Dare To Love (26 page)

“Shush now, don’t cry,” she whispered against
my ear.

I started babbling in between my anguish and
she tried to calm me down. “Oh mother—wha—oh God—”

“What is that? I could not hear you.”

“I love Gwendolyn.”

My mother enclosed the space between us and
continued to caress my head. “Of course you do Tommy; I can see it
in your eyes when you look at her.”

“You can tell? Do you think she knows?”

“That, I don’t know, but I am praying she
does.”

“I’m gonna lose her.”

“No son, do not say that.”

“Gwendolyn will pick Jordan, I know she
will.”

“You know I love Jordan, he is my first son,
but he is just a little too over-confident sometimes. Gwendolyn is
yours, Tommy…she always was and no one will ever convince me
otherwise.”

“What does that mean ‘she is mine’?”

“What it means is that you have to be brave
in the next couple of hours. You have to have confidence in her
choice.”

“She won’t choose me, I know she won’t. I am
her best friend, that’s all I have ever been, she barely tolerates
me.”

I remember my mother laughing, a cute little
chuckle, “Sometimes girls like to hide their true feelings.
Gwendolyn likes you more than she is willing to expose.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Oh, I know so.”

I remembered looking into her green eyes and
not being very convinced. Three hours later, we were at Gisleham
and I had never been more nervous. The family greeted us, but I did
not see Gwendolyn anywhere. We were then escorted to the Earl of
Suffolkshire’s great library and stood in line from eldest to
youngest. I could not look up from fear of falling over. My eyes
remained on the ground until I saw her enter through the large
double doors. She appeared miserable and I wanted to soothe her
despair. She acknowledged my presence for just a second but when
she passed me completely my heart fell to the ground. When she
headed towards Jordan first, water swarmed my eyes and my throat
closed up. All sense of time stopped, I could only hear my heart
breaking….

I was just about to run back to Wilderbrand
when her voice came ringing loud and clear through the thick gel of
silence inside my head. “…Tommy,” was the only word I seem to
hear.

Then I pick Tommy…

After a long bit of stillness, my father
cleared his throat before saying, “Are you sure, Gwendolyn?”

“Yes.”

“This is for certain?” My mother asked
quickly eyeing Gwendolyn’s mother who already had her hand over her
mouth with surprise.

“Yes,” Gwendolyn said yet again.

I watched Jordan stand up straight from his
leisurely position. “You pick Tommy?”

Rolling her eyes, she looked away and softly
voiced, “Yes.”

I blinked back my shock and my heart could
calm down now; Gwendolyn picked me…Gwendolyn picked me?

I then watched Jordan amble over to
Gwendolyn’s side and reached for her shoulders intending on
embracing her.

“May I be the first one to welcome our new
sister into the family?” Jordan relinquished, locking eyes with
Gwendolyn.

She appeared mesmerized by his veneer; he
could always do that to a girl. He reached for her hand, but I
intercepted it, purposely intertwining her fingers through mine. I
stepped in front of her, obligated to protect her always, even from
my own brother, who I knew deep down had nothing but the best
intentions of receiving her into the family. He must have been
insulted, I later realized, groomed to be the chosen one, only to
find out unexpectedly, he was never in the race.

Jordan leaned back and then looked down at
me, but just barely. I was amazed that I was catching up to him in
height; I thought I’d never be as tall as my overshadowing brother.
I watched him cock his head to one side, surrendering, “…Allow me
to welcome her from afar then,” he grinned devilishly, patting me
on the back and bringing me in for a congratulatory hug. “The best
man won now, didn’t he Tommy?” He whispered at my ear, “Treat her
well and know that I will always envy you.”

Allowing the reality to sink in, I nodded my
head in agreement then eyed in the foreground my mother hugging
Gwendolyn’s mother long and hard. They seemed happy, jubilant, and
about to burst at the seams with organization.

I smiled down at Gwendolyn, but she did not
smile back at me. She had this blank look on her face when her
mother came over and yanked her daughter fast into her bosom.

“I know just the dress for you!” I heard her
say then felt the immediate grunts of best wishes and thereafter
was besieged by further congratulatory thumps on my back.

~~~~~

“I envy you too Thomas,” Devin stated shaking
his head at his friend’s recollection.

“Why?”

“When we get back to Britain, you will have
everything you have ever dreamed of.”

“Yes Devin, having a family is all I ever
dreamt of.”

“You belong with her Thomas and I will not
stand in your way of your happiness.”

Thomas gazed over at the ship hands about to
throw anchor. “That means a lot to me friend.”

Devin gazed down at the waves crashing
against the hull. “I wanted what was best for my sister; I wanted
to call you brother-in-law.”

“I know that Devin and for that I truly
apologize.”

“I realize now that you would have made
Katrina miserable, knowing your rightful place was with Gwendolyn,”
he stated, whisking around and leaning against the brim, his arms
across his chest. “Anyhow, I like her.”

Alarm bells went off in his head. “How much
do you like her?” Thomas inquired, turning around himself and
staring straight into his friend’s eyes.

“I know you asked me to freeze my attempt at
seducing her, but I did try, and before you take a swing at me
Thomas, just to let you know, she flat out refused my advances. The
chit was not even fazed by my charm, quite intimidating if you must
know.”

Thomas started laughing, “That’s my Gwendolyn
for you, unfazed by charisma.”

“Well, I am still wounded from that failed
effort, having never been turned down before, Gwendolyn is quite
rare. I would like to remain friends with her, with your
permission, of course.”

Thomas raised his eyebrow, “Friends?
Why?”

“I do not know exactly,” Devin expressed,
gazing down at the ground, “Just an unusual feeling I get when
conversing with her. I just want to be able to continue our
acquaintance.”

Thomas gazed out towards the harbor. He
trusted his male instincts and knew from past experience that Devin
would never betray him when it came to family. Devin was as
honorable as he was. “You will always be welcome in our home
Devin.”

“That means a lot to me Thomas and can I ask
you one more question?”

“Certainly.”

“Gwendolyn does not have a long lost sister
now does she?”

CHAPTER
TWENTY-FIVE

Watching the sunset beyond Le Havre, Thomas
walked towards the sheer and tried to fathom how Gwendolyn felt
when she thought he was dead. She said that she fell to the ground,
weeping in her lap; even Ralph confirmed that she had been
crying…did that mean she loved him? God, he wished he were certain
of her feelings for him, her physical manner compelling, yet
deceptive. After making love to her twice more that night, he had
never been more certain of a connection. How could Gwendolyn
display so much enthusiasm while being intimate with him and then
run away?

Thomas continued to walk the level and found
himself at the fo’c’s’le deck. Standing just under the foremast, he
looked out at the sunlight illuminating a triangle on the ocean’s
depths. Bits and pieces, he thought dejectedly. Gwendolyn had
always shown her consideration for him in bits and pieces: Three
times noted in the past had he felt her true feelings? Once, when
they took her father’s cruiser, secondly, on her fifteenth
birthday, and lastly on their wedding night.

It was a 20 ft single-masted vessel, he
recalled, the Earl of Suffolkshire’s boat owned two bunk cabin’s, a
small galley and saloon for playing cards or meeting captains in
and they went below deck towards her father’s saloon. They were
twelve that summer and Thomas will always remember it because
Gwendolyn was still two inches taller than he. Thomas hated being
small. Gwendolyn always encompassed this authoritative presence
when he had to be the one to look up to her. She intimidated the
heck out of him and Thomas was constantly trying to measure up to
her superiority.

Inside, Gwendolyn wanted to show him some
objects her father brought back from his recent voyage to China. He
remembered being in awe of one specific trophy: a paper fan, when
opened revealed a magnificent watercolor seascape of Whampoa Reach,
a deep-water anchorage where ships would lie idle as they waited
for the new season’s tea crop. Ivory objects such as vases, flower
boats, flower holders and decorated elephant tusks. Unique wonders
from the other side of the world, they thought, and marveled at
their intricacies…

~~~~~

“
Can you believe this ivory
is from an elephant tusk?” Gwendolyn asked, waiving the tube in
front of my face. “Have you ever seen anything more
beautiful?”

“No, I haven’t,” I said, continuing to be
amazed by the elaborate artwork on the carving; tiny buildings,
dwellings, trees, tiny little people, all up and down the
remarkable figurine.

“I wonder why father doesn’t bring any of
this home to show mother,” Gwendolyn supposed, fingering the flower
holder. “I only found out about it myself when hearing Nathaniel
comment to my father about the things he brought back from
China.”

“I thought you said your mother doesn’t come
on this boat.” “She never does, why?”

“Then what is that?” I asked, pointing to
what appeared to be a rather obvious corset hanging in a
closet.

Gwendolyn marched over to it and yanked it
off the coat rack. She wrapped it around her slender body and
waist. “I don’t know…maybe she does secretly. Maybe it is a secret
rendezvous for my parents.” She wondered again, pulling it away
from her waist and leaving it on top of a nearby bed. “Let’s go to
the galley. I think there is some sugar cane my father brought back
from South America.”

I followed Gwendolyn all over her father’s
boat that day; we were carefree, transposed, until we found
ourselves up deck to find nothing but green sea all around us. The
ropes had come loose and we drifted away from port. Gwendolyn
started to panic, which made matters worse. She had never been on a
boat before and she didn’t know the first thing about sailing. But
I did. Jordan, Philip and Andrew all showed me how to sail. Why,
I’ve known how to sail since I was five.

I immediately went into rescue mode. Running
around and unraveling the canvas, the sails caught wind and we
instantly launched forward. I grabbed onto the rigging and
maneuvered the mainsail and foresail to my advantage, gliding us
towards shore. I remembered gazing over at Gwendolyn, she was in a
huddled position and oh so frightened. But I was not the least bit
scared; I knew exactly what to do. I felt both brave and in
control, and when we reached the harbor and bumped into the pier,
Gwendolyn rushed over to me and hugged me so tight, I could barely
breathe. She wrapped her arms around my neck and cried in my
shoulder for the longest time. I had never seen her so grateful,
she made me feel so valiant that day, almost superhuman…

Thomas had never felt anything so powerful
subsequent to the day of her fifteenth birthday. He thought
Gwendolyn was going to introduce him to Joan, Baron Huxton’s
daughter. Joan was interested in him, but he was just curious. He
approached the squealing, giggling girls and was about to say
something to Joan when in the corner of his eye, he noticed
Gwendolyn tramping away with Barry Abernathy little by little after
her. His eyes surveyed the room, she was leaving alone? His heart
began to thump in his ears and he stood motionless, studying
Gwendolyn rapidly picking up the pace. Gwendolyn was heading
towards the horse stables, unaccompanied, with Barry briskly
following behind…

I reached the hangar door in a flash, halting
at the sight of Gwendolyn standing beside that bigheaded oaf, Barry
Abernathy. He was one of my brother’s friends, and I hated him
because he thought he was the best swordsman in London. But he was
not the best, Jordan was, and right away resentment entered my
veins.

And then he touched her. That bastard
actually touched Gwendolyn inappropriately? He was about to kiss
her and all hell broke loose inside my chest.

I lunged for him and tackled Barry on his
arse. His legs flew up over his head and I hit him with all my
might. How dare he think he could take what was mine…if anyone was
going to touch Gwendolyn improperly it was going to be me! I felt
her hands about my back, but I still kept on hitting him. Gwendolyn
was trying to pull me off of him and I hated her for interrupting.
I wanted to murder him. Destroy him for touching her. Obliterate
him for attempting to ruin her.