Daybreak (9 page)

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

“He’s still pretending, of course. Pretending in so many ways.” He sighed. “I wish he’d come to me. Be honest. Tell me what’s really in his heart.”

Again, Lucas had nothing to say.

“My son will never be a lawyer. Nor will he marry a nice girl from temple and settle down and have babies.” Mr. Kramer smiled ruefully. “It will be quite an adjustment for Deanna to make, I’m afraid.”

Lucas could only imagine that was an understatement. After a few moments of silence, he asked, “How did you know? About law school, I mean?”

“He seemed to be enjoying school so much, which sadly raised my suspicions. I called the registrar’s office and asked for a copy of the tuition receipt. Told them we’d lost it and needed it for our taxes.”

“Oh. Um, clever.”

“I should have just paid attention when we paid the tuition in the first place. Nate knew we wouldn’t. Too busy with so many other things, I suppose.” He sounded disgusted with himself. “Sam always took up so much of our attention. I should have worked harder to make sure Nate wasn’t neglected.”

“You didn’t neglect him. You’re a great father.” Lucas thought he and Nate had both gotten lucky.

“Oh, Nate always had clothes on his back and food in his stomach, but he hid in the background and we let him too much of the time. I regret it. And I don’t want to keep on repeating my mistakes. I want to know my son.
Really
know him.”

“I wish I could help. I do.”

“I know, Lucas. I appreciate that, and I’m sorry things have turned out this way.”

“So, Nate obviously doesn’t know you’re here.”

“Oh, no. I’m afraid he wouldn’t be very happy with me if he knew I’d tried to interfere. But I hate seeing him so unhappy. And you, Lucas. Are you happy being apart? Is this for the best?”

Lucas shook his head miserably. Sure, he had fun with Casey. Yet it was nothing compared to what he had shared with Nate. “It was all my fault.”

“In my experience, things are rarely the fault of only one person in a relationship.”

“That’s nice of you to say, but in this case, it was totally my fault. I-I made a huge mistake. I don’t blame Nate at all for leaving.”

“We all make mistakes in our lives, Lucas.”

“Not like this. I really messed up. I wish I could change it, but he won’t even talk to me.”

Taking another sip of water, Mr. Kramer sighed again. “My son has never been very good at forgiveness. But don’t give up on him.”

“I don’t think he’ll ever trust me again.” Lucas couldn’t believe he was actually talking about this with Nate’s dad. It was surreal, to say the least. He was sure Mr. Kramer could take an educated guess at what had happened.

“Try talking to him again. He seems less angry than he was when he first returned home. Now he’s just sad.”

Guilt overwhelmed Lucas once more. If he hadn’t been so insecure and foolish, he and Nate would still be together. Instead, Lucas was dating Casey -- or whatever it was they were doing -- and nothing in his life felt as it should.

“Well.” Mr. Kramer stood. “Thank you for the hospitality. I should be getting back home, or Deanna will wonder where I’ve gotten to.”

Lucas sprang up and fetched Mr. Kramer’s coat. He held it out. “I’m sorry I couldn’t help. I wish I could.”

“Lucas, if you ever need anything, you know where we are. You’re always welcome in our home.”

Tears sprang in Lucas’s eyes, and he blinked rapidly, looking away. “Thank you.” Mr. Kramer squeezed his shoulder kindly before leaving.

Lucas retreated to his bed and stared at the ceiling, the dishes now long forgotten.

Chapter Nine

Peering into the lecture hall, Lucas half hoped Casey wouldn’t be there. Yet there he was, waving and saving a seat for Lucas as usual. Lucas forced a smile onto his face and moved his legs up the stairs.

“Hey!” Casey grinned.

“Hey.” Lucas sat down and smiled back. Under the desk, Casey reached over and caressed Lucas’s thigh.

“Good to see you.” Casey squeezed lightly.

“Yeah, it is.” Lucas was saved from saying anything else by the arrival of the professor, who immediately launched into his lecture.

It had been two days since Lucas had woken up in Casey’s bed. He’d made an excuse and left as quickly as possible. He wasn’t sure how to feel about Casey, or about having sex with him. He liked Casey, he did. Casey was nice and cute and fun to be around.

But he wasn’t Nate.

Lucas zoned out during the class, scratching illegible notes about nothing when he should have been listening to the review the professor was conducting before their upcoming test. Instead, Lucas chewed over the same questions he’d been pondering for days.

Was he dating Casey now? What would Casey expect from him? Was Casey his
boyfriend?
Lucas felt guilty and disloyal even thinking it. He wasn’t even sure that was what he wanted.

The class ended far too soon, and he was faced with talking to Casey, who smiled and nudged him with his shoulder as they walked out of class. “You okay? You seem kind of spacey.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry, I’m tired from studying.”

“You wanna get together later? I could come over to your place.”

“No!” The thought of having anyone else in the place that had been his and Nate’s felt wrong. Lucas tried to gather himself. “I mean, it’s a mess. You wouldn’t want to see it, believe me.”

“Okay. I didn’t mean to freak you out or anything.” He shrugged. “Look, it’s cool. We don’t have to hang out anymore if you don’t want to.”

Great, now Lucas was hurting Casey too. “No, no. I just have a lot on my mind. It’s not you. Of course I want to see you.” He reached down and took Casey’s hand, squeezing it.

“Yeah? Okay, so how about dinner tonight? You could use a break.”

“Sounds good.”

“You sure you’re okay? You seem stressed.” He cupped Lucas’s face with his other hand.

“Well, isn’t this touching?”

Lucas jerked at the sound of Nate’s voice, staggering back from Casey. Nate stood a few feet away, his camera bag hanging from his shoulder and his favorite scarf knotted around his neck. He was beautiful.

He was also angry. Lucas could feel the black energy surging from him. Nate smiled grimly. “Don’t you two make a cute couple?”

“Nate, it’s not…we’re not…”

“Coulda fooled me. Oh wait, you already did.”

Lucas wanted to scream that it wasn’t true, that Casey meant nothing, that Nate was the only one he wanted. Yet he simply stood and stared in silence.

Nate directed his next comment to Casey. “He’s all yours.” With that, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd of students moving across the campus.

“Whoa. Bitter, much?” Casey shook his head.

Lucas felt an absurd surge of irritation. “He has every right to be. You don’t know him at all.” How could he blame Nate for thinking his suspicions had been proven correct? They had, hadn’t they?

Casey raised his hands in surrender. “Okay, I’m sorry. I just don’t like seeing anyone yell at you like that.” He took Lucas’s hand, stroking it gently. “Come on, let me make you feel better. Let’s go back to my place.”

Lucas didn’t say anything, but let Casey lead him away.

* * * * *

Days passed in a blur of sameness. Lucas went through the motions of school and studying and hanging out with Casey and his friends. He laughed at their jokes and had a good enough time, but he still returned to an empty apartment every night.

On Friday night, Lucas found himself on the subway with Casey, Manhattan far behind them. The train rumbled through a tunnel and the lights flickered off. Lucas peered around the sudden darkness nervously, and Casey squeezed his leg. “The night train to Brooklyn is always an adventure.” The lights returned and Casey grinned. “Don’t worry, they never stay off for long. Well, not usually.”

“Thanks, that’s very reassuring.”

“Our stop is next. Assuming the train doesn’t break down and we don’t have to walk through the tunnels to get out. The rats don’t usually like the company.” Casey leaned close. “But you’re so cute that I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.”

“Ha ha.” The train groaned loudly as it navigated a curve in the tunnel. “Remind me again why we’re going to a party way out at the edge of Brooklyn?”

The subway rattled into the station, and Casey bounded up. “I’m broadening your horizons.” He winked and led the way out onto the platform and up the stairs.

Cold rain fell in large splats on Lucas’s forehead, and he shivered as they walked for what seemed like miles but was probably four blocks. They turned down a quiet residential street and Casey guided him to a ramshackle house with a yellow light shining in its alley of a driveway. After going around back, they went down a short flight of stairs that led to a basement door. Casey knocked as Lucas wondered yet again what the hell they were doing.

After a few moments, a man opened the door. He nodded at Casey in recognition, and with a tug on Lucas’s arm, they were inside. Lucas blinked as his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. After the damp chill of outside, the air in the basement was humid and warm, probably due to the fact that there were dozens of men squeezed into the underground space.

Dozens of half -- and some completely -- naked men.

Lucas felt both excitement and an undercurrent of alarm as he stared around him in shock. A few feet away, a man on his knees sucked off a man standing in front of him, who in turn was being fucked by a third. Everywhere Lucas looked, similar tableaus unfolded.

Casey took his coat off and threw it on a pile in a closet. His shirt quickly followed, and Lucas felt conspicuously overdressed. He took his coat off, but kept his shirt on. Casey’s fingers danced up his spine. “Ready to have some fun?”

Yes. No. Maybe?
“Do you come to these kinds of parties a lot?”

“Once in a while.” Casey pulled Lucas close, kissing him. “Relax, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It’s supposed to be fun.”

“Fun, right.” Lucas gazed around and saw sweaty flesh in every direction.

“I’m sorry. Is this too much for you? We can go.”

“No, no. It’s cool.”

“You sure?” Casey smiled and kissed him again, and Lucas nodded.

A tall black man who wore nothing but a cock ring approached and kissed Casey long and hard. Lucas shuffled his feet and waited for them to finish. He realized with surprise that he didn’t feel even a flicker of jealousy. He was simply uncomfortable.

Casey put his arm around the man’s shoulders. “Grant, this is Lucas.”

Grant put his hand out and Lucas shook it, trying not to think about where that hand had been. Grant eyed Lucas up and down with a slow grin. “
Pleasure
to meet you.”

“Lucas is new, so go easy.” Casey smiled reassuringly at Lucas before turning back to Grant. “Hey, is Joel here? I haven’t seen him in ages.”

“He’s in the back. Come on. And bring your friend.” Grant smiled, licking his lips.

Lucas shook his head quickly. “You go on and see your friend. I’ll be fine.”

“Okay. Don’t get into any trouble while I’m gone.” Casey slapped Lucas’s ass playfully and disappeared into the recesses of the basement.

Lucas felt exposed standing there alone, but he was pretty sure he didn’t want to see what was in the back. Instead, he detoured into a dank kitchen. A few couples in various positions huddled in the corners of the room, and Lucas tried not to stare. He failed miserably. One man smiled and beckoned him over, but Lucas ducked around the fridge, wrinkling his nose at the stench. He shuddered to think of what food products might have been left to rot inside.

A half-open door on the other side of the kitchen led to another room, and Lucas’s heart pounded as he slipped through it. He stood in darkness, his stare fixed on the far wall fifteen feet away in the narrow room.

A single spotlight illuminated the wall, leaving the rest of the space in shadow. Restraints hung from the low ceiling, and a naked young man faced the wall, his arms and legs outstretched in a star position. His wrists were manacled to the ceiling, his ankles restrained to the low carpeted platform he stood on.

His muscles flexed as the polished wooden paddle connected with his ass, and Lucas jumped. The man on the platform didn’t make a sound, and sweat trickled from his short reddish hair and down his spine. The older man holding the paddle, who wore chaps and a black mask, swung it again, smacking it against the young man’s flesh.

Lucas gulped, and it was so loud to his own ears that he quickly glanced around guiltily. However, the audience for the performance was riveted to the stage. The paddle veered through the air again, landing another stinging blow. This time, the young man in the restraints made a noise, but Lucas recognized the pleasure in his cry.

Lucas wiped his brow, taking a deep breath. He was rock hard and straining against the fly of his jeans. As the paddle found its target again, a man to Lucas’s right, a figure he couldn’t quite make out in the darkness, groaned in satisfaction as he shook with release.

Suddenly arms encircled Lucas from behind, and he swallowed a girlish scream. Casey’s hand squeezed Lucas’s engorged dick, and he chuckled. “Like what you see? I’d be happy to tie you up and punish you. You’ve been a very bad boy, after all.”

The low ceiling seemed to sink closer, and the dank air smelled of sex and sweat. Lucas tried to catch his breath and found he couldn’t. He shoved Casey away, shaking his head. He had to get out of there. He tripped through the door and barreled into the kitchen and out to the main hallway, ignoring Casey’s calls for him to stop.

Stepping over a tangle of men, Lucas found the door and clambered up the stairs into the night. Rain pelted his face, but he sucked in the cool night air gratefully as he hurried away from the rundown house.

Down the block, he dodged between two sleeping houses. In the darkness of the narrow driveway, he leaned against the brick wall of one of the houses and caught his breath. He hadn’t thought to grab his jacket, and goose bumps covered his bare arms. The rain fell steadily, chilling him to the bone. But there was no way he could go back to the party, so he’d have to freeze.

There was also no way he could make it to the subway station with his enormous hard-on. After a moment of debate, Lucas unzipped his fly. He had to bite his lip to keep himself quiet as he wrapped his hand around his throbbing cock. He jerked himself swiftly, thinking of the mystery man in the basement.

He tipped his head back against the brick, swallowing some rainwater as his mouth dropped open. He squeezed his cock, his thumb brushing across his slit. Then Lucas imagined it was him up on that stage, his arms and legs spread, his body and soul exposed. Nate stood naked and powerful behind him, the paddle flying through the air.

Lucas exploded with pleasure, long, ropy strands of semen splattering his chin. His knees shook, and he slumped against the wall. After the pleasure ebbed away, the chill returned, and he quickly tucked himself back into his jeans, wiping away all the evidence he could.

* * * * *

The third time Casey called the next morning, Lucas picked up. “Hey.”

“Hey! I was worried. Are you okay? You just kind of bolted.”

“Yeah, I’m fine. I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Look, I’m sorry if that scene freaked you out. It was just supposed to be fun, not traumatizing.” Casey added a weak laugh.

“I’m not traumatized,” Lucas snapped. “I told you, I wasn’t feeling well.”

“Okay, sorry.”

There were a few long moments of silence, and Lucas listened to Casey breathing. He felt a stab of guilt for being so harsh. “Look, it’s cool. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“Let me make it up to you. I’ll make dinner, and I promise we won’t go to any dodgy basements in Brooklyn.”

Lucas smiled. “Deal.”

Later that evening, he relaxed on Casey’s couch after receiving both lasagna and a blowjob. He listened to Casey in the kitchen doing the dishes and made himself get up to help. In the small room, he grabbed a dish towel and started drying. Not knowing where any of the dishes went, he stacked them on the counter.

“So, where are you going this weekend?” Casey squirted another shot of dish soap into the sink.

Adding a small plate to his pile, Lucas frowned, puzzled. “Why would I be going somewhere?”

“Duh, it’s Thanksgiving.”

Lucas realized with a sinking heart that Casey was right. It had utterly slipped his mind. “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Aren’t you going to see your family?” Obviously Casey assumed Lucas had one. Lucas hadn’t told him his father had been his only family.

“Nah. I’m just going to stay here and get some studying done. I have a huge essay that’s due next week.”