Darwin's Paradox (33 page)

She blinked and looked around as if suddenly coming out of a dream. “Oh, I’m sorry. I drifted off.” Then she sighed. “Can we discuss this later? I’m not much use to you right now.” She yawned for the twentieth time. “I’m dead tired. I need to go to bed.”

“That’s a good idea,” Daniel said and squeezed his arm around her. “We can continue our discussion tomorrow morning.” After a quick glance at Victor and Carl, he added, “You go ahead, honey. I’ll join you in a minute. I have to ask Victor about a portable wind-powered generator he told me about.”

Julie nodded. “Okay.” She got up shakily and started for the door.

Daniel felt a surge of guilt and stood up to take her by the arm.

“Zane, would you mind accompanying my wife to her quarters?”

Zane perked up. “Sure. I’m on my way anyway.”

Daniel glanced at Julie. She looked grateful. “Thanks, Zane,” she said. “Just so long as you promise not to talk about evolution and two-headed creatures.”

He gave her a manic grin and offered his arm to her. She hooked hers around his and turned back to the three men. “Goodnight, everyone.”

When Julie and Zane left the room, Daniel turned back to Victor and Carl. He looked from one to the other gravely. “There is another way...”

“Your daughter,” Victor said gripping Daniel’s gaze with his own.

Daniel nodded, lips tightening. “Angel’s a veemeld and she can talk to Proteus too. She’ll make a great teacher. She’s a confident and eloquent speaker, as she’s already demonstrated. I know she’s willing. I’ve already talked to her about it.” He turned to Carl with an inquisitive look.

“Angel can stay with us if that’s what you were thinking,” Carl assured him. “She already seems part of the family she and Manfred go everywhere together. They’re at the Rec-Center now.”

Victor shook his head with a frown. “It won’t work. Julie will never agree.”

The way she’d tenaciously clung to Angel since they’d been reunited had been pretty obvious to everyone, Daniel thought. Like a mother bear with her cub, Julie might refuse to leave her little girl behind. Even if it was for Icaria. He swallowed hard. “Which is why we won’t tell her,” he said grimly. It was obvious from the look on Victor’s face that he questioned the wisdom of Daniel’s choice. “It’ll be like an educational field trip for a few months or years,” Daniel reasoned. “Good for her.”

“Her mother won’t see it that way.”

“Initially, she won’t. But she’ll see the rational wisdom of the plan eventually,” Daniel reassured. But he didn’t feel the sureness he’d projected. He knew Julie was in no shape to be rational right now—if ever—when it came to her daughter.

Julie
strode along the main corridor of the top floor of the Pol Station, a slight tension in her shoulder blades. This was the last place she wanted to be, but Tyers had caught up to her in the hallway of the Med-Center earlier to inform her that Raymond had, in fact, retrieved her backpack and that he’d left it in the suite she’d escaped from, next to the Head Pol’s. Why hadn’t he brought it down for her? Forcing down uncomfortable memories, she found her backpack on the couch in the leisure room. Faded and slightly crumpled, it was nonetheless a joyous sight. Julie hoisted it over one shoulder and lingered to look out at the view one last time. It looked cheerful and peaceful out there, she thought. The heath lay in bright sunshine and the cumulous clouds formed cotton islands in a sea of deep blue sky. She slipped into veemeld.
Hey, SAM...

[Hey, Julie.]

Oh, SAM, I’m going home. With my family.

[Your growing family, Julie.]

She grinned and stroked her abdomen where her little infant lay.
Yes. My growing family.
Against all odds, she’d succeeded in her mission after all. With the help of a few special people...and SAM. T
hanks for all your help, SAM...again.

[Someone had to help; you kept getting into trouble.]

Grinning broadly, Julie strode out of the suite with long clipped steps then jolted to a stop as she came face to face with the last person she wanted to see: Frank. She killed the smile and forced back a sharp inhale. It looked suspiciously as though he’d been waiting for her. Had Tyers set her up?

“Do you have a moment?” he asked, inviting her into his private suite next door with a nervous sweep of his arm. “I want to show you something.”

With some effort Julie set aside her distrust and followed him rather furtively inside. He didn’t close the door behind him, as if to reassure her of his honorable intentions. Nor did he move close to her, but kept a respectable distance between them. After lowering his head briefly as if to urge himself on, he plunged into what seemed like a speech he’d rehearsed, “I wanted you to know that you didn’t give me Darwin. I know that for certain now.”

She gave him a crooked wistful smile. “I know too.” He waited for her to explain, the surprise evident on is face. “SAM explained it to me in the A.I. core and Proteus provided the proof.”

“Ah,” he sighed, nodding. “I just got it myself from my sources and,” lips firming with determination, “I wanted you to know that I knew.”

“I appreciate your intent,” she responded and then they stood for a moment in awkward silence.

“And—ah—thanks for not...” he trailed.

For not pressing charges? she thought. “Yeah, well...” she faltered back.

“Thanks for giving me another chance.” He ended softly.

She wanted to say, ‘just do something right with it,’ but the words choked in her throat. They stood facing each other in more clumsy silence. So, was that all he wanted to say?

She started for the door and was about to thank him and say good-bye, when he continued like an awkward boy bent on showing her his new toys, “And I also wanted to show you this.” He led her to his large desk with a vee-com. The holo displayed several files. When Julie realized that they were mostly confidential documents and secret correspondence between Gaia and several Secret Pols, including John Dykstra, the previous Chief of Secret Pols, her interest was caught.

Frank pointed out several interesting annotations. “Not only do we know that your father was innocent of the two murders,” he said, looking at the holo alongside Julie, “but I now know that he didn’t falsely incriminate my father as a Dystopian: it was all Gaia. In fact she’s the one who had my father killed, just as she did yours. Then, as if that wasn’t enough, she pitted your father against mine on paper...and as a result,” he aimed his blazing eyes directly into hers, “me against you in person.”

They looked at one another in silence for several heartbeats. “I’m so sorry, Julie,” he offered in a voice splintered with emotion. “She’s played me for a fool from the beginning. From that first time she had me assigned to watch you for the Shadow Unit,” he confided. “She might have been a fool herself for trusting the son of the man who double-crossed her; imagine, her top henchman secretly running the Dystopian movement and recruiting his own renegade Pols right under her own eyes. He was organizing his own war against the very people she was trying to put into power: the veemelds. But I’m still the greater fool for believing anything she said.”

Why did his sudden honesty make her feel uncomfortable? Was it just that she wasn’t used to it? He’d rarely confided seriously and honestly with her during their affair twelve years ago. As a matter of fact, he’d had little time for words at all, she recalled, and when he did speak usually in the heat of some argument he said awful things to her.

Frank’s lips tightened and he looked beyond her for a moment, remembering. “I had my suspicions all along about certain things, especially the Secret Pols, but I had no idea of the extent of the treacherous influence she wielded. To kill our fathers and weave such a cruel tapestry of intrigue that I felt compelled to avenge the wrong person, when you were just another one of her victims.”

Julie lowered her gaze briefly. “That’s all in the past now, Frank.” Then she looked straight into his tortured eyes. “Our fathers are dead and we can’t bring them back. But we should both be glad they were exonerated. Leonard Crane and John Langor will be remembered by all Icarians as good men now.”

“I can’t help thinking how things might have been if I hadn’t been focused on avenging my father’s death and we’d been friends instead...”

The way he looked at her...Julie stiffened and fought the urge to step back from him. “We can’t keep our thoughts in the past and hang on to ‘what ifs’, Frank. We have our lives to lead in the present,” she said firmly.

“I still have to deal with what I’ve done, what I thought I was doing in the name of Icaria but was actually doing for that self-serving bitch. She fooled me completely. Tricked me into thinking she was shutting down the core and rounding up veemelds for Icaria’s sake, when she was thinking only of herself and her personal power. She even had me wrongly convinced about Victor Burke’s guilt.”

“Gaia tricked everyone,” Julie said with a conciliatory smile, edging for the doorway and hoping to end their conversation. “You weren’t alone.”

“I won’t be fooled again,” he said in a voice hardened with conviction and eyes narrowing as they focused on some faraway place.

“You always were an excellent purveyor of justice,” she offered.

His eyes snapped back to hers. “No, that was you. You were the one who always kept on the true path of justice, thinking of others, saving others.” He moved forward and reached out to clasp her hands. But when she involuntarily jerked back, he dropped his arms to his sides and his whole body sagged, and suddenly aged ten years. “I’m so sorry I hurt you, Julie. I wanted to believe you were bad so I could punish you for all the big hurts inside me: for getting Darwin disease, for losing you and being left alone in a world I no longer believed in...” His head drooped and he ended in a hoarse whisper, “Perhaps it wasn’t even all those things, but that you saved everyone else and didn’t try to save me...”

Oh, what power he’d given to her! she thought, overcome with remorse. And so unfair. Was this his way of saying he was sorry for raping her? Could she forgive him? “I better go,” she said, her voice breaking, and backed away. “They’re waiting for me—”

“Wait,” he said abruptly. “I have something for you.” He turned to a drawer and pulled out her old leather shorts and faded blue shirt. “I had them washed for you like you asked,” he said with an awkward smile, offering the clothes to her.

Julie accepted them and without thinking brought them to her face. The sweet scent of old leather transported her into another place, a place of warmth, love and family. She opened eyes she hadn’t realized she’d closed and gazed at Frank for a moment. His look, though punctuated with pain, was not without a great deal of warmth; a warmth she hadn’t seen before in his eyes.

“Thank you,” she said, tears threatening to swallow her words. “That was kind of you.” She’d never known him to be kind before. Not knowing what else to say, she turned to leave.

“Julie,” he called after her with a fractured voice.

She stopped at the door and, though almost afraid to, turned to meet his intense gaze.

“I want you to know that I wish you all the best in life with your growing family.” Then his tight lips opened into a genuine smile of fondness. “I’m glad for your happiness.”

“Thank you. You too, Frank,” she replied softly. “I wish you only happiness in yours,” and found to her sadness that she saw very little happiness there. She turned and left.

“Your
skyship’s waiting for you just outside,” Victor informed Julie and Daniel in a voice she thought rather formal and distant. His face twitched. Why was he so nervous, Julie wondered. “It’s fueled up and will get you easily to your old place. Tyers and Raymond will escort you. They’re more than competent.” He couldn’t look at anyone for long as he stood stiffly at the end of the Pol Station hallway at an outside exit door—his emotions were too volatile. They were surrounded by well-wishers, including Zane, Carl and Manfred, Aileen and a few others. “Tyers and Raymond have loaded all your supplies. They’re waiting outside for you.”

Then, with an almost frightened glance at Angel, Victor rested his gaze on Julie and seemed to relax briefly. He gave her an awkward smile. “You look wonderful in your heath clothing, like you never even left...”

Julie glanced down at her old leather shorts and faded blue shirt and laughed warmly. “Only more clean,” she said, swinging her leg forward to reveal new Enviro-Center boots. She gave him a thoughtful half-smile. “A lot’s happened, a lot’s changed since I last wore these clothes.”

“A whole world,” he said.

She approached Victor until they were close enough to touch and continued in a quiet voice, “Thank you, Victor. Thank you for saving my family...and saving me.” She flashed her crooked smile, then caught her lower lip in her teeth to keep from bursting into tears.

Victor hesitated then lunged forward awkwardly and threw his arms around her in a very uncharacteristic crushing embrace that made her laugh out loud and hug him right back.

“We’ll miss you,” Victor said in a voice swelling with emotion.

She squeezed back and whispered, “I’ll miss you too.”

Aileen stepped forward as Victor released her. She nodded to Daniel and Julie with a warm but determined smile. She extended her hand to both of them and wished them well. Then she pressed Julie’s hand and added, “Promise me you’ll consider our offer, Julie.”

Julie nodded, elated and uncomfortable and confused by her feelings on this matter. She felt like she was abandoning Icaria and yet they still wanted her to join the Circle. They were moments from leaving and she hadn’t yet given Aileen an answer, but the powerful member of the Circle seemed to understand. “Take your time, Julie. I’ll stay in touch, but I must go now.” She pressed Julie’s hand once more then let go and departed as Carl moved forward and cleared his throat.

“Don’t worry, we’ll manage,” he addressed Julie’s worries. He gave her a complicated smile, one she couldn’t read for the myriad of expressions it contained, including what might have been embarrassment. “Please keep in touch.”

She nodded. “I will.” They were all being much too accommodating, too reasonable, Julie thought and began to feel angry at herself on their behalf for leaving them in such a lurch. “I’ll come back. As soon as...I can.” Perhaps with her newborn child, she considered, with a wary glance at Daniel and Angel.

“But what will we do in the meantime?” Zane cut in, pushing forward and showing his dismay. At least he was being sincere, Julie thought, appreciating his honesty. His eyes flashed from Carl to Victor then turned back to Julie. “You’re the only person who can communicate with SAM and Proteus at the same time—”

“No, she isn’t,” Angel interjected. “I can too.” Carefully avoiding her mother’s eyes, Angel added, “and I’m staying.”

“What?” Julie said, stunned.

“I’m not coming with you, Mom,” Angel said. She’d moved next to Victor and regarded Julie with calm eyes. “I just came this far to say good bye.”

Julie stared. A spike of alarm lanced through her and she heard her voice shake, “What do you mean? Of course you’re coming home with us.”

“No, I’m staying here. This is where I belong for now, anyway.” She glanced briefly at Manfred. “With Proteus and our new people, with Victor and the other veemelds. I can help them. I know what to do. They explained it to me.”

“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re just a child.” Her gaze darted from Angel to Victor, who avoided her eyes and was visibly shaking. It was obvious that he already knew of Angel’s decision. Perhaps even played a part in it. Anger flushed into her face.

“I’ve made up my mind and you can’t stop me,” Angel said quickly, seeing her mother’s reaction. “Good bye Mom and Dad.” She backed away.

“No!” Julie lunged out to pull Angel with her, but Angel darted back, clutching Victor and pulling him vigorously away from Julie and Daniel. Victor stared at Julie, his face white, as he let Angel drag him down the hall, followed by Carl and a confused Zane. Julie surged forward and met a barricade. Daniel had seized her in a strangling embrace and held her back. “Let me go!” she snarled at him, pummeling his arm.

“Julie,” Daniel said, “You can’t do this all on your own. You have to let go, let someone else carry it “

“But not Angel! Not my child!” she wailed, straining against his strong hold. Not after she’d just gotten Angel back!

“Who else?” he reasoned in a calm voice. “She’s the right choice, the only choice. It’s for Icaria, your Icaria. And she wants to. You can’t protect her forever. She’s becoming a young woman now. Capable of making her own decisions.”

She turned to him in sudden rage. “You knew no, you planned this. You’ve given her away just like.” Her throat closed in a spasm of surging emotion.

“Just like your father gave you away,” Daniel quietly finished for her.

At his words the dam inside her broke and her body shook with racking sobs. She watched her little girl practically run down the hallway without looking back. No, not little, and certainly not a girl anymore. Daniel was right. Angel had grown up. In facing her challenges in Icaria, Angel had demonstrated a wisdom, courage and trust that had far surpassed her own. Julie suddenly realized that she’d accomplished what she’d hoped in nurturing her child toward the incredible young woman that she now was growing into.

Weeping with a mixture of pride and sadness, Julie watched her daughter disappear around the corner to fulfill her destiny as a leader of a new race of Icarians.

“Why did she run away like that?” she gasped through her remaining sobs. “Like she was scared of me, her own mother...”

“I don’t know,” Daniel said softly and stroked her hair. “Maybe for the same reason you left us so suddenly in the heath. Or maybe for the same reason we didn’t tell you about our plan until now. I’m sorry, Julie. Please don’t be mad at me. We all agreed, even Angel, that you’d never go for it, never give her up, no matter how we rationalized it to you.”

“You didn’t trust me,” she whispered sadly, sagging wearily in his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Daniel said in a hoarse voice of shame.

Then, like a clear shaft of light, Angel’s sweet voice came to her:
Mom?

Oh, Angel! Why didn’t you tell me?

I had to run away because you would have persuaded me to come with you and I had to go while I still could...

Oh, Angel, I’m trying to understand. You just startled me...I wasn’t ready for this...not prepared...
She realized she was blubbering and close to being incoherent as sobs rose up in her throat again.

Don’t worry, Mom. I’ll be okay. And it’s only for a while. A couple of years at most.

I want you to know that I...trust you. I believe in you.
Julie closed her eyes and leaned against Daniel, who stroked her arm. Then, gently holding her to him, Daniel led them to the exit.

Mom?

Julie raised her head.
Yes, honey?

I just want you to know that I’ll always be your little girl. And that I love you so much!

I’m so proud of you, Angel. I love you too.

Then she and Daniel were through the doors and bursting into the daylight of the heath where the skyship awaited them. As the soft turf gave way beneath her feet, Julie inhaled the heath’s peppery smells and felt the expansive freedom of the drifting breeze caress her skin, blowing away the staleness of the city.

A bird’s whoop drew her attention and she turned to stare as a large bird took flight out of the nearby marsh, great wings beating as if in slow motion. A heron—No! Unmistakable, this time, it was a crane. Was it possible that this bird wasn’t extinct after all? As Julie watched the bird soar gracefully away, the deep ache in her heart lifted a little and she caught a fleeting glimpse of her father’s universe: a universe completely and totally connected by a fine network of gossamer web. A universe in which a daughter and a mother, miles apart, could talk to one another through a virus. A world that fed into an eternal cycle of altering form...nano-soup...the cell of a beating heart...the suspended dust upon which bloomed a blushing sky. In her father’s universe you took it as far as you could, then let nature’s wisdom take care of the rest: stable chaos.

Daniel touched her shoulder. “Are you going to be okay?”

Julie turned to him, and everything, including his hair, sparkled as though they were standing in SAM’s crystal matrix. She wiped the tears from her eyes and linked her hand with his. “Yes, I will be now.” She smiled. “We’re going home.”