Dancing on Dew (5 page)

She needed to buy time to answer. “This Sunday?”

Barry had always been a dear friend, but could she find interest in him as a suitor? She’d never thought of him that way, but hadn’t she told herself earlier that she needed to give men a chance?

He exhaled. “Yes. Or next Sunday if this week is not good.”

From the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Joseph across the store. She’d be able to spot him anywhere. To her chagrin, her heart still leaped at the sight of him despite the anger she held.

She met Barry’s gaze. In his eyes she saw kindness and integrity. If ever a man existed with whom she should be able to make herself fall in love, it would be him.
Time to put away childish notions.
“This Sunday will be fine.”

A loud groan echoed as Joseph pulled on the rotted fence post. He bent at his knees, and his biceps bulged as he put all his strength into yanking it out from the ground. It came loose, and he tossed it aside. “Third times the charm.”

“Watch it, why don’t you.” A scowling Jeremiah appeared at his side. “You almost clobbered me.”

“Sorry.” He gave a flippant shrug and grabbed the replacement post from the wagon.

“What’s wrong with you lately?” Jeremiah held the post steady.

“Nothing.” He pounded the top of the post, digging the pointed bottom into the ground.

Jeremiah snorted. “Brothers don’t lie to each other.”

“That’s a promise we made while kids. Doesn’t apply now.” Joseph huffed and continued working.

“Then you admit that you’re lying?”

Exasperated, Joseph threw down the tool in his hand. “Many days are still difficult. I hope you never experience the pain of what I’ve been through, but it’s not an event you get over in a certain timeframe.”

“I’m sorry.” Jeremiah’s gaze softened, and he appeared apologetic. “Did anything happen in town to bring back memories?”

“You could say that,” Joseph muttered under this breath. The real reason for his surliness had little to do with Clara. To his pleasant surprise, his grief had finally begun to abate, just when he’d thought it would never relent.

Except with that, came a new problem.

Sissy Evans.

His first love, the girl he’d once planned to marry. Once he’d fallen in love with Clara, he’d forsaken all affections for Sissy, and had never been unfaithful to his beloved wife, not even in thoughts, but returning to Weatherton brought back the old emotions. For several months he’d been able to delude himself, until the day she came to visit the Double J.

He’d not been able to put her out of his mind since then and that threw him head first into a gauntlet for which he hadn’t been prepared. Guilt for how he’d treated her seven years ago. Hope that maybe they could have a second chance. Another round of guilt for betraying Clara’s memory. Foolishness for allowing any such dreams.

Jeremiah released the post which was now secured in the dirt and crossed his arms. Tilting his head at a slight angle, he squinted his eyes to an intense stare. “What’s really go on?”

Releasing a sigh, Joseph decided to confide in his brother. “Do you remember Barry Plume?”

“Of course. We were childhood friends, and he’s had Tallie and me over to his spread a few times. He runs a solid operation with his father.” Sweat trickled from Jeremiah’s forehead and he swiped at it with the back of his hand.

He pivoted to where the sun didn’t shine directly in his eyes. “Is he a good person?”

“One of the best you’ll find. A few people gave Tallie problems after they found out her past, but Barry never judged. In fact, I even heard him defend her when he didn’t know I was right behind him.”

“Sounds like a top notch man.” A sick feeling coiled in Joseph’s stomach. Barry was exactly the type of man Sissy deserved and for reasons he didn’t want to dwell on that made him severely jealous.

“Why do you ask?”

“He asked Sissy to accompany him on a carriage ride Sunday afternoon and she accepted.” The words tasted like poison on his tongue.

Jeremiah arched a brow. “I’m not following. How does this relate to you?” His arms dropped to his side and his mouth formed an
O
. “You used to be good friends with Sissy way back when.”

“We were more than friends.” Joseph took a deep breath, preparing to confess his deepest secret. “We were in love.”

“What happened?”

“Now might be a good time to take a break.” He waved toward the wagon. “I’ll tell you while we eat.”

An odd expression covered Jeremiah’s face, but he followed his brother to the wagon. He grabbed the pail filled with food Tallie had packed this morning, then sat beside Joseph on the wagon’s tail end. He dug in the pail and handed Joseph two halved biscuits with ham slices in between, plus an apple turnover.

Joseph accepted the food and sat it beside him. He took a swig of water from the canteen then another. Spring had disappeared while ushering in a hot and humid summer. “Before Pa died, I asked Sissy to marry me.”

“You what?” Wide-eyed incredulity stared back at him.

“Do you remember the barn dance at Old Man Firth’s the month before Pa died?” Joseph rubbed his neck, left his hand gripping his nape.

“When we moved to Chicago, I thought back to that night often. It’s the last great memory I have from before we left.” Jeremiah took a bite and chewed slowly.

“Sissy and I had recently discovered our feelings went beyond friendship, but she was only fifteen, and her father had told her many times that she couldn’t court anyone until she was seventeen. That night we slipped outside to have a dance alone.” He paused and drew a breath. “Her feet hurt, so she slipped off her new shoes and she started laughing.”

“Laughing?” Jeremiah set his biscuit aside.

Joseph nodded. “I didn’t know why, but it was contagious and I started as well. When we calmed down, I asked her why she’d laughed. Do you know what she said?”

Shaking his head, Jeremiah kept his eyes on Joseph. “What?”

“She looked down at her feet, giggled once more and told me her stockings were wet from dancing on dew.” Joseph could tell from his brother’s contorted face that he didn’t understand how this contributed to the story. “Sissy found joy in everything. Most girls would have been upset about wet feet, but not her. She made it an adventure.”

“She always did have a positive attitude about all things. I don’t remember her ever complaining about anything in school.”

“That night I knew for sure I loved her. She would turn sixteen soon so I only would have had to wait a year.” He allowed himself a small smile at the memory. “The band inside launched into another song, and I took Sissy into my arms and asked her to marry me.”

“I had no idea.” Jeremiah rubbed his jaw. “I assume she said no since you left for Chicago and never told anyone?”

Joseph shook his head this time. “She said yes.”

“What went wrong?”

“Pa died, and as the eldest, I became head of the family. You and Ma needed me.” His heart had ached, but he accepted his responsibilities with honor.

Jeremiah removed his hat and ran a hand threw his hair. “I wish you would have said something before we left Weatherton. Ma and I would have understood.”

“Don’t feel guilty on my account.” Joseph didn’t care for the self-blame reflecting in his brother’s eyes. “I never regretted my decision and was fortunate to find love with Clara and gain a beautiful daughter from that marriage.”

“But if you hadn’t…” Jeremiah trailed off.

“Trust me, it’s a question I’ve grappled with often. Had I stayed, yes, I could have been spared the crushing pain of losing Clara, but I would have missed out on the wonderful years we did have.” A long time had passed since he’d had a heartfelt talk with Jeremiah, and he realized that opening up about all the emotions and events he’d bottled inside had a freeing effect. An invisible burden lifted from his chest. “And Gloria. I can’t imagine not having her. I haven’t been the best father since Clara died, but that’s going to change.”

“How come you never said anything about Sissy? I knew you were close friends, but there was never an indication of a deeper connection.”

Joseph sighed. “Various reasons, I suppose. When we were first engaged, I think a part of me was embarrassed because she was so young.”

“Fifteen bordering sixteen isn’t that terribly young, and you were fine with waiting. And you were young also, barely eighteen.”

“At the time, it seemed right to keep it quiet.” He shrugged. “I had Sissy’s best interest at heart.”

“Did you ever consider asking her to come with you?” Jeremiah lifted the canteen to his mouth and took another drink.

“No. Her father wouldn’t have allowed it, and she would have hated the city.” Resting his gaze on the landscape, Joseph found comfort in the familiar scenery of his childhood—the respite he’d sought on his first arrival. “I can’t spend my life second-guessing the decisions I’ve made. It’s taking me a long time to come to terms with Clara’s death and I have to have faith that God’s in control, even when I can’t see it.”

“What next?” Jeremiah grabbed his biscuit and resumed eating.

“What do you mean?” A knot formed in his stomach.

“Do you plan to rekindle a romance with Sissy?”

“No,” he said too quickly.

Jeremiah’s brows formed a
V
. “Why not?”

“My relationship with Sissy was a lifetime ago.”

“But maybe you’re being given a second chance.”

“She’s still angry with me for what happened.” A knot formed in his stomach. “Besides, she’s interested in Barry.”

“And the conversation comes full circle.” Jeremiah laughed. “You’re jealous.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Then why did you ask about Barry?” A smug grin appeared on Jeremiah’s face.

“Sissy deserves a good man. Just because things didn’t work out between us, doesn’t mean that I don’t want her happy.”

“If you say so, but can I say one more thing?”

Joseph smirked. “You’ll say it anyway.”

“If you feel anything for Sissy, don’t dismiss the idea of a second chance with her.” Staring in the direction of the house which was out of view, Jeremiah sighed. “God’s ideas are often different than ours. I almost missed out on a great wife because of my own preconceived notions.”

Taut emotions banded Joseph’s heart. “I know, but I’m not ready for any relationship. Maybe one day...”

Even that was a monumental step forward. Until recently, he’d believed he’d never marry again, but the idea of growing old alone didn’t sit well with him anymore. For now he had Gloria, but one day—many years in the future—she’d marry and have a family of her own, and then who would he have?

“I wouldn’t wait too long, or you’ll risk losing her.” Jeremiah gave his shoulder a brotherly slap then stood and returned to work.

His brother’s words stuck with him, twisting his stomach so he couldn’t eat. Sissy wasn’t his. They’d once shared a special bond, but he’d walked away and didn’t regret that choice. Not entirely.

But now? Could he lose something he didn’t have? He didn’t have all the answers, but one issue was clear—he couldn’t stomach the idea of Barry courting Sissy.

“How do I look, Ma?” Cicely spun in a circle for her appraisal. She hadn’t finished her green dress yet, so wore her other favorite—one constructed from a simple cornflower blue fabric that brought the golden tones of her hair and cerulean shade of her eyes.

“Beautiful.” Ma caught her face between two palms. “You’ve grown into a wonderful young woman.”

Feeling the heat of a blush rising along her neck, Cicely smiled. “Only because I’ve had you as a mother to teach me.”

Ma dropped her hands. “Barry is a good man. I’m glad you accepted his invitation.” She started to speak again but snapped her mouth shut.

Curious, Cicely couldn’t help asking, “What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“I value your wisdom.” She touched her fingertips to her mother’s arm. “If there’s something you want to say, I would appreciate hearing it.”

As she ran her teeth over her bottom lip, Ma’s eyes flashed with deliberation. “I’m truly happy for you. If I could handpick a husband for you, Barry would be at the top of my candidate list.”

Cicely laughed. “You’re getting ahead of yourself. It’s one carriage ride after church, not a proposal.”

Ma picked up a dishrag to dry a plate. “I know, but since you were a young girl I’ve prayed that God would bring the right mate to you. After Joseph broke your heart, I was afraid you’d never let anyone else in.”

An unstoppable gasp came out. All those years she’d thought she’d hidden her feelings, but they’d been as obvious as the sun in the sky on a cloudless day. She didn’t want to repeat the conversation about Joseph she’d had with her father several months ago. In fact, she didn’t want Joseph in her conversation at all. “That was a long time ago.”

“Still, you’ve never allowed anyone to court you.” Ma twisted the rag in her hand. “I worry that your acceptance of Barry’s invitation relates to Joseph’s return.”

Her ma’s keenness unnerved her. “I realized that I’ve had unrealistic expectations. For so long, I’ve believed an illusion that love would strike immediately, and when I didn’t feel any affections right away for a man, I assumed he couldn’t be my future husband.”

“Love takes time to grow,” Ma admonished gently.

“That’s what I had to learn. There are some men who make it obvious they would be a good husband, but there are also men like Barry, who is a solid, dependable Christian man who would make any woman proud to call him husband.” She sat down on a chair at the table. “How can I know whether he is the one or not if I don’t give myself a chance to know him as the man he is now, not just as my childhood friend?”

Ma joined her at the table. “Pa wanted me to speak with you and remind you not to allow any man liberties. If one should try, then he doesn’t respect you.”

“Ma!” Her cheeks burned. “We’ll be in an open carriage and won’t venture far from town. Besides, I know what’s acceptable and not.”

“I know, but your father and I would be remiss in our duties if we didn’t mention it.”

If she’d been alone, she would have groaned. She loved her parents, and respected them greatly, but they were placing too much importance on this single event. The way Ma spoke, one would think she and Barry were already engaged. That was an immense level of pressure for a first outing. “I assure you, nothing will happen to compromise my reputation.”

“Are you ready? Your father should have the wagon ready now.”

“Yes.” Standing, she reached for bonnet on a peg behind the table.

She held her breath much of the way into town, afraid her father would broach the subject of her afternoon with Barry, or that her Mother would revisit their conversation from the kitchen. The topic caused especial embarrassment because at twenty-two years of age, some would consider her a spinster.

Fortunately for her, Ma and Pa remained engrossed in conversation about their courting days. Her pending ride with Barry must have triggered memories of their own, a blessing for her because it kept all focus off her.

Pa dropped off her and Ma by the church’s entrance, then went to park the wagon. From the looks of it, he’d have to go across town to find space.

Cicely noticed a few people standing outside the door. “I hope we can find a seat.”

“The nice weather has brought everyone out.” Ma squeezed her hand and presented a playful smile. “Perhaps Barry saved a spot for you.”

“Ma!” The teasing caused her embarrassment, not because she was ashamed, but because she was still adjusting to the idea of entering into a possible courtship.

“I’m sorry, but I’m just so happy.” Ma tweaked her cheek. “I’ll be quiet now.”

Her mother’s joy didn’t help the situation. If anything, it put more pressure on her to find a husband soon, lest she disappoint her. Ma likely didn’t realize what her comments did, and would stop if she had any idea, but Cicely kept quiet.

They entered the church. Most of the congregation hadn’t sat yet and stood in the aisles the pews, socializing. Ma greeted a friend then got pulled to the side by Mrs. Holden.

Left to herself, Cicely scanned the sanctuary for an empty pew. Her eyes landed on one, the only space left which wasn’t occupied by someone standing or sitting. She moved to the wooden bench, then stopped. Drew in a hiss. Of all people, Joseph sat in the pew behind the one she’d targeted.

What was he doing in church? Why, of all weeks, had he chosen this one to return to the Lord’s house? She hadn’t seen him since that day in the mercantile, and not from a lack of searching. To her eternal self-humiliation, her eyes sought him out wherever she went, yearning to see him. How could she hold so much anger toward Joseph, yet still be drawn to him? The attraction drove her mad.

Regardless, she had to find a place to sit. She could either take the spot in front of Joseph or pray someone cleared out from one of the pews. Twisting her neck, she scoured the church for another spot, even a half pew that could accommodate her, Ma, and Pa. There was nothing else available.

A large family entered the building and Pastor Gibbons approached the pulpit. With no other choice, Cicely slipped into the empty pew.

“May I sit with you?” Barry stood at the pew’s entrance.

Shame filled her as she realized she’d forgotten all about him since she’d arrived. Torn, she didn’t know how to answer. An answer of
no
had the potential to set an uncomfortable precedent for their afternoon together. Yet an answer of
yes
had many implications. Rumors among church members would run rampant.

And they won’t when members see you leave together after the service?

True
, she admitted to herself with begrudging honesty.

That wasn’t the real issue. The truth was, she didn’t want Barry to sit next to her for the basic, but complicated, reason that she didn’t want Joseph to see them together.

She realized Ma and Pa had slid in from the opposite side. Ma sat next to her, Pa on the far side. Barry still stood, waiting for an answer. Patting the bench, she gave him an answer. “Yes.”

His grateful smile made her feel awful. Barry deserved more than a girl besotted with another man who’d once left her and showed no interest in rekindling their romance. Not for the first time, she willed herself to put away every thought and dream of Joseph.

A great man sat next to her, and she needed to give him a chance, and spend time with him unencumbered by her fascination with her first love.
Thank goodness no one can read my thoughts
.

The pastor made two announcement then asked the congregation to stand for a hymn.

Cicely stood, and the hair on her neck prickled. Without seeing him, she felt Joseph’s eyes penetrating her. A thump in the rear of the church provided an opportunity to sneak a glimpse of Joseph without being obvious. Someone had dropped a hymnal, and she focused her attention up front again, but not before seeing a scowl on Joseph’s face. A glower that was aimed directly at Barry.

Against her better judgment, it sparked a fledgling of hope. Was Joseph jealous?
This is ridiculous
. She had to pull herself together. She looked at the hymnal and found her place though she knew the song by heart.

While she sang
Rock of Ages
, she became keenly aware of Barry’s presence next to her. His deep bass voice sang with confidence, and his faith shone on his face. A serene expression rested on his face, a contrast to the conflict exploding in her thoughts.

Conviction struck her while she watched him. Barry was worshipping through song, all while she focused on superficial ideas. Of all places, church was not where she should be contemplating her dilemma of loving Joseph and moving on from him.

Although it took an immense level of willpower, she trained her attention on the remaining hymns they sang, and then on the sermon. After the sermon, she told her parents goodbye and followed Barry outside. Self-conscious, she felt the eyes of every parishioner watched her, waiting for the moment she was out of hearing range so they could start gossiping.

Most of the scrutiny was in her head, she reasoned, but she knew with certainty that Joseph’s gaze hadn’t left her. Instead of the confusion or anger she’d wrestled with, indifference set in. The wounds of her heart were weary of the constant ache since he’d returned.

Barry’s arm looped through hers as he escorted her to the carriage. “I’ve packed a basket full of food.”

“That was thoughtful. Thank you.”

He shrugged, but gave her an impish grin. “Most people eat immediately after service. I didn’t want you distracted by hunger.”

His light jest broke her mood, and she laughed. “I do enjoy a good meal.”

They arrived at the carriage, a brand new Phaeton painted all black with a green wicker basket attached to the rear. The contraption made her family’s simple carriage appear dram and mundane.

Barry undid his arm then extended a hand to assist her up and into the seat. He untethered the reins before circling to his side and hopping up to sit beside her. “Are you ready?”

Cicely settled into the comfortable bench. “Yes.”

“How are you enjoying the summer reprieve so far?”

“I’ve been so busy that I’ve barely noticed I’m not teaching.” Her hands rested loosely in her lap, and she lifted her face, letting the soft breeze caress her skin.

“You never were one to sit still.” He glanced over and cast a wink. “That’s why you were Mrs. Devonshire’s pet. She never had to clean the school herself because you automatically did it once your work was completed.”

Even though his statement was an exaggeration, she laughed. “She only liked me best because I didn’t cause trouble.”

“Are you calling me a troublemaker?” Placing a hand over his chest, he feigned offense.

“I’m only saying that you caused the poor woman a few gray hairs.”

Barry grabbed the reins once again using two hands to hold them. “Maybe you’re right.”

“There’s no maybe about it.” Bending her elbow, she jabbed him in the ribs. “I’m just thankful none of my students are as rambunctious as you were. Even Lucas Holden can’t compare.”

“If Mrs. Devonshire was half as pretty as you, I wouldn’t have been a problem student.”

She lowered her lashes, and a demure smile touched her lips. From the edge of her vision, she saw a serious note take over Barry.
No, no, no
. They were having a pleasant time, and she enjoyed the light banter. She couldn’t handle deeper conversation or expectations yet. She needed time to build up to that level. “What did you bring for our picnic?”

A flicker of surprise, then understanding shadowed Barry’s face. “Fried chicken from Nell’s, corn on the cob, apples and Boston cream pie.”

Her mouth watered. “Can we skip right to dessert?”

“If you wish.” Barry, seeming to sense her needs, kept the conversation light and flowing until they came to an area several miles north of town with which she wasn’t familiar.

She moved her gaze over the surroundings, trying to place herself. “Where are we?”

“The corner of my uncle’s property.” Pulling on the reins, he brought the team of horses to a halt. “It’s a peaceful area I sometimes come to when I want to think.”

A flirtatious air came over her and she batted her eyelashes. “Or enjoy a picnic with a girl?”

Barry unmounted and hurried to her side. A devilish gleam lit his eyes. “Oh, you know, there’s been so many of them, I don’t think twice about bringing one anymore.”

As he assisted her to the ground, she gave his arm a playful swat. “And here, I always thought you had manners.”

His mouth curled into a half grin. “You were mistaken.” He released her arm and grabbed a picnic basket from the wicker basket in the rear. “In all seriousness, you’re the only girl I’ve ever brought here.”

“Oh.” In her heart, she’d known he hadn’t brought many girls here, but she’d expected there’d been at least one or two. “In that case, thank you for sharing it with me.”

“My pleasure.” He pointed to his left. “That cottonwood provides nice shade from the sun. I thought we’d eat there unless you see a better spot.”