Dangerous Beauty: Part Two: A Mafia Princess (32 page)

Too bad Anastacia didn’t have the same feeling. She spoke Carter’s name softly, and Carter turned to her with hazel eyes full of fury. Nathan had no idea what was said. All he knew was that Carter had never before spoken to her mother in the tone she used at that moment. It was worse than the first day she had met her. She aggressively hurled French words at her mother, and Anastacia did something Nathan had never expected her to do— she looked away from Carter. A rare moment of weakness for Anastacia Stone.

“
Je ne veux pas vous en parler dès maintenant ! Peut-être, je vous appellerai quand je veux parler de vous!
” Carter yelled.

She turned away from Anastacia as Giovanni planted the last knife in his body. Her jaw ticked. “Get over here …”

He obeyed.

“Now beg for it.”

Giovanni dropped to his knees and did exactly that. “Kill me!” He let out a tortured cry and lowered his head. “Please kill me!” he sobbed. “I’m sorry … I’m so sorry. Please have mercy and kill me. Don’t make me kill myself …”

He begged and cried and sobbed. For a moment, Carter only stared at him with cold eyes. His breathing soon became labored, and his breaths grew shorter. His eyes became unfocused as he continued gasping and begging for his death. Carter waited a few more seconds and then raised her gun and put him out of his misery.

“Ten men, for one million dollars each …” she muttered softly. “I can’t repeat the tenth man’s name because in return for his confession, he was given anonymity— and his life. I told him I would only kill him if he asked me to do so. He did. And now he is dead. That’s the only hint you’re getting to who that tenth man was.” Carter let out a long sigh. “Okay, I’m done.”

***

Present time.

That was when Nathan moved. He walked to Carter, extending his hand. She took it without hesitation, and he led her to the door and out of the room.

“What was that?” Nathan asked as he continued to lead her down the hallway.

Carter chuckled. “That was me adding to my ever-increasing body count.”

Nathan rolled his eyes, unamused, and pulled her into an office. He closed the door behind them.

“What are we doing in here?” she asked. She smiled slyly. “Are you looking for a quickie, Mr. Salerno?” She giggled and playfully tugged at his shirt. “Why does violence always turn you on?”

Nathan gripped her hand. “Cut the shit, Carter. You know I wasn’t talking about your body count. What was that with your mother?”

The smile instantly fell from her face. “Nothing,” she said with a blank stare.

Nathan just stared at her for a moment before letting go of her hand and taking a step back.

“Nothing,” he repeated. “Are you really going to stand here and give me that bullshit answer?”

“I’m not giving you any bullshit, Nathan.”

“Oh no? I saw that in there, Carter. I know what happened in the conference room. I was there, remember? Are you ready to talk about it now?”

Carter frowned and looked away from him. “There’s nothing to talk about …”

“Carter!”

“Unless—” she cut him off and turned to him with different emotions in her eyes. Sadness and warmth.

Nathan sighed in relief. There was his wife.

She cleared her throat. “Unless you want to talk about what your father told you a-about your mother.”

Nathan swallowed. This was the first time he’d really thought about it. He’d tried to shrug it off like she was doing. He had thought about hiding how he really felt about the situation until he’d figured it out himself, but then decided against it. Maybe if he let her in, she’d let him in … Nathan took a deep breath. “I was confused and angry. I was angry because my father didn’t tell me the moment he found out. I don’t know why, but I felt like he had lied to me, and as you know, I don’t like being lied to.” He shot an accusing glare at her and continued. “I was confused because after all these years of wanting to know who had killed my mother, I … I didn’t really react the way I thought I would …”

“What does that mean?” she asked. She closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him. “Are you hurting?” she asked, her words laced with concern.

She looked up at him, sadness in her hazel eyes. Nathan’s brows furrowed. She looked tortured, but she was comforting him. She was heartbroken, yet she pushing that aside to ask if he was hurt. It was clear to Nathan that Carter was battling internally with herself. There was no way he would get into that head of hers today.

Nathan hugged her close. “Yes, baby, I’m hurting. But not for just me …” He raised her chin until he could look her in the eyes. “For us. I’m afraid you’re going to …” Nathan’s words trailed off, and he sighed. “That was heavy, Carter. I know you’re hurting. I can see it in your eyes. I don’t want you to … shut down.” Nathan knew how hard it was for Carter to talk about things like this. He remembered what he’d had to do to get her to talk about Anastacia.

Carter looked at him for a moment before turning away from him again. “I don’t deserve you, Nathan …”

Nathan frowned. “Why would you say that, baby?” he asked, confused.

“I warned you back in Hope Beach. I wanted to protect you,” she whispered.

Nathan turned her to him. “Protect me from what, Carter?”

As soon as she answered, he remembered that she had said it before.

“From me. I wanted to protect you from me,” she said sadly. “Why would you want to be with someone like me?”

Nathan stared at her like she was crazy. “I’m with you because I love you, Carter.”

“How can you love me, Nathan? You don’t know me. I don’t even know me!” Her voice shook with emotion. “Half the shit I told you about myself in Hope Beach was a lie. I have no idea who I am— right down to my fucking name!” she yelled. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she blinked them away quickly. “I can’t do this. I can’t talk about it— any of it.”

Nathan stood silently and watched her pace back and forth before she turned to him again.

“Do you want to know what I said to my mother?”

Nathan nodded.

“I told her that I loved her … but that I hate her for lying to me. I hate her and my father for keeping me in the dark for so many years. I hate her for making me hate him. I hate him for dying, for leaving me, and I hate her because she couldn’t find me. I hate them both because I didn’t know she was looking … I screamed at my mother and told her I hated her, and I hated myself …”

“Why, Carterina?”

She looked up at him with sadness. “Don’t you remember, Nathan? My name’s not Carterina. It’s Cecilia. My father— the man who killed your mother— called me … Cecilia …”

Carter put the finishing touches on Nathan’s favorite steak and pasta dish, and then began to set the table. She knew Nathan would be home late, but she hadn’t known he’d be this late. He was usually home by six, sometimes seven. It was nearing nine-thirty now. He hadn’t even called. She was already in sweatpants and a tee-shirt, ready for bed.

They’d been back to work for three weeks now, so it had been three weeks since Carter’s entire world had been flipped upside down. She could say that what she’d learned hadn’t changed her, but if she did, she’d be lying. How she longed for the days when she couldn’t feel anything. Now— she was feeling too much.

Things with Nathan had been different. He hadn’t been ignoring her, but things had definitely changed— and not for the better. Carter had thought that things would get better eventually, but they hadn’t. Their marriage had been uncomfortably quiet, and Carter didn’t know how to fix it. She didn’t know how to fix anything.

She and Nathan hadn’t talked much for weeks. They woke up in the morning, got dressed, rode together hand in hand to work, and then separated for the rest of the day. Their evenings were pretty much the same. Nathan came home late, and Carter had his dinner waiting for him. When he walked in, he immediately greeted her with a kiss, but then ended up eating dinner in his office because of some new project he was working on. Carter usually didn’t see him until the next morning.

Even when they made love, they didn’t connect like they usually did. They’d only made love a couple of times since moving back to New York about three weeks ago. It was really unlike them, and Carter didn’t like it one bit.

They hadn’t spoken at all about the information they’d learned at that stupid meeting. Carter sort of wished they had. She wanted to sit and listen to him talk about how he felt. It was true that she was broken on the inside because of what she had learned, and she was in a constant state of feeling like shit because she hadn’t really spoken to Anastacia since that day, but she would gladly set her issues aside to focus on Nathan. She knew how much his mother had meant to him, and how much her death had affected him, even to this day. Carter didn’t like it, but in some twisted way, she felt responsible for all of it. She’d been torturing herself for the past few weeks, and the worst part of it was that she had no one to talk to about it. The only person she had ever been able to fully express herself to might possibly be leaving her.

Carter thought that Nathan might want a divorce. More specifically, she thought he
should want
to divorce her. A few tears escaped her eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. She didn’t want to cry— she wanted to be strong. She didn’t want to make it hard for Nathan to do what she thought he should do. She had first started thinking about the possibility of Nathan ending their marriage the morning after they’d made love after the meeting. And ever since the thought had popped in her head, she hadn’t been able to shake it. Why wouldn’t he want out? Nathan hadn’t known who Carter was before he married her, not really. Carter hadn’t even known who she was then. She hadn’t known she was a target or the heir to a billionaire’s fortune. She hadn’t known that two dangerous families wanted her dead— or worse. And she definitely hadn’t known that she was the biological daughter of the homicidal, clinically insane maniac who had killed her husband’s mother.

Carter placed her hand on her belly as a wave of nausea hit her, nearly causing her to stumble. She felt this way every time she thought about her biological father. Every time she thought about what he had done to Nathan’s mother. She swallowed and waited for the feeling to pass.

She wouldn’t blame Nathan if he wanted out of their marriage. Who the hell would want someone with all that baggage? She would never be able to be what he needed. Not if she had to live her life looking over her shoulder. She wouldn’t be anything but an added stressor to Nathan’s already stressful life, and she didn’t want that. She wanted to be the reason he smiled after a hard day at work. She wanted to be the reason he laughed even when he didn’t feel like it. She wanted to be his happiness. He was her happiness. He was everything to her. She loved him that much.

Carter couldn’t help but wonder what her purpose was on this earth if all she caused was trouble. She could barely look at her reflection in the mirror. Every time she saw herself, she saw the monstrous man who took the lives of the innocent. The daughter of a man who sold innocent young men and women as if they were nothing more than objects used for the amusement of the highest bidder.

It didn’t really hit Carter until the evening she came back to the penthouse. She was alone with her thoughts, which proved not to be a good thing after finding out that the man you called Daddy your whole life was, in reality, your uncle.

Uncle
, Carter thought as her heart tightened painfully in her chest. It had been happening for a few weeks. The pain of her heart breaking repeatedly was so intense she could feel it in the tips of her fingers. She hated it. It was so unfair.

The sound of the front door opening jolted Carter from her thoughts. She quickly walked over to finish setting the table as Nathan came into the penthouse.

“Hi, honey,” she said softly with a tentative smile. She pushed her emotions back in an effort not to ruin the evening she had planned.

Tonight, she was going to make an effort to spend time with her husband. Tonight, he’d sit with her, and they’d eat together. They could talk about anything. She didn’t care. As long as they communicated about something.

“Hey, baby,” Nathan said sweetly, a look of surprise on his face. He put his briefcase on the couch in the living room before coming to the dining room. He came around the table to where Carter was setting down a glass for his scotch, leaned forward, and kissed her cheek. “Something smells heavenly,” he said against her cheek.

“I made your favorite,” Carter said with a smile. “How was your day?” she asked him. This was the first time this week she’d been able to ask him the question. She noted that he wore his shoulder holster today. His two chrome Glocks and hunting knife rested at his chest. He usually wore those only when his work involved danger.

“Long,” he answered. “Boring work. I’m starving. I … umm …” He cleared his throat. “I talked to your mother today.”

Carter swallowed and nodded her head, but said nothing.

“She called to check on you. She’s back in the states.”

“That’s nice,” Carter muttered. “How is she?” Carter asked as she brought food to the table.

“She wanted me to tell you she loves you. And she misses you … and that she’s sorry.”

Carter kept busy as she listened to him. She opened the oven and retrieved the garlic bread.

“I know,” she said. She wiped her hands with a towel. “Do you want scotch tonight?” she asked, changing the subject.

Nathan didn’t speak, but nodded his head.

Nathan walked over to the couch and tossed his suit jacket over the back of it. He leaned against the back of the sofa and removed his cuff links. “I’m sorry I’ve been late getting home these past few weeks. I promise that will change soon. This project is time consuming, but Kyle found something, and he’ll be calling me soon.” He looked at the beautifully-set table with a smile. “We will be eating together tonight?”

Carter wiped her hands down the front of her sweatpants, suddenly feeling a bit nervous. “Umm … Yes. I thought that maybe we could …”
Eat together tonight and talk
 … was what Carter had meant to say out loud, not in her head.

Nathan looked at her confused “Maybe we could what, baby?”

Carter swallowed nervously and shifted from foot to foot. She shook her head. For some reason, she could no longer find the words she wanted to say.

What the hell is wrong with me?
she thought.

Nathan eyed her intently as he removed his holster. Once he had it removed, he came across the room to where she stood. Almost immediately, Carter lowered her eyes.

Nathan used his index finger and thumb to lift her chin until their eyes met. “Is everything okay,
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? Is there something you want to talk about?” he asked. There was hope in his eyes as he spoke.

Carter immediately  shut down. Suddenly, the thought of talking to Nathan about anything scared the shit out of her. She knew she wanted to talk to him, to feel close to him again. She’d been so lonely, and she needed the interaction. So why was she so hesitant all of a sudden? Carter really wasn’t making sense, even to herself. She wanted to say yes so badly, but the only word that came out of her mouth was “No.”

Sadness flashed through Nathan’s eyes, and Carter had to look away. She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She wanted to say yes to him. She wanted to pour out every emotion, every fear, every sad thought that had been breaking her from the inside out ever since they set foot in New York, but she couldn’t. She thought she would be able to, but she couldn’t.

She realized at that moment that it hadn’t been Nathan who had been distant, it had been her. She was the one who had been unwilling to talk. She was the one who had been coming home every night acting more like a zombie than herself. Carter inhaled shakily and frowned as she remembered the past few weeks in vivid detail.

She’d been coming home from work every day in a trancelike state. She would pull a bottles of wine from the cabinet and then start on Nathan’s dinner. After dinner, Carter would drink until she passed out in the living room. The next morning, she’d wake up in bed with a hangover, but still manage to find the energy for work.

The first few nights, Nathan came home on time. He ate dinner at the table, and even tried to start conversations. But Carter was closed off. Completely closed off. Nathan had been the one trying. He’d been trying to get Carter to open up and let him in. But Carter had shut down and pushed him away every time he got too close, too afraid of what he’d find if she let him in.

Carter knew what her actions the past few weeks suggested. But she was not depressed. Her mother may have put more on her than she could bear. A little too much revelation for one day perhaps. The Stone family, the Steele family, her father, her biological father, the truth about the fate of Nathan’s mother, Silas—

“Carter, baby?” Nathan’s concerned voice pulled Carter from her thoughts.

She met Nathan’s eyes and tried her best to push back the sadness, guilt, fear, and overwhelming sense of dread that was causing her to feel too much at once. If she didn’t try to contain it all, she didn’t know what she’d do to herself. She looked at Nathan with a blank expression and empty eyes. She could see the sadness in his face.

“Please talk to me, baby,” he pleaded. “I miss you so much …” He peppered her face with soft kisses. “Come back to me,
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. I can’t take seeing you like this anymore …”

Carter didn’t respond. At least she had tried today. Yesterday, she hadn’t spoken at all.

“Let’s eat dinner together tonight. Afterward, we can take a hot bath. I’ll give you a massage, help you relax.” He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against him.

Carter looked into his eyes again before turning away. Every time she did, she saw him as a child, sitting in dead silence surrounded by his mother’s blood. The man who had given her life had done that. The man who had given her life had caused the man she loved to lose everything and had caused him so much pain.

“I’m … really tired,” Carter said softly, something she’d been saying to him every day for the past few weeks. “I’m actually not feeling too well now,” she whispered.

Disappointment was evident in Nathan’s features. “’Carter, honey, what about dinner?”

“I’m not hungry …”

Nathan frowned. “But you haven’t eaten in days. My father says you bring him lunch, but you don’t eat. You just go to sleep. Talk to me, baby, just … tell me what I can do …” He hugged her to his chest.

His scent and the warmth of his embrace bought her the only peace she would accept. He hugged her closely and gave her the love that she no longer felt she deserved from him. She wanted to do at least one thing for him tonight … “I’ll eat with you tonight,” she said softly.

Nathan pulled back from the hug with a smile. “Yeah?” he asked.

She nodded yes. “I’d love to hear about your day in more detail.”

He smiled and kissed her lips three times, then led her to the table. “Sit down, baby. Since you did the cooking, I’ll serve you.”

When Carter sat down, she immediately reached for the bottle of wine to pour herself a glass. Nathan’s hand stopped her.

“Please, Carter,” he said softly. “Not tonight, baby. Just be with me tonight.” He kneeled down beside her. “Can you pass on drinking tonight, for me?” he asked.

Carter looked away from his eyes, ashamed. She didn’t know that Nathan didn’t like it when she drank, but she understood. She’d been a borderline alcoholic for the past few weeks.

She nodded her head and let him take the bottle away from the table. When he returned with their food, they ate and had light conversation— mostly Nathan asking Carter questions to which she responded tentatively. She ate as much of the food as she could, but still not enough for Nathan to stop insisting she eat more. She did, just for him.

After they’d both finished, Nathan’s phone began to ring. He excused himself from the table and to answer it. While he was away, Carter sat and stared at the wedding ring on her finger. She twisted it around her finger as she remembered the day Nathan had proposed to her in their garden. She remembered how happy she was and how hopeful she was for the future. That day seemed like it had been years ago instead of just months. She was just a shadow of the person she was just weeks ago. She was stuck in a tortuous darkness with no idea of how to get out.

Nathan reentered the dining room with a remorseful expression. He sighed. “I have to go,” he said as he kneeled in front of Carter. “I’m so sorry,
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, but I have to tend to something that can’t wait. It’s important …”

“It’s okay,” she lied. She didn’t want him to leave her alone.