Darkness Awakened (Primal Heat Trilogy #1) (Order of the Blade) (41 page)
Read Darkness Awakened (Primal Heat Trilogy #1) (Order of the Blade) Online
Authors: Stephanie Rowe
I have to.
She closed her mind to his, and she felt the emptiness of his absence. Yearning swelled in her to reconnect with him. The need to touch him, to hold him, to reach out for him burned through her mind. Having him so completely cut off...it was as if he’d died.
Grief caught Grace unprepared and crashed into her, and her heart ached with loss and loneliness and a bitter, horrible feeling of utter desolation. She let the tears come, let the devastation consume her, certain that to let him back in would make everything worse.
* * *
Quinn was shaking with Grace’s grief by the time he tested to see if the illusion was past. When he heard nothing but the sounds of vultures calling, he dropped his shields and opened his eyes. Grace was the first thing he saw, his eyes not resting until they found her.
She was huddled on the ground at the base of a cliff, her skin raw and red from the burns, her body trembling as sobs wracked her body. But she was alive, and the relief that shuddered through Quinn at that realization was tremendous.
He sent a message to his team that the danger was past, and they came to life around him with groans and the clank of weapons. The remains of their assailants littered the ground, piles of charred ash drifting in the wind. They’d been destroyed by their own belief in the deadly illusion, an illusion that would have killed Quinn and his men if they hadn’t known to prepare before it hit.
Quinn hauled himself to his feet, then nearly went down again as the pain rushed back into his body. Too many blows from Calydon weapons, too many he hadn’t been able to avoid. Warmth trickled down his back and knew he was still bleeding.
Willing strength into a body in desperate need of a healing sleep, Quinn forced his way across the rock toward Grace as he released his hold on her senses.
Grace lifted her head and looked around, her gaze coming to rest on him as he staggered toward her. Her face tightened. “Leave me alone.” She dug her bleeding hands into the dirt and tried to pull herself to her knees. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“No.” His legs gave out and he went down on his hands. Grace let out a small cry of distress. Blood was running down his arm and over his hand. Too much blood. He needed to get it stopped.
“Oh for God’s sake. Would you stop already? You’re killing me.” Tears made her voice rough as she crawled over to him and sank down beside him, slipping her hands around his shoulders. “I’m here, okay?”
He groaned as he fell into her touch. “You’re...all right?”
“Yes, I am.” She wrapped her arms around him as he willed himself to crawl the final few inches until his head was in her lap.
He threw his arm around her waist and closed his eyes, burying his face in the warmth of her body. Grace was safe. Finally, he could focus on the process of healing. “Don’t let me go,” he mumbled. “I need a minute to stop the bleeding.”
She pressed her lips to his hair. “I should throw you over a cliff.” But her arms tightened around him, and he knew she’d keep him safe against her for as long as he needed. He knew, because he’d felt the words she hadn’t been willing to say. She hated him, yeah, maybe, but she loved him too.
The thought scared the crap out of him, but at the same time, he wanted to lock her down and never give her a chance to retract it. “Merge with me,” he said “I can heal you, too.”
She shook her head. “I’m healing on my own. The illusion was so powerful that it’s healing me.”
He grimaced. “Damn. I wanted you to need me.”
She released a soft laugh. “I do need you. I need you to save my sister.”
“That’s all you need me for?”
Grace looked past him, and he knew she was watching his team recover from the ravages of battle, tying off their most severe wounds and trying to staunch the flow of blood. They were gearing up for the final battle, and they knew they were out of time. Quinn felt her realization that this might be their last moment together, that the end was coming now. Her fingers tightened in his hair. “No, Quinn, that’s not all.”
He managed a grin, despite the grit stinging his eyes and the damage to his body. “You need me to give you purpose in life, don’t you?”
She wiped some blood off his forehead. “You drive me crazy.”
“And?” He wanted her to say the words. To hear her speak it. To know what it felt like to feel that love directed at him. He wanted it. Now.
“Quinn!” Gideon’s voice was gruff, laced with pain.
He swore as his team descended upon them. His personal moment with Grace was over. It was time to go after Nate and Ana.
Grace watched warily as Gideon walked up, followed by the rest of the team. What would they think? They’d just witnessed her at her worst, her most deadly. She’d just murdered hundreds of men. Grace glanced at the field of bodies and felt ill. Had she really done that?
It had seemed so right at the time, and even afterwards, when she’d seen Quinn alive. But now that she thought of what it would look like to strangers, the judgment they would reap, suddenly she saw it the way they would see it, what the world always saw her as. A murderer. Death. Someone not to be trusted.
You did good, sweetheart.
Quinn was still lying heavily across Grace, his arm tight around her waist, his body lax with exhaustion.
Thanks.
But she got more and more nervous as the rest of the Order approached. The warriors were covered in blood, their clothing ripped. They loomed over her like five black angels of death. Their gazes were dark, their eyes heavy with battle.
“Grace.” Gideon crouched beside her.
She lifted her chin, preparing for the condemnation.
Gideon grinned and slugged her lightly on the shoulder. “You did good.”
She blinked. “Really?”
“Hell, yeah. That was impressive as hell,” Gideon said. “I’m damn glad you’re on our team.”
There were grunts of assent from the other four, the stoic team looking at her with respect and admiration, not condemnation or horror.
“Well, okay.” Grace felt stupidly pleased by the compliments. Yes, it shouldn’t matter what anyone else thought, and she knew she would have done it all again, but still. This was a first, having her curse generate compliments and admiration. Warmth spread through her, beautiful, amazing warmth. They’d witnessed her at her worst, and they’d accepted her for who she was. She grinned even wider, almost wanting to leap up and start dancing. What a glorious, amazing feeling! “Thanks.”
Gideon inclined his head, but there was a twinkle in his eye. Yeah, this was a good moment.
Quinn shifted on her, and he lifted his head. His gaze swept over his men, taking inventory as he rolled to his side with a wince. “How’s everyone?”
“Good enough. No one’s about to bleed out, so that’s a plus.” Gideon eyed Quinn’s shoulder. “Not so sure about you, though.”
“I’m fine. I’m healing.” He tried to sit up, but Gideon had to help him. “You think Dante had all these men here to protect the prison? In case Ezekiel got out?”
“Could be. More likely they were already working for Ezekiel, ready to be his servants when he gets out,” Gideon’s voice was grim.
“Well, if they were, point for us. They’re all dead now.” Quinn glanced around at the bodies littering the earth. Hundreds of them. “Decent work, considering the only reason we came here was to pick up Ian on our way to The Gun Rack.” He rubbed his forehead wearily. “We weren’t prepared for this attack. Without Grace, we would have died. It would have ended today.” He shook his head. “I don’t like it. There’s too much shit going on that we don’t understand, and if we don’t figure it out fast, we might not get lucky next time.”
“The Order is the only group of Calydons who’ve learned to work together, and even then we still have pissing contests,” Thano said. “There’s no way we could have predicted hundreds of Calydons teaming up.”
“Dante would have. We have to think like he would. We have to think back to what Ezekiel did two thousand years ago, and expect him to do the same.” Quinn tried to rise to his feet, but he hesitated with a grunt of pain.
Grace caught his hand and helped him up.
“What’s the time?” he asked, releasing Grace’s wrist, his fingers brushing over the wound on her wrist that was finally beginning to heal.
“We’ve got less than an hour until Zach and Gabe arrive at The Gun Rack,” Gideon said. “Barely enough time to figure out what we’re going to face and try to deal with it.”
“Illusions,” Quinn said. “He’ll have those going again, I’m sure of it.”
Grace rubbed the healing skin on her wrist from the copper band. Now that it was healing, it was itchy. She noticed her forearms were burning, and she tugged up her sleeve to look at her mark. The outline of the sword was almost complete, with only the final design in the middle of the handle remaining. Only half a stage to go, because she’d killed for him.
She’d
killed
someone. Hundreds of men. For him.
But she didn’t feel regret. Or grief. She knew, in her heart, that she’d had no other choice. She’d do it again, and again, and again. To save him. Because she loved him.
And that made it all right. Somehow, making that choice to save someone she loved took away the horror of what she’d done, of the choice she’d made. It had freed her.
The choice she’d made had bound them even tighter, and that felt good, too. So right she didn’t want to question it. Not now. Just for this moment, she wanted to bask in the feeling of being connected to him.
Because it would all be over soon.
As he directed battle strategies with the other warriors, Quinn traced his fingers over her mark. He raised his eyebrows at her, and she knew he’d realized that they’d done another stage. They were close. Too close now. And the worst part was that it felt good to be bonded with him, increasing the allure of closing that final stage.
For what purpose? Sealing the bond would bring the death and destruction of all they cared about. For her, that meant Ana. For Quinn, it was saving the world. If they bonded first, before they accomplished their goals, what then? Not only would they die, but so would everyone they were trying to protect.
It was a race now, a sprint between destiny and themselves.
Quinn’s face was grim as he studied the mark, even while he continued to discuss the plan for intercepting Zach and Gabe when they were handing Drew over to Nate.
All that’s left is for me to kill to save your life.
The chances of Quinn having to kill for her when they took on Nate were high, and they both knew it.
I’ll take your sword and do the killing myself.
He touched her cheek as the discussion ended and the men separated to finish preparing for battle. “I don’t want you to have to kill for me.”
She lifted her chin. “If that’s what I have to do to make sure my sister’s safe, then I’ll do it.”
Quinn cupped her face with his hands, deep sadness in his eyes. “I’ve brought violence into your life, and I’m so sorry. Because of me, you’ve been forced to kill, to repeat your worst nightmares. I’ve destroyed you already.”
She wrapped her fingers around his wrists. “No. It’s because of Nate. He’s the reason.” But she saw the self-recrimination in his eyes, and knew he didn’t believe her. She tightened her grip. “You helped me survive my illusion, you helped me control it. You’re giving me the courage to accept myself, to stop fearing who I am. That’s giving me the gift of life, right there. When we save my sister, everything will be worthwhile.” She stood on her toes and pressed her lips to his. “Loving you will always be worthwhile.”
He stopped breathing for a full minute. “You love me?”
“I wouldn’t have killed for you if I didn’t.”
He closed his eyes and whispered something she couldn’t decipher, then opened his eyes again to look at her. “You’re a gift,” he whispered. “You don’t belong in my world.”
She managed a rueful smile. “A little late for that, don’t you think?”
“Hey.” Gideon stuck his face between them. “We don’t have time for this touchy-feely shit. You ready?”
“Yeah.” Quinn turned to survey his team. “Any concerns?”
“The illusions,” Kane said. “Not the one by Grace’s sister because we can shut down our senses with those, but the ones that made Zach try to kill you. We don’t seem to have protection against that. What if he makes us turn on each other?”
“Grace will watch for it,” Quinn said.
“But then what? You saw what happened when she told Zach. It didn’t matter,” Kane said. “Dante was able to resist, but he is...” He grimaced. “...
was
...a hell of a lot stronger than us. I don’t want to go in there and find myself fighting off Ryland.”
Grace frowned as the men debated how to deal with Nate’s illusions, then realized she was rubbing her injured wrist. She stared down at it, then suddenly thrust it in front of the men. “This. It might work.”
Ryland scowled. “Your wrist?”
“No, no, the band that made the mark. It keeps me from doing an illusion, but maybe it would work to protect against one being done on you.”
Quinn frowned. “Have you ever heard of it being used that way?”
“No, no, it wouldn’t work for a typical illusion, because those are external. The bands are intended to stop the build of illusions from within, so I’m thinking it might work with the ones that are being created inside you guys.”
Quinn took her wrist and studied it. “So, where do we get them?”
“My house. I tried them when I was younger, and they made me sick, so I didn’t use them. But I kept them as a security blanket, in case I ever felt one coming on I couldn’t control.” Her gaze darted to Quinn. “Better to be sick than to accidentally kill someone.”
He squeezed her hand.
“You’re sure they’ll work?” Gideon asked.
“No. I’m not sure at all. I’m not even sure how many I still have. And I think mine are different than this one. Not as powerful...” She frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe it’s not such a great idea.”
Ryland spoke up. “We’ll try the bands. Maybe they won’t work, but it’s worth trying. We don’t have any other options.”
The rest of the men nodded their agreement, but no one said much. What was there to say? They’d have to go in and see what happened.
“Everyone ready? We’ll go by Grace’s place first and see what we can scavenge in the way of copper bands, and then we head to The Gun Rack to get into position.” Quinn put his arm around Grace’s shoulder as the men moved together to get within Kane’s range.
Grace’s heart tightened at the intense look on Quinn’s face. He was fully prepared to die, either at the hands of his men if they failed, or in pursuit of his goals.
Why did it have to be like that?
“We’re ready,” Kane said. “Let’s do it.”
Quinn met her gaze.
I know it’s not enough for you given the extenuating factors, but I offer you my heart. For always.
Tears filled her eyes and her throat thickened. For all that they had faced together, it was ending now. There were too many risks that would lead to one of them dying at The Gun Rack. If Quinn’s weapon wasn’t recovered...if the bond was consummated...if the battle went to hell. She knew she’d do whatever was necessary to save her sister, and Quinn would sacrifice himself to stop Ezekiel from getting out.
She and Quinn as a couple would end at The Gun Rack. One way, or another. There was no out.
Grace
. Quinn’s voice murmured in her mind, and she knew he’d heard her thoughts. And she knew he also believed this was the end for them. Destiny would come for them, and it had never been defeated. They were too close now, and the call to complete the bond was too strong.
In the fight, Quinn would kill for her, the bond would be sealed, and then destruction would come.
“Hang on.” Holding off Kane for a moment, Quinn took her by the elbow and pulled her to the side. His dark eyes were intense. “I think you should stay behind.”
Grace blinked. “What?”
His hands tightened on her shoulders. “Do you know how badly I want to finish that last stage? To make you mine so completely that the world bows at our feet? To seal you as my woman forever?”
Grace’s heart began to pound at the raw honesty in his voice.
“If we go, if you’re with me, I
will
kill for you, and I will complete that bond. There’s no other option.” Quinn dropped his hands and stepped back from her, sweat beading on his brow. “I spent my entire damn life believing that I was stronger than that damn bond, but now that I’m in it? Hell, Grace, I’ve got nothing to fight it. I get it now. I understand why Ezekiel brought down the world because of Evangeline, and I understand why Caleb went insane after he lost his wife. I might be the toughest damn member of the Order of the Blade, but I’m lost to you.”
Tears filled Grace’s eyes. Finally, for the first time in her life, she’d found her place. She’d found the man who loved her unconditionally, who would give up the world for her, and it was the wrong time, the wrong man, the wrong situation. “Quinn—”