Dawn of Valor (16 page)

“You called him that yourself.”

“That was over a month ago.”

“Think he’s changed?”

“No,” Rachel muttered. She stepped back from the mirror. Cosmetics were rare, and each nurse hoarded what she’d brought with her from the States. She asked herself why she cared what she looked like for Chase. She shouldn’t.

“This is one of those times you wish you had a dress,” Annie drawled.

Muttering under her breath, Rachel took another look in the mirror. “Chase doesn’t care what a woman wears.”

“Oh, one of those. The day’s gorgeous. What have you got planned with the captain?”

Nothing fit right. Rachel flattened the collar on her fatigues. It remained wrinkled. “We’re just going to talk. There are no plans. I’m sure he has some, but I don’t intend to fit into them, whatever they are.”

“Talk?” Annie tittered. “Come on, Rachel!”

“Annie!” she said in an exasperated tone, looking at her watch. It was ten in the morning, the time Chase had said he’d arrive. Looking out the dirty window of the door, she didn’t see any unfamiliar jeeps winding their way toward the MASH unit.

“Well,” Annie added dramatically, “I’ll be gone from the tent for the rest of the day, should you want to ‘talk’ in here.”

Heat stung Rachel’s cheeks as she turned and studied her friend and roommate. “It’s not like that between us,” she protested.

“Sure…”

With a groan, Rachel opened the door, stepping out into the brilliant sunlight. “I can’t stand this waiting around, Annie. I’m going for a walk in the field behind our tent.” The field, filled with autumn flowers and multicolored leaves, reminded Rachel of her home in Maine.

“Okay, I’ll tell the captain where you are, in case he comes here first.”

Rachel waved her thanks, heading toward the field. The nurses’ tents were located at the southern end of the compound. Beyond that was a friendly village, not far away. On her rare days off, Rachel walked to the village and set up a first aid station in one of the huts, giving inoculations or taking care of simple medical problems of the children or their parents.

The day was utterly beautiful. Rachel lifted her face to the sun, feeling its warmth steal through her. After five days of continuous rain, the sun was a welcomed respite. Stepping into the ten-acre field, she saw it was alive with the color of a myriad of fall flowers. Delighted, Rachel walked through the field, occasionally stooping to cup a flower in her hands and smell its fragrance. The bees were busy getting the last of the pollen to make honey for their hives before the icy winter fell upon them.

Ten o’clock became ten-thirty and then eleven. From the field, Rachel could see any traffic entering and leaving the unit. None of the vehicles contained Chase. Worry gnawed at her. Had he crashed his plane? Been shot down? If he had, she would be the last to know. Chewing on her lip, Rachel sat on a group of rocks, facing the road in the distance.

Taking a strand of withered grass, she shredded it absently between her fingertips. Why was she putting so much into seeing Chase again?
Because,
her heart whispered,
you love him.
Rachel shook her head, staring down at the stalk of grass now in shreds at her booted feet. Chase could have changed his mind about coming. After all, he’d been in shock over Buddy Dawson’s death. Upon returning to the air base, he may have decided against seeing her again. One small part of Rachel hoped that was the case. She didn’t want to see Chase if he was going to continue his past campaign to bed her. There were more important things in life than a toss in the hay.

Groaning, Rachel slid off the rock, grabbing another strand of grass and turning her back to the road, heading deeper into the oasis of beauty. Chase made her feel like melting honey in his hands, Rachel admitted. He made her feel like a woman, something no other man had ever evoked. But that was all he really wanted from her. Marriage wasn’t in his future. And she had no plan to try to force him into a marriage just for some sex.

“Angel Eyes!”

Gasping, Rachel whirled around. There, at the edge of the field, stood Chase in his tan flight uniform and brown leather jacket. He had just climbed out of a jeep, a huge bouquet of flowers in his hand. Rachel’s heart snagged and she watched his progress toward her. If her eyes didn’t deceive her, his uniform looked
pressed
! Chase wore the garrison cap at a cocky angle on his head. Trying not to smile at the pains he’d taken with his appearance, she waited with trepidation, her hands suddenly damp and cool. How handsome he looked!

More than anything, Rachel saw life again in his blue eyes. The bashful, uncertain expression on Chase’s face as he approached her, holding out the field flowers, unstrung Rachel.

“They’re beautiful,” she murmured, taking them. “Thank you.” Their hands met, touched.

“You’re beautiful,” Chase returned huskily. He released the bouquet, watching as Rachel held the flowers at her breast, inhaling their scent. Indeed, she was ten times more lovely than he could ever recall. Was it the spare use of makeup? The dancing warmth in her lovely green eyes or that shy smile on her full lips? He wasn’t sure and didn’t really care. What mattered was that they were here—together.

“I never expected flowers,” Rachel whispered, caressing the bouquet.

Chase glanced around, throwing his hands on his hips. “My mother taught me to give a lady flowers.” He smiled, enjoying her response to them. “I can’t believe it. I discovered a field about two miles from the air base and decided to pick you some.” Chase made a gesture around the area, grinning. “But you’ve got the same flowers in this one.”

Rachel walked toward the group of rocks and took a seat on a flat one. “Still, it’s the thought that counts, Chase.” He chose a rock right next to her. What did she expect? He was going to launch a campaign to get her into his arms and his bed once again.

Chase squinted against the sun, absorbing Rachel’s face into his heart. “Hell, I could have had an extra twenty minutes with you by coming straight here. We could have picked the flowers together.”

Rachel placed the bouquet in her lap, nervously touching the flowers. “You’re incorrigible, Chase.”

“Maybe.” He studied her for a moment, his smile slipping. “How have you been?”

“Working hard as usual. You?”

“More missions than I’d like. Hob wants the squadrons flying twenty-four hours a day, softening up the enemy while the weather holds. I understand winters are hell over here.”

“We’re already preparing for frostbite cases when it decides to turn ugly around here,” Rachel agreed quietly. The war was never far from them. Ever. Rachel gently cupped some of the flowers, inhaling the scent. “These remind me of life, not death.”

“That’s why I picked them. You remind me of the good things life holds. When I think of you, I can put the not-so-good things into perspective.” Chase ached to reach out and slide his fingers through Rachel’s loose, silky black hair when she leaned over to smell the flowers. His throat constricted as he mentally rehearsed what he was going to say to her.

“Uh…listen, I need to talk with you, Rachel.” Chase dove on when she lifted her head, her eyes filled with incredible warmth. “We got off on the wrong foot with each other when we met. I mean, I wasn’t behaving properly, like a gentleman would to a lady.” He swallowed hard. “And you are a lady, believe me,” he added huskily.

Rachel sat very still.

“I was out of my head,” Chase continued, hoping she would pin his actions on his concussion. But the truth was, he’d wanted her. All of her. He still did. Just being this close to Rachel, smelling the special fragrance that was only her, was driving him crazy. He clasped his hands, staring down at them, trying to rearrange his scattered thoughts. “I don’t know what happened between us after we made love. Looking back, I guess we can chalk it up to the stress we were under.”

Rachel glanced at him sharply. “Stress or not, Chase, you were continually trying to get me in your arms.”

He shrugged. “Guilty as charged. But, dammit, that doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy making love to you. I did.”

Flushing, Rachel was unable to hold his pleading stare. “That’s not the issue, Chase, and you know it.”

Mouth tightening, he muttered, “Then I wish you’d tell me what is. I’ve been going crazy for the past month. I’ve tried to look at what happened to us from all angles. I don’t see how you can be sorry it happened. It was good for both of us.”

“That’s just it, Chase. For you men, it’s a one-shot deal. Stalk the woman, capture her, then let her go after you’ve bedded her down. Nothing asked, nothing received. No responsibility or emotional ties exchanged. Men have the privilege of loving and leaving. We’re under a double standard, Chase.” Rachel held his gaze, now marred with confusion. “I was supposed to save myself for marriage, for the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with—” She turned away, her voice choked. “And I threw it away because I was scared and wanting to be held for just a little while.”

Clasping his hands between his legs, Chase released a long sigh, hearing the pain in her voice. “I did take something that didn’t belong to me,” he whispered. “For that, I’m sorry. You’re right, Rachel, men get away with murder, and women are held accountable. But I’m trying to make myself responsible for what we shared. I’m here, with you. I want—”

“A man can divorce a woman, but a woman risks a lot more if she dares to divorce her husband.”

Chase nodded, feeling the terrible reality of what he’d done in stalking and taking Rachel. “Isn’t there something I can do or say to make it right between us?” He twisted a look up at her. Rachel’s features expressed the same sadness he felt.

She shook her head. “I don’t think so, Chase.”

“Well, if I could?” God, how he wanted another chance with her. “Listen, when I loved you, it was you, not another woman in my head or heart. Having you in my arms was heaven, and that’s not a line.” And then Chase added grimly, “Or a lie.”

A terrible ache wrenched her. The conversation was so painful to both of them. “Chase, I never said it was.”

He heartened. “If I had it to do all over again, it would be different—better, for you, Rachel.”

“No,” she whispered, getting up, moving away from him. “It won’t happen again.”

Frustration thrummed through Chase. He scrambled to try to save the deteriorating situation. “We got in a terrible argument with each other at the Aussie camp. I—that was my fault.” His brows dipped and he tried to remember the next memorized line that he’d written four days ago. “You were right. I was treating you like a girl, not a woman. And—I had no business telling you to go home to the states.”

“What about the rest of the conversation, Chase?” she asked gently, suffering along with him, because she knew he was a proud man and it was tough for him to admit he was wrong.

“What other stuff?” Chase lifted his head, cradled by her soft green gaze.

“About putting me under a general category where women do this, but don’t do that.”

“Oh…” He cleared his throat a couple of times, nodding his head vigorously. “I’ve given that a lot of thought, too.”

“It appears you have.”

“Yes…I decided you’re different from most women, and I shouldn’t try to corral you into what most other women do or want out of life.”

Rachel wanted to reach over and caress his sweaty cheek. Chase was struggling beneath all these weighty admissions. Were they lies to convince her back into his arms? She didn’t know, feeling serrated. “Chase, more than anything, I want to be married someday and have two or three children. I love the idea of sharing my life with someone, of carrying his child and feeling that life within me. That’s part of being a woman, not just what society expects of me. There is a difference. I’ve always rebelled against being looked at as nothing more than a brood mare. Life consists of so much more than that. I decided at a very early age that I deserved to live the way I wanted to and be myself.”

He gulped once, holding her gaze. “I understand that—I think,” he said. “You do want to get married and have kids, then?”

Her smile was tentative. “As a woman, I want the right to do what I feel is best for me, not what some man decides I should do. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want a husband and family someday.”

She was right, Chase realized humbly. He read so much in her eyes, fighting every desire to drag her into his arms and kiss her until she melted with passion. His thoughts were completely scattered, his memorized script erased under her quietly spoken admission. He had visions of her decidedly pregnant, carrying
his
child. The thought was galvanizing.

Dipping his head, Chase had to break eye contact with Rachel or do something they’d both regret—àin. Did she know the beauty of making slow, passionate love in a field like this, getting back in touch with the earth and with all that was alive and beautiful? Damn, thinking was tough around her! All he wanted to do was feel the wealth of emotions Rachel aroused within him. “Look,” he began, his voice low, “I want the right to know you better, Rachel. I know I acted like a cad before, but I want to make up for it, to prove to you that I’m not a groper. There’s something we share. I can’t put it into words, I can only feel it.” Chase closed his eyes, waiting for her to say no.

“When you left, I thought you never wanted to see me again.”

Jerking his chin to the left, Chase said, “That isn’t true, Rachel. On board the chopper, I realized I didn’t know what unit you’d been assigned to.” He shoved his fingers through his hair in aggravation. “You don’t know how many times I was in the radio shack bugging the operators to make just one more call to one of the many MASH units in Korea.” His eyes narrowed. “Every spare minute between missions, I was over there ordering those guys to put in calls, trying to locate you. I wanted to apologize, to start over, if you’d give me the chance.”

“Oh, Chase…”

He managed a grimace. “I never stopped looking for you, Rachel. After cooling down, I realized I was wrong—about everything. You’re your own woman. I didn’t want to deal with that aspect of you. All the women I’ve known have been passive in comparison to you.”