Damaged Love (Bound Series Book 2) (13 page)

I am the worst

To see what I wanted to see in my boys

And not know the hidden truth behind my angel’s eyes

I am worthless alive so these are my goodbyes.

Kayla I want you to know
I am sorry
. I never meant to hurt you. I hope my death will make your life easier. I will not burden you. Just know that this will be my way of taking your pain away from you.

Please forgive me. I love you my darling daughter.

Sincerely,

Dad

I am numb. I feel nothing—no hate, no revulsion, no forgiveness. I am simply numb. As I start to walk out of the room, everything goes black.

I wake up some time later with people around me, screaming. I lay still because I don’t want to move. As long as I am not moving no one will know that I have woke up. I must have passed out.

Millie is now in the room, I can hear her yelling that I will pay for this.

Rodney then says we have more bad news. Elijah was found dead as well.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Letting the Past Go

“It’s not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it.”

~Hans Selve

Millie comes charging at me, screaming curse words.

"This is all your fault. You are nothing. I knew you would end up taking everything away from me."

"What do you mean this is my fault? I have not stepped foot back in this God-forsaken house. I hated living here. I didn’t kill Seth, and I damn sure didn’t kill Elijah."

"Excuse me, but my husband is dead because of you. He told me what you said. You wished he was dead."

"Millie, I wish you were dead too, but it doesn’t mean it would be my fault if you suddenly died."

"Kayla, I knew from the beginning you were Seth’s daughter. Why do you think we got you? I knew about him raping your mother. Hell, I covered it up at the college."

"Are you insane? That's a dumb question. Of course you are. Why would you do that? How did you know about the rape?"

"Oh honey, I know about all the whores in the cock house. I know about every woman who my husband has let his cock play with."

"You’re a sick bitch. Why didn’t you ever tell him I was his? You could have prevented everything. The rapes, the beatings, and the deaths. Have you lost your fucking mind?" I go after her and manage to get my hands around her throat. "You crazy, fucking cunt." I am squeezing her, and then I am pulled off.

She screams she wants me arrested.

"Go ahead and arrest me," I scream at her. "All of this is your fucking fault."

Rodney gets everyone out of the room other than the family.

"Millie, I want you to know you are the nastiest person I have ever met. Your husband rapes women, and you cover it up. Then your evil sons rape and torture an innocent child. You chose her because she was mine and Seth’s. So because you couldn’t have a biological child with Seth, you use ours. What kind of person does that? You need help. I hope that you get the help you need." Patrice screams at her.

"Millie, I hate to tell you this but you are under arrest." Rodney tells her.

"Me? Why am I under arrest?"

'Well, I will think of something to charge you with but right now, let’s just say because you covered up a crime."

"Aren’t you going to arrest Kayla?"

"I didn’t see a crime. I saw you provoking her, and she lashed out at you. So I see that as self-defense."

"Kayla, I swear that you will get what is coming to you."

“Tsk-tsk. Oh Millie, you threatened her in front of a cop. Keep on talking. I am sure there are more charges to add." Rodney says.

"Garrett, I need to get the hell out of here. I've been here long enough."

"Okay honey, let’s go."

We walk out of the room, and I watch as they load Seth into the coroner’s van, and Millie in a patrol car.

"Babe, let’s go home. I want to forget this day ever happened.

On the way home, Garrett is silent for a few minutes allowing me to gather my thoughts.

Finally I speak up.

“I knew as soon as I walked in that dad was dead. I could see that he had struggled. He died all alone. I was not there for him. How could I be so selfish? All he wanted was to be just a small part of my life, and what do I do, I tell him I wished he was dead. Garrett he hung himself with the purple ropes that held me down for years.”

“It's an unnerving feeling, knowing that all I had to do was accept his apology. He tried to call me last night. I hit ignore, Garrett I hit ignore on my father’s last phone call. How can I be such a monster?”

“Kay, you are not a monster you are human. He hurt you, and your instinct was to have nothing to do with him. I am so sorry sweetie. When my dad died, I felt a huge sigh of relief but to be honest I was hurt. Even though he hurt us for years, it was still hard. You always hurt in your heart when there is a death.”

“This one will be harder on you because you walked in and saw him.”

“I will never forgive myself for not telling him I forgive him. Now I will never have the chance.”

Garrett leans over and takes my face in his strong hands, and tells me that he loves me, and that I forgive Seth, then he will know. He may not know in the physical world but in the spiritual world he will.

I place my hand in my hands and I cry silently, and say a silent prayer.

Lord, you invite all who are burdened to come to you. Allow your healing Hand to heal me. Touch my soul with your compassion for others; touch my heart with your courage and infinite Love for all; touch my mind with Your Wisdom, and may my mouth always proclaim your praise. Teach me to reach out to you in all my needs, and help me to lead others to you by my example. Most loving Heart of Jesus, bring me health in body and spirit that I may serve you with all my strength. Touch gently this life which you have created, now and forever.

Amen.

I want to go home. I am quiet the remainder of the way home. It is snowing outside and it’s so peaceful. I feel a little flutter in my stomach and tell Garrett he has to pull over.

“Kay, it’s snowing outside.”

“I don’t care, please pull over. I have my hand over my mouth.”

He glides the truck to the edge of the street and before he comes to a complete stop I have the door open and I am getting sick.

He throws the truck in park and runs over and moves my hair out of the way.

“Is there anything I can do for you Kay?”

“No, just get in the truck. I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Babe, I am not going anywhere. I will always help you whenever you need it.”

I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and go to lift my head and I am dizzy. I grab the side of the truck for balance.

Garrett picks me up and places me in the truck.

“Do you want me to call the doctor?”

“No I will be fine. It’s just the stress of the day. I will be fine I just want to go home and decorate our house for Christmas. The tree should have been dropped off, and I want to enjoy the holidays."

"Okay honey."

We drive through Seattle, and I notice all the snow that has fallen since we have been at the house. The roads are slick, and I tell Garrett to be careful.

"It’s just a little snow," he says.

We finally make it home and we slide into the garage. I hold on to the ‘oh shit’ handle and scream.

We get up the elevator and the biggest tree I have ever seen is there waiting on me. I call the guys in from the elevator shaft and tell them they have their work cut out for them.

"Damn Kayla, this tree is huge."

"I don’t know if it will fit."

"Oh yes it will. I have twenty feet ceilings. This is a bet I'll win."

It takes them roughly an hour, but my tree is up and in the stand. My house smells like a forest, and I love it. During that hour I have all the end tables decorated. The mantle is done. The house is coming together nicely.

I go and grab the ladder so I can start decorating the tree.

I get the lights ready, and I have every strand blinking at different times.

"Kayla, are you really going to put all those lights on this tree?"

"Why yes I am Wyatt. And this tree is going to be the best tree ever."

Garrett walks in with hot chocolate.

"Oh honey, you are a life saver. I was craving that."

"I’m sorry, but did you say that you were craving something?" VI asks.

It’s just a saying, but that makes me think. When was my last period?

VI sees the look on my face, and hers lights up.

"So Garrett, when are you going to make an honest woman out of my best friend?"

"What do you mean VI?"

"You know, put a ring on it." She says, doing her best Beyoncé move.

"Oh, I don’t know. I am sure it will come soon."

"Don’t scare him off VI. I like having him around."

"I don’t think you could scare that man off if you tried."

"Let’s get this tree decorated because I want to turn off all the lights and just sit and look at it."

"Wyatt or Rodney, will you please start a fire? Garrett, I need you to please get your fine ass on this ladder and start stringing the lights."

He does what I ask, and I am enjoying the view.

In no time we have the lights on the tree. It looks amazing. All you see are twinkling lights. There is not a dark spot on the tree. Everyone is having a good time. We are all sitting there making small talk while Christmas music is playing in the background. Before long the tree is decorated, and it is stunning.

"Hey, where is VI?" I ask.

"I don’t know. I think she went to the bathroom."

I get up to go into the kitchen, and VI meets me.

"Kay your tree is missing something."

I look at it, but I have no clue what it’s missing.

"Where is it missing something?" I ask.

"Close your eyes and stick out your hands."

"Hell no, you may have ice or something."

"I swear it’s not ice."

"It's only because I love you that I will do what you ask, but it better not be anything that is going to scare me."

"Kay if it does, I give you permission to shred all my sexy bras."

Oh hell, this must be something because she is a sexy bra hoe. I close my eyes, and she leads me to the couch. I sit down, and I’m waiting. It seems like forever

"Okay Kay, you can open your eyes."

My eyes pop open, and I don’t see anything.

“What am I looking at, the tree looks exactly the same?” Then slowly my eyes reach the top, and there she is. My angel is standing proud on my Christmas tree. I immediately start crying.

"You asshole, you knew I wanted her. Why didn’t you tell me?"

"I saw her the other day, I knew you would fall in love with her. So I took you into that store. I had already bought and paid for it. When you went to the front of the store looking for the sales lady, I had it taken down and placed in a box. I wanted to give you something you wanted. And I knew you would want her."

I’m bawling now, “It’s my first Christmas, and you just made it the best one ever. I freaking love you,” I go and squeeze her.

She whispers in my ear, “There is a pregnancy test in my bathroom. Go use it.”

I look at her stunned, but I nod my head.

“Hey guys, please excuse me for a few moments.” I wipe my tears

I hear Garrett start to get up, but VI tells him to give me a few minutes. I hear their conversation, and they’re making small talk.

I go get the pregnancy test from VI’s bathroom and read the instructions. I pee on the stick and set it on the countertop. I can’t tear my eyes away from it, and almost as soon as I lay it down, it shows I’m pregnant.

“Holy shit,” I think to myself, “I’m going to be a mom. Oh, God, what will Garrett think? Will he be mad? Will he leave me?”

Of course I know the answers to all these questions, but I still can’t help but think them. Before I leave the restroom I stick the pregnancy test inside a book. When I return to the living room, everyone is sitting around the tree, discussing their Christmas wish lists.

I know in my heart I have to forgive him, so I grab my journal and start writing. I am so hurt, the words spill out.

You did not know

Hell no one did

How could anyone know?

I kept it all hidden

Locked inside

I ran away

As soon as I could

I hid from everything and everyone

Not looking back

Letting fear rule me

I fought alone

The demons

That threatened to rip me apart

Running only masked

The reality

It never stopped

Any of the nightmares

From haunting me

Day and night

I reinvented myself though

I came back stronger

All of it

Made me

Who I am today

And now this

Why

Why couldn’t you give us a chance?

You could have seen

How far I have come

We could have moved past all of this

Had an amazing future together

You robbed me of all of that

Reopened Pandora’s Box

And left me

Left me to battle alone

Again

You selfish prick