Darius: Lord of Pleasures (24 page)

***

Valentine Windham had agreed to accompany Darius to the christening in exchange for Darius’s promise to attend the opening concert of the symphony season. Darius had updated his wardrobe, procured a rattle in the shape of a scepter for the baby, and ordered flowers sent ’round to the new mother.

All that remained was to call upon Lord William—as a courtesy—the day before the christening. A simple social call had never caused a grown man so much trepidation or so much dithering over his attire.

“Good afternoon, sir,” the butler said, handing Darius’s hat and cane off to a footman. “The Honorable Mr. Darius Lindsey?”

“Yes. If you’d take my card to Lord Longstreet?”

“Lord Longstreet is likely not at home.” The butler’s brow puckered as he led Darius into the library. “Shall I let Lady Longstreet know you’re here?”

“I don’t want to bother her,” Darius said. Calling on William was one thing; calling on Vivian just weeks after she’d given birth wasn’t as easy to explain.

“You’re sure?”

“I am.” Darius took a minute to glance around the parlor. The wainscoting was dark, the walls done in a forest green, the gilt kept to a minimum. A comfortable, masculine room with well-padded chairs—probably William’s preferred territory.

“If you’ll just wait a moment, sir.” The butler bowed slightly. “I’ll retrieve your hat and cane.”

“Certainly.” Darius nodded, not at all displeased to have a few minutes to study this little piece of Vivian’s world, and just perhaps, to hear the sound of a baby crying elsewhere in the house.

He heard the butler’s dry tones and a softer voice, the words indistinct. Without warning, the door opened, and Vivian stood there, her expression surprised. “Mr. Lindsey?”

“Viv—my lady.” He didn’t approach her, but he wanted to. God in heaven, he wanted to. “A pleasure to see you.” A pleasure and a towering relief, also the answer to myriad heartfelt prayers for the lady’s well-being.

“I didn’t know you’d come calling.” She took a few steps into the room, paused, and turned to close the door. “Dilquin suggested William might like me to read something besides Muriel’s diaries, but he neglected to mention we had a caller.”

God
bless
Dilquin.
“I thought a call the day before the christening might be courteous. I gather William is from home.”

“He’s… unavailable.” Vivian looked away, her expression bleak. “Would you like some tea?”

“Tea sounds good.” Bilge water would sound good, provided he could drink it in Vivian’s parlor, in Vivian’s company—though William’s situation sounded not good at all. Darius held his ground while Vivian went to signal a footman. His eyes traveled over her as discreetly as he could manage, silently cataloging the changes: Her figure was once more in evidence, but more lush. The waistline of her dress was raised, though Darius could tell her breasts were fuller, her hips a little rounder, her backside a touch more generous.

The sight of her made his mouth go dry, she was so lovely. There was a softness about her, a maturity that made what had been pretty before beautiful now—despite the fatigue he could see in her eyes, and in the way she moved a little carefully to the sofa and took a seat.

She raised her gaze to his. “Will you join me?”

He could not tell if he was supposed to be Darius or Mr. Lindsey today, but he accepted the invitation and sat beside her, leaning close enough for a little whiff of her scent. “The baby is well?”

The exact right question to ask a new mother, and the answer a new father very much needed to know.

Vivian smiled broadly. “Healthy as a little piglet. He’s perfect, Darius. Just… perfect, and when he smiles, it’s impossible to believe there’s misery or strife anywhere in God’s creation.”

“You’re smitten with your own offspring,” Darius accused, returning her smile. “He’s keeping you up nights, I’d guess.”

“He’s growing.” Vivian smoothed a hand down her skirts, and Darius was pleased to note that with him, she did not blush. “Growing boys need sustenance.”

“You’re not using a wet nurse?”

“My mother didn’t endorse it, and neither does Angela, and all four of hers are thriving. I don’t want to hand my son off to a stranger, not until I have to.”

Our
son
, Darius mentally corrected her, though he hadn’t the right. “What does that mean?”

“‘Boys go into men’s hands,’” she quoted, “though I have a few years before that happens.”

She had those years, while Darius did not, and yet he didn’t begrudge them to her—exactly. “I’m glad you’re not using a wet nurse. If nature is any guide, it’s a peculiar practice at best, but is there something you’re not telling me, Vivvie?”

She was saved from answering by the arrival of the tea service, which gave Darius further opportunity to study her. There was an agitated quality to her, in her movements, around her eyes and mouth. He’d seen Vivian in many moods, from uncertain to angry to passionate, but she’d always had a quality of self-possession.

She passed him his tea, prepared with both cream and sugar, and Darius watched while she poured her own.

“You’re tired, Vivvie,” he said, “and maybe a little frayed around the edges from the birth and delivery. Was it very bad?”

“Bad?” She set the teapot down but kept her fingers wrapped around the handle, as if a little porcelain pot might steady her.

“I thought of you.” He set his teacup aside and saw his hand was reaching forward to rub a slow circle on her shoulder. She looked in want of cuddling to him, in want of comfort. “I thought of you constantly. Childbirth is legendarily uncomfortable. That you suffered… I would wish it otherwise.”

Was he the only man in all creation who would have borne a child to spare the mother her travail?

“I have a healthy son.” She spoke as if reciting from a copybook. “William has his heir, and it was worth it. Angela said her first took twice as long as little Will did.”

“You’ve named him William? The quintessential good English name. I like it.”

“Wilhelm, actually.” She turned a faint smile on him. Had she wondered what he’d think of the name? “Wilhelm Fordham Longstreet, after William’s grandmother, Wilhelmina, who came over with the court of German George.”

Darius’s smile faded, though he didn’t drop his hand, because Vivian wasn’t protesting the contact. “Interesting middle name. Your idea?”

“William’s.” Vivian slanted a puzzled look at him over her shoulder. “He chose the names, and I like them. Your brother’s eldest is named Ford, isn’t he?”

“Fordham. After his uncle, Darius Fordham Lindsey.”

“Oh.”

She looked so completely nonplussed, Darius put aside the burning need to meet Vivian’s son—his son, too, in a sense—and cast around for something, anything, to keep the conversational shuttlecock aloft. “Have you hired a nurse yet?”

“I’m borrowing one from Angela,” Vivian said, looking relieved at the change in topic. “She’s here only during the daylight hours, and a baby requires care ’round the clock.”

“Vivvie, I know how this works, because I’ve been through it before. You want to be a good mother, and I know you are, but that means you’re reluctant to let anybody, save perhaps your sister, deal with the child at all. Because you’re not using a wet nurse, you must be up and down all night with him, and then you’re trying to run William’s household by day as well. This is how women end up with nervous exhaustion.”

“You know too much.” Vivian hunched forward, but she didn’t shrug off his hand, so he continued to rub her back. “Angela scolds me similarly though.”

“She isn’t scolding. She’s trying to look after you.”

Vivian scowled at him over her shoulder. “You shouldn’t be doing that.” Now she aimed a look at his hand where it rested on her shoulder.

“I’ll bargain with you. You nap at least in the afternoon when the child naps, and I’ll leave off dunning you.” Though of course, he had nothing to bargain with and wouldn’t be on the premises to dun her—or rub her back or cuddle her or anything.

The current of bleakness common to all their dealings widened, threatening to engulf even his joy in being with her.

Until Vivian gave up a sigh, a tired sigh to Darius’s ears. “I could. I could go to sleep right now, in fact.”

“Is the baby asleep?”

“I hope so. You say John’s mother went through this?”

“I had to practically move her bed into the nursery. She never really recovered from the childbirth, and she was terrified the child would not thrive.”

Vivian nodded. “I can understand being terrified.”

“For God’s sake, Vivian, you’ve said the baby is healthy and growing, the delivery was uncomplicated, and you’ve got at least a day nurse.” Darius sat forward to slide his arm around her waist. “You’re a good mother, I’d stake my life on that, and all you need is a little more rest.”

“I do.” She let her head rest on his shoulder, and Darius rejoiced to offer her even that passing comfort. William should be doing this for her, restoring her spirits, assuring her of her competence, but he was likely too involved with the opening of the fall parliamentary session, or maybe too damned dignified.

“Will I see you tomorrow?” Darius asked.

“Of course, though I doubt William will attend.”

“Not attend the christening of his heir?” Darius shifted to consider Vivian more closely. The tension underlying her fatigue was William’s doing, Darius would bet his horse on it. “He’s unwell, then?”

Vivian nodded, so Darius waited, hoping she’d elaborate.

“Under the weather,” was all she said. “He caught a cold this winter at Longchamps and struggled to throw it off for most of the spring. He’s lost ground, Darius, and lately he’s very weak.”

“I was afraid he’d give up when the child arrived. It appears that’s the case.” The irony of it, that Darius should have spent years wishing his own father into the ground, and now grieve William Longstreet’s imminent passing, was not lost on him.

“Give up?” Vivian lifted her cheek from his shoulder to regard him. “I could just… I’m not ready for him to leave me alone with this baby to raise, a huge estate to see to, several other properties. The title is old, Darius, and the properties are many and complicated, and then too, William had investments, and I don’t know his man of business, and the solicitors are almost as old as William. I hardly know how to go on now as things stand, and if William dies…”

“When he dies”—Darius stroked her hair, hating the anxiety riding her so hard—“he’ll have made generous provision for you in his will.”

“He told you this?”

“He hasn’t discussed it with me, no, but the man wasn’t going to put you up to providing him an heir then ignore the magnitude of your sacrifice, Vivian.”

“Sacrifice?” She snorted and got up to pace. “I should just ask him, I know that, and he’d tell me, but it seems so… callous, like something Portia would do.”

“Portia Springer?” Darius rose too. “Not somebody whose company I’d seek. Come here, Vivian, and let me hold you a moment, and then I’ll be on my way. It doesn’t do for me to be closeted with you here for more than a few minutes, and you need to be napping in any case.”

And didn’t he just sound like the soul of avuncular wisdom, when what he wanted was to stand guard at her bedroom door, ensuring she wasn’t disturbed until she damned well caught up on her rest.

He held her, the way he’d held John’s mother when she was so tired and worn and bewildered as a new mother. The way he’d wished somebody had held him on more than one occasion.

“I’ll wish you good day, then,” Vivian murmured, though she remained quiet against him. Her shape was different than it had been over the summer. To Darius, it was wonderful in a whole new way. Still Vivvie, but even better, even more holdable, and worth cherishing.

“Walk me to the door, Vivvie,” Darius said, dropping his arms. “Then go upstairs and take a damned nap. You’ll feel worlds better, and the nurse will summon you if Will gets fretful.”

Will,
his
son
, named Wilhelm
Fordham
. Decent of Lord Longstreet to do that, beyond decent.

Vivian paused before they left the library. “I’m glad you came. More glad than you know. If the baby hadn’t just gotten to sleep—”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Darius assured her. He’d see her tonight in his dreams too, of course. “You’ll rest now. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Vivian tried for a smile, but it was a shy effort.

Darius kissed her cheek, only her cheek. “Get as much rest between then and now as you can.”

She leaned in, her forehead on his chest as if she were drawing strength, then straightened and took his proffered arm. Dilquin met them at the door, handing Darius his cane and hat.

Darius eyed the older fellow. “I’m telling your butler you’ve promised to nap. I will trust his discretion to see you keep your word.”

“The housekeeper and Mrs. Ventnor’s nursery maid will abet me in this cause, sir,” the butler volunteered. “Her ladyship will look in the pink tomorrow when she takes the baron about for the first time.”

The baron. Darius’s son already had a courtesy title and was going to sit in the Lords one day. It boggled the mind of a plain mister, it did, but Darius found himself smiling as he walked back to his rooms.

He could afford better now. Wilton’s death not a month past had released some funds in trust, and Averett Hill was turning a steady profit. Then too, all the jewels Darius had been given—had
earned
—were of good quality and had been sold so the funds could be invested along with the final installment William had provided. All in all, Darius was well on his way to thriving financial health.

So he considered where a man ought to move, if he wanted quarters suitable for the occasional visit from his one and only… godson.

“You are as nervous as a bridegroom,” Valentine Windham said. “Hold still, or you’ll be looking as tumbled as one.”

“Men are not tumbled,” Darius retorted, but he raised his chin so Val could retie the knot in Darius’s cravat. “Nothing elaborate, if you please. This is a sober occasion.”

“You’re not the kind to show it when you fret.” Val finished with the knot, then moved on to reposition the boutonniere gracing Darius’s lapel. “What has you so nervous?”

Darius remained silent until Val had stepped back.

“This will sound… peculiar, but I feel as if I’m the one being christened.” Darius surveyed himself in the mirror, finding a sober, reasonably good-looking fellow staring back at him. If Valentine thought that fellow daft, so be it. “This is the first thing I’ve done to participate in the proper rituals of Polite Society for many years. Maybe since I was a lad squirming in church. It matters to me.”

They took his traveling coach—the only conveyance Darius owned with pretensions to elegance—and all the way to St. George’s, Darius pondered the pleasures of a life where he was free to act on the things that mattered to him.

This morning mattered a great deal.

He would see Vivian again.

And he would meet his godson.

His only child.

His and Vivian’s child.

A feeling not unlike anxiety welled, but Darius considered it as they approached the church. Upon examination, worry was only part of the sentiment. The day was pretty, the air crisp, the sun warm. Not too cold a day for his son to be out greeting society. He spied Vivian holding the baby at the church door, her sister and likely her sister’s husband at her elbow. When Vivian smiled at him, arms around their child, Darius put a name to what he was experiencing.

Joy.

Simple, uncomplicated joy, to be here this day, celebrating this event, particularly with this woman.

And more than joy, love.

He loved Vivian, loved her courage and integrity, her humor and passion, and loved her all the more because she would bring those qualities to being the mother of his child. He loved the child, sight unseen, loved the goodness inherent in all new life, the hope and potential.

He loved his own life, he reflected in some wonder as he made his way through the crowd gathered in anticipation of the service. There were regrets, of course, many and considerable, but right now, the gratitude far outweighed the sorrows.

“Lady Longstreet.” There in front of half the titles in London, he leaned in and kissed her cheek. She beamed up at him, because such behavior was permitted on this most special occasion.

“Mr. Lindsey,” Vivian replied, and while she still looked fatigued, she also looked happy. “May I do the introductions?” She did the pretty for her sister and Mr. Ventnor. Darius greeted the sister, a more matronly version of Vivian, and as for the brother-in-law, Ventnor was a handsome, dapper, dark-haired man in his prime, just a couple of inches shorter than Darius. His eyes were shrewd, but his manner was friendly enough.

“And will you introduce me to the young man in your arms?”

Vivian glanced down at the baby then up at Darius, her expression full of emotions shifting too quickly for him to read.

“I’ll do better than that,” she said, tucking up the child’s receiving blankets. “He’s a right little porker, in Dilquin’s estimation, so you can relieve me of the burden of his weight. Darius Lindsey, may I make known to you Baron Longchamps, Master Wilhelm Fordham Zacharias Josef Longstreet.” She passed the child to Darius, who received the little burden as carefully as he would the most precious of gifts.

Darius blinked down at the child, who was gurgling happily in his arms. He snugged the blankets around that cherubic little face and resisted mightily the urge to hug the infant in a crushing embrace. When he looked up, he saw Val Windham grinning at him from across the church’s front terrace, and the sight was bracing.

“Greetings,” Darius addressed the baby.
Welcome
to
life. I’m your father, and the luckiest, most blessed man alive.
He cleared his throat and tried again. “You look to be in good spirits today, my lord.”

The baby caught Darius’s nose in a little mitt, and while the other adults babbled on about God knew what, Darius stood there, falling in love and loving it.

Which, before such a crowd, would not do.

“He’s strong,” Darius said while Vivian reached over and removed the baby’s hand.

“He’s a little beast,” Mrs. Ventnor agreed. “Viv spoils him terribly, but if we’re not to while away the day on these steps, we’d best put the baron in his christening gown.”

“We’ll be along shortly,” Ventnor promised. “Mind you don’t rile the boy, as it will be a long day for him.”

Mrs. Ventnor took the baby from Darius, and it was all he could do not to knock her aside and clutch the child to his chest. “Come, Viv,” Mrs. Ventnor said. “We’ll explain to the guest of honor he’s not to cast his accounts all over Mr. Lindsey’s lovely attire.”

The women moved off, while Darius wondered how much of being a parent to Wilhelm Fordham was going to be about partings—from the boy, from his mother, from dreams and other possibilities.

For the service, Will was a little saint, going to sleep in his father’s arms, the trust of such a thing being enough to fell Darius all over with its sweetness and gravity. Mrs. Ventnor had to nudge Darius to say his little parts, so fascinated was he by the baby he held. Vivvie had been right; the child was perfect.

Perfect, healthy, adorable, and asleep.

And so small. When it was over, Mrs. Ventnor excused herself to find her husband and sister, leaving Darius, lucky, lucky Darius, holding the baby.

“Makes a fellow pause,” Val Windham said, peering down at the child. “To think you and I were once that small, that vulnerable.”

“That innocent,” Darius said. “That precious.”

“I’m still precious,” Val said, looking oddly sober. “To Their Graces, my siblings, their spouses and children, I’m precious to them, and they are to me.”

This child and his mother were precious to Darius, and if God were merciful, Darius would have a chance to be a meaningful, if minor, presence in his child’s life as well.

Precious. He could be a little precious to someone else, and even the idea was enough to make his chest hurt.

“Mr. Lindsey?” Angela Ventnor bustled up to him. “We’re off to host the breakfast for the nearest and dearest at our townhouse. If you would see Viv and the baron back to Longstreet House, Viv said she’d try to convince the baby to nap so she could spend a little time off her feet with friends and family.”

“I’d be happy to,” Darius said. “Lord Val, will you accompany us?”

Val gave him a fleeting look of puzzlement, but nodded. “You carry Himself. He’s been too good for too long, and there will be consequences.”

“Viv brought extra nappies for the baron,” Angela said, patting the baby’s blanket. “You two gentlemen must come along with her and put your appetites to the test. Mr. Ventnor has laid in sufficient provisions for a campaigning army.”

“It’s always my fault.” Ventnor smiled at his wife, a man in love ten years after speaking his vows. “Come along, my dear. Christenings work up an appetite.”

Such casual domesticity, and yet to hear it and know these people would be part of Will’s life was comforting. Darius lifted his gaze from the baby in his arms to see Val regarding him with a curious smile.

“Do not smirk at me, Windham. Go fetch my coach, and I’ll retrieve Vivvie.”

“Vivvie?” The smile turned into a grin, while Darius grimaced at his mistake.

“Her ladyship. We’ll meet you outside.”

Val peered down at the baby and back up at Darius, as if looking for resemblance. Darius bore the scrutiny, both dreading and hoping Val might see some.

“On second thought, give me the baron,” Val said. “He and I will be outside, charming the ladies. This does not mean you are to be inside doing likewise.”

“Go.” Darius said, parting with his son—that he should give the boy into Valentine’s keeping made it marginally less difficult. He spotted Vivian sitting at the back of the church. A nattily dressed middle-aged man was bent low, whispering in her ear, and Vivian’s expression was carefully blank.

A parliamentary crony of William’s, haranguing her over her husband’s absence, perhaps? But no, Vivian would handle that easily. This had to be her stepfather. Darius quickened his pace.

“Lady Longstreet?” He inserted himself beside her pew, causing the man bothering her to take a step back. “If you’re ready to go, the carriage and your son are waiting.”

“I don’t believe we’ve been introduced,” the other man said. “I consider my daughter’s welfare my concern, so all in her ambit are of interest to me.”

Vivian rose and handled the introductions, but Darius barely heard her words. She was pale, more pale than she’d been earlier in the morning, and a mask was over her features that spoke more to upset than fatigue.

“If you’ll excuse us, Mr. Ainsworthy.” Darius tucked Vivian’s hand over his arm. “Her ladyship is anxious to get the baron home.”

“Vivian.” Ainsworthy lifted her other hand and bowed over it, so each man had a grasp of one of her hands. “You will take my words to heart this time.”

The fool made it sound like a scold, which was reason enough for Darius to loathe him.

“Thurgood. My thanks for your felicitations.”

Darius led her away, though he could feel Ainsworthy’s stare boring into his back. “What an unfortunate example of a stepfather,” Darius remarked. “Is he always given to such melodrama?”

She ignored him, or hadn’t heard him. Unease crept across the warmth in Darius’s heart, an emotional cloud on an otherwise sunny morning. A superstitious man would have said somebody walked over his grave.

They collected the baby from Val, who elected to ride up with the coachy, and Darius situated mother and baby in his conveyance. He presumed on the day’s benevolence by taking a place beside Vivian on the forward-facing seat.

“I can take the baby, Vivvie, and you can close your eyes for a bit.”

Paternal of him, but William’s admonition to look after mother and child rang in Darius’s ears. He’d take care of them, he’d love them, and when the coach got to Longstreet House, he’d somehow find a way to say good-bye to them too.

“Darius—” Vivian turned her face into his shoulder.

He didn’t think. He wrapped an arm around her, the only comfort he had to offer. “Don’t cry, Vivvie. The day has been trying, I know, but we’ll get you off your feet…”

She was shaking her head from side to side, and to Darius she didn’t look like she was holding the baby so much as clutching the infant to her chest. Alarm threatened his composure, but he kept his voice steady. “Vivvie, talk to me. Tell me what’s amiss.”

“Thurgood. Thurgood recognized your coach. He knows I visited you last year, and he says you’re Will’s father. He says he
knows
you’re Will’s father, and, Darius, he’ll use that knowledge to take this baby from me.”

***

Childbirth was painful, but that pain was productive, bringing forth a precious new life. The suffering that engulfed Vivian in that comfortable traveling coach had no purpose and no end.

She cried while Darius held her, and then cried because he
was
holding her, the child tucked between them. Her tears were for William, for Darius, and for herself—most of them were for herself.

Darius passed her a handkerchief, one with his soothing, exotic scent. She let him take the child—perhaps the last time he’d hold his own son—and tried to sit up.

“I can hold you both, Vivvie.”

Vivvie. Nobody called her that, in just that caressing tone, except Darius.

“I’m sorry. I’m not typically lachrymose.” She would be apologizing for a lot before she got out of the coach.

“You are exhausted, William is dying, and your reptile of a former stepfather has overset you. Talk to me.”

How fierce he sounded. That fierceness had drawn her to him; it would let him hate her eventually. “I understand something now.”

He waited. He was ever patient with her.

“I understand how hard it was for you to turn away from me, to show me indifference and disdain because it was the only way you could protect me.” She glanced at the baby sleeping in the crook of Darius’s arm. “To protect the child.”

“Our child.” He spoke softly but not casually.

Vivian closed her eyes and inhaled Darius’s scent. The moment called for ruthlessness, not sentiment, and certainly not honest sentiments like Darius had just uttered.

“Thurgood has acquired literary aspirations. He is penning a tale about an aging lord’s young wife being taken advantage of by her husband and a dashing rake. He will share this tale with any number of publishers and scandal sheets. He is considering drafting a second version, about a young wife rescued by a noble old peer from a dire fate, only to play her husband false. When the truth of her selfish folly is revealed, all of Society condemns her, as well they should.”

She expected Darius to withdraw his arm. If anything, his hold became more secure. This suggested he had yet to grasp her point.

“Darius, William told me last night that his will is written such that whomever I marry in the first three months following William’s death will become Wilhelm’s guardian. If I fail to marry in that time, Able becomes the guardian by default. William is confident Able will not take the child from me, but I think—” She stopped.
This
was
Darius
. “I
fear
William underestimates the mischief Portia could wreak. She became quite close with Thurgood during her stay in London.”

A beat of quiet went by while the horses clip-clopped along. Vivian noticed they’d slowed to a sedate walk, indicating Darius had signaled the coachy at some point in her fit of the weeps.

“So you will permit Ainsworthy to choose your next husband, Vivian, is that it?”

Now his tone conveyed the detached consideration of a man who’d endured many beatings—all without flinching—while Vivian’s throat ached with more tears. The consequences Ainsworthy would bring down on them all if she married Darius were unthinkable, and yet Darius was the only man she could envision sharing her life with.