Day of Atonement (28 page)

“Hersh?” Decker shrugged. “He might be, but he might
be heterosexual. I don’t have any indications as to which way he swings.”

“Both his victims were gay,” Cleveland said.

Decker conceded the point but still felt that wasn’t it at all. The age of the victims, the
size
. Every time Hersh rolled a big man, he took a chance. But Hersh
wanted
large, older men. What he wanted was to kill his
father
. He only went after gays because they were a hell of a lot easier to pick up. How else was he going to get a big man to follow him into the night?

Using the unmarked’s radio, Decker was patched through to Marge. He updated her, explained what he needed. She was ready for action even before he finished. He asked her to call Hollander for him and Marge reminded him that Mike was on vacation as of yesterday.

“Damn, that’s right,” Decker said. “What about Fordebrand? He’s good about favors.”

“I think he’s still in the field,” Marge said. “A nasty bar killing just went down in our parts around an hour ago. I was called down because it was over a woman and someone mentioned rape. But the woman wasn’t raped.”

There was a long pause over the line.

Marge said, “I could ask MacPherson.”

“You mind calling him?”

“No,” Marge said.

“Thanks. Tell him to drop by my place, pick up the fliers from Rina. I’ll call her so she’ll have them all ready for him.”

“You trust Paul alone with your wife?”

Decker laughed and said, “She has a gun.”

Rina saw the car pull up in the driveway. She answered the door before MacPherson knocked. He stood, huddled under her doorstep, his head covered with a knitted ski cap. His eyes were sunken, his forehead was bathed in sweat.

“Hullo, Mrs. Decker,” he said in a nasal voice. “The good sergeant said you have some fliers for me?”

“You can’t go out like that, Detective,” Rina said. She leaned over and felt his forehead. “You have a fever.”

“I’m a little under the weather.” He sneezed. “But don’t worry—”

“Go home and go to bed right now,” Rina said. “I’ll pass out the leaflets.”

“Mrs. Decker, I don’t think that’s what the sergeant had in mind.”

“Was the sergeant aware of your physical condition?”

“I’m really all right.”

“Absolutely not,” Rina said. “You put yourself to bed right away. I’m perfectly capable of passing out fliers and talking to security. Besides, if anyone can recognize Noam, I will. Feeling the way you do, I’m not sure you could recognize your own mother.”

Probably true, MacPherson thought. Still, he didn’t feel good about letting her go out to LAX alone at this time of night. If anything were to happen to her, he’d catch deep shit. And he’d feel bad for her, too.

“I don’t think so, Mrs. Decker.” He sneezed again.

Rina said, “Detective MacPherson, I’m not going to give you those fliers and without the fliers you have no reason to go to the airport. Now get out of here and stop sneezing on me or we’ll both be sick.”

MacPherson sighed. He was too tired to argue. In all honesty, he was grateful for the reprieve, even if he felt funny about it. But if the lady wasn’t going to give him the fliers, it really didn’t make sense for him to go to the airport, did it? He couldn’t force her to give them to him so the hell with it. Next time, Decker should speak to him directly if he wanted a favor.

“If you insist,” he said.

“I insist,” Rina said. “Now good night.”

She smiled, then closed the door.

She knew Peter would be furious, but that was his prob
lem. Paul was in no shape to work. And she was too jumpy to sleep.

Every time she pictured Noam’s face, she thought of her own sons. How would she feel if they were in such imminent danger? And Noam was in terrible danger. Even Peter had seemed shaken when he summarized what had happened. She remembered his thoughts out loud.

It’s only a matter of time before Hersh realizes he doesn’t need Noam to kill. Then the boy becomes a liability rather than an asset.

She just couldn’t hand such an important task over to a sick man who was just going through the motions. The job required someone who
cared.

Peter would be mad, even angrier that she used the Porsche at this time of night. It was an attention grabber and that wasn’t good. But that was a chance she’d have to take.

She tied a kerchief atop her head and slipped on her coat. The bags of fliers were heavy. If only she didn’t need her purse. How did men travel without one? No matter, she’d manage. She took the spare key ring off the wall and hefted it. More weight. Maybe she should just take the Porsche keys and leave the rest of Peter’s keys here.

No, best not to separate them. If anything got lost, Peter would be even more irate. She flung her purse over her shoulder and looped her hands around the plastic bags. Before she closed and locked the door, she checked for her gun.

Like an old reliable friend, it was where it was supposed to be.

It had been
a long and silent bus ride—a blessing for Noam. He hated the sound of Hersh’s voice, but hated his own voice even more. He hated, hated, hated everything about himself.

Hersh and he didn’t talk on the bus. They didn’t even sit together, choosing aisle seats opposite each other. At first glance, Hersh appeared to be dozing, but whenever Noam moved, even to scratch his nose, Hersh’s eyes would pop open, tracking him like a wild animal.

They hadn’t even talked much right after it happened. Both of them had been like robots, rushing into the motel room, throwing their meager clothes into the suitcases. He’d taken the gun, Hersh had taken his knives. A fair split—the gun was a more dangerous weapon, but Hersh was quicker with the knives.

Not that Noam really cared whether he lived or died. After what had happened (what had
gone down
as Hersh had put it) everything was over for him anyway.

What he had done
.

Over and over, he racked his brain, trying to figure out what he
should
have done. But it all happened so fast. He couldn’t think straight, not with Hersh’s eyes bulging out of his forehead. Not with him crying out:
Helf mir!
The man
was
strangling
Hersh, for God’s sake; he couldn’t just walk away. He just couldn’t.

The tables turned so quickly. Now
they
were the attackers. A moment later came that haunting picture, that awful look on that poor man’s face. A death mask.

Noam screwed up his eyes, shook his head fiercely, trying to throw the image out of his brain.

After it was over, Hersh went nuts with his knives. Noam knew he should have stopped him—what Hersh did was pure evil. Nobody normal did those things. But all Noam had done was cry, too afraid to make him stop.

That smell, that terrible smell. Like the back of a butcher shop. Noam gagged just thinking about it. He felt his breath begin to go choppy, his head begin to spin. He heard Hersh telling him—no, not telling,
ordering
him—to get a grip on himself.

Get a grip on yourself
.

Noam kept that thought. It was the only thing that prevented him from going insane.

It helped to breathe into his hands. A few minutes later, Noam felt his head clear. He glanced over at Hersh, who was lying on his back, hands under his head, his eyes wide open.

Noam knew he was making plans.

Get a grip on yourself
.

Hersh and his plans—his
evil
plans. Noam hated, just
hated
his plans. But back then, after what had happened, he hadn’t been able to think up his own plans. All he’d been able to do was follow numbly. Somehow Hersh had managed to guide them to the right bus, no one inside giving them a second glance.

Everyone riding the bus had seemed like a lowlife, just like he was. People who carried their belongings in bags instead of valises. People who looked like they hadn’t had a bath in a long time. There’d been a woman, her face covered with acne. She had scraggly red hair and wore newspapers
on her feet. There’d been a fat guy that almost took up two full bus seats. There’d been two skinny black teenagers, their hair in matted curls. They’d had real mean eyes, and whispered to each other as soon as he and Hersh boarded the bus. But Hersh had easily stared them down. No one had meaner eyes than Hersh. A few seconds later, the black guys had slumped back into their seats, ignored them for the rest of the trip.

No, there hadn’t been any chance to talk on the bus. But now they were
alone
, both of them camped outside for the rest of the evening, and still they weren’t talking about it.

What was there to talk about?

Noam knew his hours were numbered. After what he had witnessed the last few days, after what he had just done, he knew he was beyond earthly salvation, beyond Yom Kippur.

The ground was hard, the chilled night air smelling like industrial fuel. The fumes made Noam’s head throb, his eyes bursting with sharp pain every time his brain hammered against his skull. His body was enveloped with aches—sore ribs, a swollen lower lip, a bruised jaw, a stomach so thick with acid it could jump a battery. Though dressed warmly, wrapped in a woolen jacket, he shivered, the shakes sometimes so violent his knees knocked together. He propped himself up, leaning his back against a concrete pillar. Slipping his hands back into his pockets, he rolled himself up into a ball. Both of them awake, both refusing to sleep, fearing that the other might be
planning
something.

Nothing between them except deadly suspicion.

It was almost three in the morning. The watch Abba had given him for his bar mitzvah worked like a mule. Noam had been so mad at his father, angry that even for an occasion like his bar mitzvah, Abba had been too cheap to buy him the watch he really wanted. Now Noam clung to it as if it were the only tangible link to his past.

He no longer cared about his safety, knowing it was just a matter of time before something irreversible would happen. The only thing that gave him solace was
tshuvah
—repen
tance. Since the last ordeal, Noam had been silently praying, begging Hashem’s forgiveness for all the evil he had done. He knew it was too late for him in this lifetime. Even if he should live to be reunited with his family, he couldn’t do anything to undo the terrible, terrible things he had done. Nothing would ever, ever be good for him again. But that was the way it should be. He didn’t deserve goodness.

But he hoped he would show himself to be worthy of Hashem’s forgiveness. If his repentence was sincere, if his confessions to God—
vidduy
—were complete, maybe he could earn a tiny fraction of salvation in the world to come.

He must suffer. It was the only way to achieve forgiveness.

Pray, he told himself. Try to save your evil, worthless soul. Pray.

Thoughts of his family kept interfering. The only good thing about it was that the images of their faces made him suffer even more. Noam looked up, tears finally flooding his eyes. The sky was moonless, an eerie misty gray lightened by streetlights and clouds. It seemed to beckon him upward, seemed to have visible folded arms just waiting for him to fall asleep. Then they’d part and swoop down, yanking him into an empty void.

A lifetime ago, the thought would have terrified him. But now he couldn’t have cared less. Hashem was merciful. Hashem would let him live long enough to do his
tshuvah
. The only thing that scared Noam now, was how
long
it would take him to repent. If he was sincere enough, he could do his
tshuvah
quickly and die. If he wasn’t, he’d have to keep going, suffering for years, until it was done properly.

Every day, waking up to ask Hashem to forgive you. Every day, having to live with that horrible picture of that poor man burned in your brain, reminding yourself what you had done.

The pain was overwhelming, dwarfing any fear he once had of dying, any fear he once had of Hersh.

He would leave Hersh once they arrived in San Francisco. Just walk away from him on the open streets. If Hersh at
tacked him, killed him, so be it. But more than likely, Hersh would let him go.

He would never go back to his family—that would be too good for him. He would hide out somewhere, live on nothing. When he could pass for eighteen, he would find some weird
ba’al tshuvah
yeshiva that didn’t ask questions. He would become a
nazir
—a man who drank no wine, refused to touch a razor to his head. He would spend his remaining days in learning and prayer and repentance.

Noam knew he had only a slim chance for redemption. Still, a slim chance was better than none. That was what was so wonderful about Hashem. He was always willing to give you a slim chance.

After the thirteenth ring, Decker slammed the phone down.

Where in the bloody hell was Rina?

It had been almost an hour since MacPherson was to have picked up the fliers. If he hadn’t seen her, he would have radioed something back.

Calm down, Decker told himself. Taking a deep breath, he asked the radio operator to patch him through to MacPherson. The voice on the other end of the line was hoarse and thick with sleep.

Without introducing himself, Decker said, “Paul, were you sleeping?”

There was silence on the other end of the line. Then: “Pete, let me explain—”

“I can’t get hold of Rina. Did she go to the airport in your place?”

“I think so—”

“You
think
so,” Decker repeated quietly. “Buddy, I’m going to deal with you later. Now, I’m going to rush over to L.A. International and hope to God my wife is okay.”

MacPherson said, “Pete, I’m sure she’s—”

Decker hung up on him. He grabbed his keys, jumped into the unmarked, and gunned the engine. His gut was a mixture of fury and anxiety. He was mature enough to know that
there were always a few trouble spots in a marriage, but he hadn’t expected them to surface so soon. Rina was pushing him beyond the pale, as if she got a charge out of driving him crazy.

The honeymoon was definitely over.

For the seventh time tonight, Rina explained to a security officer the purpose of her visit. This time she was at TWA, the domestic terminal farthest from the entrance to the airport. The place was eerie in the wee hours of the morning, not deserted but lots of open space for very few travelers. Footsteps echoed, voices rang out even if you spoke at normal volume, so Rina began to whisper. People were scattered around the gates, some dozing in their seats, fingers tightly clutching the handles of their suitcases. Others were awake, scanning the room with glazed eyes that never quite focused on any single object.

The woman manning the security checkpoint was big-boned and black, agreeable but not really helpful. She took the flier, gave a quick glance at the printed faces, then asked if these guys were so bad, why hadn’t she heard about it through official channels?

Rina had no answer. She hadn’t any idea what the procedure was for this kind of thing. She wasn’t even clear on the details about what had happened in Hollywood. But she couldn’t tell the security lady that, so she mumbled something about things like this taking time.

Her lack of success and lack of sleep were dragging her spirits down. She should call Peter, tell him what she was up to. But she knew how he’d react and wasn’t in the mood for his temper. Not that Peter was temperamental, but he could be very parental. Lecturing her all the time…

Well, what did she really expect when she married a man twelve years her senior? Wasn’t that what she wanted after all these years of living alone? After having sole responsibility for her children, didn’t she want someone to lean on?

Peter had been sent to her by Hashem, her special gift for
surviving that
terrible
ordeal. From the beginning, Peter had been nurturing and reassuring, his physical presence so formidable she’d felt instantly safe whenever he was around. Over the last two years, he had rebuilt her sense of self, and now, thanks to him, she was strong and self-reliant.

She
was fine, but
Peter
was having a hard time adjusting to her independence. What bothered her most was that he didn’t trust her judgment.

Not that her judgment was so wonderful. Admittedly, she seemed to have a knack for putting herself in vulnerable positions. But she refused to be a hothouse flower. Noam was out there, kidnapped by a maniac. She wasn’t about to try heroics, but if she could help by passing out fliers, why not? Even if that meant going down to the airport at three in the morning. Over and over she thought: What if it had been one of her sons…?

She pumped herself up with renewed determination, tucking the remaining fliers back into her folder, preparing the speech for her next stop. As she walked, she heard heavy, rapid footsteps behind her and spun around.

The look in Peter’s eyes. She felt her shoulders sag. She was about to explain her intentions, but he spoke first.

“At least you could have had the courtesy to leave me a message!” He dropped his voice a notch. “What the hell gets into you, huh?”

Rina didn’t answer, but did manage to make eye contact. His face was filled with tension, but his body drooped with fatigue.

He started to speak again, but stopped himself. He ran his hands over his face, looked at her and said, “Why waste my breath? You don’t listen anyway. Did you find out anything interesting?”

Rina felt ashamed. “I should have left you a message—”

“Forget it,” Decker said. “Got any new information for me?”

“Nothing,” she said quietly.

“You’ve done all the terminals on the left side of the airport?”

Rina nodded. “I’m sorry—”

“I said
forget
it! This is what we’re going to do, Rina. We’ll cover the other terminals
together
.” He walked away from her. She had to run to keep up with him.

“Can you stop for a moment?” she asked.

Decker halted so abruptly that Rina overshot him. She backed up and said, “I’m not making excuses. But I came here out of deep concern for Noam. Peter, every time I think of that child, I feel I have to do
something
. Paul MacPherson was as sick as a dog and I was worried he’d do a shoddy job. Besides, if Noam was here, I, more than anyone, could recognize him.”

Decker said, “That’s precisely what I was worried about. How do you think Hersh might have reacted had you confronted Noam? Think he would have said, ‘Sure, little buddy, go on home and I’ll just continue the murders on my own’? And what makes you so sure that Noam’s an
innocent
victim? He might have reacted violently himself.”

Rina didn’t speak.

Decker said, “Rina, the body left behind had been
eviscerated
. Does that scare you? It scares me.”

Rina remained silent.

“Then I find out you’re out here all alone, like some friggin Pollyanna.” Decker pulled out a cigarette and stuffed it into his mouth unlit. “Your little stunt scared the shit out of me.”