Authors: Stuart MacBride
Logan stood there for a minute, staring at the boxes and boxes from Polmont’s flat. Then down at the pile of hair straighteners, still in their original – fake – packaging. They were the kind that made a good Valentine’s Day present for a loved one, if you wanted to let them know you weren’t a tight-arsed skinflint…
‘Dildo?’
‘I don’t think this thing’s working.’ He slapped the radiator.
‘Fancy a cup of tea?’
Logan lowered the two mugs carefully down on top of a case of not-Grant’s Vodka. Then pulled out the evidence bags he’d wedged under his arms.
Dildo pulled a face. ‘What, did you fly to India and pick the tea leaves yourself? I’m freezing here.’
‘Don’t moan. Couldn’t find the milk.’ Which was a lie. What he’d had difficulty locating were the items confiscated from Angus Black when he’d been picked up. The IB had
signed them back into evidence after checking for fingerprints and PC Sniffles had promptly filed them in the wrong place.
Logan stuck the evidence bag on one of the shelves. ‘Did you get anything out of our friend the used car salesman, by the way?’
Blank look. ‘Remind me?’
‘Kevin Middleton, got a dealership out by Kirkton of Skene?’
‘Oh, yeah: Sicknote paid him a visit yesterday. Impounded one cut-and-shunt, a pair of “unsafe for road use”, and three clocked four-by-fours. Result.’
‘Speaking of results…’ Logan held up the evidence bag with the hair straighteners in it. ‘These look fake to you too?’
Dildo groaned. ‘Have I not got
enough
to do with all this stuff?’
‘Humour me.’
‘Tea.’ He helped himself to a mug, wrapping his gloved hands around it, shrouding his face in steam. Getting condensation in his goatee beard. ‘Open the box and check the grub screws on the handle. If they’re hexagonal heads, the thing’s real.’
Logan did, getting Amido black fingerprint powder all over his hands. ‘Phillips screwdriver.’
‘Fake.’
They went through the same process with the rest of Angus Black’s merchandise – Dildo drinking his tea and straddling the radiator, calling out instructions and occasionally asking to see something. Everything was counterfeit.
‘Perfect.’ Logan smiled and downed the rest of his lukewarm tea. ‘I’ve got to get back to the station, you be OK here?’
‘In the cold? On my own? You ungrateful sod.’
‘And you won’t need a lift back, will you? I mean, you’ll have to get the Shop Cop van down here to cart all this stuff away when you’re finished, right?’
Dildo stared at him. ‘You’re a rotten bastard, McRae, I ever tell you that?’
Logan scooped everything back into their respective evidence bags and hurried off. ‘Thanks, Dildo.’
He weaved his way through the stacks of seized items with Dildo’s parting shot echoing around him.
‘A rotten bastard!’
Logan barged through the door and clunked it shut behind him, finding himself in a little airlock festooned with posters for local bands he’d never heard of, the doormat soggy with melted snow. He stomped his feet, adding to the mush, then pushed through into the pub proper.
The Tilted Wig was once the exclusive drinking hole of lawyers and their assistants from the Sheriff Court across the road, but ever since the High Court had taken over the old Clydesdale Bank building on the corner of Marischal Street and Union Street – next door – the clientele had become a little less exclusive. Now they let anyone in.
Logan brushed the snow off his shoulders and scanned the faces. Just after twelve and one or two were making serious efforts to not see any more of the afternoon if they could possibly help it. Like Angus Black, sitting at a scuffed wooden table, basking in the glow of the one-armed bandit, a pint of heavy, and three empty shot glasses. He polished off a fourth and added it to the graveyard.
‘It didn’t go well then?’ Logan settled into the chair opposite.
Angus looked up, closed his eyes, and swore. ‘Have you not done enough damage?’ He took a bite out of his pint, then went back to staring at the table.
‘Nope.’ Logan dumped the evidence bag with the iPod Nanos in front of him. ‘Recognize these?’
‘Trial’s in six weeks. My brief says I’m looking at fourteen years. You believe that? For a little bit of H? Who’s it hurting?’ He went back to his pint. ‘Like living in Nazi Germany.’
Logan poked the bag. ‘You said you got these from your
Edinburgh friends: Gallagher and Yates. They tell you they were all fake?’
Angus swore some more, then let his head sink to the table. ‘Fucking hell…I need a drink.’ He went up to the bar and came back with what looked like three double whiskies in the same glass. ‘I’d get you one, but this is all your sodding fault.’
‘They really screwed you, didn’t they? Fake iPods, counterfeit money – irony is, if they’d given you fake heroin as well, you wouldn’t be looking at a fourteen stretch. Well, not unless you tried to sell it.’
‘Ha-bloody-ha.’ He took a big swallow of whisky, shuddered, then followed it with a mouthful of beer. ‘And I didn’t get the cash from them, thank you very much.’
Logan shifted in his seat. ‘You didn’t?’
‘That bastard who bought the car. Everyone’s always out to bloody screw you…’
‘The bloke who bought your car paid you in counterfeit cash?’ Logan picked up the bag of faux iPods, then put it down again, frowning. ‘Wasn’t a small place out by Westhill, was it? Middleton Family Motors?’
Angus sent more whisky south. ‘None of your business.’
‘It was, wasn’t it?’ Logan grinned. ‘That’s brilliant!’
‘Were you always a complete—’
‘You don’t get it, do you? Middleton paid you in dodgy notes, and
that’s
what you bought your drugs with. How chuffed are this Gallagher and Yates going to be when they find out your money’s fake?’
There was a pause, then the colour drained from Angus Black’s face. ‘Fuck.’ He stared at Logan, then banged his head off the table again. ‘Fucking…
fuck.
’
‘Want to have another think about turning them in, before they come looking for you?’
Logan stuffed Angus Black’s statement back in his pocket as PC Butler pulled up outside Middleton Family Motors. The used car lot was just as crowded as last time, even after Trading Standards had confiscated half a dozen illegal vehicles.
Butler raised an eyebrow. ‘You’re not thinking of trading in that crappy car of yours for something here, are you, Sarge? Only this lot looks like a good sneeze and the wheels’ll fall off.’
Logan climbed out. A layer of snow covered the bonnets, boots, and roofs, more thick white flecks drifting down from the gunmetal sky. It was cold enough to make his fingertips throb as he shuffled sideways between ‘B
ARGAIN OF THE MONTH
!!!’ and ‘
LOW MILEAGE SUPER-SAVER
!!!’, heading towards the main entrance.
The sound of a radio. A tractor grumbling in the distance, getting closer. A whurrrrrring noise somewhere on the forecourt, hidden amongst the vehicles.
Logan paused. ‘Hello? I’d like to buy a car.’
‘With you in just a tick…’ The voice was coming from behind a brown Toyota with a dented wing.
Logan inched his way through the cars, craning his neck
to get a better look. A man in grubby blue overalls was squatting by the Toyota’s back wheel, a portable air pump connected to the saggy tyre.
Logan pulled out his notebook and checked the details Angus had given him again. ‘Looking for a Volkswagen Golf, GTI, green if you’ve got it.’
‘You know, I think you’re in luck. I’ve…’ The man looked up and his voice trailed off. ‘Fuck.’ Middleton scrambled to his feet, eyes darting left and right, then he ran for it. Jinking between the jammed-in cars, making for the road.
Logan hurried sideways after him, then jerked to a sudden halt as his jacket pocket caught on a wing mirror. There was a tearing noise.
PC Butler was still over by the pool car, staring open mouthed.
‘Don’t just bloody stand there!’
She charged forward, then skidded, arms pinwheeling. Her head disappeared from view and the word ‘Shite!’ echoed out across the little car lot.
Logan yanked his pocket off of the wing mirror and struggled on.
Middleton had made it to the road and a dull blue MX5 – just like DI Steel’s, only older and with a huge ‘
ZOOM ZOOM
4
LESS
!!!’ cardboard star wedged between the dashboard and the rearview mirror.
He dug about in his trouser pocket, then clambered in behind the wheel. Threw the sales sign out into the street.
Logan vaulted the bonnet of a Ford Mondeo, heels scraping through the inch-deep layer of snow. He slithered down the other side just in time to hear Middleton cranking over the Mazda’s engine.
It spluttered a couple of times, then roared into life.
Butler had her extendible baton out, limping towards the car.
Logan crunched through a ridge of dirt-brown snow,
reaching for the driver’s door, but the tyres screeched, and the MX5 lurched forwards.
The back end shimmied from side to side, the little rear-wheel-drive sports car struggling for grip on the icy road.
PC Butler froze, eyes wide, as the car fishtailed towards her. She dived onto the bonnet of a Volvo estate, lifting her legs high as the Mazda clipped the front bumper. Crunch. Chips of coloured plastic went flying.
And then Middleton was past, accelerating around the corner, the back end kicking out again.
Logan ran out into the road. Swore.
Butler lay spread-eagled on the Volvo bonnet, breath turning the air above her white. ‘Jesus…’
The sound of squealing brakes. Then, BANG.
A horn, blaring.
Logan hurried over to PC Butler and helped her to her feet. ‘You OK?’
‘God, that was close…’
He lurched around the corner – Butler limping along behind him – and froze. The little sports car was wedged in at forty-five degrees between the grass verge and a drystane dyke; front end crumpled; the folding soft-top torn off, exposing its soft chewy centre. A huge tractor idled in the middle of the road, massive, mud-covered wheels sitting on the sports car’s missing roof.
The farmer clambered down from the cab, and stood, swearing at the deep scrape along the side of his tractor.
Middleton was slumped over the Mazda’s steering wheel. Dark-red seeped out onto the white deflated sack of his burst airbag.
PC Butler looked up from the Airwave handset pinned to her shoulder. ‘Control says the ambulance should be here in five or ten.’
Logan nodded and added milk to all three mugs of tea,
then lumped four sugars into the one on the end. As was traditional.
Kevin Middleton pulled the dripping towel off his face. ‘Told you, I don’t
need
an ambulance.’ The right side of his face was bright pink and swollen, and a tail of red-stained toilet paper stuck out of one nostril.
Logan handed him the hot, sweet tea. ‘You want more snow in the towel?’
‘I just want to go home.’ He sipped. Grimaced. ‘How much sugar did you put in this?’
‘Tell me about Angus Black.’
There was a pause. ‘Never heard of him.’ Middleton pressed the towel gently back against his face.
‘He’s the one who sold you the green Golf GTI sitting on your junkyard forecourt.’
‘So what? I buy lots of cars.’
Logan pulled out Angus Black’s statement. ‘He says you gave him six and a half grand for the car, in cash?’
‘Might’ve done.’
‘It was counterfeit, wasn’t it?’
Middleton huddled over his tea. ‘When’s that ambulance getting here?’
‘You went back to Douglas Walker’s house, didn’t you? You went back for more counterfeit money. What did you do, threaten him? Beat him up again?’
‘Think I might have that internal bleeding…’
‘Good.’ Butler scowled at him. ‘Nearly killed me with that bloody car.’
‘Wasn’t my fault: road was slippy.’ He took another sip of tea. ‘And I didn’t have anything to do with any dodgy notes.’
‘Then why’d you run?’
No answer.
Logan stood. ‘Soon as you’ve been checked out by the hospital I’m doing you for reckless driving, resisting arrest, and attempted murder.’
Tea went everywhere, in a sticky beige spray. ‘I didn’t—’
‘You drove straight at PC Butler. I saw you do it.’
‘It was slippy!’
‘You tried to run me over.’
Middleton slumped forwards in his seat. Shoulders rising and falling beneath the grubby boilersuit. ‘OK, OK. So I went to see Walker a couple of times, gave the cheeky wee fuck a smack.’
‘How much did he give you?’
Middleton shrugged. ‘Twenty grand. Said that was all he could take without anyone noticing.’
‘And where’s the rest of it?’
The garage owner’s eyes darted to the safe in the corner, then away again. ‘Spent it.’
Sigh. ‘Fine, I’ll get a warrant.’
Middleton just stared at his shoes.
‘It’s for you.’ PC Butler unfastened the Airwave handset and passed it over, keeping her other hand on the steering wheel as they followed the ambulance through the snow towards A&E. At least the blue flashing lights meant they were making decent time.
Logan turned the radio down, putting Whitney Houston out of everyone’s misery. ‘McRae.’
Detective Inspector Beardy Beattie’s bunged up voice boomed through the little speaker.
‘When’s the meeting?’
Logan looked at Butler, but she just shrugged.
‘Meeting?’
‘I’ve been trying to get you on your mobile all day, honestly it’s
—’
‘What meeting?’
‘You said you’d set something up with Trading Standards and HMRC. We’re supposed to be cracking down on those counterfeit goods.’
‘When did—’
‘Saturday morning! You said you’d do it. You stood there and told me you would.’
Logan watched the ambulance squeeze between a massive four-by-four and a bendy bus. ‘I’m kinda in the middle of something.’
‘I don’t believe this.’
The sound of someone scratching their beard crackled out of the handset.
‘No, you know what: I do. You don’t give a toss about doing what you’re told when it’s me, do you? If it’s Steel, or McPherson, oh
then
you’re all over it, but you think you can ignore me because we used to work together, don’t you?’
Logan clamped his hand over the mouthpiece. ‘How do I turn the volume down?’
Butler waved a finger at the Airwave handset. ‘Button on the left.’
He pressed it until Beattie’s rant wasn’t hammering out of the speaker loud enough for everyone to hear.
‘…
long enough. I’ve been patient with you, because of…you know…but that’s it. I’m making a formal complaint to the head of CID.’
‘Gordon, have you
seen
the news today? The
Examiner
outed Knox, what am I supposed to do?’
There was a pause. Then,
‘It’s not “Gordon” any more. It’s “Sir”, “Guv”, “Guv’nor”, “Inspector”, or “Boss”. Meeting,
today,
Sergeant.’
And then the bearded tosser hung up.
Logan turned up the radio again – getting the tail end of a news report about the protests outside Richard Knox’s house.
‘…
made a number of arrests, say the Newcastle-born rapist will be moved to a secure, undisclosed, location. Do you have an opinion about the demonstration? Maybe you were there? Then why not give us a call on 01224…’
Logan switched it off again.
Bloody Beattie. How was he supposed to get a meeting organized at that short notice? It was…He frowned – Butler was staring at him.
‘Eyes on the road, Constable.’
She fluttered her eyelashes a couple of times. ‘Trouble, Sarge?’
‘Do you think?’ He punched a mobile phone number into the Airwave handset. ‘Dildo? It’s Logan. I need another favour…’
Julie sits back in her seat and says, ‘Fuck.’
The TV’s on, but the sound’s turned off – the BBC News Channel playing them crowd scenes outside Knox’s house again.
Tony wanders over to the window of the room they’ve rented in the same hotel as that tit Danby. Place is nice enough, if you like tartan. He hauls up the net curtains, letting in the view: skeletal trees scratching at the grey sky, some sort of park sunken way below street level, a railway line, a dual carriageway, a bunch of granite buildings…Grey, grey, grey. Like no bugger ever invented colour.
Snowing again too.
‘Well?’ Neil’s lying on the double bed, feet dangling over the edge so Julie doesn’t shout at him for putting his shoes on the covers. ‘What’s the plan now, then?’
Tony sniffs. ‘Need to find out where they’re moving him to.’
Julie doesn’t even look up. ‘Sweetheart, where would we be without your lightning-sharp intelligence?’
‘Only saying.’
And it’s
razor
sharp, not lightning. But Tony’s lightning-sharp enough to keep his mouth shut.
Neil yawns. ‘We still going after Danby the night?’
‘I’d love to, Babe, but Danby’s useless without Knox.’ She frowns at the TV. ‘Supposed to pick them both up at the same time, can’t do that if we don’t know where Knox is.’
‘Maybe he’ll phone, like?’
Tony settles back on the windowsill. ‘Might not get the chance. They’ll be keeping him under the thumb till things calm down.’
‘Doesn’t stop us grabbing Danby, does it?’
Julie sighs. ‘If we grab Danby first they’ll know something’s up. Knox’ll be locked up tighter than a Scotsman’s wallet.’
A vacuum cleaner rumbles down the corridor outside, someone whistling along to a pop tune Tony almost recognizes as it goes by. On the TV the local plod bundle a quilt-covered figure into the back of a police van.
Julie pulls on a scuffed tan cowboy boot, the drug dealer’s blood all washed away. ‘OK, new plan: if we don’t hear from Knox, we just have to stick with Danby. Sooner or later he’s going to lead us right to him. Bish, bash, and indeed: bosh.’
Tony sticks up his hand. ‘Bags not first to trail Danby.’
Julie: ‘Second.’
Too slow off the mark, all Neil can do is lie there looking out at the snow. ‘Ah…fuck.’