Dark Memories (The DARK Files Book 1) (4 page)

Tears welled in her eyes, and she held her arms close to her middle as if trying to hold herself together. “Stud service? If that’s the way you looked at it, no wonder you decided to pass me around to your friends.”

The stream burbled over rocks and fallen branches. A light breeze stirred the pale green birch leaves.

The only other sound was his heart thudding in his ears. “What the hell do you mean, pass you around to my friends?”

FOR THE FIRST time, a sliver of doubt crept into Laura’s mind. “You know, Ray Valesko. He…um.” Oh, how could she say the words? “He came to see me that Monday morning. Sent by you.”

The set of his jaw and the fierce scowl that drew his ebony brows together were her answer.
He stepped closer and grasped her shoulders. “I sent nobody. What did that weasel-faced bastard do? Tell me.”

She shot him a wary glance and tried to pull away. She’d never told a living soul, not even her cousin Angela, in whom she always confided. For ten years, she’d believed the worst of Cole.

Doubt wedged a splinter into her heart. What if Valesko had acted on his own? “We were supposed to meet at that commuter parking lot beside the Metro stop. Remember?”

“It’s seared in my brain. Go on.”

“A guy on a Harley roared up and parked beside me. He had a helmet like yours, the custom one that was stolen.”

“My helmet. Oh, yeah. And Valesko knew your Porsche.” Cole held her firmly, but with gentle hands. His blue gaze drilled into her as though he could see the scene on her pupils.

She’d waited outside the car in the fresh air. The old sports car lacked air conditioning. Valesko sneered at her as he leaned against the door and lit a cigarette. He grabbed her and anchored her to his side. Alarm tightening her throat, she focused on a home-done tattoo below the rolled-up sleeve of his dirty T-shirt. A scorpion.

She shivered at the vivid memory. “He … he said you’d sent him. That you were a real pal.” Tears burned her eyes, and she fought them down.

“This is tough, Laura, but I need to know.” Cole’s voice was even, but sharp-edged as a sword. “I didn’t send him.”

She forced herself to look him in the eyes, so she’d see the truth. “He said I should be nice to him. You said I was a great lay and you had me all primed and ready for him. He was … graphic about how I should be nice to him.”

“That lying son of a bitch. I should’ve killed him.” His eyes adamantine, he touched her cheek. “Did he hurt you? Did the bastard—”

“No. I didn’t give him the chance.” The expression, seeing red, had taken on new meaning as Valesko pawed her. Rage had spread in a hot scarlet smear, whirling her into action. “I think adrenaline kicked in. I pushed him so hard he toppled backward over his bike. Somehow I managed to start the car and drive away.” With her heart fissuring in an emotional earthquake.

She drew a deep breath for courage to finish. “Hearing you were in jail delivered the final blow. I was ashamed to tell anyone about Valesko, about us. About any of it.”

Cole flung away from her and stalked to the edge of the stream. His hands flexed. “It didn’t take much for you to decide I was finally showing my true colors.”

When he faced her, in his ice-blue eyes, she glimpsed a mirror of her own pain. Valesko had fabricated everything. Cole hadn’t known.

And she saw a new truth. For years, he’d thought her a snob, but he was the snob, in reverse. His misgiving was that he couldn’t be good enough for her, that a hardscrabble background with an alcoholic father and his biker reputation would slap him down every time. No matter how often he proved himself, how high he climbed, it wouldn’t be enough.

His mother had died when he was five, and his father, drowning in his own problems, taught him not to count on people. She doubted he trusted anyone enough to let them past his barriers. Except for anger. Considering how she’d protected her own emotions for the past ten years, she understood.

She wanted to tell him that she’d loved him and shouldn’t have doubted him. But he probably wouldn’t believe her.

After all, why should he? She was keeping secrets from him. She owed him the truth, at least most of it. This little talk shone light in the dark voids in both their hearts. And if Cole knew the rest of the truth…

She couldn’t deal with more now. These revelations were painful enough. She dragged in a ragged breath. “Valesko was so … convincing. After being with you, I was so high, and he brought me so low. I thought it was your way of getting rid of me, that you’d gotten all you wanted from me. How else would he know about … us, and that we spent the weekend together?”

“Hell, they all knew I was with you. Valesko especially. Who do you think framed me?”

“You mean jail? He was responsible for that?”

He paced to and from the stone wall. “For ten years, I’ve been certain you deliberately let me sweat it out alone. I hated you for it.”

His words tore at her. Cole was right. She’d accepted everything bad she heard. Her mistaken beliefs fell away, leaving only raw wounds. “I did refuse your calls. But how could I have helped?”

“You were my alibi. That Monday morning the cops came to Daddy Bo’s Cycle Shop to arrest me for dealing cocaine. A police informant bought drugs Saturday night at the bike rally from a guy wearing my helmet with the reflective visor down.”

The news hit her with the force of a punch. She collapsed onto the rock. “The helmet. Oh my God, he didn’t have one like yours. It
was
yours.”

He nodded. “The custom-made, one-of-a-kind helmet.”

“And you were with me.”

“But because Valesko lied to you, you wouldn’t help me. The cops called your house, but you were gone.”

She nodded miserably. If only she had known. “After … after that, I was desperate to get away. I was so distraught that Mom sent me to Europe with my cousin. We left right away. I didn’t return home for two months.”

“I left for Marine basic training before you came back.” Cole stopped pacing and stood expectantly before her.

She longed to go into his arms, but she couldn’t allow herself to act on the impulse. “Why did he do it?”

“Jealousy. Envy. Greed. His drug habit. I kept trying to steer the gang away from that stuff, but he went his own way. Like with alcohol, he never knew when to quit. Valesko took my helmet and did the drug deal. Later he ditched it in the garbage bin behind my apartment.

“I don’t know if he really thought he could have you or if he was just making sure you wouldn’t help me. I sat in that stinking jail for three days before one of the other guys ratted on him.”

“If only—”

“Shh, Laura. No if-onlys. We can’t go back. We can only go forward.” Tugging her from the boulder, he cradled her in his arms. With one finger, he wiped a tear from her cheek.

For her the if-onlys wouldn’t go away. They ripped at her heart and squeezed her throat. If only she hadn’t listened to Valesko. If only she’d taken Cole’s phone calls. The tragedy that crippled her life and haunted her every moment, waking and sleeping, wouldn’t have happened.

Absorbing his scent and his strength, she let him hold her. Only for a minute, for comfort, for old times’ sake. Nothing more was possible.

No longer arctic, his eyes burned with desire. No mask over his emotions, no barrier between them.
Except the barrier she must keep between them. The barrier protecting her. And her secrets. And Cole.

She allowed herself to exult in the realization that he didn’t reject her, didn’t betray her. Perhaps he’d loved her a little. He assured her more than once he’d never hurt her. He spoke the truth. The shock of those terrible events blinded her to it.

In Cole, in addition to the other qualities she’d loved, honor and integrity ran true. She was the one with nothing to offer. No good would result from renewing their failed affair.

She saw in his eyes that he was about to kiss her. Her pulse skipped.
In spite of herself, she swayed closer to him.

Before his mouth could touch hers, she averted her face and drew away. “You, the self-styled biker hoodlum, were trustworthy after all. Ironic, isn’t it, that I didn’t trust you. And you didn’t trust me. We didn’t know each other as well as we thought.”

Cole’s heart raced. The truth spun his wheels. “I came to protect you, not attack you. But I feel like I just survived a firefight.”

“I know what you mean.” She smiled, apparently accepting the olive branch. He noted the sheen of tears, the tight mouth. “And I seem to be thirsty. Would you like a cup of tea? Or is that a snobby drink?”

“I used to think so. That was before I spent months in places like Mazar-I-Sharif where meetings with everybody from shop owners to village elders begin by sitting on rug-covered dirt to sip tea. I drank enough tea for three lifetimes.”

Her eyes widened, but she didn’t ask. “Then is diet cola okay?”

“No problem.”

They headed back on the path through the sunny woods. He watched the sexy sway of her hips as she strolled ahead of him. Heaviness tightened his groin.

God, she was beautiful, head tilted to one side, her hair loose around her shoulders. He wanted to run his hands through it, touching it … touching her… She looked delicious in the striped shirt, like a peach sundae. Damn, he still wanted her.

From the first time he’d seen her, she attracted him. Her classic beauty and unconscious sensuality. Her long, lean legs. And surprisingly, her lively intellect. They found common ground senior year with their interest in history. That was the start. In spite of her snobby friends’ disapproval, they cobbled together a sort of friendship.

Then during the summers of her first two college years, friendship evolved into more. In stolen moments, they shared hopes and fears and dreams.

And finally, their bodies and souls.

He saw in her now the same qualities that had called to him then. Not much deterred her. The warm glow of her eyes sprang from the vibrant life within her, from her agile mind, from her self-possession and security in who she was.

But she was right to push him away now.

He stared past her as they neared her cabin. Only green shadows stared back. Valesko’s story about him had seemed credible, so she felt betrayed. She left without giving him a chance.

Back then, his brain had slipped below his belt. He couldn’t afford to fall for her again. Their lives, their backgrounds differed too much. Her actions then only reminded him of what he should have tattooed on his chest — that he could trust only himself.

“Marines and DARK. How? You were such a rebel.” Laura turned on the gas burner under the teakettle. Fine lines furrowed between her brows, a sign she was thinking hard.

“I decided after that drug arrest. The cops didn’t railroad me, treated me okay. When I was cleared, I joined the Marines to serve the country where a no-account guy got a fair shake. I did a four-year tour, finished a college diploma.”

“I’m glad. Do you remember what you told me when I said you were smart, that you should do more than the occasional poli-sci or engineering course at the community college?”

That had been at the all-night graduation party. He remembered their conversation word for word. “When Hogs have wings to jockey up to the moon.”

She chuckled at his slang term for Harleys. “Maybe I should check out the moon for new two-wheeled satellites.”

He grinned. Her words touched off a spark in his chest. She’d known then, saw the best in him when no one else had. Including his father. “My old man never understood why I wasted my time with those college courses.”

She narrowed her eyes as she extracted a tea bag from a canister. “His problem with your bettering yourself was just that — his problem. He kept trying to cut you down to his size. He was afraid.”

That made him blink. “He was afraid of nothing. Bitter as hell and a sloppy drunk, but afraid? Afraid of what?”

“For one, that you’d leave him.”

The truth of that hit him between the eyes. Why hadn’t he seen it? “Like my mom dying. That’s when the real drinking started. Hell, in the long run, I did leave him.” Guilt gnawed at the edge of his consciousness, but he shook it away.
Don’t even go there.

“You’re meant to leave. Parent birds teach their chicks to fly so they can leave the nest. We humans are the same. Or we should be. You had to find your wings the hard way.”

“I guess we both did.” He managed another grin.

“As for your current status, let’s see if I recall exactly what DARK is.” A sly gleam lit her eyes. He suspected where she was headed, but couldn’t stop her. “An agency in the Homeland Security Department. It’s an elite corps made up of talented people from other agencies, like the FBI, CIA, ATF and DEA.”

“Also military intelligence and Border Patrol,” he added.

“General Nolan has never told me what the acronym stands for. Division of something? Or is it secret and if you told me, you’d have to — never mind.” She flushed as she realized what she’d almost said.

“No secret, but the director prefers we not broadcast it. Domestic Antiterrorism Risk Corps.”

“
D-A-R-C?
” she spelled.

“Yup.” He ran fingers through his hair. “The general thought DARC didn’t seem um...” He searched for a term that matched Nolan’s but wasn’t obscene.

She smiled sweetly. “Clandestine or dark ops enough?”

“That’ll do.” He’d remember that next time.

“So you must have been in some other alphabet-heavy agency before DARK.” Her eyes shone with curiosity and something like respect. This was the way he remembered her best, her passionate intellect focused.
Breathtaking and beautiful, she tied him in knots. But passionate was an unfortunate word. Passionate conjured up other images, memories of naked limbs and love-scented sheets.

Damn.
He said nothing.

Her smile hit him like a laser beam. “I’m impressed. You never had any breaks as a kid. You had dreams, but not goals. The striking success you enjoy you’ve earned on your own. That’s quite an accomplishment.”

He’d achieved more than he ever thought possible. His heart swelled at her praise. “Hard work paid off.”
But then he got it, and he deflated. She was placating him for her desertion, for being the unattainable princess. Whatever the biker bum did made no damn difference.