DanielsSurrender (22 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

Shannon lay on the bed, flushed with her recent orgasm. Her
body was loose and relaxed, but her eyes were sad. The way they’d been every
time she’d made love with him over the two weeks since they’d walked out of
Daniel’s house and life. Matthew knew no matter how good the sex was, how hot,
how tender, there would always be something missing. Shannon had been their
heart, but Daniel had been their foundation, the one who kept them grounded.

Now, Matthew lay beside his love, his body still buzzing
with satisfaction, and felt the emptiness in the spot that Daniel filled. He
thought of when he would return to work next week. The idea of passing Daniel
in the hallway, seeing his face, cool and blank, was a pain almost beyond
bearing. He knew Daniel could shut them out completely, just as he knew they
could never shut Daniel out.

It was far too easy to imagine the expression on Daniel’s
face, the one he’d seen so many times on his own father’s face. Sometimes
Matthew thought Old Stirling had hated all three of his children. More often,
though, he thought the Old Man just hated him. Marcus was the golden son, the
heir. Meredith, or so Stirling claimed, was destined to make a great marriage
and consolidate the Worthington Empire.

In his father’s eyes, Matthew was just a mistake. A
changeling. He understood why Stirling didn’t love him, he was too
different…too frivolous. But he could never figure out what he did to make the
man hate him.

The man he was knew that Daniel didn’t hate him. The adult
Matthew knew that Daniel was scared, that he’d been hurt by his own childhood
and that being with Matt and Shannon had dug up hurts he’d kept long buried.

But that vulnerable little boy who’d wanted nothing more
than for his father to love him could only see another rejection. That wounded
child could only lie in the dark and wonder what was so lacking in him that
first his father and now Daniel couldn’t stand to be with him.

He stroked a shaky hand over Shannon’s hair. His emotions
were in a tumult. He knew he had to let them out somehow, somewhere, and he
knew Shannon didn’t need to handle his grief along with her own.

Later that night, while Shannon was occupied with grading
papers, Matthew turned to the one person who’d been his rock since childhood.

The open door shed a golden glow over Matt, much like the
sunshine of Shannon’s smile. He felt his own smile falter, then fade entirely
as Marcus reached out and drew him into the house.

* * * * *

Daniel pushed the property sheets away, scattering them
across the desk. His mind wasn’t on work tonight. Hell, it hadn’t been on work
for a while now. He moved his leather chair back and stood. Walking to the
window, he peered out, taking in the view of the city from his seventh-floor
office.

He normally loved the city at night, the lights on the
Ambassador Bridge, the cars moving around like fireflies. But he was restless
tonight, pent-up energy screaming for release. He needed a distraction. A large
sign caught his attention—the casino. Maybe he’d kill a little time there. Play
some cards, have a few drinks and end the evening by sinking himself into a
hot, willing, anonymous body.

It sounded really good, but Daniel didn’t have the stomach
for it anymore. His edge was gone; his innate ability to move on had
disappeared. He shook his head. Fuck.
Pull it together, Danny-boy.

His father’s words haunted him. Over and over the lessons
his old man had taught the eleven-year-old Daniel repeated in his head.

You can’t depend on anyone, boy. Love will kill you, make
you weak. Don’t give yourself to anyone, Daniel, or you’ll be broken just like
your old man.

He must have heard that speech a thousand times before the
old man drank himself into a stupor and took a header into a tree.

He heard his office door open. Through the reflection he
made out the form of Marcus entering. His shoulders tensed and he went on the
defensive. He so didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Knock much?” He kept his voice neutral, hoping to avoid a
confrontation.

“What the hell is going on, Daniel?” Marcus’ voice was soft,
not a good sign.

“Nothing’s going on,” Daniel replied. He didn’t want to have
this fight with his best friend. And besides, nothing
was
going on. That
had all ended two weeks ago. A month, actually, if you counted from the night
of the accident.

“Cut the crap, asshole. You know exactly what I’m talking
about.”

Daniel turned his back to the window and faced his oldest
friend. Profound sadness wound through his body at the hurt and disappointment
so evident on Marcus’ face.

Daniel had never noticed how much he resembled Matthew.
Especially now that he was no longer masking his emotions behind steely eyes.
Carrie and her love had given Marcus that freedom.

“Nice,” he commented mildly. Marcus scowled and started to
speak, but Daniel cut him off. “I am not having this discussion with you,
Marcus. I think you need to leave.”

Daniel felt tired. Defeated. But he knew he’d made a big
mistake in trying to send Marcus away when Marcus descended upon him like the
wrath of God, grabbing his shoulders and propelling him into the wall.

“What the fuck were you thinking, playing your head games
with my baby brother and his woman? I knew you were a selfish son of a bitch,
but I never thought you were capable of hurting my own flesh and blood!”

Marcus released him, but still stood aggressively in his
space. His hands were clenching and unclenching at his sides.

“I shared the love of my life with you. Wasn’t that enough
for you, man?”

Daniel shoved Marcus away, moving across the room.

“The thing with Matthew started long before you and Carrie.”
Disgusted with himself, he walked to the other side of the office. He leaned
his tired body against the wall and folded his arms over his chest, unable to
meet the silver eyes that were so familiar to him.

“Is that supposed to make me feel better? Matty is so easily
swayed. Dammit, he’s only twenty-eight years old.” Marcus’s voice was getting
louder with each word he spoke. He pointed an accusatory finger at Daniel.

“I know you, Dan, too well. There are dozens of willing
couples at the club. How could you seduce those two? Didn’t it ever occur to
you that there are plenty of other people in this city to play with?”

“Marcus, you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
And I’m not one of your employees, so don’t fucking yell at me.” This time it
was Daniel’s turn to get loud.

“If anyone did the seducing, it was your so-called baby
brother. Matt came to me, buddy, and more than once. You think I didn’t know
this was a bad idea from the start? Matt and Shannon are both adults, Marcus,”
Daniel continued heatedly. “Matt knew good and well who I am and what being
with me meant from the very beginning. I never lied to either of them.”

Daniel forced his shoulders to relax as he took in a deep
breath. Screaming at Marcus wasn’t going to get them anywhere, nor would it
change anything.

“I didn’t want to hurt either of them. You know I would
never do that on purpose. Marcus, you know I can’t give anyone a commitment.
Matthew knows it, and so does Shannon. If they hadn’t tried to push me into a
corner, none of this would ever have happened.”

Marcus barked out a laugh that sounded anything but happy.

“You keep telling yourself that shit over and over again,
and people might start believing it. Hell, you might even start believing it
yourself.”

Marcus walked over and stood directly in front of his best
friend. Daniel swallowed his hurt and confusion before meeting his eyes.

“Dan, I saw your face in that hospital room. I’ll never
forget that look. It was real. What you feel for them is real. Don’t throw it
away.” Marcus reached his hand out and touched the place where Daniel’s heart
would have lived, if he’d had one.

“Quit listening to dear old Dad.” His eyes were
compassionate, his voice intense. “He’s dead, Daniel, because he chose not to
live, not to love again. You’re not your mother or your father. Don’t make the
same mistakes they did.”

Marcus exhaled deeply before continuing.

“Look where I was a few months ago, and look what I have
now.”

Daniel was so jealous of the happiness that bounced off
Marcus in waves he literally felt ill.

“I didn’t think a woman like Carrie existed, and she was
right there the entire time. Now I sound like a fucking greeting card, and I
don’t care. You can have the happily-ever-after shit, but you gotta reach out
and take it when it’s offered to you.”

Daniel bristled. First Matthew and Shannon, and now Marcus
was trying to force him to change. To be something he wasn’t capable of. He
didn’t know how to love, to care, to be part of something larger than himself.
His ability to hold on to someone had been snuffed out before he ever got the
chance to try. He was stunted by his inability to allow anyone near his heart.

Fuck, he wanted it. He wanted it all with Shannon and
Matthew, but he wasn’t about to ruin the lives of the two people he cared about
most in this world.

They were in pain now, but that would fade with time. It was
nothing compared to the pain to come when he let them down, as he inevitably
would. As it was, Shannon and Matt would come out fine and loving each other.
It was he who would be alone.

He closed his eyes, his face losing its tension as the
emotion drained from his body. When he opened them again, he met Marcus’ eyes.

“I can’t.” The words were tight. They were all he could get
out and keep his voice level. It hurt too fucking much.

Marcus pulled his hand back.

“I never took you for a coward.”

Daniel cringed as he remembered those words coming from Matt
after that first night together.

Marcus turned from his best friend and stalked to the door.
Opening it, he stopped, looking back. His face was a mask of angry
disappointment.

“The wedding’s at two, asshole. Don’t forget your fucking
tux.” With a final simmering look, he walked through the door, slamming it
behind him.

Daniel leaned his head back against the wall. Swallowing
hard several times, he fought the tremors going through him. Pushing himself
upright, he picked up his coat.

Cards, booze and a willing partner were all he needed now.
It was time to stop wallowing in his own misery. He hated people who whined and
sat around feeling sorry for themselves, reminiscing over a past that would
never change. The way he was doing right now.

* * * * *

The MGM Grand was packed with bodies. Young men in leather
vied with elderly women in polyester for a spot at the slots. A beautiful woman
in spangled spandex sat next to a grungy, mismatched bum at the blackjack
table. It was a circus of light and sound, and Daniel was counting on it to
drag his mind from his own wretchedness.

He eased his way through the throng of people as the lights
and musical jingle of coins being pushed into the slot machines echoed through
the enormous gambling space. Daniel made his way to the high rollers section on
the second floor, going over to a set of velvet ropes that marked off the VIP
rooms. He nodded to Joe, one of the floor managers. The older man raised his
hand, signaling to the security guard, and Daniel was allowed to proceed into
the poker room.

Sitting down at his favorite poker table, he threw his money
on the green felt. The cocktail waitress came over to get his drink order, and
he placed a hundred-dollar bill on her tray before saying curtly, “Whiskey.
Keep it coming.”

For an hour he played, winning a few hands but mostly losing
his ass off. He couldn’t concentrate, his mind kept drifting back to Marcus
calling him a coward. Marcus was wrong, he assured himself. It wasn’t cowardly
to accept your failings.

After losing a good portion of his money, he dropped out of
the game. Somehow his “distraction” left him even more focused on his
situation, on what he’d lost. Deciding to call it a night, he walked back down
the stairs, setting his still-unfinished drink on an empty table.

A feminine hand grazed his arm. Looking down, he saw a
beautiful, slightly familiar woman. He smiled and said, “Hello there,
gorgeous,” while wracking his brain for where he knew her from. A brief,
searing picture formed of Matthew, clad in a tuxedo and on his knees, Daniel’s
cock buried in his welcoming mouth.
What the fuck?
Then it came to him.
The model from the auto show. Now if he could only remember her name… At any
rate, things were looking up. Maybe his frustration could be worked out in
another way.

The model presented Daniel with a fake pout as she stood in
front of him. Long red nails trailed up the lapel of his suit, before curling,
claw-like, over his shoulders.

“Daniel, you haven’t called. I’ve missed you.”

He wondered briefly how she could have missed him. It’s not
as if they knew each other. They certainly weren’t friends. Hell, the extent of
their relationship was a quick screw up against a temporary wall at the auto
show. One that had been utterly overshadowed by the encounter with Matthew that
followed.

“Oh really?” His voice was full of healthy skepticism, but
he managed to keep the sarcasm to a minimum. “Somehow, I don’t quite believe
you.”

She shrugged, causing large silicon-filled breasts to jiggle
invitingly. Daniel forced himself to appreciate every shimmy. She was
everything he’d ever been attracted to in an affair, and he was determined to
prove to himself he’d walked away from the quicksand around Matt and Shannon
cleanly.

“Rumor was, you were off the market. I’m going to assume
those rumors are wrong, or you wouldn’t be looking at me like that.” She licked
her red lips and leaned into him. “I know a very private place we could slip
into for a little fun.”