Dare (Finding Love Book 1) (4 page)

Stumbling into the kitchen, I head over to the cupboard and pull it open. Inside is my stash of hot chocolate. The thirty pack was so worth the money, as most of the flavors I’ve never had before. Jaclyn gets at me all the time for my love of the chocolatey beverage, but I’m not a coffee drinker. Never have been.

After heating up the water, I pour it into a cup and dump the powder in, mixing it all up. I then hop onto the counter and grip the hot mug, relaxing for the first time this morning. I’ve been staying up late and waking up early to do homework. I’m always tired; I can’t imagine getting a job on top of it all. Well,
if
I get the job.

Sighing, I swing my feet into the cupboards below me and think. I have the best roommates, a little crazy and quirky, but to me, they’re the best. I’m doing great in school, a little more tired than I’m used to. I smile as I remember our study session a few nights ago. We started off well, but toward the end of the night, we gave up and watched a bunch of cheesy Rom-Coms. It was the most fun I’ve had in a while.

But it’s times like that that make me feel guilty. I know I shouldn’t, it’s okay for me to live my life, but knowing that Mo won’t experience anything… It kills me. He won’t drive, date, or get a job. It’s not the first time I’ve thought about this either. It was all I did after he died, worry about what could have been.

I hop off the counter when I hear movement from the hallway.
Officially time to start the day.
Just then, my phone starts ringing, and I pick it up. My hope is that it’s the restaurant where I applied for the waitressing job a few days ago, as I really need it. Instead of the I.D of the restaurant coming up, it’s a random number.

Sighing, I flip it open and answer. “Hello?” I wait for a few seconds, but no one answers me. Frowning, I hang up and lean against the counter. The hard granite pokes into my spine, and I shift to relieve the pain. Tapping the back of my phone, I absently look around the kitchen. There is a picture of the three of us from the masquerade party. It’s the only one we got from that night, as we weren’t together a lot. I would have liked more time with them, but I still love this photo. Jaclyn’s squinty eyes indicate she’s drunk. Hayley’s shy smile is turned away from the camera.

And then there’s me. I look extremely happy, something that continues to surprise me every time I look at the picture.

My phone chimes again: a text this time. I’m weary, as only a few people have my number. As I read the text, shivers rack my body and my hands start tremble.

You can’t hide forever.

I read it again, the words swirling around in my mind as my vision clouds. I have a hunch, but it can’t be true.
It’s impossible.

Erasing the text, I pull up the contacts list and find the name, hitting the call button. I pick at my nails as I wait for her to answer, my nerves on edge.

“Hello?” her voice is scratchy from years of smoking.

“Hey, Mom. It’s Jennifer,” I clarify. The silence over the phone is deafening.

“Jennifer! Of course I know it’s you.  I just… you never call. What’s up?”

Mom is on another ‘fix kick’ I can tell. She tries to get back on track by emptying her bottles of alcohol that litter her trailer and tossing out her packs of cigarettes, but after a month or two, she drops it.  She goes back to drinking, spending her money on new bottles of the poison and goes through two packs a day. Her words are slurring now, and I can practically smell the Vodka. No matter how many times I’ve wished she was a normal, cookie baking mom, I know she’ll never change.

I clear my throat. “Have you… seen Steven around lately?” The silence that meets my questions says it all. “Are you seeing him again?” I ask. I can’t keep the betrayal from my voice, though it shouldn’t surprise me anymore. She always chooses
his
side.

She sighs, and I can imagine her rubbing her cheek in frustration. “No, I only saw him once since he got out. Why? Is he bothering you?”

If there was actual concern in her words, I would be more appreciative. “No, I was just wondering. When were you going to tell me about that? About him being out of jail?” There was always a chance he would get out, but to hear that it happened…

“Honestly? I wasn’t going to tell you. I know you never liked Steven, so I figured you wouldn’t want to know. My fault, I’m sorry.”

Rubbing the back of my neck, I glare at the ground.
Don’t start something you’ll regret, Jen.
Steven was put into jail a few weeks after Mo died. The images of that day hit me, and I try to push them away. It’s a recurring nightmare for me, the blood and screams that woke me up that night. It’s not something I’ll ever forget.

“Mom, you should have told me!” I snap at her. My frustration is overloading on me, and I take a deep breath, reining it in.

She sighs again. “Well, I’m sorry. Maybe if you called more often-“

“Stop!” I cut her off. “Look, I have to go. Be safe.” I hang up and place my phone back onto the counter. Then, I groan. I want to scream, throw things around and just be angry. Those texts are from Steven, and I know they won’t stop. Because he hates me. I’m the one who called the cops, who put him into jail.

And now, he wants me gone.

_*_*_*_

“I’m coming! Don’t freak out about it.” I look up from my book to see Jaclyn storming into the kitchen, a glare on her face. “I’ll be there in twenty minutes. Chill!”

Hayley, who’s sitting on the recliner, arches a brow in question. Shrugging, I have no idea what’s going on. “I’m done talking about this. Bye!” Jaclyn screams into her phone, and I wince. She groans before turning around, attempting to smile at us. “Hey. Sorry about that, but I gotta go.”

Setting my book aside, I stand up and walk over to her. “Is everything okay? You sounded a little angry.”

“Point out the obvious!” She snorts. Her manner softens as she pokes my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I’m fine, really. Just have to go do something. I’ll chat with you two later.” She winks and flies out the door.

“Is she always like that?” I ask Hayley.

Biting her lip, she shrugs. “Every now and then she’ll get a call. It never goes well from what I hear but she just plays it off. She leaves and doesn’t come back till after dinner.”

“I hope everything is okay. Wonder if that was her mom or something?”

“Not sure. Never seen them before, but they must be rich to take care of our rent.”

Huh. I sit back down but can’t get into my book. I’m constantly worried now. Will Steven text again? Or call? What if he shows up here, somehow finds out where I’m living? Anything is possible with that man. He has help everywhere.

Standing up, I ignore Hayley’s questioning stare and head into my room. I slip my feet into my pink flip flops before grabbing my basket of dirty laundry, something I’ve put off long enough, and I’m running out of clean clothes to wear. All I’ve got are my gray yoga pants and an old T-shirt of Mo’s. Soon after he died, all I did was wear his shirts and lay on his bed. When twins say they have a special connection, that’s us. We had that; sometimes it was freaky how we talked at the same time or what we liked and disliked.

I miss that connection all the time, and somehow, wearing his shirts helped. Just a little bit.

Trudging out of my room with my dirty clothes, I stop by the couch and grab my key. “Hey, I’ll see you later.”

Hayley nods, her interest stuck in the book she’s reading. She seemed reluctant when I told her to read
Hopeless
, but she hasn’t been able to put it down since. Though I can’t tell. That girl has a major poker face going on. I close the door behind me and head downstairs. The laundry room is in the basement, which is another set of steps. When I arrive, it’s empty and a little chilly. It feels good after a day stuck in 90 degree weather.

After I throw my clothes in, I take out my book from my bag and sit down, hoping I can read something now. A few minutes later though, I realize I’m stuck on the same page. “Come on, Jennifer. Cut it out. Nothing is going to happen.” I sigh and rub my face, massaging my temples as a headache creeps on.

I get up and walk around, stretching my legs. All the dryers are in the middle of the room, the washers up against the far wall. Behind me, where the chairs are, is a large corkboard full of papers and pictures. Deciding to look at them, I move some aside and read through each one, my boredom driving me crazy.

One paper catches my eye, and I unpin it. Work needed at the college library, it reads. No experience needed. Looks like a stacking job. I can do that. Smiling, my mind’s made up. It’s still open, and there’s no time like the present, right?

Two hours later and I’m standing in front of the library with fresh, clean clothes on. Hoisting my purse up my shoulder, I head inside. There are five levels, bookshelves going back for what seems like forever. Computers are on the ground floor, large desks ready for studying at. I have no idea where to go, so I head over to the main desk and wait.

A young woman pops up from nowhere, smiling like she just won the lottery. “Hello! I’m Claire. How can I help you?” She grins, waiting for me to answer. Her blue eyes are wide as she watches me. Her blonde hair is tied into a high pony-tail, no fly a ways and perfectly smooth.

“Uh, hi, I’m Jennifer. I saw this advertisement and was just wondering if you still need help here?”

She claps her hands. “Oh, yes we do! I’m glad you found it. We’ve been waiting for a few weeks, but no one came in. Well, except today. We have you, and another student came in too.”

I frown. “Oh, does that mean the position is taken?”

She giggles. “Silly! This place is huge! We need more than one person.”

Flushing, I shift in embarrassment. Of course, that makes sense. “Sorry. Just nervous I guess.” I
really
need this job.

She waves it away graciously. “It’s all good. Well, how soon can you start?”

I stare at her in shock before realizing that I need to say something.
Did I just get the job?
“When do you need me?”

“Tomorrow? It’s after we close. Just placing books back where they go and such.”

Smiling, I nod. “Sounds perfect to me. I’ll be here.”

“Good! I’ll see you then and we’ll talk more. I have to get back to the line of people over there.” She points to the people waiting impatiently.

“Alright, thanks! Bye.” I wave before turning around and leaving the building, smiling ear to ear. Finally, I have a job! Everything is coming together so well, even Steven can’t ruin this for me right now.

Waking up to cupboards slamming and curse words being thrown around brings me back to growing up. It surprises me so much that I instinctively cower under my blanket, expecting the door to burst open and an angry Steven to stumble in. Of course that doesn’t really happen, and after I calm down, I get out of bed and prepare for the day.

Twenty minutes later, I’m walking down the hall, frowning at Jaclyn, who is pacing in front of the couch and mumbling to herself. She’s still wearing her pajama shorts and tank top, her hair messy from sleep. “Morning.” I consciously leave out
good
, not wanting to make it worse. Whatever
it
is.

She grunts as she flops down onto the couch. I turn to Hayley, who is eating. “Is that my cereal?” I ask her.

She shrugs. “I don’t have any.”

I stare at her, deadpan. Then shaking my head, I reach up for my cocoa. I’m glad we have a stool, because being as short as I am, I can’t reach it without one. “What’s going on with her?” I quietly ask.

“She’s been like this all morning,” she says while crunching my cereal.

Wrinkling my nose, I start making my drink. “When did she get back last night?”

“I was asleep. So I don’t know.”

“I can hear you! If you’re going to talk about me, please do so to my face.” Jaclyn is now standing by the fridge, glaring at us.

Smiling sheepishly, I walk around her and sit down at the table. Taking a sip of cocoa, I nearly burn my tongue. Just how I like it. “Sorry, Jac. Hey, are you okay?” I regret asking when she lays that glare on me. It’s like she was born with lasers.

“I’m fine! Leave me alone and mind your own business!” she snaps before going to the door. “Bye.” We wince as she slams it shut behind her.

I turn to Hayley, and she whistles. “I’ve never seen her so angry.”

Great.
“I feel so bad for asking now,” I say guiltily.

She huffs. “She’ll get over it when she realizes she’s walking around in booty shorts with
consent is required
on her ass.”

I try hard not to - I really do - but I laugh anyways. Who wears those things? “You’re right. Poor girl.” I stand from the table and head down the hall and into my room. I grab my shoes and book bag before returning to the living room. “Okay, I better get going. You stay out of the way. I don’t want any casualties today.”

She snorts, her lips twitching with a hidden smile. “Good luck with that. I’m not the one who has calculus today.”

Touché.

“See ya!” I call out and close the door behind me. Another day of classes for me. When I reach the classroom, the same man from last time is outside, sweeping the floor. “Morning,” I greet him. He nods, his dark blue cap tilting down and covering his face. I squeeze past him and head over to my seat, ready for class to begin. The amount of excitement I have for working tonight is crazy, but I’m glad to do something. Even though I don’t pay rent, I have other expenses that are all on me.

Like it always has been.

_*_*_*_

“Jennifer, you’re so annoying.” I know Mo’s words aren’t mean, especially since he’s grinning.

I shove him in the shoulder, laughing as he falls off the porch steps. “No, you are!”

He rolls his eyes and flips his head to the side, effectively shifting his hair away from his eyes. “Okay, why am I annoying now?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. Why am I annoying?”

He scoffs. “That’s easy. You’re my sister.”

Chuckling, I shake my head. “Older sister,” I sigh.

This time he pushes me, and we both fall off the side, landing on the grass with thuds. “Ouch! What did you do that for?” I complain, glaring over at him.

“I didn’t do anything!”

“Yes you did! Move, you’re crushing me.” I push his shoulders, and he rolls off.

“Aw, sorry Jenny. I didn’t hurt you did I?” he asks. I know he’s really upset about me being hurt. He’s the younger sibling but acts like an older brother. 

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry. I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose.” Though Mom only recently married Steven, our house has changed. It’s changed us both. Nothing is the same anymore, and we both know it’ll stay like that for a long time.

He grabs my hand and squeezes tight. “I won’t hurt you. I promise.”

I believed him. Like I always do, until I couldn’t.

The sounds of chairs scraping against the floor jolt me back to reality. Looking around, I realize I missed the whole class and sigh in concern. I hope I didn’t miss anything vital. I haven’t thought of Mo this much in so long. The memory just appeared, and I was stuck inside it, unable to stop thinking about it.

“You didn’t miss much.” I turn to the side. A girl smiles at me, her brown eyes warm. “He basically just went over everything he talked about yesterday. Think someone is a little hungover.” She chuckles.

I smile in relief. “Good to hear. That it was a re-learn, not that he’s hungover.”

“Yep. I’m Kelly.”

I shake her hand. “Jennifer.”

I watch as she packs up her books and stands up. “I’ll see you next week?”

“Yes, I will be here. Nice to meet you!”

She smiles. “You too. Bye!”

I also pack up and head out to get some lunch before my next class. The whole time, I’m counting down the minutes for my first night of work.

_*_*_*_

Later that night, after I’ve studied, I head out to the library a little early. There are only a few people inside, hunching over their books and writing down notes. I sit at a table near the main desk and wait, tinkering with my phone.

“Sorry about that. Had to help find a book for someone,” Claire tiredly says.

Standing up, I push the chair back as I say, “No problem. I haven’t been here long.”

“Good. So my co-worker already explained everything to the guy you’ll be working with. Now it’s our turn.” She goes on to explain the pay and the hours of my shifts. I’ll be working with one other person. Only a day without him, so I hope he’s not a jerk. She teaches me how to stack books and where they go. Luckily I spent most of my time at the local library growing up, so it’s all easy to catch up on.

“Any questions?” she asks afterward.

“No, I’m good. Ready to get started.”

She laughs. “Good. Well, I’ll let you be then. I’ll see you tomorrow!”

After waving goodbye, I grab a cart of books and start putting them away. An hour later, my last book is gone from this cart, and I put it back into the storage room. That’s where I find him. My co-worker. “Hey, you must be the other stacker?”

He turns around with a smile. I haven’t seen him around campus before, but he screams
good guy
. He has unruly blonde hair that curls and bright blue eyes. I almost want to put him and Claire together, knowing they’ll look great next to each other. “Hey! Yeah, I’m Cole. You are?” He holds out his hand for a shake, and I grab it.

“Jennifer. Nice to meet you.”

He beams. “Ditto. So, ever work in a library before? I haven’t but seriously needed the job.”

Instantly liking him, I laugh. “No, never. Though I did spend a lot of time at the one near my house growing up.”

“Ah, a book nerd.” He chuckles with a shake of his head.

“Hey! Nothing wrong with that!” I fake indignation.

He holds up his hands in mock apology. “Oh, so sorry. No, you’re right. Nothing is wrong with that.”

Giggling, I grab another cart and start to leave. “I’ll see you around, Cole.”

“Oh, wait. We’re going the same way.” Patiently, I wait for him by the door. A few minutes later, he arrives. “So how are classes coming along?”

I shelve a book about Quantum Physics, glaring at it before answering. “Good. Nothing too difficult yet. You?”

He groans. “Oh, lucky you. The first day of art class, I had to write a report.”

I scoff out a laugh. “What? But it’s art! Aren’t you supposed to do, I don’t know, art stuff?”

He shakes his head at me. “I wish, but no. There are reports to write. High school sucked. We barely painted or drew. I would have even taken photography!”

“So sorry then. What are you writing about?”

“Non-Representational Art.”

I stare. “What?”

Smiling, he explains to me what that is. We talk for almost an hour about his art, as well as who he likes, dislikes and what he’s done himself. He’s an interesting person, and I hope we can be good friends.

“So, favorite movie. Go,” he orders.

“Pride and Prejudice.” He wrinkles his nose. “What? Nothing is wrong with the movie,” I defend my choice.

“It’s fine! Just… the movie? Why not the book?”

“Have you tried reading her work? No thanks, I’ll watch the movies.”

He nods. “Makes sense. I used Jane Austin for Dummies in school. Okay, favorite book then?”

“Too hard. I’ve read hundreds of books.”

“Of course you have. Okay, least favorite?”

“War and Peace,” I quip.

He coughs and turns to look at me with wide eyes. “You actually read War and Peace? Why would you do that?” he asks in shock.

Laughing, I throw my hair up into a messy bun. “I didn’t like the movie. Figured I’d like the book, but that’s not how it turned out.”

He’s still staring at me in shock so I hit his arm. He flinches, sending me a wounded look. “Ouch. Okay, point to you, but I take it away because you thought it would be better.”

Rolling my eyes, I put the last book on the shelf and help him with his. “Fine. Favorite movie? Book?”

He taps his chin, clearly thinking. “I’d have to say my favorite movie is… and don’t laugh at me,” he warns, “Marley and Me,” he whispers.

I can’t help it. I laugh. “What? The movie about a dog?”

He shifts and looks away. “Yes! It’s a good movie, don’t play.”

I peek over at him, and he blushes.
Oh my gosh. He’s adorable.
“Wait, I have a serious question. Did you cry?”

He walks away with his cart, not answering me. Laughing, I follow after him. “It’s okay if you did. I cried!” I call after him.

We talk the rest of the night, and when it comes time to lock up, I’m bone weary. I just want to sleep. As I’m grabbing my purse from behind the desk, he steps up to me. Behind the desk is the janitor emptying the trash can. He looks kind of familiar, and I wonder if he’s the only one around.

Cole leans against the desk and crosses his arms. He’s smiling again, and I notice how nice it is. “So I have another important question. And take your time answering.”

I arch my brow at him. “Okay, ask away,” I say.

“Will you,” he points at me, as if I don’t know who I am, “go out with me?”

To say this is surprising is an understatement. I take a second to think about it. I’ve just met him today, so I don’t know much about him. On the other hand, he’s a nice guy. He’s funny, sweet, and seems sincere in his intentions. Plus, I’m not taken; there's no boyfriend in the picture. But that becomes another question: do I want one? I’ve never had a boyfriend before; I’m not sure how it all works. If we get close, do I have to tell him about my past? If so, when? Maybe I’m thinking too hard.

So I smile. “Sure. I’d love to.”

A loud clatter draws our attention. The janitor is picking up trash, the bin on its side. It must have fallen. “Do you need some help?” I ask.

He shakes his head and waves his hand in reply. Frowning at him, I turn back to Cole, who is smiling. “Okay. So I’ll text you later, and we can figure something out.” We switch numbers and go our separate ways. I’m incredibly nervous, but I also feel excited.
I’m going to need the girls!
I walk back to the apartment and head up the stairs.

The second I open the door, I’m engulfed by a hug. “I’m so sorry I was a complete bitch to you! I just had a horrible night, and I took it out on you. Sorry, Jen.” Jaclyn looks nervous, as if I’ll be angry.

Instead, I chuckle. “It’s all good, Jac. I’m not mad at all. You’re forgiven. Hey, where is Hayley?” I ask just as she walks in. I laugh at her pajamas. She’s got long, red plaid shorts on, a tank top with Groucho on it and knee - high tube socks with different colors. Her curls are in a messy bun, tendrils falling down around her face. “You have the cutest pajamas.”

She blushes. “Ah, thanks. So what did you want?”

“Oh, yeah! I need to tell you guys something.” I dove in about the library and meeting Cole. Finally, I reveal his question, and Jaclyn squeals. Hayley smiles at me.

“You said yes, right?” Jaclyn asks. “Never mind, of course you said yes.”

Hayley shakes her head at Jaclyn’s antics. “Well?”

“Yes, I did, but that’s why I’m telling you this. I need advice.”

Jaclyn nods. “What do you need?”