Daughters (40 page)

“Sounds good to me.” Karen smiled and gave her a peculiar look.

“What?”

“You know, you’re like a different person these days.”

“Why do you say that?”

Karen shook her head. “I don’t know. Just the look you get on your face when you’re talking about Rachael. You just seem happier to me. Not that you looked unhappy before…”

“I know what you mean. I was just thinking about that last night too. It’s almost like I’m a different person living in a different world lately.”

“You have other things to think about now.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Marie fingered the stem of her wine glass before taking a sip. “I know I did the right thing by taking Rachael in. I wouldn’t change any of that. I’d do anything for that child.”

“But?”

“I’ve been feeling a little guilty lately.”

“About what?”

“I don’t know. It’s just that prior to Rachael, all my spare time was spent thinking about Jonathan and my background and how I needed to deal with all that. And now…”

“If it’s change you’re concerned about, you’ve gone above and beyond on that.”

“What do you mean?”

“You changed a young girl’s life, don’t forget.”

Marie smiled a soft, slow smile. “I know. And you have no idea how good that makes me feel.”

“So what’s with the race issue?”

“What about it?”

“No longer an issue?”

Marie gave that some thought. “Yes, of course it is.”

“When’s the last time you thought about it?”

Marie bit her lip and stared past Karen for a moment. “It’s been awhile.” She looked back at Karen. “I feel like such a hypocrite.”

“You shouldn’t.”

“Yeah. Easy to say.”

“You were searching a long time for what you thought would change your life, make it better. You just didn’t expect it would be…well, Rachael.”

Marie stared right through Karen. “You’re right.”

“Maybe race wasn’t really your most crucial issue after all.”

She met Karen’s gaze. “You know, we’ve never been on the same page on this subject.”

“Not even close.”

“Well, we’re still not.” Marie focused her eyes on Rachael’s letter. “But now I think we may be at least reading from the same book.”

CHAPTER 26

Trust

Rachael returned from camp, and in no time the coach house apartment was back to its normal teen-induced craziness, with Marie back to her quasi-mom role.

Rachael passed the eighth grade achievement test and was allowed to enter high school as a freshman. Much to Marie’s surprise and gratification, Rachael appeared to be fitting nicely into her new world. In a relatively short period of time, she had a diverse group of friends Marie thought helped to keep her balanced. For the most part, she was a well-behaved and -mannered teenager. But every so often, she regressed into her old ways—like the time she ditched school.

Johnnie Ray was scheduled to visit Leavenworth Prison, and Rachael had asked Marie if she could skip school to see him. One of her friends had talked her mother into driving them there in hopes they would catch a glimpse of him. Marie said no. Rachael went anyway. Marie found out a week later when a photograph of a long black stretch limo fell out of one of her textbooks.

“What’s this?”

Rachael shrugged.

“Rachael, what
is
this?”

“Looks like a photograph to me.”

“Don’t get smart with me. Tell me why you had this photo in your math book.”

“‘Cause I like limos?”

Marie put her hands on her hips and narrowed her eyes. “You went to Leavenworth last week, didn’t you?”

Rachael looked down.

“I’ll find out anyway when I call the school, so you may as well ‘fess up now.”

“Please don’t call the school!”

“Why?”

She met Marie’s eyes. “Because they think you excused me that day.”

“And why would they think that?”

“Because of the note you wrote.”

“What?”

Rachael bit the inside of her bottom lip. “I sorta forged a note from you so I could go.”

Marie glared at her…hard. In a surprisingly calm tone, she said, “You did what?”

Rachael drew her right arm across her body and clasped her elbow. “I know it was wrong, but I
really
wanted to go.”

Marie held up the picture. “So you could get this? A picture of his limo?”

“Well, you can’t tell from the picture, but we could see him inside it. He waved at us.”

“Well that wave is going to cost you dearly.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Go to your room for now. I need time to think. You know what’s the worst part of all this? That I can’t trust you anymore.”

Rachael wasn’t in her room more than five minutes when she reemerged, her eyes red and puffy. “Can we talk?”

“Okay.”

She couldn’t hold back the tears. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t care what the punishment is; I’ll take anything you give me. But
please
don’t say you can’t trust me, Marie. I can’t take that.”

“Come here.” Marie put her arms around her. “Do you understand
why
I feel that way?” She felt Rachael nod into her chest. She gave her a squeeze and then gently pushed her away, keeping her hands on Rachael’s shoulders. “No more lying or sneaking around?” Rachael shook her head. “And when I say no, I mean no.”

Rachael pulled out from Marie’s hold to wipe her eyes. Her voice quivered. “I promise. But please say you trust me.”

“You’ve got to regain that trust, Rachael.”

“I will. I promise.” Rachael took in a big breath of air and let it out through a smile. “He was so cute.”

“A real flutter bum?”

“Yeah.

Rachael stared a long moment into Marie’s eyes. “If I ask you something, will you promise to tell me the truth?”

“That depends.”

“On what?”

“If I think you’re mature enough to handle the truth.”

“Have you ever done anything that would cause someone not to trust you?”

Marie thought back to her days with Richard after she discovered who she really was but felt too disconcerted by it to tell him. Then, when she was convinced he was in over his head with sinister activities, she’d plotted for months to leave him. That was followed by her breaking into someone’s home after fleeing from Richard and scaring an old lady half to death.

“Yes, I have. I suppose we all have if we’re honest about it.”

“So what did you do to earn back that trust?”

I can’t get into this with her.
“That part is complicated.”

“So I’m not mature enough to handle it? Is that what you’re saying?”

“Something like that.”

Rachael turned from her and went into her bedroom, the sound of her door closing causing Marie to feel even more remorseful for not having come up with a better answer.

Marie stopped in Karen’s shop the next day and told her about the ditching school incident. “So what was her punishment?” Karen asked.

“She has to come straight home after school for the next two weeks and do her homework. No friends. When she’s done with her homework, she has to help me cook dinner. But the hardest thing was I made her tell her girlfriend’s mother and the principal that she forged the note.”

“Oh, I’m sure that went over big.”

“Well, she didn’t fight it, and I know she did it because I got calls from both of them afterward.” She let out a sigh.

“All things said and done, though, she’s turned out to be a pretty good kid, hasn’t she?”

“Mm-hmm. Especially when you think of what all she’s gone through.”

“I think you two were meant for each other.”

Marie smiled and nodded. “And you know what’s really cool?”

“What’s that?”

“That I catch myself all the time thinking of us as one. I think that’s telling.”

“Sounds like the start of a family to me.”

Karen’s comment took Marie aback. She hadn’t thought about it in those exact terms.
The start of a family. I’m mixed race but look white. We don’t know who Rachael’s father is.
“It’s the start of something, that’s for sure.”

“Whatever happened to her mother, by the way?”

“I didn’t tell you? She pled guilty and got twenty-five years in prison.” Marie was grateful Rachael didn’t have to testify in court against her mother.

“What did Rachael say to that?”

“She didn’t say much. I asked her if she wanted to have any contact with her, and she said no. But she could change her mind later on. I’ll let her make that choice for herself.”

“Does she ever talk about her father, who he might be?”

“No. Not since she’s been with me.”

“Do you think about it?”

Marie frequently struggled with how much to get involved with Rachael’s parentage. She thought the right thing to do would be to provide guidance for Rachael when it came to her biological father, but she also knew from firsthand experience that some matters were best handled on one’s own—in one’s own time and on one’s own terms.

“All the time. Look what happened to me when I found out who my father was. Changed my whole life.”

“For the better.”

“Right.”

“Doesn’t mean it would necessarily be for the better for Rachael, though.”

“I know.” Marie drifted off to another place for a few seconds. “Well, I didn’t find out until I was twenty-four. She’s got time.”

“So…going to let her have a dog?”

“Did she tell you that?”

“She told me she’s been working on you.”

“That child. No, we’re not home enough for a dog, and besides, it’s in my lease, no dogs. Don’t tell her, but I’ve been thinking of taking her to the pet orphanage to pick out a kitten before school starts. It turns out Sheana is a one-person cat and isn’t taking to Rachael very well.”

“Promise you won’t tell her I told you this?” Karen asked. “She said she really wanted a cat, but she thought you’d say no, and that would be the end of it. But if she started with a dog, she thought she could work you down to a cat.”

“She is too smart for…”

“Her own good.”

“Have I said that before?”

“Just about a million times.”

Marie arranged for Rachael to continue riding lessons on Saturday mornings, and when she was sure her interest in equestrianism was sincere, she bought her a horse of her own. Rachael named him Fiducia, the Italian word for trust.

Both horses were boarded together, at Ted’s ranch in Hiawatha. Thanks to Ted’s easy-going nature, for which Marie was extremely grateful, there hadn’t been any awkwardness between the two of them given their first and last date. He gave Rachael a warm welcome and invited her to come visit any time.

There was an assortment of trails on Ted’s ranch, each with varying degrees of difficulty. Following Ted’s advice, Marie and Rachael tried a different one each time they went out, Ted sometimes joining them.

When Marie felt Rachael had eased into her new life comfortably, she took her to the animal shelter in Kansas City and let her pick out a kitten. She chose a black-and-white one and named her Miska. The kitten immediately attached herself to Rachael and took up residency in Rachael’s bedroom on the first day, pretty much ignoring Marie and Sheana.

Shortly after the beginning of her school year, Rachael asked Marie, “Can you take me to Olathe to see an exhibit of Grace Bilger’s artwork? I have a class project where I have to study an artist and write a report on what inspired them.”

They went to the Bilger exhibit the following Saturday. Karen accompanied them. They learned that Bilger was a prolific local artist who taught art at the Kansas State School for the Deaf. They all thought her watercolors were particularly impressive—landscapes, portraits, and still-lifes.

“Some day I want to paint like her,” Rachael said.

“I didn’t know you had any interest in art, Rachael.”

“Well, you don’t know everything about me, you know.” She smiled.

“Should I be worried?”

“No, you pretty much know all the bad stuff.”

They were driving through Leavenworth when Rachael announced she had to go to the bathroom…badly. “Isn’t Barry’s place near here?” Karen asked.

“It’s right up the road. We can stop there.”

When Marie pulled into the parking lot, Rachael quipped, “Guns and ammo? What kind of place are you taking me to?”