Darkness of Light (18 page)

I stopped when I realized I was rambling. When I looked up at Eli, he had a strange look on his face. “See, this is why I don’t talk about it. It makes others feel awful and uncomfortable. What do you say to someone like me?”

Eli avoided my gaze, his face blank of emotion. But I could see past the wall. “You know exactly how it feels, don’t you?” I studied him. When he told me before that Lorcan was the only blood family he had left, I figured that meant he no longer had his parents. But now I realized he, too, had lost them tragically. It was something you could sense if you had been through something similar. He was probably used to keeping it well hidden from others. “You lost your parents, too?” 

He stood up. Anger flashed over his face as he bristled defensively. 

“I’m sorry,” I said.

He grabbed me by the wrist, pulling me up. The cruelty was back in his eyes. “Sorry?” He scoffed bitterly. “Fate is mocking me.”

“What are you talking about?”

He moved closer to me. His eyes became distant and cold as they searched mine. The longer he looked, the more it seemed to incite wrath deep within him. His grip tightening on my wrist until my bones ached. I couldn’t hold back a whimper. He released me and spun away. 

“Why do you affect me?” he muttered. “I should hate you.”

“Why?”

His response was to move towards the forest, retreating from my presence once again. 

Later, instead of taking me back to Silverwood to catch the bus, which I figured he’d do, he drove me all the way home. The silent tension between us grew so thick that half-way there I debated about opening the door and diving out of the car just to escape. He had barely pulled up before I was out of the car and running into the house.

Nineteen

Tuesday and Wednesday passed by with little interaction with Eli. While Eli avoided me, Samantha seemed to go out of her way to make trouble for me. Her eyes were filled with looks of spite and malevolence. She had probably sensed the strange tension between Eli and me and didn’t like it. 

On Thursday, when Eli drove us up to the ropes site after school, he did his best to remain true to his charade—pretending I was not there. The silence drove me crazy because I could feel the hostility vibrating off him, the unsaid words hanging on him. Between that and the little sleep I was getting, I could only take so much of his bullshit. 

I huffed, rolling my eyes. “So, it’s going to be like this again?”

“Like what?”

I gave him a leveled look. “Like this.” I motioned between us. “We go round and round. It’s like our own warped version of ‘Who’s on First’.” 

His lips twitched with a slight smile.

“Can I ask you something?” I was feeling bolder. Lack of sleep could do that. A smirk was the only response I got, which was enough for me to go ahead. “What is it about me that makes you bipolar and so angry?” I stared at his profile, unflinching. He turned to look out the side window, his jaw strained as it clenched together in a tight line. “I know this charming personality isn’t just for my benefit. I’ve seen how you are with others, but I know it comes on extra thick with me. So why do you hate me?” 

There was a long silence after he parked the car. We sat there in tense anticipation, neither of us moving for the door. 

“I don’t hate you.” His voice was low and choppy. It almost sounded like he wished he did, and the fact he didn’t was a huge nuisance for him. I stared at him, hoping he’d continue. He seemed to struggle with something, but then shook his head and opened the car door. He grabbed both our backpacks and headed for the site.

The strangled cry, which I wouldn’t let reach my lips, howled inside me. I got out, slamming the door behind me, simmering with indignation.

I had bared my soul, told him things I had never told anyone, and now I felt stupid for letting him in.
How could I be so stupid?

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out, looking at the caller ID. “Hey Ryan, what’s up?”

“Em, how’s life on the chain gang?”

“Funny.” A smile grew on my face from ear to ear. 

“Kennedy already texted your dad telling him we’re picking you up later today. He was tickled pink and reminded us not to get you into too much mischief. So, we were thinking a little B and E, or robbing a convenience store. You know, a relaxing Thursday night.” 

“Oh, then it would definitely be a little breaking and entering, which always unwinds me after a long week,” I replied. 

“That’s what I thought, but Kennedy was all for robbing a convenience store,” Ryan exclaimed. “If they’ll let you off for good behavior, where do we pick you up?”

“I’d be screwed if it was stipulated on my good behavior.” I laughed. I gave him directions to pick me up by the parking lot near the waterfall. 

“Sounds good. Oh and guess what? To celebrate your impending release from the clink and the fact you will hopefully be back with Ken and me soon, I got us tickets for tomorrow night to Poisonous Mushrooms, that local band we’ve been waiting to see. So, wear something hot—the sluttier the better. I heard that’s an easy way to get backstage.” 

I had completely forgotten there was a chance of me leaving Silverwood at the end of the month. 

“Then you wear a slu . . .” My phone was snatched from my ear. “Hey!”

“Talk on your own time.” Eli turned off my phone. “You can get it back later.”

“Listen, you are not in charge here. You can’t order me around!”

He lifted up his arms. “You wanna come and get it back then?” He nodded at the phone stuffed deeply into his front pocket. 

I contemplated it. I seriously contemplated it.

My eyes darted to him.
You are such a bastard.

It’s so hard being this good at something,
his eyes replied.

Kiss my ass. 

If you’d like me to start there.

I ground my teeth in irritation as opposing emotions rolled around in my stomach. The height of my maturity reared its ugly head. I stuck my tongue out at his back as he headed up the trail. 

“I can think of many other uses for it than that,” he replied, never even turning around. 

I stood there, blinking in shock.
Does this guy have eyes in the back of his head?

“You know, if you needed a ride home later, you could have just asked.” He turned to face me and walked backwards up the trail. A naughty, half-grin played on his lips, his voice was low and seductive. I wished that every time I looked at him it didn’t unnerve me so much. Besides his “take me now” bad-boy looks, there was also something about him that both drew me in and terrified me.

“Yeah, but I prefer the rides that don’t come with STDs.” 

Eli’s mouth tugged at the corners as his eyes glowed with an evil mischievousness. “That would be the least of your worries.” He turned, heading for the storage unit.

He seriously had to be bi-polar.

I went the opposite way, walking down towards the obstacle course. It was safer to have distance between us. Not until I was ankle deep in dirt and foliage did I start to calm down. Blue skies opened up above my head, and an involuntary smile stretched across my face. It was colder today because there was no cloud cover, but seeing the sun made me want to crawl onto a rock like a snake and soak up every ray. Closing my eyes, I turned my face up to the warm sun, feeling my skin absorb the beams. I could feel myself slipping into a meditative state, becoming lighter as I relaxed. 

I started picturing myself as a leaf, fluttering in the wind. It felt so good to let go of all the stress and frustration. My eyes opened. Shock forced me to draw in a large gulp of air. Dozens of leaves were suspended in the air around me, floating in place. I knew I was capable of doing strange things, but it still frightened me. It was a clear sign that I was not normal. I concentrated on an individual leaf, feeling the energy radiating from it. It floated back up into the air. I opened up my range, moving several more leaves at once.

Holy shit. I’m really doing this.

I heard a noise behind me. Whipping around, I saw Eli watching me. The instant my concentration fractured, the leaves fluttered to the ground, some landing placidly on Eli’s jacket. The look on his face made a chill creep into my body. The sun no longer felt warm on my skin. It was one thing to know something was different about me, but for someone else to see it was a whole other issue. 

Picking up a leaf on his jacket, he crushed it in his hand. His intense stare never wavered from mine. I expected shock, fear, or possibly awe, but he showed none of those reactions. The way he examined me was disturbing. I couldn’t stay there another second. Grabbing my backpack, I ran for the trail. 

“Where the hell are you going?”

I didn’t respond but continued to hoof it down the hill. He never had the courtesy to tell me where he was going, so why should I? 

“Brycin,” he shouted.

Yeah, it doesn’t feel so nice on the other side now, does it? 

I wanted some time alone. I needed to think, so I headed for the waterfall. He would figure out where I went, I knew that, but I was hoping it would give me some time. In all honesty, I didn’t even know if he’d bother coming after me. At that moment, I didn’t care. 

When I got to the bridge, the sound of the water was soothing and comforted my soul. Dangling my feet over the edge, I stared at the water as it gushed down. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tried to focus on the sound of the crashing water, taking slow deep breaths. 

Time became inconsequential to me. I lost myself to the revolving inquires in my brain.

Eventually I started to shiver with cold and become aware of my surroundings again. The sun was now melting below the horizon, leaving shadows in its wake. Ryan would be picking me up soon, and I couldn’t let him see me like this. If Kennedy was with him, I had to be even more diligent. I swaddled my emotions tightly and placed them deep within me. Forcing an easy-going smile on my lips, I reached around to grab my backpack. And stopped. 

Several yards away, Eli leaned against a tree, his eyes gleaming through the dark shadows. Without question, I knew he had been there the whole time, watching me. Giving me space but keeping watch, making sure I was okay. Seeing his face there made me forget all the warnings he had given me, the strange things that had happened between us, and the fact that something told me I should run away from him, screaming. 

I knew what I wanted. Needed. Without second-guessing myself, I got up and walked steadily over to him, stopping only when I was a breath away from his lips. He didn’t back away, but his expression was guarded, his eyes tracking my every movement. Without hesitation, I slipped my arms around his waist, leaning my head against his chest. 

For a second he just stood there, his body stiffening at my touch. I didn’t let go. His body heat only drew me in closer. He let out a staggered breath, gradually wrapping his strong arms around me as he pulled me into a tight hug, laying his cheek against my head. We stood there silently holding on to each other, pretending for just that moment the outside world didn’t exist. His heart hammered against my chest, as mine slammed against his. 

I felt safe, protected, and happy; and, even though it wasn’t true, I wanted to believe it was. We stayed like this for a long time, neither one of us letting go. Finally, I pulled back a little and whispered, “Thank you.” He nodded as he let go of me, but he didn’t move away. A mistake was looking up into his eyes. They burned so intently, that I felt heat rise into my face. He made me want to do things I really shouldn’t have been thinking about. 

I stepped away, but his fingers curled around the front of my coat, pulling me back in. I waited for an awkward, uncomfortable feeling to come over me. It didn’t. All I could feel was the heat blazing through my body. “Eli . . .” I weakly put a warning in my voice. 

A grin hinted at his lips. He was aware I didn’t really mean it. That roguish smile always caused my heart to jump up into my throat. I knew what it meant and felt helpless to stop it—I didn’t want to stop it. 

He bent slowly over me, giving me plenty of time to object. His hands still gripped the front of my jacket, tugging me in closer, causing me to feel dizzy and breathless. His lips moved down to mine. I wanted to feel his lips on mine so badly it was almost painful. His top lip barely grazed mine when a shrilling horn blasted through the air. We collided into each other as we jumped in shock.

“Oooowwww!” I reached up to my face. “My nose!”

“Your nose? You clocked my chin,” he garbled as he put a finger into his mouth. “Oh, I think you made me bite my tongue.” I laughed when he pulled his tongue out to inspect it. “You think that’s funny?” He scoffed. “You are one seriously twisted girl.” 

The horn blared loudly again from the parking lot up on the hill. I looked up to where it was. Even though I couldn’t see it, I knew the sound of Ryan’s horn and knew he was waiting.

“No, none of this is funny.” I became serious. “You’re with someone else. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“No, you’re right, we shouldn’t be.” He looked off into the distance. “I also heard you’re leaving Silverwood soon.”

“How did . . . were you listening in on my phone call?” I demanded. Speaking of my phone, I remembered it was still confined deep in Eli’s pants pocket.

He shrugged, still not looking at me.

“But I didn’t say anything. How did you hear that?”

“I didn’t. Mrs. Sanchez told me.” 

I looked at my feet. “Oh. Yeah, looks like I am leaving Silverwood.” I kept emotion from my face. I was used to showing people I was okay when I wasn’t.

“Good.” He then nodded up towards the parking lot. “You’d better go.” 

“Eli?” My eyes pleaded with him. All I really wanted was for him to ask me to stay, to tell me he had feelings too. That would never happen. Another shrill blow of a horn from the parking lot cemented that.

“Better run along Ember.” His voice twisted into a cruel, mocking tone. 

My armor snapped back in place. “My phone.” I held out my hand.