Dauntless (The LockDown Series Book 2) (27 page)

“Calm down Abbi, nothing is going to happen, everything is okay,” I tell myself as I take several deep breaths in and out, trying to stop the urge that is infesting itself within my entire body. The shakes and sweats covering my skin are near painful.

“Shit,” I say as I run from the garage, through the house and to the kitchen. “Key, key, fucking key where are you?” I say as I swipe everything from the sides, pulling every drawer out.

Fuck, it is getting so hard to breathe right now. I am crying badly, tears streaming my face and sobs choking me.

“Office,” I express, as I sprint to Leighton’s study, searching his drawers and cabinets until I find that little key that will open my sanctuary.

I unlock the safe that is in his office, the click of the lock already starting to soothe me. I grab the pack of pills laid inside, a shiny halo covering them, beckoning me.

“Yes, come to mamma,” I say as I walk back through the house to the kitchen to get some water. I pop one tablet in my hand, looking down at the pill. “One more,” I tell myself as I pop another two out.

Three pills lay in my hand calling for me. My body isn’t in control anymore; it is suffering bad and needs help.

“Just these three and I’ll be fine; I’ll be in control again. I can stop this; I won’t need any more after this. I’m a strong woman I don’t need these anymore,” I say as I lift my hand to my mouth to swallow the pills.

“ABBI, PUT THEM THE FUCK DOWN, NOW!” I hear Antonio shout from in front of me, my ears having not heard him before. “I swear to God, you swallow them and I’ll spank your arse so fucking hard you won’t be able to sit down ever again.” The venom in his eyes has my hand frozen in front of my mouth.

My tongue darts out to try latching onto one of the tablets. As it attaches itself to the wetness of my tongue, my hands smash to the side as Antonio slaps it away, out of reach from me. The pills scatter on the floor, the three of them like beacons
in the stormy sea.

I fall to the floor, crawling on my hands and knees to collect the tablets, desperate to feel in control again, to feel the pain within my chest evaporate.

I feel firm hands around my body as I’m lifted from the tiles. “No, you don’t Abbi. You calm the fuck down now. Leighton will be here soon and he doesn’t need to see you like this. Control yourself sweetheart. You don’t need them.”

He tries his hardest to soothe me, to calm me down as my body shakes and hungers for the pills.

“I need them Antonio; I need to be in control again. Someone wants to hurt my family because of me. I need them to stop the pain. Help me, please,” I beg him as he squeezes me tight to him and lets me sob.

“Joseph,” Georgia says, standing from the sofa and walking to my son. He’s so grown up now, years of his life evaporated and gone from me. There is no way I’ll ever get it back, ever.

“Georgia. Why is that man here, who is he?” the little guy asks. He must be seven now, in school, learning, growing.

“This is Leighton, Joe. He is my big brother. Your...” she goes to tell him but I cough and give her a look that tells her not to. It’s not that I want to deny being his dad, fuck I wish I could have been for the last five years, but it is too much for him. My Aunt has brought him up thinking he didn’t have a father or mother, that he was an orphan. I can't do that to him, shock his little system like that. He has just lost the closest thing he’ll ever know as a parent, I can't be the one who turns his world upside down, probably not for the better.

“He is what?” Joseph asks her sweetly, his sparkling blue eyes glazed from his tiredness, look up at her in adoration.

“Nothing, sweetheart, did you have a nightmare again?” my sister asks him, stroking his hair and sitting down with him on the sofa.

He doesn’t look at her. He looks to the floor and draws into himself.

“It’s okay, little man, we all have them. Even big grown ups like me,” I tell him, seeing the fright inside of him. No seven year old should have to see what he has.

“You make my Uncle Brandon upset.” Joe tells me, lifting his head to poke his tongue out at me. I see it as the cutest thing ever, but he means it offensively.

“I know, Joe. Your uncle and I have sorted our problems out now, we are friends again. Do you have any friends?” I ask him, changing the direction of this entirely.

He shakes his head sadly, looking at his hands in his lap.

“Well, I can't see that being the truth. I’m sure all the girls at school love you,” I say, hoping he had friends to see him through the hard times.

“No, they think I’m weird. I’m a geek to them all.” He looks to me, his face a spitting image of his mum. I can't help but express it.

“Wow, you look just like your mum, kid,” I say happily.

His face snaps to mine, a smile on it. “You knew my mummy?” he asks, intrigued and excited.

“I sure did, little guy. She was incredible, a beautiful woman.” I smile to him, wanting to go to his side and comfort him in this hard time.

“Really? I wish I could have met her, and my daddy. Auntie Georgia tells me they loved me,” he reveals to me, and I turn to my sister and smile a thank you to her for talking of me to him.

“What happened to your folks, Joe?” I ask him, wondering the story they had told him to get him by in his life.

“Auntie Georgia said they died in a car crash. It makes me sad,” he says, a little tear trickling his face, his hand snapping up to try and wipe it away before anyone sees.

“Ahhh, I see. I'm sorry about that little Joe,” I tell him, half of the story was right, his mother had died in a car crash, but his father, his father was here, staring at his beautiful child, wishing he had rethought every plan he’d ever made.

He shrugs, almost accepting the fate of his world. “All I know is, my dad was really cool, and my mum, she was really fun and sweet. I just wish I had a chance to see them, how they look and hear how they sound. Maybe it would make the bad dreams go away to know they were looking down on me, keeping me safe.” He begins to cry properly this time and I stand from my seat, unable to take it anymore.

I walk to him, flicking my head for Georgia and Brandon to leave. Joe panics, looking to my sister. “Don't leave me, Auntie,” he begs, scared.

“I'm not, Joe, I’ll be in the kitchen. Leighton is going to make you smile real quickly,” she tells him, bending and kissing his soft brown hair.

“I'm scared,” he admits to her, making my eyes water.

“I know you are, sweetie, but Leighton is one of the good ones, he will always protect you, angel.” Georgia soothes him, using the name I always used for Josie, and now my fiancée.

“Are you sure, he is so big.” He looks to me and smiles weakly.

“He is, but not as big as Uncle Brandon though, and you’re not scared of him are you, sweetheart? Leighton is my brother, I’ve known him since I was little, and he will always keep you safe.” She makes him smile at her, stroking his tears away and kissing his head. “If you need me, call for me sweetheart. I’ll always come.”

“I wish I had a brother or sister. I hate being the only one. Why couldn’t Mummy and Daddy have had another baby before they were in the accident?” he asks me sadly, but a small smile still appears on his face.

“I knew your mum very well, little man, and I know she wanted a whole bunch of them. You would have had so many brothers and sisters you wouldn’t know what to do,” I tell him, scruffing his hair, relishing in the soft wisps present.

“Why is God so cruel? I want my mummy and daddy, and my auntie Mandy, but they are all gone. I'm all alone.” He properly cries this time, dropping his head to his hands. I put my arms around him, his body jumping a little before he relaxes into my touch and leans his head against me.

It feels so good to hold him, to feel his warmth and comfort after so long. I place my cheek to the top of his head, calming and comforting him. He still smells the same, the same beautiful baby smell.

“It’s okay, Joe, I’m here, I’ll always be here. I’ll never leave you again. I'm here son,” I say before even thinking of my words.

Joe’s head pops up, his body backing away. He looks at me, frightened. I don't move towards him, I stay where I am letting him take my words in. “AUNTIE GEORGIA!!” he shouts through the house.

She appears instantly, running to him. She sits on the sofa next to me and pulls him to her. “What’s wrong sweetheart?”

“Him, he’s lying, he’s tricking me. He called me son, I’m not his son, he isn’t my dad. Tell him to go away,” he begs her, his blue eyes red rimmed and scared.

“Shhh, Joe it’s okay. Calm down, sweetheart. Calm down. Don't cry, don't be scared, it’s going to be okay.” She holds him to her tightly, talking quietly in his ear. I can't hear her words but he begins to relax.

After ten minutes, his body is completely relaxed into Georgia’s. I hear gentle, tiny snores, even quieter than Mel’s snores. “He’s asleep, Leighton. I told him the truth, told him you were alive. He is going to be scared, Leigh. Let him come to you, but you have to promise to never run again, to always be there for him, he can't handle losing you again.” She warns me, struggling to stand up while lifting my son with her.

“Here, let me.” I take him from her, leaning him into my shoulder, cradling his head, my arm under his bum on his thighs to hold him up.

“I mean it, Leighton. No more running, we are a family now.” She kisses my cheek and shows me the way to Joe’s bedroom.

“I won't, Georgia. Fuck I’ve just got you back, I can't lose you all again, especially him. I’ve been a fucking selfish bastard. I can't forgive myself for what I’ve done, abandoning my own child. I'm a coward,” I tell her, taking the huge steps in my childhood home.

“No, Leighton, don't think that way. You have been through a lot, more than I could deal with. At least you left him safe and with family, you didn’t leave him in danger. You will be amazing, you will build a bond with him and it will be fine. Just give it time, don't rush it.” She pulls back the covers on his bed, the Ben Ten duvet set making me smile. He is so grown up now.

I lay him down, sitting on the edge of the bed. She turns his night-light on, kissing my cheek and leaves me with him. I stroke his hair gently, lying myself down beside him. I won’t stay here, that would freak him out, but I'll be here for a few minutes.

“You know, son, I haven’t always been there, I warned you I’d screw up. You were so tiny when you were born; I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to bring you up. I proved myself wrong. I did it. I lasted seven months, and it was the most incredible time of my life. I’ll never forgive myself, and I don't expect you to forgive me either, but I’m here now, and I won't ever leave you again. Joe, you are my life, son, I love you with everything I am. I will always protect you and keep you safe in this world. No one will ever hurt you again; I can assure you of that. Sleep well tonight, Joseph. We will see more of each other. You won't have any more bad dreams. Everything will be right now; you will have all you ever wanted in this world. I love you, Joseph Leigh Lock.” I kiss his head, his body turning into mine as his hands cling to my shirt.

I allow a few tears to fall down my face, letting the past go, allowing the future to bond to my soul, allowing myself to believe I can make this little boy complete.

I remove myself from his bed before I fall asleep, pulling his hands from my shirt and snuggling his cover over him. I place his toy dog under his arm and kiss his head once more. “Goodnight, Angel,” I say to him, walking from the room, but leaving the light on.

I go to bed, snuggling into the duvet. I hadn’t expected this when I came here to see my brother and sister, but it is the most incredible thing to ever happen. I am a new man now, a man who is capable of bringing this little boy, everything he needs.

My foot is so far down on the accelerator that I am sure it is going to go through the floor of my Bentley.

“Whoa, slow down man, you aren’t gonna be any good to her dead,” my brother expresses beside me, doing nothing but rattling my bones and pissing me off more.

“You wanted to come, now you shut up and let me deal with this the way I want to,” I reply, turning the music on the radio up loud to stop the pounding sound in my eardrums as my erratic heart thumps away.