Date Me (42 page)

Dawson: You told me we’d have nothing to talk about. I thought of something we could talk about.

Me: I just read all your Facebook posts from this weekend.

Dawson: We could talk about that. I’m out for a walk, wanna join me?

Me: I’m at Annie’s dorm and I look like crap. Be prepared.

I walk out, and Dawson says, “Casual, yes. Crap, no.” He snakes his arm around my waist. “You always come out here with practically nothing on, then I have to give you my sweatshirt.”

“Oh, sorry, I, um, I’ll run back in and grab one.”

“No, you’re not. I love seeing you wear my clothes.” He pulls his sweatshirt off over his head and pulls it down over mine. “This feels familiar,” he says, then pulls the hoodie strings toward him.

“Did you really know right away you screwed up? Like before you even hung out with her?”

“I told you, the second you were gone, I knew I made a mistake. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re the last person I’d want to hurt.”

“And after you hung out with her, when you said the past is history. What did you mean by that?”

“I meant that she’s part of my past, not my future. You are my future. Well, I hope you are. Keatie, I love you.”

“Please don’t say that.”

“Will you give me another chance?”

“I don’t know.”

“Can we start over?”

“I don’t know, Dawson. Maybe. If we go anywhere, we’d have to go back to the beginning.”

He gives me a sexy grin. “Our beginning was pretty amazing.”

I lean in and give him a kiss on the cheek. “I have to get back in there.”

I go back inside and tell the girls about what he said. We dissect the entire conversation and consider the pros and cons of getting back together with him. And even though they come up with a lot of pros, I know I can’t do it.

At least, not yet.

My phone buzzes.

Aiden: I’m in the library. You’re not here.

Me: You’re gonna have to go it alone tonight. I’m not up for it.

Aiden: Just come talk to me.

Me: I have no makeup on. My hair is a mess. I’m not going anywhere.

Aiden: Then I’m coming to you.

Me: No.

Aiden: You missed the monthly birthday celebration at dinner tonight. I have cake for you. Double layer chocolate.

Me: Fine. But I’m warning you. I look scary. And I’m at Annie’s dorm.

Aiden: I can handle it. And I know. Meet me outside.

“Aiden is bringing me cake. I have to run outside.”

“You can’t see him with no makeup. Quick, put some on.”

“Naw, I don’t care.”

Annie says, “You must be really upset about Dawson if you don’t care.”

“I am really upset about Dawson.”

“Don’t forget to apologize to him,” she says, as she walks me to the door.

“So, cake, huh?”

“Come here.” Aiden takes my hand like it’s the most normal thing in the world and leads me over to a bench that is just off to the side of the entrance to Annie’s dorm. He spreads a napkin across my lap, takes the plastic wrap off the cake, sets it on my lap, and hands me a fork. “Dig in.”

I take a big bite.

I look like shit, I’m not gonna impress him with my manners either.

“Oh. Wow. Oh, yuuummm. This is goooood cake.”

“Told ya.”

I take another forkful and hold it up to his mouth.

He opens his mouth, so I give him a bite. “It is really good, but I already had a piece. This is for you.”

“Why did you get me cake, Aiden?”

He touches my index finger with his. Runs it slowly up my hand. “I saw you weren’t at dinner. Thought it’d be nice. Is it not nice?”

I take another bite, almost groan in ecstasy, and then say, “It’s very nice. But a lot of girls missed dinner. Did you get them all cake?”

He frowns at me. “No, I didn’t get them all cake. I’m sorry I made you mad today.”

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I was crabby. And I’m really sorry I puked all over your room. I’ve had a rough couple of days.”

“That’s why I brought cake, Boots. It’s a peace offering. Get it? Piece of cake. Peace offering?”

I nod at him and smile. “I get it, and I like both kinds of peace.”

He stops moving his finger across my hand and looks at me intently. “Good. Remember that in a few minutes.”

“Why . . .?” I start to say, but I can’t finish because his lips are on mine.

He gives me one of his long, slow, perfect, electrifying kisses.

Our lips touch.

They barely move.

They don’t have to.

Just touching is somehow enough.

The kiss ends. He must have ended it.

There’s no way I pulled away from a kiss like that.

I want to be kissed like that forever.

I’m frozen, holding my breath, and staring at his beautiful face. Those green eyes that make me feel emotionally naked every time he looks at me.

He touches my bottom lip with his finger.

Slowly glides it from one corner to the other.

“How are your lips?’ he asks. And I know exactly what he’s referring to. The night when he fixed my lips.

“Perfect,” I reply, with a contented sigh.

“So you’re not mad at me anymore?”

“How could I be mad?” I say.

But I want to tell him that I know it’s all bullshit. The lines. The kisses.

I want to tell him that I’m not falling for him again.

That I was crushed when he didn’t call me after our 29 dances.

That I saw our future.

That I just got hurt by a boy and I don’t ever want to be hurt again. That I could never give him my heart.

For one reason.

He could destroy it.

If Dawson had the potential to break my heart, crack it in two, Aiden has the power to annihilate it.

And I would never be the same.

That’s why we can only be friends.

That and the fact that he’s hung up on someone else.

He gets up and says, “For once, I’m gonna end it on a good note. Goodnight, Boots.”

“Night, Aiden,” I say, trying to keep the wistful sound out of my voice.

I stop before I go back into Annie’s room and take a deep breath.

It’s just cake.

He felt bad.

It’s just cake.

He’s a nice guy.

It’s just cake. He’s finally not failing French.

You are his tutor. It’s just cake. A peace offering, so you will keep tutoring him.

I set the cake on the floor and let the girls dig in.

“Oh my gosh. We are
never
missing cake night again!” Maggie exclaims.

“It was sweet of Aiden to bring you cake,” Annie gushes.

“I wish a boy would bring me cake,” Katie says.

I touch my lip and say quietly, almost to myself. “He kissed me.”

“Like made out or kissed?” Maggie asks, her mouth still full of chocolate.

“Just one of his super slow, lips-barely-touching, amazing kisses.”

“But you’re still done with boys?”

“Definitely,” I say with conviction. “But, I mean, he brought us cake. He deserved a kiss, don’t you think?”

“I’d do more than kiss for cake this good,” Maggie laughs.

“You’re bad.”

She grins. “I wish.”

It’s a mess.

10:30pm

Katie and I roll into our room just before curfew. I brush my teeth and walk out of the bathroom.

And see my side of our room.

There are books all over the floor by my desk. There are clothes piled high on my chair.

I slowly walk towards my closet and peek in.

It’s a mess.

My shoes aren’t in their boxes.

My expensive handbags are tossed in a pile on the floor instead of lovingly placed in a row on my shelf.

I back out of my closet and look at my bed. My bed, which I stopped making every morning.

Oh my god.

I’ve become Dawson.

I almost quit the play because of him. I almost gave up on my dream because of a boy.

Mom always says that Tommy encourages her to shine. That he’d never try to change her.

But Dawson didn’t try to change me. I let myself change.

What did Kym say after I broke up with Sander?
I’m doing me.

And I think that’s exactly what I need to do.

Promise to myself #1: No more getting drunk and out of control. You are not that kind of girl. You’ve never been that kind of girl. You like being in control.

Promise to myself #2: You are single. But you don’t need to act like Dawson did. Kissing everyone to make your ex jealous. No. You need to kiss whoever you want. Whenever you want. No apologizing for it.

There are too many hot guys here to apologize for it.

Oh, yeah, I’m going to like being single.

Welcome to my whoredom, boys.

I pick up my room while Katie showers. Then I call Mom.

“Hey,” I say.

“Hey,” she says. “Garrett is pretty upset with you.”

“I was hoping he wouldn’t tell you. Dawson and I broke up, Mom. His ex texted him and wanted to get back together. I was going to surprise you this weekend. I didn’t tell anyone what I was doing. I chartered a plane and was going to just show up at your house. I thought we could stay in all weekend and no one would know I was ever there. I was bringing Dawson with me. I was going to tell him the truth on the plane. That’s why I was so upset. Why I went to Miami. I needed to see Damian. I needed my friend.”

“Oh, Keatyn,” she says with a sigh. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mom. I’m done with boys. I just want you to know. I won’t make any more mistakes. I won’t see anyone or risk anything. I’ll take better care of me. I promise. I’m sorry, Mom.” I start crying. It’s all catching up to me. I want my mom. I want her to come in my room and sit on my bed and talk to me and hug me when I feel like crying. I want to go to my sisters’ room. I want all four of them to jump on me and hug me at once. I want Tommy to tease me. I can’t do this here.

I just want to go home.

“Sweetie, you’re seventeen. You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t make a few mistakes. I think you have been beyond responsible. You left to protect the girls, right?”

“Yes. I love them so much. That letter in Avery’s backpack freaked me out. I don’t want Vincent to ever be anywhere near them. And, obviously, he is still looking for me. He’s not just forgetting about me and giving up. But I was upset about Dawson. And I let it cloud my judgment. He told me he loved me, Mom, but he didn’t really.”

“You know, honey, you can’t fully love anyone until you learn to love yourself.”

I hear a blood-curdling screech from one of the girls, then Mom yells, “I’ve got to go! I love you!”

The call disconnects but I’m still holding the phone to my ear. Mom’s words are resonating through my head.

You can’t fully love anyone until you learn to love yourself.

I’ve been so worried about if a boy loves me or not. I give them my heart only to get it back stomped on and broken. I can blame Brooklyn and Dawson all I want for breaking my heart.

But the truth is, I let them.

I didn’t listen to the nagging voice in my head. The voice that knew when we were on tour with Damian that things weren’t right with B. The voice inside my head that knew all along that Whitney would want Dawson back and that he would want to go.

I didn’t listen to them for one reason.

Love.

I kept telling myself that it wasn’t true because they loved me.

I think it’s time to figure out what I want out of my life.

It’s time to learn to love me.

I lie down in my bed and close my eyes.

My bed feels so good.

I hear Katie brush her teeth, flip off the lights, and then get into bed.

“Night, Keatyn.”

“Night, Katie.”

I take a couple deep breaths and relax.

I’m so ready to go to sleep and have this day be officially over.

“Keatyn!” Katie exclaims a few minutes later. “They’re so pretty! I love them!”

“Love what?” I say, keeping my eyes shut tight.

Please, just go to sleep.

“You mean you didn’t do it?” she asks.

“Didn’t do what?”

“Open your eyes, silly.”

“I don't want to open my eyes. I want to go to sleep and forget today. Forget last night.”

“Keatyn, you
need
to open your eyes.”

“Fine,” I say, as I slowly open them.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Oh my gosh.

Our entire ceiling is covered with hundreds of little glow-in-the-dark stars.

“They’re beautiful,” I tell Katie. “When did you find time to do that?”

“I didn’t do it. That’s why I asked if you did it.”

“I didn’t do it,” I say again.

“Who do you think did?”

“I have no idea. Unless, it was Annie. Is that why she was so adamant that we come to her room tonight? Is she trying to cheer us up?”

“Could be. But she was with us the whole time.”

My mind drifts to Aiden handing me a little star today in French. Me getting mad at him and tossing it back.

Then tonight. The cake. The peace offering.

Could Aiden have done this?

But that doesn’t make sense.

They were for the dream girl.

But in class he said something about my sisters liking them. About how they reminded me of home. Was he just trying to get rid of them?

"I think it might know,” I whisper to Katie.

I grab my phone from my bedside table and call Aiden.

“Hey, Boots, what's up?” he says, in his smooth delicious voice. “Get it? What’s
up
?”

“Aiden, did you . . .”

He doesn't let me finish. “The answer to your question is yes. I did put stars all over your ceiling.”