Dark Secrets (20 page)

I stop abruptly to stare at Derek’s beautiful sunken in face. I wish he’d wake up so I could feed him already. It worries me that he has barely moved since Lachlan healed him.

I walk over to the bedside and tentatively sit down by him. I stroke back his long black locks and gingerly place my hand against his roughened face. His facial hair tickles my fingers as I realize just how pale I look compared to his russet colored skin.

I walk to the bathroom and back real quick, razor and shaving cream in hand. At the very least, I can do this for him. I was almost done when his eyes fluttered open slightly. One more stroke to finish the job and he was staring straight at me. His crimson-colored eyes burning holes in my psyche.

I realize I am holding my breath so I let out a big exhale and he smiles at me knowingly. I place the razor on the bedside table and wipe my hands off on my pants legs. I’ll have to change again but what does that matter when Derek is finally awake?

“Hey beautiful, how long have I been out?” Derek croaked. I jumped up quickly to go grab him a glass of water. I sit it down long enough to reposition him into a sitting position and then hand it to him.

“You’ve been out for a week exactly.” I say as he takes a long gulp, choking on it as what I said hits him. I pat his back roughly and then get up to find the black skirt to replace my black slacks. On top I am wearing a dark blue tank top with a black suit jacket. My hair is plaited and my face is clean of any makeup: very business-like, or so I tell myself.

“You look nice. Where you headed?” Derek asks as he sits down the now empty glass which I quickly refill.

“I am meeting up with the city council to determine whether I am worthy of taking over my father’s place.” I frown as I slip out of my slacks and into my skirt. Derek is watching me intently, mouth agape. I am sure his reaction is not because of what I said but because of my casualness to changing in front of him. He quickly recovers.

“Why would that come up just yet? It’s not time for you to take over the crown. You’ve still got a few years.” He said, bewildered. That’s when I remembered how much he has missed, including my father’s death.

I look at him sadly as he asks me what is going on. “My father… he passed away.” I manage to choke out, holding back unbidden tears. He stares at me in complete shock. “I’ll explain it all when I get back. Right now I simply don’t have the time. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? Honey, I’m sorry” He responds quickly as he grabs ahold me and pulls me up against me. “God, I’m sorry.” I weep silently into his shoulder as he rubs my back and soothes my woes.

“Dammit!” I yell as I come back to my room a few hours later, throwing my speech papers in the air as I did so. I stilled in the doorway realizing that Kai is cuddled up next to Derek. Damien is sitting in a chair across the room.

“Didn’t go so well I take it?” Derek examined, after a pause he continued, “Damien filled me in on all the rest… Again, honey… I am so sorry.” A tear streams down his face, “For both of you.” He exclaims as he squeezes Kai to his side.

I crumpled to the ground and just lay there. “Ember!” Derek and Damien exclaimed at the same time as Kai ran over to my side.

“I’m fine. Just tired is all.” I explain quietly.

“Then get in bed with me. Don’t lay on the floor.” Derek scoffed.

Kai patted my head as he spoke, “Mommy, Damien said he’d take me shopping for toys. Is that okay?”

I look over to Damien for agreement and he nods his head. “That’s fine, honey. Pick out something for me too, okay?”

Kai squealed, shook his head yes and ran out of the room with Damien following close behind.

“Ugh!” I groan as I rise up off the ground and walk over to the bed. I crawl up on the mattress and curl up against Derek’s side as he wraps his arm securely around my body, pulling me tighter to him.

“I missed you” I whisper against his chest.

“I missed you too.” He declares with a laugh in his voice. He rubs his hand up and down my side.

“You can’t have missed me. You didn’t even realize where or when you were” I scoff.

He kisses me on the head, leaving his face in my hair. A quiver runs through my body. “You have no idea how much I have missed you.” He whispers sweetly. My heart beats faster and my palms start sweating. I rise up on one arm to look at his face. His beautiful eyes are searching me over and I have the sudden urge to kiss him. So I do.

I could tell he wasn’t expecting my sudden stance on our relationship by the way his breath drew in at the touch of our lips. Just a slight peck is all I meant to do. But when I went to pull away he drew me in closer, wrapping both arms around me to pull me on top of him, smashing his mouth against mine. It was rough at first and I wasn’t sure I liked it but then it abruptly turned soft. His mouth melded into mine like they belonged together.

There was only the hot press of Derek’s body as he pulled me closer and closer still. It felt like he was exploring a part of me yet to be discovered. A part buried deep inside begging to be released. But along with that came the fear of losing him; the fear of being left behind. And with that I pulled away.

“I need some fresh air” I said as I climbed off the bed heading towards the balcony across the hall. Derek watched me pull away with confusion in his eyes. He came after me stumbling, trying to get a hang of using his legs again.

“What’s wrong? What are you thinking?” Derek’s concern was evident in his voice.

“I don’t know.” I answered simply. I didn’t know what else to say; how to explain.

“Ember… What’s going on? Why’d you kiss me and then pull away?”

I didn’t say anything. I was trying to unravel my thought process. I had to find a way to say this just right. He didn’t wait for me to do so. He grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me around to face him. Gripping me hard with one hand to keep me still, he pulled my chin up with the other to look him in the eyes.

“What is it?” he whispered softly.

Another pause.

“Answer me dammit! I deserve to know what is going on in that thick head of yours.”

I shook my head. He growled with eyes blazing.

“I love you” I whispered so low I was sure he wouldn’t hear me. But, he did. His eyes grew wide, all frustration gone. I dropped my eyes to look at his chest. His grip loosened on me.

“If you love me, then why are you pulling away again?” He asked as he forced me to look at him again.

“Because I’m afraid.”

“Afraid of what, honey? I would never hurt you.” He whispered with a slight smile playing on his lips.

“Losing you… I’m afraid if I allow myself to fall, if I admit that I have fallen… that if something happened to you I wouldn’t be able to get over it. I can’t live without you. And after this past week… watching you be thrown across the castle grounds, seeing you mangled the way you were. I can’t go through that again. I just can’t.” I sob. “I know it’s irrational. But, I’ve already lost so much. I’ve already been through so much.”

Hurt crossed his features, pain the predominant emotion in his eyes.

“Baby, you will never lose me. Werewolves are strong. We heal quickly. Even if I were to be hurt… I guarantee I’d come back to you. If for no other reason… than because I love you so damn much it hurts. I could never stand to be away from you, in this life or any other.”

I could tell he was being honest, that he meant it. Part of me wanted to trust him in this but I couldn’t. Not yet, anyway. I wasn’t ready to. So, I shook my head and pulled his hands off me. I backed away slowly at first and then took off in a run. He didn’t come after me.

 
“Every time I think of you I smile

The happiness I feel bubbling up inside

Haven’t felt that in a while

Can’t hide the truth

The love I feel for you

Goes deep inside

Every time you look at me I melt

No one could tell me how this felt

To know the love of one’s perfect other

I feel I must spill

The truth of how I feel

I’m in love with you.”

Chapter Sixteen: Choices

              I am standing in front of a mirror trying on dresses that were tailor made for me. The one I have on currently is a deep red, strapless gown that flowed down to my ankles. It was fitted at the top, showing off all my curves, and light and flow-y at the bottom. It was the dress chosen for me to wear at my inauguration. The council had agreed to let me take over the duties of my father on agreement that if I mess up they have the ability to dethrone and replace me. I didn’t like the idea. But, currently I have no other choices. I suppose I could just take off. But, I know now this is where I belong.

              As I stand here looking at my reflection I can’t help but think about Derek and all that we have been through. I find myself wondering if things could have been different had I not already had a troubled life before now. I shake the thought away quickly. If I had not known that life I would not have my beautiful son and I can’t bear the thought of that. I know everything happens for a reason, but I can’t help regretting at times the mistakes I’ve made and the road I have taken.

              A knock on the door disrupts my reverie. I open the door to find my hairdresser, bright eyed and bushy tailed. She’s a pretty young woman, around the age of twenty, with light brown hair and green eyes. She’s about five foot tall and super skinny. She’s super hyper, that one; always has something bright and cheery to say. Sometimes it’s annoying.

              She leads me to the bed to curl my hair and toss it on my head, sticking it here and there with a few bobby pins and hairspray. She moves onto my makeup as I get lost in thought once again.

              Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t know how anyone does this. Let’s other people do everything for them, that is. It’s my job to keep the country in order and everybody else’s job to keep me in order. I can understand the reasoning behind it, but I don’t see the point. I can do this on my own. I really don’t need help getting dressed on a daily basis. What am I, a baby?

              “Alright, finished.” She says real perky like as she bounces out of the room. I just realized that I don’t even remember her name. I wonder if this makes me a bad person… I dismiss the thought and go back to the mirror.

              To my surprise, I do look astonishing. I really can’t believe it. Who knew that I could look this good? Derek would drop dead if he saw me now…

“Wow. You look… amazing!” A voice said behind me. I turn around quickly to see Derek, mouth agape. Well, he’s not dead so maybe I am not as fabulous as I thought. I chuckle to myself.

              “What are you doing here?” I question trying to sound polite, not letting any more emotion seep through.

              “I’m your date for the night, dear. Damien sent me to escort you.” a queer smile crossing his face.

              “Oh.” I say simply. “Alright then, let me grab my purse from the closet and we’ll be on our way.”

              “Why’s it in the closet?” He calls after me as I walk away.

              “It’s always in here. I never use it.” I call back.

              I walk back into the room and for the first time notice how Derek looks tonight. His face is clean shaven and he’s wearing a tux that fits the shape of his body nicely, emphasizing all the right places. But, the most shocking part is that his hair is cropped short. His strong cheek bones were even more prominent without his hair covering his face. He is downright gorgeous.

              “You’re staring.” Derek said abruptly.

              “Oh. Sorry. It’s just… your hair.”

              “Oh. Do you like it?” He said sounding almost embarrassed.

              “I love it.” I answered honestly. “You’re gorgeous.” Oops.

              His eyes grew wide as a devious smile plastered his face. He edged towards me slowly, his eyes grazing my body up and down.

              I clear my throat and he looks back to my face. “We should get going.”

“Right.” He exclaimed, as if he had completely forgotten why we were all dressed up. He extended his arm toward me and led me out the door.

The ballroom was absolutely extraordinary. I had nothing to do with the preparation aside from hiring the decorators to come in and placing guards to watch over them. Tables scoured the walls while the main floor of the room was completely empty aside from the gigantic chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. It was decked out in ornate handmade glass hanging from the ceiling and sitting on every table. People danced gracefully and chatted quietly, awaiting my presence. Straight ahead of the door, on the back side of the room, set four massive red suede chairs atop a platform. This is where I will receive my crown.