be happy to microwave everything.”

Blue eyes bright, Zaria smiled wider. “A girl after my own heart.

“Judd would probably like for me to cook,” I said, studying him as he stared blankly at the TV.

“Oh, I don’t think he cares. Judd is easy to please and he lives a simple life. Sharing that life with you is the biggest thing I’ve ever seen him do.”

Glancing at her, I was surprised to find her sad.

“There were years,” she said quietly, “where I’d thought I lost him. Months ago before he met you, Judd and I would have dinner and he was a shell of a man. He wanted nothing from life, almost like he was just wasting time until his death.”

Looking at Judd, I found him still lost inside himself. Yet, he must have felt my gaze on him because he turned towards me. At first, his eyes were emotionless. Vaughn noticed and stared dead eyed at me too. Giving them a big smile, I waved.

“Hey, guys!” I cried and they laughed. “Why are you two pouting?”

“It’s a good look on us,” Vaughn said, crossing his arms and staring at the television. “Makes us look deep.”

While Zaria and I laughed, Judd just smiled at me as his gaze was warmer. The coldness hiding behind those walls thawed and he was with us again.

“I’m making potatoes,” I said, just to say something.

“We need to get you one of those fancy aprons.”

Immediately, I imagined wearing nothing under the apron. Judd was likely imagining it too because he twisted uncomfortably on the couch.

Noticing Zaria frown at her son’s discomfort, I shrugged. “He’s got hemorrhoids.”

Vaughn burst into laughter. “Smooth.”

Zaria grinned at her son then turned around the work at the stove. “Men.”

Winking at an annoyed Judd, I glanced down at my breasts and he followed my gaze. His eyes returned to my face and narrowed.

“Stop,” Judd warned while fighting a grin.

Ignoring him and his pants problem, I helped Zaria finish dinner and talked about Farah. She even offered a discount on hair and makeup at her salon for the wedding party. Though I knew Cooper didn’t care about saving money, Farah loved a good deal.

Dinner tasted great, mainly because I helped create it. A small ham, cheesy mash potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a pie from the store was the nicest Christmas dinner I’d had outside of the visits to my grandmother’s house. Those visits involved an angry tension with relatives who hated each other. Now, I was surrounded by the man I loved, a woman who treated me like a daughter, and a guy I viewed as a cranky cousin. Even without Farah at dinner, I felt like I was home.

After we ate, I pulled out a deck of cards and we played for a few hours. Vaughn was cranky in the beginning, but perked up after he won a few games. Those wins were my Christmas gifts to him.

“If we went bowling,” I said to Vaughn who shuffled, “could I have those things up that keeps the ball from rolling into the gutter?”

“The bumpers? Sure. You want to bowl with me?”

“Yeah. Hell, we could even bring along Judd.”

A grunt from my man caused me to laugh, but Zaria ruffled Judd’s hair.

“Jealousy is adorable on you, kid,” she teased.

After the cards were handed out, I smiled at Vaughn. “I’ve never bowled before. If I like it, maybe we could make a habit of it? Like have a bowling night every week.”

As Judd frowned, Vaughn shrugged at the suggestion. “We’ll see if you like it first.”

“I like routines,” I continued, ignoring Judd’s irritated stare. “Each week, Judd and I are having dinner at Farah’s. We’re barbecuing and playing pool. On another night, we’ll have dinner out with Zaria.”

“When did this all happen?” Judd muttered.

“I planned it out in my head while I peeled potatoes.”

Judd sighed. “Well, thanks for sharing.”

“Are you saying no?” I asked, pulling out my sad eyes for extra effect.

Judd gave me a grin. “You’re doing the eyes.”

I jumped up and hugged him. “You love those eyes.”

“They do make me crazy.”

“You two are distracting me,” Vaughn grumbled. “Knock it off.”

Zaria opened her mouth to say something to Vaughn, but decided better of it. He seemed cranky again.

“Why are you such a whiny bitch?” I asked while returning to my seat.

“Holidays put me in a shit mood.”

“Now, who’s the drama llama?” Judd said, grinning.

Vaughn rolled his blue eyes, shook out his shoulders, and put on a fake smile. “Happily ever after, peace on Earth, and all that crap. Whose turn is it?”

“Zaria’s. I think we should do this every year.”

“Not if you two breed. I can’t deal with whiny babies.”

“Unless they’re looking back at you from the mirror?” I said and Vaughn laughed. “Chill, bro. We’re all cool here, right?”

Vaughn glanced at Judd then at me. Finally, he sighed. “As Christmases go, this one was pretty stellar. Thanks, angel.”

“No fucking way,” Judd growled, sending me into hysterics while Zaria sighed.

“My boy is so possessive lately. I don’t know where that came from. He was always good at sharing when he was little.”

Judd grinned at his mom then took my hand gently. “Let’s all shut up and play cards, okay?”

“Agreed,” Zaria said, winking at him.

Even with the grumpy guys, we had fun especially after everyone enjoyed a few beers. Vaughn even showed us a magic trick. Though it was pretty awful and he nearly fell of his chair in the process, we enjoyed the trick nonetheless.

By the time the evening ended, we were all relaxed and happy. A cab ride for both Zaria and Vaughn later, I was alone with Judd who celebrated our first Christmas together by having me try on a few more of my sexy gifts.

Chapter Thirty

Arriving first at the salon for the wedding hair trial run, I was surprised by the number of mirrors in the place. Somehow, it hadn’t occurred to me that stylists and clients would want to actually see themselves. As I freaked out, Zaria appeared from the back of the salon.

“You’re early,” she said, stopping at a workstation. “The salon is closed this afternoon for everyone except your sister and her group. Jodi said you’d like to get a mani pedi too.”

Stepping closer to her, I summoned the courage to admit my phobia to a woman I wanted to impress. My therapist said admitting what I needed from people was a sign of strength. I just hoped Zaria felt the same way.

“Zaria,” I whispered as the other stylists goofed off nearby.

“Don’t be nervous, Tawny. I’ve done lots of hair for weddings.”

“It’s not that. Can I have the chair near the corner and have my chair turned away from the mirrors?”

“Why?” she asked, noticing my expression.

“I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror.”

Staring into her eyes, I prayed she didn’t ask too many questions.

After a moment, Zaria smiled. “We all have our little things. You can sit wherever and however you want.”

“Thank you,” I said. “I’m trying to get stronger and Judd is helping me.”

“You and my son are good together in a way I never thought I’d see with him.”

Smiling now, I admitted, “I haven’t gotten my hair cut in years. Usually, I’d just have Farah trim the ends. Now, I’m getting highlights and everything. I feel fancy.”

As Zaria laughed, her gaze flashed to the door. “Your sister is here. Will she be okay sitting in front of a mirror?”

“Sure. Her little things are completely different.”

Leaving Zaria, I met Farah at the front door. She glanced around at the mirrors and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Zaria’s letting me sit over in the corner where there are less mirrors.”

“I’ll sit in the chair next to you, so we can talk,” Farah said, hugging me. “I’m really worried my hair’s going to look stupid. Like pompous or something.”

“You’ll look like a princess,” I said, accidentally seeing my reflection and turning away.

“It’s okay.” Hugging me against her, Farah whispered, “How’s therapy going?”

“Good. Tina’s nice. I still have Judd go with me, just in case she says something mean or calls me names. I know she won’t, but I get scared I’ll tell her something personal and she’ll laugh at me or say I’m bad. Judd doesn’t even seem to pay attention at the sessions. Mostly, he messes around on his phone, but I know if I get upset or scared, he’ll help me.”

Hugging Farah tighter, I whispered, “Waiting in the motel after Dad left, I accepted I’d starve or be killed by those freaks. I was praying I starved, but I didn’t think I would ever get out of there. Then, Judd showed up and he seemed mean and cold. Yet, he was beautiful and I wanted him to be mine. I needed him to love me and he does now and I still can’t believe that it’s real. I’m sure you feel that way with Cooper too.”

Nodding, Farah looked into my eyes. “We went from having nothing to have something beautiful here. Friends and a home. A place we belong and new families who value us. Most of all, we have men who love us despite all of our damage. They see the fucked up parts and they accept the crap and help us be what we need to be to survive. We have all that and we’re together and I wake up some nights and wonder if it was a dream.” Farah paused and steadied herself. “I had a dream the other night that I was starting college. I saw Cooper and thought he was so beautiful, just like I did that first day in Spanish class. In this dream though, he never showed any interest in me. He never wanted me and we never fell in love. In the dream, I knew we were supposed to be together, but he never saw me. I woke up so scared in the dark. I thought the dream was real and I was a fool to think I would ever get so many blessings. I thought I was stupid to believe I could get a man like Cooper to love me with all my crying and baggage. He does though and I try to remind myself of that, but I get scared it could all go away. Like he could wake up and realize I wasn’t what he needed. I know he won’t, but I worry.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jodi approaching the salon with her daughters. Returning my gaze to Farah, I needed to say the words, even if she hated hearing them.

“Do you ever think of therapy?”

Panic lit up Farah’s dark eyes. “I don’t want to talk about what happened.”

“You could talk about what you just told me. You could talk about anything you want. Tina doesn’t push me. She just lets me talk. Sometimes, I say really ugly things about myself, but she doesn’t get mad. She just lets me say them and asks what made me want to say them. It’s never like a test where I have to give the right answers.”

Twisting at her hair, Farah nodded. “Maybe I should try. Coop is psyched about having a baby. He’s not pushing me, but I’m scared to have a kid and be too fucked up to love it right.”

Pulling her away from the door, I whispered, “You could think about it. Like get used to the idea. Maybe come with me to a session, so you could see what it’s like. It would be like a practice run.”

“I do like to practice,” Farah said, smiling softly. “I’m going to think about it. I can’t do it before the wedding though. I can’t have more stress. I’m trying to focus on school and Coop, but the wedding scares me.”

“You won’t fall,” I said as Jodi, Bailey, and Sawyer entered. “You’ll be perfect and there’ll be a hot guy waiting for you at the altar.”

Farah gave me a giant smile. “Can you imagine how hot Coop will look in his tux?”