Dark of kNight (26 page)

“Daniel mentioned it was dangerous. He said that we could lose everything,” I said softly.

The ultimate horror had hit me. I remembered on several different occasions I wanted to tear into him. How my teeth ached to touch the soft fleshy wonderfully scented skin. I wanted to devour every inch of him. I looked away from her as I remembered my reflection in the mirror. My eyes black, my teeth exposed and ready.

She nodded. “He was right.”

“What do we do then? Will it stop?”

“The only way it can be stopped is with the Rite, which is performed by the Lycan Council. The solemnized union will protect you both and save your souls. It is a difficult and sometimes painful purification process in which you are cleansed of the animalistic desires. You and Daniel can then share all the passion you desire.” There was hope in her voice that we would come through this. “In the meantime, I would suggest you two do not stay in the same room by yourselves for very long. It has become entirely too dangerous.”

“What about the practice tonight?”

“You will be fine. It would probably benefit you both. Jason and I will help you both as long as we can, but you need to be careful for yourselves.” She reached over and embraced me.

The patio door opened and Daniel and Jason walked through. Daniel’s face was in pure agony when he walked toward me. Heather’s body stiffened when she slowly let me go. I stood and walked toward Daniel when I felt her hand on my arm.

“It is okay, Heather. I am all right now,” Daniel said softly opening his arms to me.

I ran into his open arms as he embraced me tightly. His heart beat so hard I could feel it pounding through his chest.

“I am so sorry. You cannot imagine how I feel right now.” The trembling of his voice made me realize he was on the verge of tears.

“No, I’m the one who is at fault.” I cried into his chest.

“I promise I will never do that again.” He held me back and stared into my eyes. “Never again, do you hear me? I will never ever let that happen again. I do not ever want to lose you.” Tears ran down my face. “You mean so much to me, Jewels. I would not be able to live with myself if I did something horrible to you.” Daniel’s eyes lifted to Heather.

“Heather, I am truly sorry for my behavior.”

“Daniel, I understand. I’m not mad at you. Really. I’m just glad Jason and I was here.” Her smile assured us everything was fine. In my heart, I knew it was not a closed book.

The aftermath of our actions was truly saddening. The rest of the day Daniel and I stayed apart from one another. I was truly thankful that Jason and Heather had stayed with us last night. The horrifying images flashed back to my mind of her sister’s and boyfriend’s bodies. Never in a million years would I want the same fate to happen with Daniel and me. The thought of me actually killing Daniel in a crime of passion made me ill.

The dark veil had been lifted from my eyes. For the first time I saw through the darkness of the unknown. I saw a glimpse of the wonders of this new life. Yes, I indeed needed to know more of the laws. Apparently the first of the rules was almost broken. The future held the hope of redemption of our self-destruction. The purification process Daniel and I would have to endure would be, as Heather said, difficult and painful. In the back of my mind, I wondered if my father had considered this process when he married my mother. Since she was human, maybe he didn’t have the same problems. My efforts would be double to ensure our success. I couldn't imagine if I was one hundred percent Lycan. Would our problems be greater then?

The road we traveled became harder each day. The closer we became, the more I learned the Lycan laws and how dangerous we had actually become to each other. This life must have more benefits because of the pain we endure. The purpose of Lycans is to protect humans. If we were protectors of human kind, then how were we to protect ourselves from each other? The answer was clear, choice.

The sickening feeling crept into my stomach again. Daniel and I both chose not to stop this morning. Even though our safe words were clear, we ignored them. How much different were we then from Adam and Eve? Eve’s choice was to eat of the forbidden fruit, then give it to Adam. Proving to him she didn’t die as God said they surely would. But in reality, they died spiritually. Surely this wasn’t going to be the fate for Daniel and me. I chose another fate… to live. At all costs, I would make sure we never went through this again. No matter how badly I wanted him. I knew the consequences of my actions. I would deny myself the pleasure of the forbidden fruit and choose life.

≈≈≈

Nightfall came. The uneasy feeling I’d during the day remained. Daniel and I went of our way to avoid each other. It was a painful experience. My heart longed to embrace him, just to be able to wrap my arms around him once again. I never knew anything such as this could cause so much pain.

There were times we passed one another and didn’t speak. Our eyes held each other’s glance only momentarily. It hurt me the most to see the pain in his eyes every time he looked at me. There were no words we could possibly say to one another which would make the situation better. How long would we keep this going? The fear and tension grew inside me every minute of the day.

Tonight we would all go into the meadow, not as humans but as Lycans. I hoped as the moments grew nearer that my pain and feelings of guilt would subside.

The time came for the inevitable. Heather and Jason were both robed along with Daniel. I slipped into mine and we headed toward the meadow.

Once at the edge of the meadow, Jason and Heather unrobed in the darkness and transformed into their wolf forms. I wasn’t surprised as I noticed Heather. She was still dainty even as a wolf. Daniel motioned me to go next. I closed my eyes to remember the sensations of my first time. My heart pounded loudly in my chest and was followed by a rush of pain. It wasn’t physical pain that prevented me from changing, the pain was purely emotional.

Daniel walked forward to me slowly. I opened my eyes and gave him a blank stare. For a moment, he turned his head to the side and looked through the thick black wooded forest. The dark of the night had prevented me from seeing the expression in his eyes. Slowly he walked toward me reaching for my hand.

Fear burst forth from my chest and ran rapidly throughout my body. I jerked my hand away from him. My heart raced. I was without words. I realized in that moment I was afraid of him. I backed away from him slowly shaking my head.

“Jewels?” he spoke softly and cautiously taking another step toward me.

“Stop!” I shrieked. He was as surprised as I was by my reaction. There was no way to cover the fear in my voice. My body trembled with the excess of fear.

From what I could see of Daniel’s face it appeared he had drawn into a frown. Dropping his head to the ground he pleaded one last time. “Julie?” His voice was soft.

For reasons I couldn’t explain, I took another two steps away from him. My pulse rang loudly in my ears making it difficult to even hear him clearly. I watched as he turned slowly and disrobed. He was a wolf within a second, and gone to join Heather and Jason.

I moved closer to where they were in the open meadow. There was enough moonlight shining down to make out the vague forms of the wolves. When I found a good spot, I sat down and pulled my robe together under my knees. Silently I watch the three.

Heather and Jason moved identically as though they were in unison. She separated from Jason and circled around Daniel. She lowered her head in attack position. The attack didn’t come directly from Heather, it came from Jason. Jason followed the movement of Heather, and they lined Daniel up perfectly for the kill. Jason in a blur of a second was in Daniel’s side with his teeth against the back of his neck. Heather charged Daniel and attacked his rear legs. The kill, I assumed. They gave a few quick snorts and short barks to let me know everyone was all right. Daniel stood up and shook. He turned his head toward me as if checking to see if I’d been watching. Soon the game continued.

After a few more attempts, Daniel managed to pin Heather down, but he still couldn't avoid Jason’s attack. Heather moved too fast to let Daniel close to her neck. Intently I watched and learned figuring out the attack plan was always the same. Heather’s bluff at the attack was only to distract Daniel enough to allow Jason the kill. She was using herself as bait. Cleaver girl.

Daniel anticipated the next attack by Jason. His unsuccessful movement ended as Heather attacked for the kill. This time Daniel quickly turned and met her head on. Rising on their haunches their heads locked into a rage of growls and snapping teeth. Jason made a quick rush into Daniel’s side knocking him down on the ground. Heather quickly pounced on top of him still snapping her teeth. Jason circled around them, and just as quickly he dove into Daniel’s neck. The kill again, I thought. My heart froze in my throat.

For a moment, the attack appeared too real.

Heather and Jason moved away from Daniel. Daniel rose to his feet slowly. He took a slow step forward and appeared to be limping. I rose to my feet. My breath held in my chest. In a rapid jerk, Daniel changed back into his human form. Falling forward he went down on the ground. Quickly I ran back to collect his robe and ran to him. Jason and Heather had changed back and stood by his side.

My heart pounded with fear when I rushed to him. Standing in front of him I grabbed his face with my hands. I looked for any evidence of injury. His face was close enough to me that I could see him wince in pain. Heather and Jason helped him with his robe. As he raised his left arm he moaned in pain. Instinctively, my hands ran over his shoulder until I felt the wet and sticky blood.

“Daniel. You’re bleeding!” I screamed.

Jason and Heather left to find their robes.

“I’ll be okay, just give me a moment,” he said weakly and then sat down on the ground.

“Let me see.” I said pulling back the robe from his shoulder. There wasn’t much I could see other than the dark patch of blood from the wound. “What do I do?” My voice filled with concern and fear.

“Nothing, it will heal in a few minutes,” he spoke softly. “I did not mean to frighten you.” The evidence of worry in his voice sent splinters through my heart.

“I wasn’t sure how bad you were hurt. Jason had… ”

“I was not talking about the attack.” He stopped me abruptly turning his head to face me. “This morning. Julie, I saw the fear in your eyes tonight when I reached for your hand.” He paused for a moment drifting back to that moment. Through the dim light of the moon I saw a frown on his face. “Your voice,” he continued. “You were utterly terrified of me. Never do I want you to be afraid of me.”

My response took longer than we both expected. I wanted so badly to say I wasn’t afraid of him. The truth was, he terrified me. I opened my mouth, but couldn't let the lie escape my lips.

With a deep sigh he slowly and cautiously reached for my hands. Forcing myself to stay perfectly still, his warm hands gently touched mine. My whole body trembled in fear.

“I hope you know I would never hurt you.”

“I … ” Clearing my throat I tried to strain out the lie that wasn’t meant to be. “I know you won’t”

There was an odd expression on his face. One which I’d never seen before. He frowned slightly while he looked away from me. His hands trembled slightly on mine. Looking back to me again there was the agony of pain on his face.

“Tell me, what can I do? How can I prove to you that I love you more than my own life? What do I have to do, Julie? Tell me and I will do it,” he pleaded.

My heart swelled in my chest and my breathing shuddered. There was no answer I could give him. I loved and adored him with all my heart. There was still the fear that intimidated me.

“I will never leave you,”
he whispered.

His words burned in my ears sending an abrupt fire to my heart. My eyes welled with tears that threatened to fall. Surprised by my reaction, Daniel recognized the secret of my fear. His face brightened with the enlightenment of realizing the truth which went deeper than the fear of him killing me.

“
My God,”
he whispered.
“Julie?”
Slowly he turned and pulled me into his arms. The tears burned my cheeks as they fell.

Pulling my stiffened body next to his, he held me tight against his chest.

“It is not whether I would physically hurt you is it? You are afraid I am going to leave you.” The burning returned with the pain.

“You pulled away from me.” I sobbed.

“No, no, no. I did not mean for you… that is not what I was doing. I was not pulling away from you. I will never leave you.” He paused and inhaled deeply. The next words that came out were ones I hadn’t expected to hear. “Julie, your father did not mean to leave you. If he would have had the choice, Martin would have never left you, I am sure of it.”

The words ripped through my heart. My head buried in his chest while the tears flowed freely. My body trembled as the sobs erupted from my mouth. For the first time, both of us realized that Daniel was my world now. How could I afford to lose him? There was no one else. Daniel had already become a part of my heart. The attachment was one that would rip my world apart if he were gone.

He gently kissed me on the top of my head and rocked me slowly in his arms.

“Tell me what to do then,”
he whispered. His voice pleaded with me. “
How can I ease this pain I feel in your heart?”

The words he spoke clearly set off bells in my ears. He felt my heart. We had bonded. I couldn't answer Daniel‘s question. I couldn't dare tell him what I needed from him was more than the air that I breathed. How could I tell him I needed something that only he could give me, even more than what he already had? To put us into mortal danger, this I couldn't do. My only answer was, “I don’t know.”

“Julie, I can feel your heart. I know what you need,” he sighed. “If we were not what we are, it would be so easy for me to give that to you right now. I want to. I honestly and truly want to take the pain away from you. To soothe and satisfy you in the way you need right now, but we cannot take the chance.”