Authors: Agatha Christie
“How does it work?”
“Well, there'll be a Victim, of course. And Clues. And Suspects. All rather conventionalâyou know, the Vamp and the Blackmailer and the Young Lovers and the Sinister Butler and so on. Half a crown to enter and you get shown the first Clue and you've got to find the Victim, and the Weapon and say Whodunnit and the Motive. And there are Prizes.”
“Remarkable!” said Hercule Poirot.
“Actually,” said Mrs. Oliver ruefully, “it's all much harder to arrange than you'd think. Because you've got to allow for real people being quite intelligent, and in my books they needn't be.”
“And it is to assist you in arranging this that you have sent for me?”
Poirot did not try very hard to keep an outraged resentment out of his voice.
“Oh,
no,
” said Mrs. Oliver. “Of course not! I've done all that. Everything's all set for tomorrow. No, I wanted you for quite another reason.”
“What reason?”
Mrs. Oliver's hands strayed upward to her head. She was just about to sweep them frenziedly through her hair in the old familiar gesture when she remembered the intricacy of her hairdo. Instead, she relieved her feelings by tugging at her ear lobes.
“I dare say I'm a fool,” she said. “But I think there's something wrong.”
T
here was a moment's silence as Poirot stared at her. Then he asked sharply: “Something
wrong?
How?”
“I don't knowâ¦That's what I want
you
to find out. But I've feltâmore and moreâthat I was beingâoh!â
engineered
â¦jockeyed alongâ¦Call me a fool if you like, but I can only say that if there was to be a
real
murder tomorrow instead of a fake one, I shouldn't be surprised!”
Poirot stared at her and she looked back at him defiantly.
“Very interesting,” said Poirot.
“I suppose you think I'm a complete fool,” said Mrs. Oliver defensively.
“I have never thought you a fool,” said Poirot.
“And I know what you always sayâor lookâabout intuition.”
“One calls things by different names,” said Poirot. “I am quite ready to believe that you have noticed something, or heard something, that has definitely aroused in you anxiety. I think it is pos
sible that you yourself may not even know just what it is that you have seen or noticed or heard. You are aware only of the
result.
If I may so put it, you do not know what it is that you know. You may label that intuition if you like.”
“It makes one feel such a fool,” said Mrs. Oliver, ruefully, “not to be able to be
definite.
”
“We shall arrive,” said Poirot encouragingly. “You say that you have had the feeling of beingâhow did you put itâjockeyed along? Can you explain a little more clearly what you mean by that?”
“Well, it's rather difficultâ¦You see, this is
my
murder, so to speak. I've thought it out and planned it and it all fits inâdovetails. Well, if you know anything at all about writers, you'll know that they can't stand suggestions. People say âSplendid, but wouldn't it be better if so and so did so and so?' or âWouldn't it be a wonderful idea if the victim was A instead of B? Or the murderer turned out to be D instead of E?' I mean, one wants to say: âAll right then, write it yourself if you want it that way!'”
Poirot nodded.
“And that is what has been happening?”
“Not quiteâ¦That sort of silly suggestion has been made, and then I've flared up, and they've given in, but have just slipped in some quite minor trivial suggestion and because I've made a stand over the other, I've accepted the triviality without noticing much.”
“I see,” said Poirot. “Yesâit is a method, thatâ¦Something rather crude and preposterous is put forwardâbut that is not really the point. The small minor alteration is really the objective. Is that what you mean?”
“That's exactly what I mean,” said Mrs. Oliver. “And, of
course, I
may
be imagining it, but I don't think I amâand none of the things seem to matter anyway. But it's got me worriedâthat, and a sort ofâwellâ
atmosphere.
”
“Who has made these suggestions of alterations to you?”
“Different people,” said Mrs. Oliver. “If it was just
one
person I'd be more sure of my ground. But it's not just one personâalthough I think it is really. I mean it's one person working through other quite unsuspecting people.”
“Have you an idea as to who that one person is?”
Mrs. Oliver shook her head.
“It's somebody very clever and very careful,” she said. “It might be anybody.”
“Who is there?” asked Poirot. “The cast of characters must be fairly limited?”
“Well,” began Mrs. Oliver. “There's Sir George Stubbs who owns this place. Rich and plebeian and frightfully stupid outside business, I should think, but probably dead sharp in it. And there's Lady StubbsâHattieâabout twenty years younger than he is, rather beautiful, but dumb as a fishâin fact,
I
think she's definitely half-witted. Married him for his money, of course, and doesn't think about anything but clothes and jewels. Then there's Michael Weymanâhe's an architect, quite young, and good-looking in a craggy kind of artistic way. He's designing a tennis pavilion for Sir George and repairing the Folly.”
“Folly? What is thatâa masquerade?”
“No, it's architectural. One of those little sort of temple things, white, with columns. You've probably seen them at Kew. Then there's Miss Brewis, she's a sort of secretary housekeeper, who runs things and writes lettersâvery grim and efficient. And then there
are the people round about who come in and help. A young married couple who have taken a cottage down by the riverâAlec Legge and his wife Sally. And Captain Warburton, who's the Mastertons' agent. And the Mastertons, of course, and old Mrs. Folliat who lives in what used to be the lodge. Her husband's people owned Nasse originally. But they've died out, or been killed in wars, and there were lots of death duties so the last heir sold the place.”
Poirot considered this list of characters, but at the moment they were only names to him. He returned to the main issue.
“Whose idea was the Murder Hunt?”
“Mrs. Masterton's, I think. She's the local M.P.'s wife, very good at organizing. It was she who persuaded Sir George to have the fête here. You see the place has been empty for so many years that she thinks people will be keen to pay and come in to see it.”
“That all seems straightforward enough,” said Poirot.
“It all
seems
straightforward,” said Mrs. Oliver obstinately; “but it isn't. I tell you, M. Poirot, there's something
wrong.
”
Poirot looked at Mrs. Oliver and Mrs. Oliver looked back at Poirot.
“How have you accounted for my presence here? For your summons to me?” Poirot asked.
“That was easy,” said Mrs. Oliver. “You're to give away the prizes for the Murder Hunt. Everybody's awfully thrilled. I said I knew you, and could probably persuade you to come and that I was sure your name would be a terrific drawâas, of course, it will be,” Mrs. Oliver added tactfully.
“And the suggestion was acceptedâwithout demur?”
“I tell you, everybody was thrilled.”
Mrs. Oliver thought it unnecessary to mention that amongst
the younger generation one or two had asked “Who
is
Hercule Poirot?”
“
Everybody?
Nobody spoke against the idea?”
Mrs. Oliver shook her head.
“That is a pity,” said Hercule Poirot.
“You mean it might have given us a line?”
“A would-be criminal could hardly be expected to welcome my presence.”
“I suppose you think I've imagined the whole thing,” said Mrs. Oliver ruefully. “I must admit that until I started talking to you I hadn't realized how very little I've got to go upon.”
“Calm yourself,” said Poirot kindly. “I am intrigued and interested. Where do we begin?”
Mrs. Oliver glanced at her watch.
“It's just teatime. We'll go back to the house and then you can meet everybody.”
She took a different path from the one by which Poirot had come. This one seemed to lead in the opposite direction.
“We pass by the boathouse this way,” Mrs. Oliver explained.
As she spoke the boathouse came into view. It jutted out on to the river and was a picturesque thatched affair.
“That's where the Body's going to be,” said Mrs. Oliver. “The body for the Murder Hunt, I mean.”
“And who is going to be killed?”
“Oh, a girl hiker, who is really the Yugoslavian first wife of a young Atom Scientist,” said Mrs. Oliver glibly.
Poirot blinked.
“Of course it looks as though the Atom Scientist had killed herâbut naturally it's not as simple as that.”
“Naturally notâsince
you
are concernedâ¦.”
Mrs. Oliver accepted the compliment with a wave of the hand.
“Actually,” she said, “she's killed by the Country Squireâand the motive is really rather ingeniousâI don't believe many people will get itâthough there's a perfectly clear pointer in the fifth clue.”
Poirot abandoned the subtleties of Mrs. Oliver's plot to ask a practical question:
“But how do you arrange for a suitable body?”
“Girl Guide,” said Mrs. Oliver. “Sally Legge was going to be itâbut now they want her to dress up in a turban and do the fortune-telling. So it's a Girl Guide called Marlene Tucker. Rather dumb and sniffs,” she added in an explanatory manner. “It's quite easyâjust peasant scarves and a rucksackâand all she has to do when she hears someone coming is to flop down on the floor and arrange the cord round her neck. Rather dull for the poor kidâjust sticking inside that boathouse until she's found, but I've arranged for her to have a nice bundle of comicsâthere's a clue to the murderer scribbled on one of them as a matter of factâso it all works in.”
“Your ingenuity leaves me spellbound! The things you think of!”
“It's never difficult to
think
of things,” said Mrs. Oliver. “The trouble is that you think of too many, and then it all becomes too complicated, so you have to relinquish some of them and that
is
rather agony. We go up this way now.”
They started up a steep zigzagging path that led them back along the river at a higher level. At a twist through the trees they came out on a space surmounted by a small white pilastered temple.
Standing back and frowning at it was a young man wearing dilapidated flannel trousers and a shirt of rather virulent green. He spun round towards them.
“Mr. Michael Weyman, M. Hercule Poirot,” said Mrs. Oliver.
The young man acknowledged the introduction with a careless nod.
“Extraordinary,” he said bitterly, “the places people
put
things! This thing here, for instance. Put up only about a year agoâquite nice of its kind and quite in keeping with the period of the house. But why
here?
These things were meant to be seenââsituated on an eminence'âthat's how they phrased itâwith a nice grassy approach and daffodils, etcetera. But here's this poor little devil, stuck away in the midst of treesânot visible from anywhereâyou'd have to cut down about twenty trees before you'd even see it from the river.”
“Perhaps there wasn't any other place,” said Mrs. Oliver.
Michael Weyman snorted.
“Top of that grassy bank by the houseâperfect natural setting. But no, these tycoon fellows are all the sameâno artistic sense. Has a fancy for a âFolly,' as he calls it, orders one. Looks round for somewhere to put it. Then, I understand, a big oak tree crashes down in a gale. Leaves a nasty scar. âOh, we'll tidy the place up by putting a Folly there,' says the silly ass. That's all they ever think about, these rich city fellows, tidying up! I wonder he hasn't put beds of red geraniums and calceolarias all round the house! A man like that shouldn't be allowed to own a place like this!”
He sounded heated.
“This young man,” Poirot observed to himself, “assuredly does not like Sir George Stubbs.”
“It's bedded down in concrete,” said Weyman. “And there's loose soil underneathâso it's subsided. Cracked all up hereâit will be dangerous soonâ¦Better pull the whole thing down and re-erect it on the top of the bank near the house. That's my advice, but the obstinate old fool won't hear of it.”
“What about the tennis pavilion?” asked Mrs. Oliver.
Gloom settled even more deeply on the young man.
“He wants a kind of Chinese pagoda,” he said, with a groan. “Dragons if you please! Just because Lady Stubbs fancies herself in Chinese coolie hats. Who'd be an architect? Anyone who wants something decent built hasn't got the money, and those who have the money want something too utterly goddam awful!”
“You have my commiserations,” said Poirot gravely.
“George Stubbs,” said the architect scornfully. “Who does he think he is? Dug himself into some cushy Admiralty job in the safe depths of Wales during the warâand grows a beard to suggest he saw active naval service on convoy dutyâor that's what they say. Stinking with moneyâabsolutely stinking!”
“Well, you architects have got to have someone who's got money to spend, or you'd never have a job,” Mrs. Oliver pointed out reasonably enough. She moved on towards the house and Poirot and the dispirited architect prepared to follow her.
“These tycoons,” said the latter bitterly, “can't understand first principles.” He delivered a final kick to the lopsided Folly. “If the foundations are rottenâeverything's rotten.”
“It is profound what you say there,” said Poirot. “Yes, it is profound.”
The path they were following came out from the trees and the
house showed white and beautiful before them in its setting of dark trees rising up behind it.
“It is of a veritable beauty, yes,” murmured Poirot.
“He wants to build a billiard room on,” said Mr. Weyman venomously.
On the bank below them a small elderly lady was busy with sécateurs on a clump of shrubs. She climbed up to greet them, panting slightly.
“Everything neglected for years,” she said. “And so difficult nowadays to get a man who understands shrubs. This hillside should be a blaze of colour in March and April, but very disappointing this yearâall this dead wood ought to have been cut away last autumnâ”
“M. Hercule Poirot, Mrs. Folliat,” said Mrs. Oliver.
The elderly lady beamed.
“So this is the great M. Poirot! It
is
kind of you to come and help us tomorrow. This clever lady here has thought out a most puzzling problemâit will be such a novelty.”
Poirot was faintly puzzled by the graciousness of the little lady's manner. She might, he thought, have been his hostess.
He said politely:
“Mrs. Oliver is an old friend of mine. I was delighted to be able to respond to her request. This is indeed a beautiful spot, and what a superb and noble mansion.”