Dancing with Detective Danger (23 page)
“Who would have guessed that taking this case would lead to uncovering not only Dad’s killer, but Nick’s as well?” Lacey mused. “Good job, Sterling.”
“It must be pretty gratifying for both of you. After all these years, you’ve closed the case on Joshua Aegar’s murder,” Ben added, gazing steadily at the floor.
“It feels pretty good. Finally justice is satisfied.” Release rang inside Sterling’s heart and thoughts of her father settled warmly inside her mind. The memories of her father and his love could bring her comfort and cheer now, rather than taunt her with unbearable loss.
Her eyes on Ben, Sterling’s heart pounded as she watched him stand to leave.
“Well, I guess I’ll get back to work. I’ve got things to tie up.” He stretched his tall frame upward and headed toward the door, still avoiding Sterling’s eyes.
“Not so fast, Detective.” Sterling quickly moved in front of him and pointed her finger into his chest. “You were wrong. I was right. Admit it.”
“What are you talking about?” Ben stopped and gazed down at her, his eyes widening.
“I think I’ll go talk to Michelle, or something.” Lacey chuckled, picked up her peach, and took a bite as she walked to the outer office.
“You kept insisting Sara was involved in the crimes, and you were wrong.” Sterling flashed a mischievous smile up at Ben, determined to shake him up.
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Yeah, yeah. I was wrong. You were right. You did a good job. I’m proud of your skills, Sterling. You’ve always been good. Your father would be so proud.” Unabashed tenderness and respect glistened in his deep blue eyes. “And your work as a PI is truly worthy. There, are you happy? Of course, you nearly got yourself killed.”
Sterling was picking up sadness from him, something deeply sullen and strikingly painful.
“There is inherent danger in this line of work, just as there is in police work.” Aware of the old numbness rising to protect her, Sterling challenged its grip. More compelling, she let the sunlight of Ben’s love warm her as she moved a step closer. “You almost get yourself killed every day you go to work. Why?”
“For people like you,” he said, mirroring her step. “To keep the streets safe. So most days, no one loses a father, brother, or daughter.”
Sterling bowed her head, her pulse racing with the echoes of all things lost. Maybe it wasn’t too late for her either.
Ben lifted her chin up to face him. “What is it, Sterling?”
“Maybe you were right about some things, too.” Her voice barely rose above a whisper. “What you do scares me. But I haven’t been myself for a really long time. You’ve made me see that. It was all an illusion. Getting lost in the work, trying to control everything, it wasn’t working. By trying to keep from getting hurt and not trusting anyone but myself, I was letting the scumbags run my life. Maybe the only way I can be safe from pain is to take back my life. Maybe I can never be safe from pain, but maybe I can redefine pain to something tolerable and full of life.”
Sterling felt all the negative forces she’d energized with her fears quaking insider her. She stood trembling before Ben, knowing she could either continue on listening to the litany of voices prompting her to isolate herself behind tall walls or she could let the walls crumble. It was so simple, but so hard.
Slowly, gently, Ben pulled her into his embrace. “Oh, Sterling. It’s okay. For now, just let me hold you.”
The constant beat of his heart pounded softly against her chest. It comforted her and drew her down to a point where everything contracted into truth and expanded into elation. “Please, don’t ever let me go,” she breathed.
Ben held her out at arm’s length, staring down with baffled eyes. “You are okay, right?” Gently, he touched the knot on the side of her head. “That’s a nasty bump Cummings gave you.”
“Stop it, you nut,” she said. “I’m fine. I’m just happy. Don’t you want me to be happy?”
Ben’s eyes shifted and concern knitted his brow. Dropping his grip on her arms, he walked across the room and stared into space. “You surely know I want you to be happy, Sterling.”
“What’s wrong?”
“What are we doing? For days you’ve been pushing me away, telling me there’s no future for us. No happily ever after for people like us. Remember?” Turning, he thrust a darkly sad gaze on her. “Never let you go? God, Sterling, do you know how I’ve longed for you to say those very words? But what does it mean?”
Her pulse skittering in her throat, Sterling went to him again. “Ben — ” Sterling rested her hand on his arm and felt the warmth of it.
“You’ve made me see that the terrible things that shaped my life don’t fit anymore. The aloneness, the deaths. They don’t have to haunt me. But I can’t help but wonder, what happens next? How long before you walk away, before I lose you again?”
“Ben,” she repeated softly, putting her finger to his lips. “Don’t say anything until I’ve finished, please.” She had to say it all just right. “Lying there in that building, I knew it was only a matter of time before those men would end my life. I was terrified. I didn’t want to die. But when I got past the fear of dying, everything unimportant fell away.”
Standing so close she could feel Ben’s warm breath on her cheek, Sterling peered into his eyes. She’d hurt him so much, could he ever trust her again? Fear clutched her heart. She had to make him see the truth as she did, like touching an icicle dangling from an eaves — the coldness of it sucks the breath from your lungs, the exquisite beauty of its clarity brings all your senses into one focal point.
“I wanted to live, but I wanted to live to be with you, Ben. Always.”
His left eyebrow lifted.
“I know you can’t guarantee me I won’t follow my family’s legacy of death. I know if you and I commit to each other, I’m risking becoming a cop’s widow. But life is made up of moments. The moment my father was taken from me left me with great pain. It’s time I realized, like Lacey said, it’s all part of living. And moments of great happiness count far more.”
Ben closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. Sterling waited. She knew she wanted more than anything to dance the dance of life with him, danger or not, for the rest of her life. But did he?
Then he exhaled, as though breathing out all the pain he’d felt in the last two years. Opening his eyes, Ben gazed down at her with the same warmth she’d always counted on. But it was so much more. “Does this mean you’ll stay?”
“If you’ll have me,” Sterling managed to say over the lump in her throat.
Gentleness and sweetness swirled between them, melting her heart to his. Then suddenly Ben’s arms swept around her, pulling her in hard. His mouth devoured hers hungrily.
Wetness touched her cheek. “Ben, you’re crying,” she said, breaking from his kiss.
“You’ve always gotten to me, Sterling. I won’t deny it. You’re like breath to me. I need you, always,” he said, brushing away a matching tear from her cheek.
“You have me. Always.”
Two years later …
“You’re doing great, Sterling,” Ben said, gently wiping perspiration from her brow.
“Great? Are you kidding? This is very painful.”
“Okay, Mrs. Kirby, another hard push and we’re going to have a baby,” said the doctor.
Gripping Ben’s hands, Sterling pushed as hard as she could, pushing through the pain until jubilation of birth filled her.
“It’s a boy!” cried the doctor. “I don’t care how many times I’ve done this, each time I deliver a baby it feels like a miracle.”
The nurse placed the baby in Sterling’s arms. “Do you have a name picked out?”
“Joshua Jr., after Sterling’s father,” Ben answered, pride shining from his face.
“Joshua Jr.,” Sterling echoed. “That has a very nice ring to it. Life goes on.” Sweet thoughts of her son’s namesake warmed her heart.
I’m not so afraid anymore, Dad. I love you. Always.
“He’s beautiful, Sterling.” Caressing Sterling’s head, Ben added, “Guess we can add another precious moment to our life. And something tells me there’s going to be plenty more.”
A freelance writer who writes for various commercial publications, Lynn Crandall lives in a small town in the Midwest with her husband and writes romances in the company of her two cats. When not writing, she likes to read — a lot — hike, and spend time with family. Learn more about her at
www.lynn-crandall.com
,
http://lynncrandallwriter.wordpress.com
and visit her blog at
http://thewritewaycafe.blogspot.com
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