Dark Wolf Rising (Heart of the Shifter) (9 page)

Cash walked over and sat beside her again, taking her hand in his. He began tracing his fingers along the back of her hands, just as he used to when they were teens, and he was working on a problem. She smiled to herself, suspecting that he hadn't even realized he was doing it.

"Killing you would have freed Jace," he said, his voice thoughtful as he continued to rub the back of her hand. "Since he needs Jace out of the picture, either he knew I wasn't going to kill you from the start, or he somehow had a way to still implicate Jace." He swore again, absently tracing circles on her forearm. "What am I missing?" he muttered. "What the hell is his plan?"

Chills ran down her spine from his caresses. Maybe he wasn't aware he was doing it, but she couldn't stop focusing on it. The casual touches that had been such a normal part of their lives back then felt so different now, sensual temptation instead of innocent friendship. She'd had a crush on him before, but now, her feelings were so much more. She couldn't stop thinking of his kisses, of the way it felt to have him touch her, of the stuffed Christmas reindeer sitting on the bed beside her.

Damn it. This was Cash she was fantasizing about, and they were facing a dire situation. It was not the time to think of kisses and seduction. She didn't even know why she was thinking about it... No, she realized. She did know why. It was because she'd been existing in hyper-vigilant mode for the last few months, ever since the attack, always expecting each moment to be her last. She'd been living in fear, haunted by nightmares, afraid of what was coming.

But Cash had taken away that fear. She knew she was safe with him, and because of that, she could think again. She could breathe deeply, revisit that murder with a clear mind, and she could appreciate the fact that she was still alive, and had another moment with the one person who still mattered to her. The truth was that there might not be a way to win, even with Cash on her side.

She might still die, but she wouldn't be alone, because Cash would stand by her and do everything he could to keep her alive.

She suddenly realized Cash was looking at her expectantly, his fingers still moving on her forearm. She grimaced, realizing that he must have asked her something. "Sorry, I wasn't listening. What did you say?"

He raised his brows. "What were you thinking about?"

She felt her cheeks heat up. "Nothing. Really. What's up?"

"Don't lie to me, babe." He sandwiched her hand between his palms. "Maybe it will help. What were you thinking?"

She looked at his expression, the unequivocal commitment in his eyes. Commitment to Jace, but also to her. Her heart tightened. "Cash," she said quietly. "If Damien is as smart as you say he is, there's no chance that he could have seen your face or heard your voice when you talk about me, and believed you would kill me. He knew you weren't going to kill me from the moment you offered to lead the assassination team."

His brows shot up. "I'm not the inexperienced kid I was when you knew me before, Bryn. I'm very good now, and there's no chance I gave it away."

"Really?" She smiled and ran her finger along his whiskered jaw. "Cash, no one has looked at me like you do. No one has ever loved me as you do. And I've never loved anyone like I love you. There's no chance that you can completely hide that. Drake figured it out—"

"Drake is my friend. He knows me—"

"Damien is your enemy. He has probably made it his job to know you even better."

"He didn't—"

She got up and stood in front of him, letting her hands rest by her sides. "Look at me, Cash. Look at me and tell me that you would kill me to save Jace's life. Say it like your life depended on me believing that you would."

He stared up at her, his green eyes searching hers. "Bryn, this is ludicrous."

"No, it's not." She put her hands on his shoulders, leaning down so she was eye to eye with him. "You don't need to worry about hurting my feelings, because I know I'm safe with you. But I want to see if you can say it in a way that makes me believe it, because if I don't believe you, then Damien didn't either, and that changes things. So say it. Make me believe it. Because I don't think you can."

His eyes darkened, and he grabbed her hips, jerking her toward him until her belly was against his chest. "I don't like this game, Bryn."

"It's not a game." She cupped his face, staring down at him. "Say it, Cash. Say it the way you said it to Damien. I have no doubt you're a badass like you say you are, but I know you better than you know yourself. I know your weaknesses, and I'm one of them."

His fingers tightened on her hips, and his eyes darkened. "I'll kill her," he said, his voice like steel. "I know her. I can get close to her." His eyes were like flint, and a cold chill rippled down her spine. She knew she was seeing the man he'd become, the one who'd had to do terrible things to survive.

"You'd kill a woman?" she asked, challenging him the way she knew Damien would have. "You don't kill."

"I'll kill for Jace." His voice was cold and calm, not looking away from her eyes. "I owe him my life."

His words were cold. His voice was deadly. His eyes were unflinching. But, there was something in his eyes, an emotion buried so deeply that she knew he could never hide it. Tears burned at the back of her eyes. "Cash—"

"Son of a bitch." He bowed his head and pulled her close, burying his face in her belly as he wrapped his arms around her hips, locking her against him. "You're right. I fucking blew it."

She ran her fingers through his hair. "Cash," she said softly. "You've always had a side of you that was more compassionate and more caring than you wanted to believe. That's why we were friends. I couldn't have trusted someone who didn't have a good heart. It's still a part of you. You'll never let that go, and that's okay. We'll figure this out."

He pulled back, searching her face. His face was raw with emotion. It was entirely unguarded, and she was shocked by the vulnerability on his face. Silently, he reached for her, and she went down on her knees in front of him as he framed her face. "My sweet Bryn," he said, his voice rough and ragged. "I needed this. I needed you." He ran his fingers through her hair. "I was so fucking lost in this nightmare world I live in. I didn't even think I was human anymore. I needed you. I needed the way you look at me. The way you touch me. The way you believe in me." His hand slid around to the back of her neck, and his fingers gripped tightly, almost desperately. "I can't do this without you." He took her hand and put it on his chest, over his heart. "I can't do
this
without you. I don't know how to live, or even exist. You're my light, babe, and I can't do it without you anymore."

Tears filled her eyes. "Oh, Cash, you don't need me. You're so amazing just by being you—"

"
No.
" His fingers tightened around the nape of her neck. "You're my anchor, Bryn. You and no one else." Then, before she had time to react, he pulled her close and sank his mouth down onto hers in a desperate, intense kiss that stripped her of every last defense she had.

It was the kiss she'd been waiting for her whole life.

BRYN TASTED LIKE sanity, like home, like the foundation he'd been desperately seeking his entire life. Need poured through Cash, a desperation he hadn't allowed himself to feel in so long. "
Bryn."
He whispered her name into the kiss, tunneling his hands through her hair. The soft tresses fell across his skin, like silken strands woven by angels. He angled his head, deepening the kiss, unable to hold himself back. He felt as if a thousand lifetimes of discipline had shattered, leaving behind nothing but the raw, visceral need for the woman in his arms.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned into him, meeting every kiss with equal need. He grabbed her hips and pulled her to her feet and onto his lap in one swift move.

When she slipped her legs on either side of his hips and sank down onto his lap, it sent every nerve into overdrive. He dug his fingers into her ass, pulling her more tightly against him, burying himself in the kiss. Her breasts were flush against his chest, her mouth a decadent temptation of sin, seduction, and perfection.

"God, I need you." He grabbed her hips and swung her to the side, tossing her down on his bed. He gave her no chance to settle, following her like a predator on a hunt after the prey that would keep him alive.

She held out her arms to him, her eyes warm as she welcomed him, inviting him to her body. Her face was so familiar, etched into his mind, burned into his soul. It had been so long since he'd seen her, and hunger roared through him, a feral urge to claim her and make her his. With a low growl, he lowered himself on top of her, sinking against her body as he took her mouth again. His kisses were ruthless now, his tongue enticing her into a tempestuous dance of raging fire and relentless heat.

He'd known this was coming the moment he'd locked her against his body in the hotel room. The way her ass had curved into him, the familiar scent that was unique to her, a combination of the outdoors, vanilla, and a faint flowery fragrance that reminded him of a spring meadow. His awareness of her had slammed into him, almost knocking the breath from his body when he'd grabbed her.

He'd been prepared to find the girl he'd been best friends with. He hadn't been prepared for a woman who brought him to his knees and awoke every primal male instinct in him, both wolf and man. He'd fought it. He'd dragged himself off her each time he'd kissed her, but he knew he was lost now. He just needed her too fucking badly, and in the safety of his cabin, there was nothing to stop them, nothing to hold him back.

"Cash," she whispered his name, a caress that sent shivers down his spine.

He broke the kiss, searching her face, straining to find the words to reflect what he was feeling. "I missed the sound of my name on your lips," he said. "I didn't realize it until I found you again. I can't fucking live without you, Bryn. Don't make me."

She smiled then, that same brilliant smile that he'd dreamed of on his darkest nights. "You left me, remember?"

"You made me." Unable to stop himself, he kissed her again, invading her with his kisses, his tongue, his mouth. He slipped his hands beneath her camisole, his gut clenching when he felt her soft flesh beneath his palm. Her belly quivered as he traced her ribs, still kissing her ravenously as he slid his hand upward and cupped the soft swell of her breast.

She gasped, shifting underneath him. "How is it my fault?" Her question was swallowed by the kiss he couldn't seem to make himself stop. She just tasted so incredible. His human side craved the softness of her lips, the curves of her body. The wolf side of him could feel every beat of her heart. The scent of her arousal was intoxicating, dangerous, and powerful. He knew he was the one her body and soul craved.

They were friends. Best friends. But the need mounting between them was pure sex and raw lust, a thousand times deeper than friendly affection.

She hit his shoulder and turned her head enough to break the kiss. Anger flared in her eyes, surprising him enough to make him focus on her. "Why is it my fault? You're the one who left me alone to deal with my mom's death by myself. Where were you then? Where—"

He stopped, staring at her. "Your mom died? When?" Something inside him roared in protest, a dark, horrible darkness. Memories flashed through his mind, images of the kindnesses Bryn's mom had given him: making extra food at dinner so he wouldn't go hungry, talking to the school when they threatened to kick him out, allowing him to sleep on the couch when he was too broken to go home, and pretending not to notice when he slipped upstairs to crash in Bryn's room. She'd been Bryn's rock, and somehow, someway, she'd extended that to Cash as well. Bryn's dad had been long gone, a piece of shit that had ditched her and her mom. That loss had given both Bryn and her mom an understanding of the shit Cash went through as a foster kid, forging a connection between a lost kid and a couple of females.

"You didn't know she died?" When he shook his head in numb shock, Bryn's eyebrows went up. "I thought you said you looked in on me every night."

"I did, for a couple years. Then Drake and I hooked up with Jace's pack and we moved to a different area." He tunneled his hand through her hair. "What happened?"

She looked past him staring at the wall behind him and he saw her face crumple. Fear rolled through him. "What the fuck happened, Bryn?" He tightened his grip on her hair and dragged his hand off her breast, resting it on her hip. "Tell me."

She draped her forearm across her face, blocking her eyes from him. "I was seventeen," she said softly.

He stretched out beside her, and gently lifted her arm off her face so he could see her. Before she could protest, he laced his fingers through hers, the way they used to do as kids when the night got too dark and scary for one of them.

She looked down at their entwined hands, and then she glanced at him. Her eyes were full of pain, so anguished that he felt a piece of his heart shatter. "I was driving on the highway," she said quietly. "It was raining. The car skidded. I—" She swallowed. "I overcorrected, Cash. It was so fast, spinning all over the place, and then, it flipped and we hit a tree, and..."

Tears burned in the back of his eyes, but he didn't take his gaze off her face. "I'm here. Tell me."

She rolled onto her side to face him, clutching their entwined hands against her heart. "When the car stopped moving, I looked over at her. Her face had been crushed. I couldn't even recognize her. So much blood. Just like that. She was gone. She was all I had left, and then, it was over." Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I was so lost, Cash. I didn't know what to do. I was a mess. I lost myself for so long after that. It wasn't until I saw you tonight that I felt like I could make it again."

Son of a bitch.
Pain sliced through him. She'd been going through hell, and he hadn't been there for her. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart. I'm so fucking sorry." He pulled her into his arms, and she came willingly, burying her face against him as the sobs racked her body. He held her the way he used to, whispering all the words that had once given them comfort, stroking her hair and her back. She felt so small and vulnerable in his arms, tiny compared to him. He wanted to wrap himself around her and hide her in the shield of his body, protecting her from the pain, from life, from all the shitty things she didn't deserve.