Day of Atonement (11 page)

“There's only one thing left to do to make this argument mirror the others we have had,” he said once they stopped devouring each other's lips and paused for air.

“What's that?”

“Make-up sex.” He smiled cunningly.

“Good night, Troy.”

M
orning came quicker than Troy anticipated or wanted. He hadn't really slept amidst the tossing and turning during the night, wondering exactly what he would say to Nate…to his father. As much as he loathed his dad, it seemed it would be easier to talk to him than with his son. The memory of the look in Nate's eyes pained him in the same manner, maybe even worse, than Natalie's. Troy always prided himself on being a better father than his own. Last night he'd failed miserably and that would be sure to bother him for quite some time.

Troy had been devoting more time to learning the Bible ever since coming head-to-head this past summer with a serial killer who had used scriptures to justify murder. Of course, Troy knew that the killer's rationalizations were erroneous. Still, he learned the importance of studying the Word for himself so he could correctly apply its principles to his life as Paul instructed in 2 Timothy 2:15. Last night he'd neglected to practice any of the many scriptures that warned against out-of-control anger such as Proverbs 29:22.
An angry man stirs up strife, and a furious man abounds in transgression.
Troy had done both.

For all of these years, Troy had felt justified in his disdain toward his father. Natalie did make a good point in saying that his dad had never laid a hand on him or his sister. Except for the time
when Troy jumped in to help his mom, his father had never even threatened him. Still, that didn't excuse his overall behavior and yet Natalie's words,
“The best way to teach your son forgiveness is to demonstrate it for him,”
weighed on his heart. Even though Troy knew forgiveness was something Jesus demanded, it was the desire to be a good example for Nate that motivated Troy to at least try and let the past go.

Might as well get this over with,
Troy said to himself after hearing heavy footsteps descending the stairs. He had promised Natalie that he would talk to his father and Troy knew she would not relent until he kept it. And he had to do it now. It could not hang over his head as Elana was depending on him. He needed a clear mind in order to find the evidence needed to put away her killer.

Troy slid his arm from underneath Natalie, who did not stir, threw on some pants, and made a pit stop at the bathroom. Before heading to the kitchen, he peeked in on Nate who had slept in Tracy's old room. Like his mama, lil' man did not stir. Troy stared at him for a few moments as a flood of emotions filled him. Nate deserved better and from here on out, he would get it.

Closing the door, Troy walked down the stairs. The closer he got to the kitchen, the slower his pace.
Why?
That was the one question he would ask his father. The one question he
had
to ask his dad, even knowing that there would never be a satisfying answer. Nothing the man said would adequately explain why his father had treated his mom in such a horrible manner.

Troy stepped into the kitchen, realizing that he would have to wait to interrogate his dad because it was his mom who he had heard that morning. “Hey,” Troy said, walking over to assist her in putting up dishes from the dishwasher.

She looked up at him without Christmas season jollies running
through her veins. She happened to be holding a knife at that time as well. “Don't ‘hey' me. I'm so pissed at you right now; I don't know what to do.”

“Please don't stab me.” He smiled, hoping his charm would calm her nerves. It didn't.

“You think you did somethin' cute last night comin' in here actin' like a fool?” The force with which she continued to unload the dishwasher intensified as she continued talking. “You need to get over the issues you have with your father. You have a lot of nerve comin' into this house,
his
house, bein' disrespectful.”

This coming from the woman who's proud to say she went off on a man with Alzheimer's?

“I was tellin' Natalie yesterday how proud of you I am because you're a good husband and father and then you come in and show you're a—”

“Mama!”
Troy was sure she was about to throw the plate in her hand. “Watch what you're doing.”

She put it on the counter and slammed the dishwasher shut without emptying it further. She stood with her arms folded staring at him. There was that look again. The look of disappointment from someone he loved.

“Mama, I'm sorry.” He reached out for her. Despite her resistance, he held her anyhow, feeling her body relax ever so slightly. “I did not mean to upset you.”

After taking several deep breaths in his arms, she broke away.

“I'm sorry,” Troy repeated, hating the glossiness coming from her eyes. This was unusual as his mom was a long way from his sensitive, sometimes overly emotional wife. Both her inner and outer toughness were often portrayed through her eyes. Hardened eyes that had likely seen the unimaginable, witnessed the
unforgiveable, and yet still held hope for the impossible. “Why?” Troy found himself asking his mom the question he had intended for his dad.

“Why what?”

“Why did you stay with him after all he'd put you through? I don't understand why you kept Tracy and me in this environment.”

She shook her head, sighing as she walked past him to sit at the small kitchen table. “The one thing I do regret—that your father and I both regret—is not settin' better examples for you and your sister. I often wonder if you went to Ohio after high school to get as far away from here as possible.”

Troy wouldn't doubt that subconsciously he might have been running away, but he also recalled how bad he'd felt leaving Tracy behind. He went to Ohio because that was the best opportunity for him at the time. He would have never made such a drastic move simply to escape knowing his baby sister would be left behind.

“Last night I realized that part of the reason you hate your dad so much is because of me and my big mouth.” Her voice was soft, speaking like she was having this conversation with herself and he happened to be nearby. “I know I couldn't shield you from everything he did, but there was a lot that you wouldn't have known had I not told you. The most important thing is that I'm with him now because I love him and I truly believe he has changed. He's been livin' here since last spring. I swear I think this is the longest we have ever gone without separatin' for at least a few weeks.”

“What kind of marriage is that? Why do you still want to be with someone with whom you have more bad memories than you have good ones? All he's ever done is cheat on and beat you. You have been such a good wife to him.”

She smirked. “Have a seat, son. I have wrongly allowed you to
put me on a pedestal all these years. You only know about your dad's wrongs, but I have not been perfect. Your father is not the only one who has been unfaithful.”

“Stop, Mama. You don't have to make yourself look bad in order to make him appear better. I'm sure he drove you to it.”

“There you go vilifyin' him without all the facts. I am not in the mood to sugarcoat things for you, so I'm goin' to tell it like it is. Throughout our entire relationship we both have cheated on each other, even before we were married. In fact, he married me not knowin' for sure you were his child.”

“What are you saying?” Troy had wished for many years that Reed Evans was not his father. Yet, now faced with the possibility, he didn't feel relief. He felt empty…lost, like his entire identity would be stripped from him.

“Relax, he's your father. It was confirmed a long time ago through a blood test. What I'm tryin' to tell you is that he took care of you even before he was legally obligated to do so. That right there should tell you that he's not all that bad. Yeah, he was a drunk, but he still took care of business. When I told the other guy I was seein' that I was pregnant, he all but left town. He wasn't tryin' to marry me. Back then, that's what a girl had to do when she got knocked up. Even knowin' the circumstances, Reed refused to leave me hangin'. Sort of like Joseph stepped up when Mary was pregnant, except in my case I can't quite claim Immaculate Conception.”

It came as no surprise to Troy that his mom had a shot gun wedding. He pretty much figured that out as a child through simple mathematics of calculating their wedding date and his birthday. The other details, though, were shocking.

“I have stayed with your dad because I always knew he was a good man. True, we have never had a perfect relationship. We have
fought like cats and dogs, and have both done things to hurt each other, but we're older now. It's high time that we both grow up and your dad has done that. He has stopped drinkin' and I see the changes in him. He is really tryin' and the last thing he needs is for you to come in here actin' crazy because he was playin' with Nate. Give him a chance.
Please.”

“I'm sorry,” he said for what seemed like the umpteenth time.

“You need to say that to your father.”

Apologizing to him hadn't been in Troy's script, but he wasn't about to argue with her on the issue. If anything, the man owed him an apology for being such a crappy role model. “Believe it or not, I came down here because I thought you were him. As soon as he gets up, I promise to speak with him.”

There was a brief glow in her face before it turned solemn again. “You won't be doin' it here. He left after all the ruckus last night and said he would stay at the other house until you leave because he did not want his presence to ruin Christmas for everyone. I think it would mean a lot to him if you go over there and talk to him.”

“I don't know about that, Mama. I really need to talk to Nate. Plus, I'd planned to spend most of the day working on Elana's case.” He hadn't had a chance to look at any of the information B.K. had given him. “Before I forget, would you mind picking up Lilly on Wednesday and taking her to meet the private investigator?”

“Sure, what time?”

“I think he wants her there around noon. I'll get her number from Elvin so you can call and verify.”

“That's not necessary. We exchanged numbers when I saw her last summer. I still have hers.”

“Okay. Elvin and I have another appointment that day and he doesn't want her to be by herself. Nicole's here, but I thought it might be good if you went with her since you guys used to be close and you witnessed firsthand what she experienced. I think she would appreciate having you there.”

“Oh, I definitely don't mind. But, don't think that by changin' the subject, I'm done talkin' to you about your dad. I know you have a lot on your mind with what's goin' on right now. I also think you are makin' excuses. If you are really serious about talkin' to him, it shouldn't matter if you do it here or elsewhere. I'm not goin' to try and press you, but I will say this: I would like your dad to spend Christmas with us. I think the only one who can make that happen is you. You messed things up, now fix them,” she said before getting up and walking away.

Troy continued to sit for a few moments, reflecting on the conversation with his mom. After praying for guidance on how to handle the situation with his father, Troy got up and finished putting away the dishes.

A
fter the conversation with his mom, Troy took care of his ultimate priority and that was making things right with Nate. Talking with his son wasn't as awkward as he had anticipated. He did as Natalie had suggested and said that he had had a temper tantrum. Nate made him laugh when he asked if Mommy had spanked him or put him in time-out.

“No, son. Mommy was very disappointed with me though.”

“What does disappointed mean?”

“It means unhappy.” Troy explained how he was disappointed with himself and that he would understand if Nate had been disappointed as well. It jabbed his heart when Nate told Troy that he had scared him. Troy asked for his forgiveness. Nate gave it. The two hugged and began play boxing until Nate ultimately “won.”

Afterward, Troy was really eager to review the things B.K. had given him, but he knew he would not be able to do so in peace if he did not make the trip to his grandparents' home to talk to his father. Both Natalie and his mom would be on his case until he did.

“I'll be back,” he said and headed out.

Troy could not remember the last time he was at his grandparents' house. His mom wasn't very close to them. Consequently, neither was he. The last time Troy could recall being there was when he was taking karate classes. If his memory served correctly,
that was before Tracy was born. It had been so long since Troy had been there that if it weren't for his father's pickup in the driveway, he would not have known exactly which house it was.

Troy pulled up behind the pickup, trying not to talk himself out of it as it could go wrong in so many ways. If Troy were to unleash nearly forty-two years of rage on his father, no one would be there to stop him and either he or his father would end up dead. Troy's father owned several guns and Troy was carrying a piece himself. Emotions could easily spin the situation out of control. With the two of them being alone, it could get ugly. There was too much baggage…too many bad memories. Troy vividly remembered how his dad had threatened to blow his mom's brains out with one of his guns. Troy was only about four or five when this happened, maybe even younger. They had gotten into a fight about something, most likely another woman, and his dad pulled the gun out on his mom. She didn't flinch. She walked right up to him and said that if he shot her, he had better be prepared to kill her because if not, she would surely kill him.