Dare Me Forever (19 page)

“Remember how we
would watch TV right here while waiting for Luke to fall asleep?”
He raised his eyebrows suggestively.

I kept clicking through
our options so I wouldn’t have to answer. We decided to watch
another stupid action movie. I didn’t really care—I just wanted
not to think. Hunter patted the couch beside him. He was sitting on
one end, and I was near the other. I hesitated. It felt like too
much, too easy to misunderstand, but it would feel good to curl up in
someone’s arms right now and his were familiar.

I scooted over and
sidled up next to him. He put his arm around me and we continued to
watch the movie as I rested my head against his chest. He seemed
pretty into the movie, which was good, since I didn’t really want
anything too involved. I was tired from the week, from the stuff with
Ryan, my mother, everything.

I felt Hunter gently
rubbing my hair, and I realized with a start that I’d fallen
asleep.

“Hey Amy, you want to
go to bed?” I couldn’t tell if he meant me alone or together… I
decided I’d take it as me alone, because that is what I needed.

“Yeah, I’m gonna
hit the sack. I’ll call you tomorrow?”

“That’s not exactly
what I had in mind,” he said, putting his arms tighter around me.
My heart stirred at his interest but I couldn’t do it. It would be
so easy to lose myself in him, to have him follow me into my bedroom,
and get naked, and blast away any other thoughts. I wanted to do it
just so I didn’t need to think. But I knew I’d feel worse
tomorrow morning. I’d put myself out so fast for Ryan, and I
couldn’t handle doing the same thing again.

I gave him a kiss on
the lips, which he deepened by slowly gliding his tongue into my
mouth. It felt good, but I didn’t want it to get too far. I pulled
away. It just made me miss Ryan more.

“Not right now,” I
murmured.

“Why?”

“I just can’t right
now.”

He looked upset, but
was trying to gather himself. “Okay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
He got up from the couch and I followed him to the door. He hugged me
and then left.

I slowly shut the door.
Maybe I should give him a shot. He’d taken great care of me at the
bar, and was obviously trying hard to show me how much he’d
changed. We’d had some really special times when we were younger.
And he seemed so sincere about trying again. But I just didn’t
know. What I really needed was to go to bed. I hoped sleep would come
fast.

Amy

After the disastrous
dinner with Miranda, I hadn’t spoken to her once. Unfortunately
that streak had to end. First thing the next morning, the phone rang.
I picked up just to get it over with.

“Wasn’t dinner
fun?” she asked. Of course paying no attention to my almost
meltdown. I wonder if she’d even noticed.

I paused. I couldn’t
really answer that question honestly so I decided to bypass it all
together. Two could play at this game. “Have you seen Luke?”

“On no not yet. So
busy with the new business partnership. Wasn’t that Ryan delicious?
I don’t know why you ran out so fast. If I were your age, faced
with a man like that, broad shoulders, eyes like, well…” She
trailed off.

I had to interrupt her
and fast. I didn’t need her to go down the checklist of all of
Ryan’s good attributes. I knew them myself, intimately, and I was
trying very hard not to think of his sculpted body, his talented
hands, his… I zoned Miranda out, focusing on my own thoughts of
Ryan.

“Miranda, I have to
get going. I’ll be late to the store.”

“What store?”

Why do I even bother?
She can’t even remember that I opened a store. Sometimes I’m not
sure I’m related to this woman. She is so self-centered, it still
seems impossible to me that she could share any DNA with me, let
alone my sweetheart of a brother.

“So I hope all goes
well.” I was trying to be polite, but what I really wanted to do
was hang up on her.

“Amy, just one
minute. I’d love to have you and Luke to dinner. I will be back in
town for a while, John is completing a project in Colorado, but will
be visiting soon. So perhaps you two can spare some time? Friday.”
It wasn’t a question.

“Have you asked Luke?
I think he is really busy with classes. Let me know what he says and
we’ll figure out a time.” I sure hoped Luke was busy. In fact I’d
call and warn him before Miranda could get to him.

“Well okay, talk to
you soon.” She finally got the hint and let me off. I pressed end
and immediately dialed my brother.

“Luke,” I said when
he answered, “maybe you can come over this week? Bring Matt, or
that lucky new lady of yours? I miss you. And I can’t bear to see
Miranda this week. So you come up with an excuse when she calls
asking about having dinner on Friday.”

“Matt and I will be
there. How about tonight? And I’ll deal with Mom.” My brother
almost always refused to call her by her first name.

Sounded great to me.
We’d have another night in and watch dumb movies, and I wouldn’t
have to worry about putting anyone off. I needed time to think about
Hunter too, without being near him. This morning, I was feeling like
I should give him a chance. He was really changed from high school
and maybe it was time to let bygones be bygones. He’d apologized
for hurting me. What else did I expect from him?

I just wished there was
some way of foretelling my future. If I made a choice to try things
with Hunter, where would I end up? I knew if Ryan was still a
possibility I wouldn’t even be entertaining these thoughts. But he
wasn’t.

I wanted to chart my
course, to keep it safe, figure out my next move by thinking down the
line. I knew that wasn’t really possible, and was the opposite of
how my father had wanted me to live. He would want me to go with my
gut and challenge myself by not just using my brain, but by following
my heart. Daring to live with courage.

I got dressed as
quickly as possible, in a comfy cotton blouse that was white with
delicate blue flowers, and a pair of light skinny jeans. I wet my
bangs down since they were looking a bit wild from sleep. I must have
slept on my face, the way they were standing straight up. After
dabbing on a tiny bit of lip gloss, some peach blush and mascara, I
was ready to go.

I was so happy to have
the store. Between all the jobs I had to finish by the end of the
month, keeping up with ordering, helping customers who walked in, I’d
be plenty busy and wouldn’t have time to obsess about all this
mess. I wouldn’t have time to think, which was nice, since thinking
obviously wasn’t getting me anywhere.

Ryan

I didn’t really want
to go to Jason’s game, but I shouldn’t renege after committing.
Plus, everything was such a bloody mess at work that I needed to get
out of there. I’d taken a run early in the morning, so I worked
till just past 8:00, and then drove over to the address Jason had
given me. I didn’t recognize it as one of my employees’ homes,
but presumably it was one of Jason’s mates.

Hopefully a few beers
and the game would take me away from ever present thoughts of Amy.
I’d tried to make her see sense. To at least try to make us work. I
wanted to yell at her. How could she not see sense? She was letting
something go that was incredibly rare.

I parked the car and
walked into the lobby to take the elevator up to the 10th floor. I
was already in a shit mood. When I got to the door, there was a
bouncer. Who in bloody hell’s flat was this anyway?

I told him that Jason
Evans had invited me and he opened the door. I couldn’t hide my
surprise when I saw what was inside. This was not some blokes getting
together, sitting around, shooting the shit, playing poker. This was
a blooming card house.

There were somewhere
between fifteen and twenty tables set up, men sitting around drinking
and placing bets. On the walls there were at least ten flat screen
TVs, all on some sport or another, muted so there wasn’t any sound.
Nobody spoke either. The only thing I heard was the swish of cards
shuffling and chips flying. I looked around, searching for Jason or
another familiar face, but the only person I recognized was Hunter.
He was sitting at the far table, frowning, his eyes narrowed in
concentration. I wish the man would pull out that kind of focus at
work. I walked over to say hello and shook his hand. It felt sweaty.
Knowing he had been Amy’s high school sweetheart, all I really
wanted to do was punch him hard. I’d gotten a reputation in
Brighton for being the one not to fuck with. I guess Hunter didn’t
get the memo. Fortunately, for him, I’d grown-up and could resist
the impulse.

“Hey, mate.”

“Hey,” he said
without looking up at me. “Didn’t know you’d be here.” There
was a sneer in his voice. What a nice lad.

“Jason invited me,”
I told him.

Hunter glanced up at
me. He looked sort of grey around the face. Bloody hell. How much did
he have on this bet?

He turned back toward
the table, not outright dismissing me, but nearly. I’d leave the
man to his game, find Jason, sit a few hands and be off. After the
past couple of days I’d had, this was not my scene. I spotted Jason
by the bar and strolled over to him. After saying hello, I got a
Scotch on the rocks and followed him back over to Hunter’s table
where some seats had opened.

Poker is my game. It’s
the one game where my background really helps. Having to read the
blokes on the street growing up, who was up for a fight, who was just
posturing, who was a scared tosser, years of deciding in an instant
where some boy stood, and playing out the best course of action in
five seconds, made reading these bullshitters around the table an
easy feat. If they talked too much, they probably had a bad hand. If
they dressed too neatly, they were probably conservative and only
played on great cards. A lot of bling, maybe more of a risk taker.

Some guy at the table
over next to us was getting a rub down from some hot masseuse, and
wouldn’t shut up. “Listen, here's the thing,” he said in a deep
smoker’s voice. “If you can't spot the sucker in the first half
hour at the table, then you
are
the sucker.” What a
wanker—were we in some fucking Rounders movie?

I hadn’t played in a
card house in years, and not ever in America. But I wasn’t worried.
I threw in a $5 chip when the dealer got to the table. Hunter was
sitting in the cutoff, one seat to the right of the dealer. Jason and
two other guys were at the table. I sat all the way down the table.
Hunter had the best seat--he could take advantage of being last in
each round.

When the dealer slid my
cards to me, I glanced down at them. Ten of Clubs and Eight of
Diamonds. It was a decent hand—if the flop was in my favor, it
could turn out to be spectacular. I watched Hunter as he looked down
at his cards. He was a seasoned gambler—I could tell that right
away. His face remained impassive: he must have learned to avoid all
of his tells years ago. But something about the gleam in his eye told
me he was feeling confident.

The two guys to my left
folded. I looked at Hunter whose face was still trained on his cards.
I wondered what he had. It was worth betting just to see how he
followed through. I raised $25. Jason and his mate next to him folded
as well.

I leaned back. So it
was the two of us. Somehow that felt entirely appropriate. Hunter
looked from the dealer to me and raised $100.

I leaned back in my
seat. He must have thought he could win the pot right there. Fat
chance. I wasn’t going to back down now. Or Hunter thought the flop
would give him a big advantage. Either way, I was in to go head to
head.

“$75,” I called.

The dealer drew the
chips into the middle, and took out the $4 house rake, dropping it in
the slot to his left. Then he spread the flop.

Queen of Clubs, Jack of
Spades, 9 of Clubs.

I quickly counted up
the chips in our stacks. I had $350 remaining and Hunter had $225.

“All in,” Hunter
said, a confident smile spreading across his face.

I kept my face
impassive as I slid in enough chips to call him. With an infuriating
smirk still on his face, Hunter flipped over his cars. The Jack of
Hearts and the Jack of Diamonds. It was a great hand—he had three
of a kind.

Unfortunately for
Hunter, it was not a better hand than mine.

I turned over my cards.
Hunter’s eyes skimmed over them. As his gaze jumped between his
hand and mine, his face slowly fell, the smile morphing into an ugly
scowl. All at once, the odds had switched to me. He had a three of a
kind, but I had a straight.

The pot was practically
mine. The cards could betray me by giving Hunter a full house, but
the odds were slim. Taking a sip of my scotch, I watched as the
dealer turned over the next set of cards. A Five and an Ace.

The pot was mine.

The dealer picked up
the two neat stacks of $100 with the five chips on top and pushed
them along with the rest of the pot to me. I didn’t stay to stack
them up, but put them in a rack and stood to leave. Once was enough.
I didn’t want to repeatedly beat my employees.

Hunter‘s face twisted
furiously. It was hardly a dent in his family’s pocket, but you
could tell for him it was a pissing match, not just about the money.
What a wanker.

“You just take our
money and don’t give us a chance to win it back,” he snarled.

I looked back at him.
He wanted me to stay and play another game but I didn’t want to
continue this pseudo fight. He could never win. He was a complete
ass, obviously addicted to the game, and I didn’t want to keep
beating him since there was no way I would play and pretend to lose.
He just wasn’t that good. I could smell the desperation reeking off
of him.