Damaged and the Saint (19 page)

Feverish dreams left me tired on our last morning at the cabin. Yet I awoke wanting Rafael inside me. Almost as if I feared this amazing feeling might end once we returned to the hotel.

More than willing to oblige my morning hunger, Rafael fucked me lazily. I came twice before he finally relented.

“That’s how you make sure a girl wakes with a smile,” he said, his cock twitching inside me.

“Will you fuck me like this when we’re at the hotel?”

“Is that a real question?”

I shrugged while he rolled off me, just enough to reach for a drink. We each took a gulp then I sighed.

“It’s easy to forget the world out here.”

“The world isn’t the problem, Harlow. The problem has always been the scars inside us. We take them with us wherever we go, but they’re less painful now. At least, they are for me. I can think about Mexico without feeling rage. I can let myself remember the smell and heat of the cell, but I don’t lose myself now. You keep me anchored. You’ll do that at the hotel or in Houston or anywhere else we go in life.”

I stared at him in awe that this incredible man loved me. If I were him, I’d choose someone better in every way. Yet he wanted me. Grabbing onto my good luck, we didn’t leave the bed for another half hour.

After a shower, we drank coffee and ate bagels on the porch. Inside the cabin, the bedding ran through the wash. I’d tried to de-sex the house as much as possible, but Vaughn and Raven knew why I wanted the cabin. They couldn’t act shocked now, could they? Of course, the impending teasing was inevitable.

“My mom will want you to call her mom,” Rafael said, finishing his second cup of coffee and third bagel. “She always wanted a daughter. You should expect a lot of smothering.”

I smiled. “I’m pretty good at hugs. I never offer them first, so tell her I’m not a bitch if I hold back.”

“She won’t think that. Mom will be so happy I have a woman. You could be a raging monster and she’d still love you. My behavior over the years has caused the bar to be set really low. You’re welcome.”

Laughing, I reached over and caressed his cheek. “You’re so damn smart.”

“I nabbed you, didn’t I?”

Again, I imagined someone better for Rafael. A tall lanky woman with exotic looks to match his and a knowledge of the world I lacked. The morning sun shined against his rich skin, making me feel small and ordinary in comparison. Those dark eyes held a hint of humor as he thought of his mom. No doubt, his family would wonder the same thing I did. Why had Rafael settled for me?

“Mom loves making her world famous jambalaya which is nearly inedible. You'll have to pretend it’s great though.”

“I’ve never eaten jambalaya before. I’m sure I’ll like it.”

“No, you won’t,” he stressed. “It’s awful. She drowns it in black pepper and cayenne. I don’t know how she can’t tell it’s awful. We all pretend it’s great because the recipe was handed down in her family for generations. The problem is somewhere along the way, something in the recipe got jacked and now it’s terrible. No one has the heart to admit it to Mom though. She’s too proud of keeping the tradition alive.”

“My mom makes this one casserole that is super healthy, but tastes awful. We lie and eat it up then pray she doesn’t make it for a while. I’ve got the fake smiles down. An iron stomach too.”

Rafael studied me then a smile slid across his face. “My family is going to love you. Don’t worry.”

“I’m not,” I lied, but he was onto me. “My family is iffy towards you. I think it’s the killer thing.”

“I’m here for at least the summer, possibly longer depending on what you need. They’ll have plenty of time to warm to my charms.”

“No hurry, right?”

“Not even a little bit of a hurry.”

I shared his smile. “Once the bedding is done drying, we can return to town and have a non-sandwich meal.”

“You’re very uppity,” he teased, going back inside to get more coffee. “After you have some of that jambalaya, you’ll be dying for sandwiches.”

Laughing again, I imagined a life with Rafael away from Ellsberg, family, and friends. Not the friendliest person, how would I make new friends? Would anyone besides Rafael like me? He wanted to start a business, but I wasn’t equipped to help run it or do security assignments. I was only a blue belt in karate.

Rafael suddenly stood next me. “Come inside so I can fuck that anxiety right out of you.”

“The bed is stripped down, so we can’t defile it again.”

“How about we defile the couch then?” he asked, tugging me to my feet. “And the kitchen counter too?”

“Oh, Bob, you sure know how to sweet talk,” I whispered, running my fingers through the dark hairs on his forearm.

Rafael leaned down and nuzzled one of my cheeks then the other. “I can’t believe how good it feels. There’s fucking then there’s what we have. I can’t get enough.”

My hands crept into his shirt and stroked his nipples, making him shiver. “You’ve turned me sex crazed. Let’s go defile some shit.”

Rafael snorted at my enthusiasm, but kept pace while I pulled him into the cabin. We stripped by the couch where I rested on my knees before glancing back at his naked perfection.

“This is an ass a man could write poems about,” he said, caressing one cheek before sliding his cock against my pussy.

I wasn't wet enough, so Rafael leaned down and took a deep lick.

“Hell,” I whimpered as his fingers pinched my nipples. “Don’t wait.”

Rafael gently bit my ass cheek then I felt his cock against teasing and testing my pussy. Finding me ready, he pushed deep inside of me until I was full.

“Ready, baby?” he asked, wrapping my hair in his hand.

I gave him a smile and he moved his hips fast and rough. We fucked hard once then moved to the laundry room where I moved the bedding to the dryer. Once the machine was rocking, I found myself sitting on it with Rafael back inside me.

After the bedding finished drying, I made the bed then wiped down any surfaces my bare ass sat on.

“I wouldn’t worry so much,” Rafael said as I went at the couch with disinfecting spray.

“Maybe, but Vaughn saved my life. I don’t want to leave his cabin…you know, um… sexed up or whatever.”

“Good point. He did save your life,” Rafael said, kissing the top of my head. “You missed the corner.”

Smiling, I sprayed until choking on the apple cinnamon scent. We finished packing up then head to the SUV. I stood at the door, holding my photo album with the DVD inside.

“This was the best two days of my life.”

Rafael wrapped me in my arms. “And it’s just beginning. Imagine once we get the hang of this love and sex thing.”

Vaughn held a bowling ball in one hand and wore a wild smirk on his face. Next to him, Raven stared at me through narrowed eyes while nodding as if I was in deep shit. Suffice to say, I laughed.
What the hell else was I supposed to do?

“Bring it, little man,” Vaughn said, staring up at me.

I retrieved one of the balls from the ball return and looked it over. “My grandfather started taking me to the alley when I was four. We went every week until I was so good I could’ve gone pro. Only reason I didn’t was I was too damn pretty.”

Glancing back at Harlow, I found her grinning while cuddled next to Winnie on a bench. I returned my gaze to Vaughn.

“Let’s go, ponytail.”

We played for two hours, but Vaughn was ready to go for another few. He claimed I was the first competition he’d enjoyed besides Raven. Dylan disputed this fact and proved he was quite the bowler. Meanwhile, the rest of the crew showed little interest in doing more than goofing off at the tables nearby. Jace and Sawyer were the only other ones interested in bowling, but they sucked.

I offered to help Jace improve. He pretended to agree, but remained scared of me. I didn’t blame him. I’d be scared of a guy like me too. Sawyer wasn’t afraid though and yanked at my arm to help her and Jace.

By the end of the game, Vaughn was my new best friend and greatest enemy. Raven said I should take it as a compliment. Harlow said Vaughn needed to get another hobby. Raven rubbed her baby bump. Harlow rolled her eyes. Their bickering went on for a long time, only interrupted whenever Bailey hugged Harlow and congratulated her again for getting porked.

In Ellsberg with Harlow, these people were a package deal. I couldn’t have her without them, so I made friends for the first time since high school.

The next few weeks, Harlow and I fell into a routine. We spent our mornings at the club gym. Sometimes, Nick would join us. Other times, Judd and Vaughn did. Later, Harlow spent time at her house with Jace or at Winnie’s place. While she enjoyed family time, I ran drills with Cooper and his main guys.

In Kirk’s day, hard and fast fighting worked fine. The world was changing though. Cooper was taking over in a time when low-level losers wielded high power weapons. Gangs from the West Coast now worked throughout the country, bringing assault weapons with them. The old ways of fighting might not be enough to keep Cooper on top.

I taught them the counter-insurgency techniques I’d learned over the years. Every day even in the rain, we trained in the woods around Kirk’s house. I showed the guys different weapons and explosives. Mostly, I wanted them to learn a soft touch when dealing with the enemy. Not everything was crashing through doors and wielding bats.

Tucker never caught on. He couldn’t do soft and had the loudest footsteps even on plush carpet. Cooper wasn’t much better, but I knew he’d practice until he had it figured out. Vaughn and Dylan showed a lot of potential, but Judd was the one I considered snagging from Cooper’s employment. The guy mimicked my every movement. He was like a ghost in the woods, silently disappearing only to reappear in attack mode. As much as I wanted to snatch him up, he was happy in Ellsberg.

The town never truly felt comfortable for me though. With my size and dark skin, I stood out among the lily-white residents. People learned my name, waving at me on the streets. Everyone seemed to know my story. I was Bob who was marrying Pastor Tad’s daughter. No, the older one. He’s a businessman from out of town, they’d tell each other while I stood nearby.

I missed being anonymous.

Harlow was worth any discomfort. With her, I slept better than I had in years. I felt lighter, yet stronger.

Every morning, Harlow awoke grumpy before remembering I was lying next to her. A smile soon slid across her face and she reached for me, wanting a sweaty morning wakeup.

She trusted me completely. I never saw a moment of fear in her eyes. Not even when I lost my temper with some asshole at a bar and nailed him in the throat. She stepped away from his falling body, but otherwise remained calm. Harlow understood me. I wasn’t a raging bull and I would never hurt her. She was always safe with me. I saw this understanding in her big beautiful eyes from the moment we woke up to the last second before she fell asleep at night.

Cooper’s fondest memories growing up were the summers RVing with his family. A daughter of his own now, he wanted to start a tradition for Lily too, even if she was too little to remember it.

As the summer ended, the crew rented eight RVs while Kirk and Jodi drove their own. With so many babies coming along, we planned a short trip to Twin Knobs at Morehead. Nature, friends, family, and fun were how Tucker put it before adding beer to the list.

Rafael couldn’t hide how relieved he felt to get out of town. I both loved and hated the childlike excitement on his face as we left Ellsberg. All these weeks, he enjoyed hanging out with the crew. When not with our friends and my family, we tried dozens of restaurants and explored every nook of the small town. Through it all, he always seemed happy.

Yet Rafael needed more than Ellsberg offered.

As much as I loved my family, friends, and the town I called home, I needed Rafael to be truly happy.

We arrived at the campground around noon. Everyone spent the next few hours organizing supplies and taking care of babies. Rafael and I mainly fucked until I could barely move.

Propping up my ass for him, I rested my chest on a pillow while Rafael thrust hard into me, still hungry after hours with our bodies moving together. I smiled at his possessive eyes and the way he wrapped my hair around his hand. I was his and he’d kill to keep me.

Finally, Rafael relented. Though I sensed he wanted more, his body needed rest. Mine was absolutely exhausted.

When I rolled over and sat cross-legged, Rafael’s gaze focused on my naked body especially my still hard nipples

“I need a break,” I said, grinning.

“From me or my cock?”

“I hate hearing that word out loud. Can’t you call it your sword of pleasure?”

Rafael glanced down at his sword and nodded. “Sword, it is.”

“Shh,” I whispered. “You’ll wake it up and my vajayjay needs rest.”

“I’ll do what I can, but you and the sword have a special bond.”

Taking his hand, I grinned. “Let’s stop talking about your dick, okay?”

“If you think you can.”

I laughed despite needing to be serious. “I want to talk.”

“About feelings?” he asked, rolling to his side and giving me a different delicious angle to enjoy.

“About moving to Houston. That’s still where you want to go, right?”

Rafael’s expression never changed, but my words caught him off guard.

“It’s less than a three hour flight to see your family,” he finally said.

“Vacation is over.”

“Why now?”

“It’s time.”

Rafael nodded. “We can get a little place in Ellsberg. That way we can visit a lot without the sword of pleasure going without. Unless your parents want to change their rule about married children playing in their house.”

“No, my parents wouldn’t appreciate your sword’s constant needs.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, glancing at where his cock thickened. “If I need to take care of it without you, I’ll manage. Especially if you’re willing to moan and wiggle for visual effect.”

Grinning, I crawled off the bed. Rafael’s disappointed expression was hilarious. I wasn’t leaving though, but turning around. Resting on my stomach, I studied his sword.

“Are you patient enough to let me learn?” I asked, licking the head of his cock. Grinning when it twitched at my touch, I glanced at him. “With Playboy, he just jammed it down my throat. I’m not doing that.”

Rafael’s expression barely shifted, yet I felt his anger. Fingers tracing my jaw, he struggled with his temper.

“You said you’d train me,” I said, arching an eyebrow.

“Let me see your technique.”

Grinning, I gently held the base of his already hard cock. My tongue danced around the head. At first, I lacked coordination and felt stupid, yet his soft exhales encouraged me to keep going. Finding a rhythm between my stroking hand and sucking lips, I shivered at how Rafael caressed my hair. Even with his hunger and the lingering anger at my mention of Playboy, he was so tender. Careful like a man who never suffered from any control issues. With me, he was perfection.

Once I sucked him dry, Rafael offered to repay me. I was tired in a wonderful kind of way. I’d never felt so grown up as when we rested together in the warm RV bedroom. The time had come to build something new with the man I loved.

Nostalgia hit me the next day. Without them knowing, I was saying goodbye to my friends and little sister. In the evening, we sat by the fire and talked about random things. Kirk told stories about when his kids were young. Mostly, he enjoyed regaling about their stupidity. Sawyer laughed the loudest, often pointing at Bailey who held her middle fingers permanently up. The sisters finally settled down and roasted marshmallows. Nick seemed especially interested in this activity, making me wonder if this was his first time around the campfire.

“I can imagine us still doing this in ten years. Hell, twenty years,” Cooper said with Lily asleep against his chest.

Vaughn wrapped an arm around Raven. “We’ll need a giant RV for all the kids we’re planning.”

“Sure,” Maddy said. “You think that now before the baby is born and you’re up all night changing diapers. Let’s see what you say after this first one gets colic.”

Smiling, Vaughn sighed. “Not going to stop us. We’ve made a pact to increase the number of hot people in the world by breeding a lot.”

Bailey looked up from where she was resting her head on Nick’s thigh. “What if your kid is ugly? Like it has all your worst features instead of your best ones. When I smash your two faces together in my head, I’m not seeing beauty queen. Just saying.”

“I bet you a million dollars our kids are better looking than yours,” Raven growled, looking overheated and bloated.

“It’s on!”

Nick shook his head. “I’m not covering that wager. Besides, who would be impartial enough to judge?”

“Winnie will do it,” Bailey decided.

“No, not even if I got a percentage of the payout.”

Bailey rolled her eyes. Before she chimed in again, Cooper cleared his throat.

“They have some really pimped out RVs. Even nicer than Pop’s,” he said, grinning at his dad who sat next to Jodi with Sawyer on his lap. “Comfortable for long trips since driving a few hours and staying in Kentucky isn’t my idea of a real road trip.”

Bailey wrapped Nick in her arms. “Grand Canyon should be next year. You need to see it.”

“Canada is nice too,” Kirk said. “Hiking, fishing, lots of things to see and do. People are pretty nice. Do you kids remember when we went to the farm where they made syrup? You all got so hyper from the candy the woman gave you that you didn’t sleep for a day.”

Tucker laughed the loudest, making me think he ate the most candy that day. As much fun as everyone had sharing stories, babies began fussing. First, Lark and Aaron’s twins made a stink about the heat and mosquitoes. Soon, Scarlet threw a major toddler tantrum. Lily slept through it all until Sawyer claimed to see a bear and screamed loud enough to bring nearby campers to check on us.

Bailey and Nick remained outside after everyone else fled from the bugs into the cooler RVs. When I gave Winnie a goodnight hug, I remained silent about my decision to leave for Houston soon. Rafael noticed my silence on the matter.

“Best not to ruin the fun,” he whispered later in bed while we moved together in the darkness. “I can’t imagine tears in this heat.”

I fell asleep in Rafael’s arms, knowing tomorrow would be the last day I kept my decision secret. Just one more day to enjoy everyone happy and together.

Having a taste for the outdoors, Rafael loved hiking. He told me how he spent all day outside as a kid. From morning to well past dark, Rafael played in the fields around his home. Sometimes, he played with other children. Usually, he preferred to spend his time alone, so he could play at his own pace. Even as a kid, Rafael didn’t like anyone bossing him around.

“It’s because you’re an only child,” I teased the next day while walking next to him along the path. “Spoiled rotten.”

Rafael laughed loudly, gaining the attention of Vaughn and Judd behind us. They stopped cussing at each other long enough to give us a weird look. Judd hitched Tawny a little higher on his back then continued walking. When she’d gotten tired, he didn’t want her going back without him. Now he was her pack mule.

On our last night in the park, Tawny came up with the idea of giving the parents in the group an evening to themselves. Those couples without kids would each take a child. Bailey immediately claimed Sawyer who immediately freaked out until she realized Nick was part of the deal. The rest of the pairings weren’t nearly as dramatic.

Tawny and Judd took their niece Lily. Raven and Vaughn snatched up their niece Phoebe. Winnie decided to take Scarlet since she didn’t think we’d be capable of handling the little firecracker. Saint and I ended up with Leo who wasn’t thrilled to leave Lark. He screamed for a half hour while I bounced him in the RV.

“I never want kids,” I muttered to Rafael who nodded.

Fifteen minutes after my declaration, Leo settled down and rested on the bed. I sat crossed-legged next to him with Rafael on the other side. Every time the pacifier popped out of Leo’s mouth, Rafael pushed it back in.

“Babies are cute,” I announced. “We should have one.”

“I want to name him something French.”

“Why?” I balked.

“Mom’s family comes from Haitian Creole and she always enjoyed French names. I was supposed to be Pierre, but Dad overruled her.”

I knew laughter was immature, but my giggles refused to be subdued. As I toppled over laughing, Rafael looked at the curly haired baby.

“Good thing my name isn’t Pierre, huh, Leo?”

I sat up, wiping my eyes. “I can’t see you as a Pierre.”

“What did you think my name was before I told you?”

“Steele. Remington. Something to that effect. Ooh, maybe Bond.”

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Bond. You'd want to name our son after a manslut?”

“Oh, yeah, he is a slut, isn’t he?”

“Yeah and Remington is out too. My mom would never stop laughing.”

“Sorry, but Francois ain’t happening, Bob.”

Grinning, Rafael glanced down at Leo. “How about Claude?”

“I’d rather have Pierre,” I snorted.

“I’m sure we can find a name that will satisfy my mother without sending you into hysterics.”

Resting on my side next to Leo, I played with his curls. “I hope our baby has your wavy hair.”

Rafael gave me a weird look and I figured I’d taken the baby talk too far. His dark gaze held mine then he smiled.

“Tomorrow, we’ll return this cherub to his parents and get started on making our own little Pierre Remington.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“No.”

“Already?”

“Look, I’ve been kicked in the balls a lot in fights over the years. That and I've spend way too much time in hot tubs, soothing my busted balls. It’s very possible we might take a long time to for my little warriors to reach your omelet.”

Laughing, I rolled my eyes. “Omelet?”

“My parents had me skip Sex Ed, so I don’t know the technical terms.”

“You’re full of crap.”

“I’m also full of little warriors looking for your sweet Cadburys.”

My smile softened. “Do you really want to have a kid?”

“Life doesn’t always go as planned, so why plan anything? Let’s just do what feels right and let God decide how things play out.”

“You can’t know how sexy you are when you do the wise man routine,” I said, caressing his stubbled face.

Rafael returned the projectile pacified to Leo’s mouth. The boy smiled then spit it out again. A quick game ensued and I was fairly sure Rafael lost.

We entertained the baby for hours in between feeding him. By the time he crashed, I wasn’t so sure I was ready for a ball of energy of my own. Yet like Rafael said, life does what it wanted and we should be open for anything. With him at my side, I would be.