Dead Living (37 page)

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“Alex, you’re not really human.”

The words still haunt me in my sleep.
Whenever I start to think I’ve got a hold on everything, on the
wild direction my life has taken, I end up doing something creepy.
Creepy enough to actually make me stop in my tracks and go “What
the hell?”

I look back now over the
first twenty-three years of my life and kick myself constantly for
not taking some kind of action earlier. I mean, I knew I was
different. I just didn’t know
how
different. But I guess I can’t get too mad at
myself. Who the hell was I going to talk to? What could I have
done?

It all started when I was in kindergarten. I
shudder when I think back to my grade school years. Five years old.
Undersized. Quiet to the point of not being noticed by anyone,
except for the kids whose attention you didn’t want.

I don’t remember my father. He left when I
was four, apparently not very happy that my mother got pregnant a
second time. My little sister Alicia was six months old when he
left. My mother had no time for us at all. Funny thing is I don’t
blame her a bit. My first year of school she became a single parent
with two kids, trying to put herself through law school, and put
food on the table all at the same time. The earliest memories I
have is of coming home, doing homework while my mother did hers,
and taking turns giving Alicia a bottle. I could change a diaper
before I could write cursive.

I wouldn’t trade any of it.

It was recess time near the end of the school
year. Everyone from kindergarten up to fifth grade ran around like
maniacs on the playground. Me, I sat in a far corner in the shade
and scribbled in a coloring book. I didn’t have any friends. My
early-life quietness mixed with a dash of low self-confidence meant
people didn’t exactly flock to get to know me. It was a hot day,
but I was always a big fan of the heat. I was just minding my own
business when I heard some raised voices coming toward me.

“Would you just leave me alone?”

That was followed by some laughter and a
familiar voice that I hated.

“Aw, you scared? You afraid of the fire?”

I looked up to see a black girl that I’d seen
before. A step behind her was Tommy Barnes, a fourth grader whose
main hobby was torturing kids littler than he was, which included
me. A few steps behind him were Tommy’s gang, his little group of
followers whose main hobbies were laughing at whatever Tommy
did.

The black girl I finally recognized as Cindy
Marshall. She sat on the other side of class from me. Nice girl,
everyone seemed to like her enough. But for whatever reason Tommy
decided that this was her day. Cindy backed away while Tommy shoved
a lighter he’d found in her face. Eventually he had her pinned
against the wall not too far from me. I tried my best to ignore
them. I’m ashamed to admit that I was glad Tommy was leaving me
alone for a change.

“Oh come on, it’s just a little fire.” Tommy
thrust his hand out again.

“Stop it!” Cindy said. Tears fell down her
face.

I focused back down to my coloring. I was in
the middle of a portrait of my little sister that I had every
intention of hanging on the fridge. The scary part is that I
actually managed to ignore the scene just a few yards away from me,
at least until I heard Cindy scream.

I didn’t catch what happened, but it didn’t
take a genius to put it together. I looked up to see Cindy crouched
against the wall, cradling her hand. Tommy and his goons actually
had a look of shock on their faces. It looked like Tommy had hurt
Cindy, probably got the lighter too close. Cindy raised her hand up
to defend herself and got it burned.

Tommy’s remorse didn’t last long though. I
saw his face go from concerned to a stupid smile when he realized
his buddies were watching him.

“Oh come on, you little girl. I didn’t hurt
you.”

He moved in with the lighter again.

I’m not sure why I stood up. Guilt from doing
nothing before? A sudden surge of bravery? Stupidity? Tommy would
pull my pants down in front of everyone in school, push me down,
whack me with a dodge ball as hard as he could. And I was going to
confront him.

“Tommy.” My voice cracked a little. “Leave
her alone.”

He looked both amused and annoyed.

“Well look at this. Little Alex Teague. How’s
your dad? Oh I forgot. You don’t have one.”

You gotta love how cruel kids can be.

“You’re not scared of fire, are you?”

He shoved the lighter in my face far closer
than he did with Cindy. I was right next to her as I put a hand in
front of my face. I actually felt something massaging my arm, and
it made me laugh.

“That tickles!” I called out, and lashed out
with my other hand. I knocked the lighter away. It fell into the
grass not too far away.

Tommy and his buddies were surprised. I
didn’t know why. I didn’t know until later in life that he held the
lighter right to my arm, and my reaction was to laugh.

“Oh you think that’s funny?” he said. “Let’s
see how funny you think it is when I rub your face in the
wall.”

He grabbed me by the shirt and forced me
against the brick wall. It didn’t take much for him to lift me into
the air. I saw a pair of girl hands reach in and grab Tommy’s
arms.

“Leave him alone!” Cindy said.

My princess in shining armor.

“What is going on over here?” Miss Treadwell,
the recess monitor, said. What a bang-up job she was doing. I can’t
be too mad at her. She had a hundred kids or so to watch, and she’d
just got done breaking up a fight on the other side of the
playground.

Tommy quickly dropped me to the ground. Cindy
helped me up. Miss Treadwell didn’t know the whole story, but she
knew enough to grab Tommy by his arm. She gave all of us, Tommy’s
buddies and Cindy and me, a stern look.

“Everyone come with me.”

I groaned, knowing quite well the rest of the
day was going to be bad.

I wasn’t wrong. I sat in an empty office for
three hours. Every now and then the secretary would pop her head in
to let me know my mother was still on the way. I was scared, and I
don’t really know why. I knew I didn’t do anything wrong. But all
these crazy ideas went through my head. Like my mom busting into
the room and yelling at me, or Tommy waiting just outside to smack
me around a little more.

Somewhere near the end of hour three Miss
Jenkins, the school nurse, joined me inside the room. All the young
boys who were old enough to have crushes had one on her. A twenty
something nurse, very hot, with a nice smile. I guess she was good
at being a nurse too.

“Well what happened to you today, Alex?” she
asked.

I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about it. I
just wanted Mom to come get me so I could run home and hide.

“Let’s have a look at you.” She pulled up a
seat and sat across from me.

“Is Cindy okay?”

She gave me a curious look. I guess she was
surprised that I was worried about her. She gave me a quick
once-over, moving my head around, checking for bruises.

“Yeah she’s fine. Her parents are on the way.
She’s just a little shaken up. That Tommy, I hope his parents bust
his ass.”

My jaw dropped. She noticed.

“What?”

“You said . . . a bad word.”

She smiled and turned a light shade of
red.

“Sorry. I just don’t like seeing that.
Picking on kids smaller than they are.”

“You mean me.”

She didn’t say anything, but that’s exactly
what she meant.

Never
again
, I told myself.
This will never happen again.

“Oh my God.” Miss Jenkins grabbed my right
arm and studied my forearm under the wrist. “Doesn’t this
hurt?”

“Does what hurt?”

“I’ll go get the burn kit. I’ll be right
back.”

She left the office. She was gone maybe a
minute or so before I realized what she’d said.

Burn kit?

I twisted and turned my arm to see what she
was talking about. I didn’t see anything at all, just a fleshy arm.
I just guessed maybe she saw something I didn’t. What did a burned
arm look like, anyway?

The door to the office opened. I thought it
was Miss Jenkins, but it was Mom. I was relieved and terrified at
the same time. She still wore her dress from where she worked as a
receptionist at the law firm. In her arm she carried my little
sister Alicia in the car seat. She set it down and rushed out to
hug me. Finally after three hours of waiting my stress went
away.

“Are you okay?” she asked. “I’m so sorry I
couldn’t get here earlier. I left when school called, but then the
babysitter said she couldn’t stay, so I had to get your
sister.”

It was funny. Mom was just as stressed out as
I was. I thought she’d be mad at me.

“It’s okay, Mom.”

“The principal told me what happened. Are you
okay?”

Now I was embarrassed. Tommy really didn’t do
anything to me besides tickle my arm. Not exactly life
threatening.

“Yeah Mom. I’m fine.”

She sat in the chair Miss Jenkins was just at
and held her head in her hands. The day was catching up to her. I’m
glad I was too young to really know what she went through, or else
I’d just feel bad all the time. Answering the phone for a hundred
pissed off lawyers’ clients, trying to study during her breaks,
then receiving a call that your pathetic son was the victim of a
bully at school. Mom was a strong woman.

“You ready to go home?” she said with a small
smile.

I smiled back and nodded.

Miss Jenkins came back in the room. She
carried a burn kit under her arm.

“Oh. Mrs. Teague?”

“Miss, actually.”

“Ah. I’ll just put some ointment on Alex’s
arm and wrap it up. Then he’s okay to leave.”

“Arm?” Mom looked at me. “What’s wrong with
your arm?”

“Nothing.”

She grabbed both of them gently and looked
them over. Then she stepped out of the way so Miss Jenkins could
see.

Her mouth opened. It was a moment before she
spoke. “There was a burn. Across half his forearm.”

“Are you sure?”

Mom’s tone kept Miss Jenkins quiet. She
smiled and turned red once again.

“I, uh, must have been seeing things. You’re
okay to leave, Alex.”

I didn’t need to be told twice. I grabbed
Mom’s hand and was ready to go. I peeked in on my sister as Mom
picked up her car seat with her free hand. Alicia was sound asleep.
I’m glad she slept through Mom having to rescue me at school. Mom
was always telling me how I would have to take care of my sister
when I got older. I didn’t want Alicia’s first memories to be Mom
having to save me.

As we walked out the door we saw Cindy and
her parents standing down the hall. I’d seen each of them after
school. They took turns picking up Cindy. They were talking with
Miss Treadwell, the lady who was responsible for all the kids
during recess. I could tell Cindy’s father was fired up. He was
about the size of a football player. He talked loudly and waved his
hands in the air. Cindy’s mother, a much smaller woman, stood
slightly behind him and in front of Cindy, almost like she was
protecting her.

I could feel Mom slowing down as we neared
them in the hallway. I groaned quietly. I just wanted to go home,
not stand around while my Mom talked.

Cindy’s parents turned their attention from
Miss Treadwell to Mom and me. Miss Treadwell took the chance to
quietly escape. Smart woman.

He gave my Mom a quick smile, and then looked
down at me.

“Are you Alex?”

His voice boomed through the hallway. I
wanted to stand behind Mom and hide, like Cindy was doing with her
mother.

“Yes,” I said. I sounded like a little
mouse.

He reached his sledgehammer-like arm out and
extended his hand. I shook it gingerly. My hand vanished in his
fist.

“Thank you very much. Cindy told us all about
what happened, how you stood up to that . . . boy, for her.”

I felt my face growing hot. I looked at him,
then at Cindy, who was giving me a small smile from behind her
mother.

“You’re welcome,” I said to both of them.

Cindy’s father laughed and focused on
Mom.

“Hi. I’m Larry. This is my wife Chandra.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Chandra said. She
shook Mom’s hand and gave me a smile.

They started talking. About the incident, the
teachers, the first year of our school lives, a little of
everything. I could only listen for about a minute before my
attention started to wander. My eyes fell on Cindy, who looked to
be just as bored as I was.

“Hi,” she said quietly.

I gave my sister a final look and walked over
to Cindy.

“Are you okay?” I asked her.

“Yeah. Thank you for helping me. Tommy was
being a jerk.”

“You get used to it.”

“We should play together from now on. If we
do Tommy and his stupid friends will leave us alone.”

I hesitated for a moment. Friends with a
girl? I’d be made fun of every single day. No one would want to
hang out with me.

So life wouldn’t be any different really. I’d
just actually have one friend to play with. She would just happen
to be a girl.

“Good idea,” I said.

“Okay. Tomorrow after lunch, meet me at the
jungle gym. We’ll be friends.”

I smiled and nodded.

And that was the start of something
great.

Cindy and I grew up together, along with my
sister Alicia. We were inseparable. Grade school was definitely a
rough time for me, for all of us. Kids teased all of us about our
little group. They ripped into Cindy and me for being best friends
with the opposite sex, and Alicia for actually being friends with
her brother. We also had to put up with some racial crap too.
Apparently even now some people think whites shouldn’t hang out
with blacks. Definitely scary. But that didn’t stop us. Mom was
just as busy as ever when we were in school, and that just let us
spend more time with each other.