Authors: Katie McGarry
“Ask me for anything and I’ll do it. Trust me with something. I’ll prove to you I’m worth trusting.”
She assesses me: Nikes first, blue jeans, Reds T-shirt, then my face. “Will you take me into Louisville again?”
The nausea I fought all afternoon returns.
Anything but that. “Beth…”
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
340
“I won’t disappear again. I need you to
drop me off someplace and I swear I’ll be at the same exact spot you left me at the exact time you tell me to show. You’re asking me to trust you, well…you’re going to have to trust me first.”
It doesn’t seem fair, but fair went out the window the moment I touched her last night. It possibly went out the window the moment I accepted the dare at Taco Bell. “I did trust you.” My mouth shuts and everything inside me hardens. The words taste bitter on my
tongue. “I told you about my brother.”
Beth bites her lower lip. “It’s a secret?”
I nod. I really don’t want to discuss Mark.
Worry lines clutter her forehead. “Drunken admissions don’t equate to trust.”
I sigh heavily. She’s right. “Fine. I have a game two weeks from Saturday in Louisville, but you’re sitting through it. I’m not budging on that requirement. Take it or leave it.”
Beth’s face explodes into this radiant smile and her blue eyes shine like the sun. My
insides melt. This moment is special and I don’t want to let it go. I’m the one that put that look there. “Really?” she asks.
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
341
Do I want her to come to my game? Do I
want the opportunity for her to see that I’m more than some stupid jock? “Yes. Don’t play me, Beth.” Because I’m falling for you, more than I should, and if you betray me again, it will hurt like hell.
The smile fades and she solemnly answers,
“I won’t. When we go into Louisville, I just need an hour to myself.”
An hour. To do what? See Isaiah? I guess
she could. I only asked her to date me. She’d probably bolt if I said the word
relationship,
even though I have no interest in seeing
anyone else. I went too fast with her last night.
This time, I’ll go slow. “I’ll give you an hour alone in Louisville. Then we’re going on a real date, even if it kills us.”
Beth rejoins me on the steps. Her knee rests against mine and we lapse into silence.
Typically, silence with girls makes me
uncomfortable, but this one doesn’t bother me.
She doesn’t have anything to say. Neither do I.
I’m not ready to leave and it appears she’s not ready for me to go. Beth, out of anybody, would tell me what she really wanted or
thought.
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
342
She finally breaks the silence. “How do I take my name off the homecoming list? Does it require a two-thirds vote of the student
population or do I have to ask someone in the front office?”
Panic flickers through me. “Stay on the
court.”
“No. Way.”
“Do it with me. I’ll be right by your side the entire time.” Putting her on the court was my way of pissing her off, but now I want her on it—with me.
“That’s your world. Not mine.”
But it could be her world if she tried.
“Nothing will happen with homecoming for
another month. How about this—if I can find a way to completely wow you by then, you agree to stay on the court and if I can’t, then I’ll help you remove your name.”
Silence as she contemplates. “Are you
asking me to dare you to wow me?”
Even I see the irony. “Guess I am.”
“Should I remind you that you have a lousy track record with me in regards to dares?”
I sit up straighter. “I don’t lose.”
Scott knocks on the door and points at his
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
343
eyes then points at me. He leaves again.
Hell. “Did you come home drunk last night?”
The last time Scott and I talked, we were on good terms. Something’s changed.
“No, but you did leave this.” Beth flips her hair over her shoulder and reveals a red-and-blue spot on her neck. Everything within me wants to disintegrate and hide beneath the porch. I gave her a hickey. I haven’t done that to a girl since middle school.
“He hates me,” I say.
Beth laughs. “Something like that.”
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
344
I PUMP MY HANDS HARDER INTO HIS CHEST and ignore the world around me. My wrists hurt, but I must keep the heart going. I must.
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine,
thirty.
“Breathe!” I yell.
Lacy tilts the head back and blows into the mouth. The chest moves up, then back down.
Lacy begins to pull away.
“No, Lacy, check the vitals.” She puts her ear near the mouth and nose. I wait. She places her fingers against the artery in the neck. I wait again. Lacy shakes her head. Nothing.
“Your turn,” I tell her. I’m frightened that I won’t be able to give the heart enough pressure if I go another round. Lacy scrambles toward his chest and I slide my body near the head.
She counts out loud with each compression.
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
345
A long beeping noise comes from the
team next to us. “Flat line,” says Mr. Knox.
“Yes!” says Chris. “This is ours!”
Of our entire health class, it’s down to me and Lacy against the combo of Ryan and Chris.
With his hands clasped together, Ryan pumps his dummy’s chest.
“Breathe!” says Lacy.
I blow air into the mouth, check vitals, and freeze. With my fingers against the neck, I feel something. It’s faint, but there. Lacy gestures for me to pump, but I shake my head. Our
dummy—he’s alive!
The boys start compressions again and a
wretched noise blares from their machine. Mr.
Knox unplugs it. “You boys forgot to check vitals.”
Chris swears and Ryan falls onto his ass.
Suck it up, boys. Get used to losing.
Mr. Knox glances my way.
“Congratulations, Lacy and Beth. You’re the only two who kept your patient alive. Good call on the vitals, Beth.”
Good call on the vitals. Mr. Knox walks
away as if this isn’t the most amazing moment of my life. I did something. I saved a life. Well,
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
346
not really, but I saved the dummy. But I did something right. This unspeakable,
overwhelming sense of…I don’t know…I’ve
not experienced it before…this feeling
of…joy? Anyhow…it floods me. Every part of me.
I—Beth Risk—did something good.
Lacy points at Chris, then at Logan standing over his dead dummy. “We won.” In her sitting position she moves her shoulders in a crazy little dance. “We won. We won. We won.”
“Your girl is a sore winner.” Logan edges closer to us.
“It’s kinda hot though,” says Chris. “Now that you experienced the rush, are you going to take on more dares from us, baby?”
Lacy laughs. “I didn’t take the dare. Beth did.”
Logan and Chris nod at me in appreciation. I shrug in return. For the past week, we’ve been feeling each other out. Lacy talks to me. Ryan talks to me. Sometimes, I talk back. On
Monday, I caved to their brow-beating and began sitting with them at lunch. When Ryan’s feeling bold, he takes my hand. When I’m
feeling bolder, I hold his hand back.
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
347
At the mention of the dare, I fish a black marker out of my pack. Ryan’s last words
before we started CPR were that Lacy and I couldn’t hold out; that we were too weak to outlast the combination of him and Chris. I write the four most beautiful letters on my palm and turn it for Ryan to see:
can’t.
As he leans against the wall, that brilliant smile spreads across Ryan’s face and he shakes his head. Warm fuzzies race through my
bloodstream. I love that smile. Maybe a little too much.
“I’m not wowed,” I say to him. It’s been
four days since our agreement and Ryan’s done nothing to “wow” me.
His smile turns cocky and, I have to admit, I like that smile too. “I’ve got time.”
FROM THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE ISLAND,
Scott watches as I scoop another spoonful of Lucky Charms into my mouth. I talk through the crunches. “And then I felt a pulse and Lacy thought we should pump again and I shook my head no.”
“Then what happened?” asks Scott.
I feel like I’m going to burst out of my skin.
“We won. I mean, we saved the dummy and
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
348
Mr. Knox said I did good.” I did something right. I still can’t get over it.
“That’s fantastic. Isn’t it, Allison?”
It’s eight o’clock at night. Allison sits at the opposite end of the bar and doesn’t bother glancing up from the latest toy Scott bought her last week: an e-reader. “Fantastic,” she echoes in a voice that tells me she doesn’t actually think so.
Shoving another spoonful of cereal into my mouth keeps me from muttering my exact
thoughts. I should have waited to tell Scott the story over breakfast, when it’s just the two of us, but I was too excited.
“Is that what it’s like to be a nurse?” I ask Scott. “To feel all powerful and in control.”
And to have someone tell me that I did good?
My mind races with the possibilities. Maybe I could be a nurse. Blood doesn’t bother me.
Neither does puke. Too worked up to sit still, I drum my hands on the counter—I could really do this.
“You need to excel at science to be a nurse,”
says Allison in her bored voice. “And your grades on your last progress report suggest that might be a problem for you.”
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
349
My face reddens as if she slapped me. I
wish I could think of something wittier, but at times, the plain truth is good enough. “You really are a bitch.”
“Stop it, Elisabeth,” says Scott. “And
Allison, her grades are improving.”
Well, screw me, Scott reprimanded the
wench. Huh. Allison tears her eyes from the e-reader. I could bask in the glory of this moment, but I decided weeks ago that she’s not worth my time. I turn to Scott. Daydreaming is over. I have real problems. “I need black hair dye.”
“For what?” Scott asks.
Is he blind? I shake my hair and lower my head so he can see my roots.
My roots.
The blond pokes out from my jet-black hair like annoying rays of sun. I flip my hair back over my shoulder. “Will you buy me some?”
If I buy anything with the cash Isaiah gave me, Scott would be all over me like flies to crap. I’m not ready to tip my hand that I have cash. Besides, he’s always wanting to
do
something for me—now he can.
“No,” he says.
Um…did I misunderstand him? “No?”
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
350
“No.”
“I’m not going to be a blonde.”
“It’s who you are. Why do you have to
change something so beautiful?”
“So only blondes are beautiful?”
Scott closes his eyes. “I never said that.”
“Then buy me the dye.”
He reopens them and studies me during one of his patented long silences. “I’ll buy you something that will match your original hair color.”
“I don’t want to be blond.”
“Give me a good reason why not.”
“I prefer black.”
“Not good enough.”
I purposefully gawk at Allison. “I hate
blondes.”
“Still not good enough.”
I cross my arms over my chest and redirect my gaze to him. I can also do long silences.
“That’s it, Elisabeth? You want to have black hair. Just because. You have no reason. You want what you want.”
“Yeah.” I don’t like his tone or the way his blue eyes look right through me.
“When did you first dye it?” he asks.
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
351
“Eighth grade.” My instincts yell at me
to run.
“Why?”
My throat becomes tight and I glance away.
“Because.”
“Because why, Elisabeth?”
Because one of Mom’s boyfriends thought I was her in the middle of the night.
“Tell me.” Scott keeps staring right through me. “Tell me why you dyed your hair.”
Isaiah knows. I told him once when I was
too high to keep secrets. Mom’s boyfriend stumbled out of our only bedroom in the
middle of the night. He sat on the floor next to where I slept on the couch. He lifted my hand, kissed it, and called me my mother’s name. He smacked me when I screamed and he smacked me again when he realized I wasn’t my mother.
The memories rush forward and I can’t
shove them away. They need to go away. I
need someone to ground me. I need someone to erase the bad memories. I haven’t forgiven Isaiah yet for betraying me. I haven’t talked to him in weeks and I’m not sure I’m ready to.
Even if there wasn’t our recent past between us, I’m not sure that I’d want Isaiah. For some
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
352
reason, I crave someone else…and that
scares me, and being scared only gives power to the memories.
In my head, I can hear the bastard’s voice. I can feel the bastard’s touch. My fingers claw at my head.
Get out, get out, get out!
I stand so abruptly the stool wobbles, then crashes to the floor. “Fuck you, Scott. I’ll buy the dye myself.”
HC TITLE-AUTHOR
353
…and George looked at the girl
with new eyes. No—not with
new eyes, but maybe with eyes
he had possessed in another life.
With eyes that belonged not to
his head, but to his heart.
Her smile caressed him as if
her fingers had slid up his arm.
She constantly amazed him—a
human willingly befriending a
zombie. The opposite of him
somehow gave this horrifying
new life meaning. But what
really amazed George was that