Day by Day (23 page)

Judy stood still, her emotions balanced precariously on a thin wire separating belief from disbelief that. Could she give in to the cries of her heart and help her daughter?

Yes, she could help Candy. Judy could give her a place to live. She could even ask Ann to let Candy work in the salon, at least temporarily, until she found a permanent job. Judy could support her, emotionally, as Candy reestablished her bonds with Brian, and Judy could offer encouragement as Candy continued her struggle against her addiction.

Should she help her daughter?

Judy had dozens of memories to convince her otherwise, but as a mother, how could she say no to Candy? Did Judy’s responsibilities as Brian’s grandmother conflict with her role as Candy’s mother, or were they so intertwined she
could not be loyal to one without the other? Should she take the risk and offer to help her daughter one more time or should past experience be her guide and remind her there would always be promises that would be broken and pleas for one more chance and then another and another?

Torn between what she could do and what she should do, Judy had to decide here and now exactly what she would be willing to do in answer to her daughter’s plea.

Would she be willing to risk failing again as Candy’s mother or would she be able to use the mistakes she had made in the past to help her to know how best to help Candy succeed? Would she be able to take one giant leap of faith and trust the Lord to watch over all of them and guide them?

The risks were great.

The chance of failing again was real.

But the opportunity of succeeding was too precious to deny…just one more time.

She could, she should, and she would help her daughter by taking one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time, and most importantly, with one simple, faith-filled prayer at a time.

“Father, we need You,” she whispered.

When her spirit filled with warmth and peace, she took the first step with faith and started walking toward her daughter. “Why don’t you put that mop away so we can go pick up Brian together?”

T
here are deep truths to be found in a child’s spontaneous expressions. Within the innocence of childhood, there exists a fountain of purity, unspoiled by guile or selfishness, which flows with unconditional love and forgiveness or joy and wonder.

Wise adults know to look for these truths, to take them to heart and accept them at face value.

Judy did not necessarily believe she was wise, but she was smart enough to know that she needed to see Brian’s expression the moment he realized his mother had returned. After clearing their way into the school, Judy spoke directly to the teacher in charge. She stood off to the side, just inside the doorway to the playroom, and watched Brian building blocks all by himself while other children were still doing homework or painting or playing.

The moment Brian saw his mother approaching him, his dark eyes lit with surprise and immediately sparkled with
joy. A huge smile almost turned his dimples inside out. He jumped up, knocked over the castle he had been building and whooped and hollered and charged across the carpet. “Mom! Mom! Mom!”

Candy held out her arms and scooped him up. He wrapped his arms around her neck and she hugged him to her, turning round and round in a circle and murmuring words of love Judy could barely hear.

Brian’s reaction cemented Judy’s decision to give her daughter one more chance, albeit with one major condition Candy had agreed to before coming to the school. Any type of relapse, using any kind of drugs, just once, and Candy would have to leave Judy’s house. Without Brian. In the meantime, Judy would retain legal custody. They would work out the other conditions later tonight after dinner and after Brian had gone to bed.

Finally, Brian’s feet touched the ground again, but he held on to one of Candy’s legs. When she pointed to Judy, he waved, tugged on his mother’s hand and dragged her with him as he closed the distance between them and Judy. “Look, Grandmom! Look! It’s my mom!”

Judy laughed and ruffled his hair when he almost ran into her. “Yes, I know.”

Grinning, he gave her a look of pure delight, as if his mother’s reappearance had turned on an inner light in his spirit that their separation had dimmed. “Can we have ice cream for dinner tonight? Can we?”

Candy scowled. “Ice cream? That’s a treat, not dinner. Besides, it’s pretty cold out to be eating ice cream.”

He shook his head. “Me and Grandmom had ice cream for dinner when I got my ’ward, didn’t we, Grandmom?”

Candy looked at Judy and raised a brow.

“W-well, Brian got the Best Student Award that day, and we were celebrating,” she offered.

“We never had ice cream for dinner when I was growing up,” Candy countered.

“No, but…maybe we should have.” Judy met Candy’s gaze and held it for a moment. They were connected, here and now, by the reality of what had been in the past and the hope for what could be in the future. Resolving the past was a great challenge. Judy’s ability to balance her role as Candy’s mother, Brian’s grandmother and his grand mother while they blended into a family again would be an even greater challenge.

Having ice cream for dinner, however, was not an issue Judy wanted to battle over with her daughter.

She looked down at Brian and shivered for effect. “But your mom’s right, Brian. It’s a little cold outside to be eating ice cream.”

“But it’s not too cold inside Scoops, if it’s even still there,” Candy suggested. “Maybe we could even have a hamburger first.”

Eyes wide, Brian nodded. “That’s where we had our ice cream. Scoops. Right, Grandmom?”

Judy chuckled. “Yes, it was, but they don’t have burgers anymore. They only serve ice cream these days.”

“Then it’s settled. We’re going to Scoops to celebrate Mom coming home. Why don’t I help you put the blocks away first?” Candy suggested.

“And I’ll meet you both in the foyer. I need to stop in the office to talk to Mrs. Moffett,” Judy offered and retraced her steps back to the school office.

Once inside, she found Jean Moffett behind the counter at her desk, talking on the telephone. “Yes, that’s right…. No, the after-school program ends at six…. I’ll see you from the office and buzz you inside…. You’re welcome.” She hung up the telephone and smiled. “I’m sorry. We still get three or four inquiries a day. I’m glad you stopped back to see me. I didn’t want to say anything earlier when you were with your daughter, but I hope you’re not angry with me for not letting her take Brian earlier…or that I called the police. Candy was very, very upset. I tried to call you at home, but you weren’t there. I know the salon is closed on Mondays, but I was so rattled, by the time I remembered you were having the Open House today, it was too late. I knew the police would already be handling the problem.”

“On the contrary,” Judy insisted. “That’s one of the reasons I wanted to see you before we left with Brian. I truly appreciate the fact that you followed the rules and wouldn’t let Brian leave with anyone other than me.”

“I wouldn’t make an exception. Not in today’s world. It’s not like it was when we were raising our children. But I saw that she was with you when you both got here a few minutes ago and buzzed you both in. I gather everything is settled now?”

“For now,” Judy replied. Fortunately, Jean was an old friend, and Judy did not have to explain Candy’s erratic behavior in the past or earlier today, for that matter. “That’s another reason I wanted to see you. Candy will be living with me again, temporarily, and sometimes she’ll be picking up Brian from school or the after-school program. I wonder if we could change the instructions in Brian’s records?”

“Yes, indeed.” Jean opened a desk drawer, flipped through a number of file folders and pulled one out. After leafing through the papers, she found what she was looking for. She carried it with her to the counter and pointed to a section near the bottom. “Here. Right now it says you’re the only one who can take Brian out of school or pick him up from the after-school program. Should I just add Candy’s name?”

Judy hesitated, then decided her original idea would be best, at least for now. “Actually, it’s a little more complicated than that.”

Jean handed her a pen. “Here. Cross off what’s written there now. As you can see, there’s plenty of spare space below. Just write down what you want us to do, and we’ll follow your instructions.”

After drawing several lines through her previous instructions, Judy wrote her new ones and turned the paper around for Jean to read the changes. “How’s that?”

Jean read the new instructions to herself and nodded. “Sure thing. If Candy comes to pick up Brian again, either during school or the after-school program, you’ll call me first. If I’m not here, whoever is covering for me will call you back either at home or at the salon to make sure you were really the one making the call.”

She tucked the paper back into the folder and smiled. “I hope everything works out. For you and Candy and Brian,” she murmured. “Candy looks good. Like she’s doing good.”

“I think she is.” When Judy heard Brian’s voice, she turned and saw Candy and Brian waiting for her in the foyer. “Thanks for everything. I’ve got to go. We’re heading out for dinner.”

“The Diner has the meat loaf special on Mondays. We went there last week. You should try it!”

“Maybe another time. We’re going to Scoops.” She grinned and slipped out the door, but not before she tucked the surprised look on Jean’s face into the memory book in her mind.

Judy was not sure if Brian was unable to go to sleep out of pure excitement at his reunion with his mother, from eating too much ice cream topped with crushed candies, or out of fear that his mother might not be here when he woke up. Maybe it was a combination of all three reasons, but she left Candy in charge of putting Brian to bed for the night and getting him to go to sleep.

Instead, Judy had stayed downstairs to call Ginger to reassure her all was well and to ask her to call Barbara to ease her concerns, too. After making her calls, she went upstairs, dry-mopped the hardwood floors, and dusted the bureau in the spare room where Candy would be sleeping. The master bedroom where Judy had slept every night since moving into the house years ago was at the front end of the narrow upstairs hallway. Brian’s room, Candy’s bedroom as a child, was sandwiched in between the other two bedrooms, along with a bathroom that separated his room from Candy’s.

After she emptied her summer clothes from the bureau and postage-stamp closet, she pulled down the foldaway steps and stored her summer clothes in the attic. By the time she got back to the bedroom to put fresh sheets on the double bed, she needed to stop and gather up enough steam to finish the job.

When Candy entered the room, she sighed. “He’s finally asleep. Need some help?”

Judy arched her back and stretched her muscles. “Only if you insist on having sheets to sleep on tonight. I’m beat.”

“Long day?” Candy asked as she started nudging the fitted sheet into place at the bottom corner of the mattress.

“I thought the salon was closed on Mondays.”

Judy fit the sheet onto the opposite corner. “We had our Open House today. Just between us, Ann Porter is hoping to retire by summer, and I’m trying to buy the salon.”

The sheet slipped from Candy’s grip. “Really?”

Judy shrugged. “I’ll have to take out a home equity loan and some to do it, and I still have to come up with a new business plan that the bank will like. But I think I can do it. I also think Ann might be willing to let you help out at the salon until you find a permanent job, especially since she’s going to concentrate on working in clients’ homes now.”

“Mom, that’s so…so cool! You might actually get to own Pretty Ladies!”

“Don’t get too excited. Lots of things still have to be worked out yet, but yes. I just might get to own the salon.” She chuckled. “When I think about how old I’ll be when the home equity loan is finally paid off, assuming I get one, I think I’ll wind up at settlement laughing. But I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’ll be long gone before I’m eighty-seven.”

“Don’t say that,” Candy argued. She waited for Judy to fit the sheet on her front corner of the mattress, then struggled to fit the final corner. “Think about what you’re doing. You might actually own your own business. That’s…impressive,” she grunted before the sheet snapped into place.

Judy had the folded top sheet in her hands and pressed it against her chest. “I’m pretty excited. And scared. And a little nervous, but thank you.” She shook her head. “I can’t remember the last time you gave me a compliment.”

Candy dropped her gaze for a moment. When she looked up, her eyes were misty. “I can’t remember the last time you gave me one, either, but that’s not your fault. It’s mine. B-but I want that, you know.”

Judy swallowed hard. “You want a compliment?”

Taking a deep breath, Candy shook her head. “No. I don’t just want a compliment from you. I want you to be proud of me.
I
want to be proud of me. And I want Brian to be proud of me, too. I’m getting there, I think, but I still have a long way to go. I know that, but I’ve really tried hard to change these past six months and I’m excited…and scared…and a little nervous, too.”

Judy’s heart skipped a beat, and she worried the edge of the sheet in her hands. Having an open, honest conversation with her daughter, without anger or disgust, was so rare she barely knew what to do or to think, beyond the desperate need to hold on to this moment. “It sounds like we’re both ready for a change, for a new beginning. Maybe…maybe it’s time we tried working together on the same side as a team instead of being opponents. I—I never wanted it that way,” she admitted.

“I never did, either. Not really. I’m sorry, Mom…for everything.”

When a long silence ensued, each of them apparently unsure of what to say, Judy opened up the flat sheet and started tucking in the bottom on her side of the bed.

Candy followed suit. “I wish…I wish it wasn’t too late for me to tell Daddy that I was sorry, and that I loved him.”

Judy squared the corner of the sheet. She smoothed the top of the bed with the palm of her hand, as if she were caressing the memory of her late husband, even as bitter memories of his viewing tried to surface. “I think he knew, sweetie. He knows now, though.”

Candy smoothed her side of the top sheet into place and folded down the top. “I wish I could say something to apologize for making such a scene at the viewing, but between the drugs and Duke and the sight of Daddy lying there so cold…” She shivered. “I can’t honestly remember what happened or why. It’s all a blur. All I can remember is feeling so empty and so dumb, like I’d lost any chance ever to make Daddy love me again or be proud of me.”

Judy blinked back tears. “He always loved you. I’ve always loved you. We didn’t always like you or what you were doing or what you’d become. We just felt so helpless watching you destroy yourself with drugs. We made lots of mistakes. All parents do. But we loved you,” she insisted and cocked a brow. “We really didn’t like you a lot of times, and we sure didn’t understand you, but…but we always loved you.”

Candy swiped at her own tears. “I wish I could believe that.”

Judy slipped the case on each of the two pillows and tossed one to her daughter. “Believe it.”

Sniffling, Candy tossed the pillow back. “It’s not that easy.”

“How much do you love Brian?” Judy asked, lobbing the pillow across the bed again. “For all your yesterdays, and
today, and all your tomorrows. How much do you love him? Enough to forgive him when he does something wrong?”

Candy threw the pillow sideways at Judy. “He’s my son. Of course I do.”

Judy tilted up her chin and tossed the pillow back again. “Enough to let him make his own mistakes, even if they’re big ones, and watch him suffer through the consequences without saying, ‘I told you so,’ and praying with all your heart that he can do it, and crying yourself to sleep at night when he fails?”

Candy squared her shoulders. “If I have to.” She hugged the pillow to her chest. “Is that what you and Daddy did?”

Judy cringed. “No. You know we didn’t. We tried, but in all honesty, I know I wasn’t as good a parent as your father. I know I didn’t miss an opportunity to say, ‘I told you so.’ I tried to soften the consequences and make excuses for you when you missed a curfew or said you weren’t smoking or…or worse. I cried myself to sleep at night, though, and I prayed sometimes. But that wasn’t enough, was it? And I’m sorry, Candy. I wish I could do it over again. Maybe things would have been different for you if I’d been a better mother, but at the time, I guess I did the best I could.”