Daughters of War (31 page)

‘Adriana, mother was looking for you.’

‘I’ll go to her,’ the girl said immediately. ‘Leo, you won’t mind if I leave Sasha to entertain you, will you?’

Leo shook her head, smiling at the transparency of the stratagem, but feeling at the same time that constriction at her throat that his close proximity provoked.

He indicated the seat. ‘Shall we sit down?’ She sat and he went on, ‘I was surprised to find you in Belgrade. I thought you would have gone back to England.’

‘Been sent back, you mean,’ Leo said wryly. ‘But you see, my brother has to stay here and, as he is my legal guardian now my grandmother is dead, I have to stay with him. He doesn’t trust me to behave if I am out of his sight.’

‘What about your grandfather?’ he asked.

‘My grandfather? I never knew . . . Oh, I’m afraid I made him up.’

‘I see. And I suppose the fact that your grandparents knew where you were and had given their permission was also a fiction.’

‘Yes, I must confess it was.’

‘And your Macedonian ancestry?’

‘Another myth, I’m afraid.’

‘But why? I mean, why are you here? What made you come to the Balkans if you have no connection to this part of the world?’

Leo looked at him. ‘You won’t approve if I tell you.’

‘Try me.’

She paused, ordering her thoughts. ‘Very well. There are people in my country, men as well as women, who believe that women have more to contribute to society than just their role as wives and mothers.’

‘Ah, the suffragettes. I have heard of them. The whole idea seems to me extraordinary.’

‘Why?’

‘Why would women who, as society is currently organized, are cared for and protected by men, wish to exchange that for the trials and dangers that men are accustomed to face on their behalf?’

‘Because we feel we can offer more, can do more. I have seen women surgeons operate on the wounded with just as much expertise as male doctors and a great deal more compassion. If women can be doctors and lawyers and teachers, why should they not also have a say in how society is organized and how their country is governed?’

‘Because ultimately it is we men who have to deal with the consequences, who have to, if necessary, take up arms to defend the country. And to endure the hardships and dangers that follow from that.’

‘Yes, and that is why I am here now.’

‘I don’t follow you.’

‘There is a remarkable Englishwoman called Mabel Stobart who believes that, if women wish to have an equal share in government, they must first show that they are prepared to endure the same dangers and privations that men face.’

‘Surely you are not saying that you think women should become soldiers?’

‘No. Mrs Stobart is very clear about that. Our role is to preserve life, not to take it. But that does not mean we cannot serve in our own way. It was to prove that that she set up a hospital in Lozengrad, staffed entirely by women.’

‘I have heard about that, and I have read your story in the newspapers, but did it require you to dress up as a boy?’

‘No.’ She looked into his face. ‘Please believe me, I never set out to deceive you. I discarded my skirts because at Chataldzha they became so heavy with mud and filth that I could hardly walk in them. And I cut my hair because I could never get it dry. When you saw me and mistook me for a boy I did not disillusion you, because I knew that if you guessed I was a woman you would send me away.’

‘As I certainly should have,’ he agreed. ‘But what I find hardest to forgive is that you let me take you on that mad escapade into the Turkish trenches. Suppose we had been captured? The consequences are unthinkable. Weren’t you scared?’

‘Terrified,’ Leo agreed. ‘But it was the most exciting thing I have ever done.’

He laughed. ‘You are a most extraordinary woman!’

‘I don’t think so,’ she replied. ‘I think there are many other women who would like to do what I have done, given the opportunity.’

He looked at her, shaking his head in disbelief. After a moment she went on, ‘That evening, when we first met at the reception, you said you were relieved to discover I was a woman. What did you mean?’

‘Surely you can guess.’

‘No.’

‘Why do you think I found excuses to keep you with me? Why did I take you riding every morning?’

‘Lieutenant Popitch said I was the colonel’s pet.’

‘Did he indeed! Well, he would no longer be
Lieutenant
Popitch if I had heard him! But he had some justification. Did it never seem strange to you?’

‘I have to admit that I sometimes wondered if . . . if you made a habit of choosing favourites.’

‘Never! Never before. But that is the point. Don’t you see? I was developing feelings for you that made me question my own manhood. That is why I was relieved to discover you were a woman.’

Leo’s breath was coming fast and shallow. He was very close, his arm resting along the back of the seat behind her, his eyes holding hers as if he wanted to hypnotize her.

Her brother’s voice jerked her back to reality. ‘Leonora!’ He was standing a short distance away with two more ladies. ‘Come here, please. These ladies would like to meet you.’

She exchanged one brief, wry smile with Sasha and got up. The moment was past.

Next day rumours began to circulate that the London Conference had finally come to an agreement. Ralph returned from duty to the hotel grim-faced.

‘It’s exactly the sort of fudge we’ve been expecting. Albania gets full independence, which means that, after all the sacrifices the Serbian army made to get there, they lose access to the sea at Durazzo. And nothing concrete has been decided about Macedonia. The Serbs are determined to hang onto it as compensation for losing Albania and the Bulgarians think it should be theirs in recognition of the losses they incurred fighting the Turks in the east. Neither side is going to compromise. It’s a recipe for another war.’

The following morning Leo received an invitation to take tea with Adriana at the Malkovic’s town house. She went with a raised pulse and a fluttering in her stomach. It was no surprise to find Sasha waiting in the drawing room. Over tea the three of them discussed the settlement, and Sasha’s estimation of the result was the same as Ralph’s. Then Adriana rose to her feet.

‘I know Sasha wants a few private words with you, Leo, so I’m going to leave you alone. I’ll be in the garden if you want me.’

Leo’s heart was pounding as the door closed behind her. This, surely, must be the logical conclusion to their interrupted conversation in the garden. Sasha had got up and was standing by the empty fireplace, his expression unreadable.

‘You realize that the present situation means that I could be recalled to my regiment very soon, within days quite possibly. Before that happens there is something I must say to you.’

‘Go on,’ Leo said breathlessly.

‘I have not behaved honourably towards you. I have allowed the relationship we had at Adrianople to cloud my better judgement.’

She shook her head. ‘I don’t understand.’

He moved quickly to sit beside her on the sofa. ‘The other day I spoke of feelings I had developed for you, and my relief at discovering that you were a woman. I think you know what those feelings are. I have never loved a woman. I mean with my heart. I have known lust, but never love. Women have always seemed to me alien, unknowable. But with you I feel I have found my perfect partner, someone whose spirit blends with mine as if we were two halves of the same whole. I believe you feel the same.’

Unable to speak, she could only nod.

He went on, ‘If circumstances were other than they are, I would at this moment be asking you to give me the greatest happiness I can imagine by agreeing to be my wife. But I am not free. That is why I have behaved dishonourably in ever allowing you to imagine there might be anything between us.’

‘Not free?’ The words were forced from a tight throat.

‘Let me explain. You know how turbulent the history of my country has been. It has been plagued for centuries by blood feuds and factions. It is the case with my own family. For generations there has been enmity between the Malkovices and the Kableshkovs. It is a history of raids, murders and pitched battles that weakened both families. When I was fourteen, my father and Todor Kableshkov decided to put an end to the feud once and for all. Todor has a daughter, Eudoxie, who was then three years old. We were formally betrothed as a pledge of good faith between our families. She is now eighteen. The marriage cannot be delayed much longer.’

Leo, struggling to assimilate what he had told her, seized on the most obvious fact. ‘I have not met her.’

‘No. Sadly she is not strong. She has a weakness in the chest that makes breathing difficult. She spends much of her time in her own room and goes out very little.’

‘But that is not right for you!’ Leo cried. ‘How can you be forced to marry a girl like that, a girl who could never make a suitable wife for you?’

He shook his head miserably. ‘If I were to renege on the agreement now the consequences for both families would be incalculable. For a start, one of her brothers would feel obliged to call me out and in the subsequent duel I should probably kill him. So the blood feud would start up all over again. For the sake of my mother and my sisters, and their children, I must go through with it.’

Tears were standing in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. What he required from her now was courage, not hysteria. She drew a deep, shuddering breath and said, ‘Then what must be, must be.’

He caught her hand and raised it to his lips, then rubbed his cheek against it. ‘Oh, my dear, brave girl. How well you were named! If only you and I were joined, we could face the world together.’

‘But now it seems we must both face it alone,’ she whispered. ‘Before we part, may I ask you one last favour?’

‘Anything!’

‘Will you kiss me once, so that I have that to remember?’

He took her in his arms and his lips found hers and parted them. She had never kissed a man before and she lost all awareness of the world beyond his embrace, as every nerve in her body responded. At last he drew back and looked down into her eyes. She reached up and put her arms round his neck with sudden fierce intensity.

‘Let me stay with you! I don’t care about marriage. I don’t care what society says, or the church. I will stay here and you can come to me whenever you are able. That will be enough for me.’

Very gently he disengaged himself. ‘I will not allow you to do that to yourself. My honour, and yours are at stake. You will leave here and one day you will forget me. Or at least you will find someone who makes the memory of me irrelevant. We both have our duty and our different fates. It is useless to fight against it.’ He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small case. ‘Will you take this, as a memento of our time together?’

Inside the case was a gold locket and when she opened it she saw that it contained a twist of black hair.

He said, ‘One day, you will take out that hair and put in its place a lock taken from the head of your firstborn child.’

‘Never,’ she replied. ‘I shall keep this always and nothing will ever replace it.’

He fastened it round her neck and she slipped it inside her dress. Then he got up and said, ‘I will leave you alone to compose yourself. When you feel ready, ring the bell and Adriana will come to you.’

When the door closed behind him she got up and went to the mirror over the fireplace. Her eyes and her lips were red and swollen. She took out her handkerchief and rubbed at them, and tidied her hair as best she could. Then, unable to face Adriana’s sympathy, she went out into the hall, where a footman stood ready to open the front door. In a moment she was in the street.

At breakfast the next morning she said, ‘Ralph, I have decided I should like to go home.’

‘Why?’ he asked. ‘I thought you were enjoying yourself here.’

‘I was, but now I am tired and I think I need a little peace and quiet.’

He shook his head. ‘You can’t possibly go home all alone. If you’re tired, just don’t accept any more invitations.’

‘You know it isn’t as easy as that. Anyway, why can’t I go home? I wouldn’t be alone. The house is still there, presumably, and the staff.’

‘I let some of them go. But Beavis is there, and Mrs Sanders and one or two of the others.’

‘Then I can go to them. I don’t need a nursemaid.’

He looked at her, chewing his lip as he did at moments of indecision. ‘Leo, I don’t want you in London, where I can’t keep an eye on you.’

‘Oh, for goodness sake! What do you think I am going to do?’

‘Who knows? You will probably chum up with that Langford woman, for a start, and those FANYs. God knows what sort of mad scheme you might get yourself involved in. I’m sorry, Leo, but I just don’t trust you to be sensible.’

Leo glared at him. She had cried herself to sleep the previous night and had no more tears to shed but in her extremity she felt she could hurl the cups and saucers and the cutlery at his head. Instead, she forced herself to be calm and to employ the last stratagem at her disposal.

‘Would it make any difference if I were engaged to Tom?’

He looked stunned. ‘Engaged? You mean you have finally come to your senses?’

‘I believe so, yes.’

‘And what makes you think Tom will still have you, after the way you have treated him?’

‘The only one of us who has ill-treated Tom is you. He has never blamed me for what happened, or if he did he has forgiven me. I think he would be prepared to give me his name.’

Ralph’s face cleared. ‘You know nothing would please me more than to see you two married. If Tom is willing to go ahead with the engagement I see no reason why you shouldn’t go back to London together.’

Three weeks later the
London Gazette
published the following paragraph: