Dark Future (19 page)

I nodded and watched him walk away.

About time I won something.
But there was a shaky feeling that had me folding my arms across my stomach—like I’d lost the only hope of ever being whole again.

Chapter Twenty-six

C
onRad was gone. Again. I tried not to notice, but my spine had an internal GPS where he was concerned, tingling whenever he was near.

It was late. An oak stump had been placed on the fire for the night. Almost everyone was curled in their bedrolls asleep, except the guard who was stationed by the tree line. I postponed turning in for the night. Night terrors stole my strength and had me quivering in the dark. But knowing that ConRad guarded my door gave me the courage to face them. Ironic really, since he was the cause of them in the first place, but it wasn’t something I wanted to examine too closely.

I looked up and noticed Quinn watching me, concern plain on her face. She was always checking on me, and insisting I get rest. She stood, brushed the dried leaves from her skirt and walked toward me. She lowered herself on the felled log beside me and straightened her legs toward the fire.

“They would’ve taken you anyway. After killing him for interfering.”

Her voice had been quiet, but my heart leapt just the same. I didn’t want to hear this. The calming aroma of burning wood and fresh pine had me bristling at the intrusion. I stared straight ahead, hoping if I ignored her she would take the hint and leave.

“He knew he was the only hope of getting you out of there alive. He resigned his post and went AWOL. No one’s ever dared to go AWOL before. If they catch him, they’ll hang him and his men. No trial, no leniency, just the death penalty. He’s lost everything, his career, his position in society. He’ll be an outlaw forever. Only the few men that you see here remain loyal to him. They left in order to help with the rescue mission.” She moved her feet back from the fire, giving her toes a reprieve from the heat.

I shot her a quick glance, stunned. “I thought the rescue mission was your idea.”

“It didn’t have to be. I knew he’d be coming after you.” Her one eyebrow arched slightly. “I just made it so he couldn’t leave me behind.”

“And how did
you
know he’d come?” My voice was caustic. How had she known when I didn’t? I was left in hell with no hope. If I had a small sliver of faith, then maybe I would have made it out with a tiny piece of myself intact.

“He’s leaving. For good.” Her hands rested lightly on her knees as she stared into the flames.

A black sickness rolled in my stomach at her words. He was leaving me? “When?”

“Soon.”

I nodded at her answer, but my palms were slick with cold sweat. I swallowed hard. The air was suddenly thin. I never thought he’d actually leave. Hate me—yes, never talk or touch me again—fine. But to abandon me?

I leaned over and picked up some roasted rabbit meat lying on a stone slab. Since my recovery, I’d been ravenous. One night I absently made the comment I preferred rabbit meat to squirrel. Afterwards there was an unlimited supply by the campfire.

I gestured toward the food. “ConRad?”

She smiled. “We think he almost eliminated the entire rabbit population in about two weeks.”

I nodded, not liking what the implications were. I tried to logically sort out my feelings. I tried to calm myself with the platitude that I’d be alright.

He’s leaving.

I shook my head. I’d never been afraid of being alone before, but a sticky, black sensation had me hunching over my stomach, arms wrapped around my middle.

I couldn’t deny the truth; it was too bold, too ugly. I never gave him a chance, never even let him speak. He told me in no uncertain terms if I used the microbiotics on Zimm, he’d no longer be able to protect me. But I’d made my choice regardless, thinking I could handle the consequences. And now I was alone. “If I asked, do you think he’d stay?”

Quinn didn’t answer. She didn’t have to. I could feel her censure. She thought . Sgn=I’d pushed him too far. Maybe I had.

I bit on a ragged thumbnail. Over the last week ConRad had avoided me even more than I had him. I needed a way to make sure he couldn’t ignore me when he got back.

I saw his bedroll across the fire. Apprehension rose in my stomach as an idea formed.
How weak did this make me?

I should just let him go. It was simpler.

Something deep inside tore at the thought. A silent scream vibrated against the walls of my gut. I rushed over and slipped between the blankets. I needed him just a bit longer. When I was stronger, I’d let him leave.

“What are you doing?” Quinn whispered furiously.

“I have no bloody idea.” Maybe this small gesture would be enough. Maybe I wouldn’t have to ask.

Quinn shook her head. “You’re playing with fire.”

I couldn’t help but agree. I just hoped I could survive another burn.

I rubbed my face into the cool cloth of the pillow and drew the covers up to my chin. I hadn’t expected to fall asleep, but the scent of him—musky, woodsy, male—calmed me, made me feel safe, taking me to a place where my dreams couldn’t follow.

A rough hand shook me awake. ConRad loomed above. Concern etched in his brow, the fire throwing gruesome shadows across his face. “Are you alright?”

A bit groggy, I had a hard time following his question. “Umm . . . yeah, I’m fine.”

“Good.”

He bent, took hold of the edge of his bedroll, and pulled . . . hard. I flew through the air and tumbled to the ground.

“Hey . . . ,” but before I could stand and brush myself off, he had his bed secured and pack on. “What are you doing?”

No answer. Typical. He turned and walked out of camp.

“Wait a minute. Dammit. Just stop for a second. We need to talk.” I tried to keep my voice down, but panic bordered the edges.

He ignored me, his form quickly being swallowed up by the night.

Did I have to chase him? Seriously? Crap. I didn’t chase well. And I was nervous. It was so damn
dark
out there.

I threw on my boots in record time and ran after him. “ConRad, please, I just want to talk.” Couldn’t he make this easy?

“I’m done talking.”

Breathless, I jogged after him. Damn, he moved fast, but I had to keep him in sight. “Okay, then I’ll talk.”

“You’ve said enough, thank you.”

Not good. “I think you took the whole ‘head on a platter’ comment wrong. I didn’t mean it literally, but more in a metaphysical, slash, artistic, slash, humorous way.”

He whipped around, glared, and took a few menacing steps in my direction. Dried leaves crunched underneath his booted feet. Then I took a few menacing steps . . . back.

“That—is exactly what I’m talking about. Everything’s a joke, a . . . what do you call it . . . sarcastic response. Nothing’s serious. This,” he gestured, pointing to me, then himself, “is not a joke. This is serious.”

I didn’t want to get into whatever was between us. I just wanted us to go back to camp, so I could fall asleep with the knowledge that he was there, watching me. But I was fast running out of options as he turned and stalked into the night.

“Alright, so I did mean it literally. But I take it back. Your head looks great, right where it is.” I was getting tired of running after him. Chasing sucks.

ConRad stopped; with a resigned sigh he dropped his pack and turned to face me. “Fine Kris, let’s talk.” His voice infused with steel. “Say what you need to say and be done with it, because, God only knows, there’ll be no peace until you do.”

He waited for my response, his eyes the most uninviting ice. My throat went dry—the sides st뀔t seuck together. My hand splayed against my collarbone. I was supposed to ask him something. Maybe this wasn’t the best time. “I just wanted to say . . . um”
Don’t leave
. “Umm . . . thanks for getting me out of there.”
Don’t leave.
“Out of prison, I mean.”
Don’t leave.
“And, well . . . I owe you one.”
Please. Don’t. Leave.

“Fine.” He turned, picked up his pack, and walked away.

I poured my heart out—kinda, sorta, in a roundabout way—and he was just going to walk away. “Fine? Fine! Is that all you have to say?”

“I’m not the one who wanted to talk,” his said, voice low, back toward me. “I don’t have anything else to say.”

Anger had me clenching my teeth. My fist knotted at my side. “Fine. Go ahead and go.” I turned to head back to camp, but true to form I had to have the last word. “Coward.”

As soon as the words rolled off my tongue, I regretted them. I sucked in a breath and readied myself to turn and apologize, but didn’t get the chance. ConRad was on me like fire to fuel. He grabbed my arm and swung me around so fast that my feet left the ground.

“What did you say? Did you call me a coward?” he roared, his face mere inches from mine, nostrils flared, eyes fiery blue.

I swallowed hard. Staring down the beast inside the man was never easy, but I’d grown some claws myself.

He grabbed both of my shoulders. “I went to Hell and back for you. I lost friends. Good men trying to get you. I sacrificed everything, my career, my freedom, my life, my . . . honor.” The words were spoken as if metal burrs shredded his tongue. “Now I’m sentenced to live like this . . . like a criminal.” He shook me so hard that I thought my neck would snap.

I shook my head, pleading. “I didn’t mean it. Please, I was stupid . . . angry.”

He talked over me as if I had said nothing. “Since the moment I saw you mere seconds from the alien’s claws, I’ve given everything I had to protect you. And at every turn . . . every sardonic turn,” he shook me again, “you’ve resisted me. I told you what to do with Zimmion. I
told
you there were consequences, but you didn’t listen. Instead you lied to me. You knowingly
lied
to me.ont>

The man of few words had hoarded them to hurl at me all at once.

“And you call
me
a coward.” He sneered, and a wicked laugh had the hairs on the back of my neck stiffen. “You’re the biggest coward I’ve ever met. You think I don’t know? You talk in your sleep. A lot. Why are you out here, Kris? What’s got you so scared that you’re willing to run to me?”

I couldn’t go there. Wouldn’t go there. “ConRad, I don’t know what you’re talking about? I just—”

“Oh no, you wanted to talk? Let’s talk, princess. What happened to you? And don’t tell me prison. You were screwed up before then. Having nightmares back at the compound. Screaming about blood on your hands. What happened?”

I wedged my hands against his chest. “Shh, don’t talk to me like that. I don’t—”

“I don’t. I won’t. I can’t. I am SO bloody sick of your whining. Talk to
me
about being a coward. You’re so damn scared; you’re a mess. What do you want, Kris?”

I shook my head and tried to break free.

“Where’s my mommy?” His voice rose in imitation of mine. “Do you know you screamed for your mommy over and over like some pathetic child? The men were nervous, thinking you’d lost your mind. The only way I could shut you up was to rock you on my lap and whisper calming nonsense in your ear.”

His words were like a slap, stunning and brutal.

“Liar! Liar!” I pounded his chest with my fists. He wouldn’t do that. I’d never let him, never need him like that.

He ignored my blows, invaded my space, and shoved his face in front of mine. “Oh, I’m a liar now, huh? I’ve been nothing but honest with you, but you’ve lied to me from our very first meeting. About who sent you here, about Zimmion, about how you feel. About knowing more about The Prophesy than you’ve let on.”

I was scared now. Real fear had invaded the fluid around my spine—owning me with its power. “I don’t know how I feel.”

He laughed, white incisors flashed. “You’re such a liar, Kris. a ls" heighYou’ve lied to yourself for so long you don’t even know what’s true. Guess what? It’s truth time.” His voice was rough, boarding on ugly. “
What happened to you?
”

I whipped my head back and forth. “ConRad, please! Shh.”

Tears burned, I blinked them back. I needed a different tactic. Reaching up to his face I pulled his mouth to mine. The kiss was bruising. I couldn’t tell who was doing the punishing, me or him.

He jerked his head back. Eyes threw shards of ice. “Oh no. I’m not going to let you push this away with sex—let you cower from your fears. You want to screw so hard so fast that you can forget. Well, I’m sick of this game, sick of you pushing me away. We’re having it out here and now. What happened to your mother?”

“Shut up!”

“You think I don’t know? Say it.” His fingers bit into my flesh. “Goddamn it, SAY IT.”

I broke. Red exploded in my brain. A sharp-knifed pain drove to the base of my skull. “She blew her head off. She killed herself in her bathroom, and I heard it.” I screamed the words in his face. “Heard the gun. It was so damn loud. And I found her.
Found her.
Is that what you want me to say? Pieces of her on the white tile. I tried to put the bits of skull and brain back inside her head. Scooped them up like a puzzle and tried to fit them in place. And I couldn’t save her. After all that I couldn’t save her!”