Dead Men Talking (28 page)

The point is I felt like I was damned if I do and damned if I don’t with him. There was no earthly way to please him. He also started to get jealous of my friends. I don’t know why, they were only friends. On the phone he would make comments about me staying out too late or goofing off at work. He never had a problem with that stuff until we got engaged. While we were engaged he told me about a woman, ‘a serial killer groupie’, as he described her was coming to visit him but he didn’t know if he wanted to see her. He saw her and then told me about it. I got the feeling he was testing me to see if I would get upset or jealous. I just told him, ‘Oh! Glad you had a good time, hope you get to see her again.’

Sorry Keith, no jealousy here. When we were together, I asked him if he was ok with me telling my closest friends about us, and he said he did not mind. The only people that ever knew of my relationship with Keith were a couple of my dearest friends. Keith said that he told his friends and family about us. I told him I didn’t mind for that but to never give out my information to the media. We had a few little ups and downs like that.

I would tell Keith about my life, my friends, etc. I suggested that he get to know my best friend, John. Since Keith was going to be my husband, I felt he needed the seal of approval from my best friend first. Keith wrote John a letter in April 2008. The letter was both hilarious and a disturbing look inside his head. John called me that night to read me the letter word for word. The funny part is that Keith continues to get my best friend John
confused with another friend I have named Ken. Keith wrote the letter to John, but for some reason thought he was writing to Ken.

Ken is a different story all together. He has been in love with me since I was 14 years old and since he is such a character I would tell Keith about him. Keith wrote to John, ‘I know you love her, just tell me. I am not the enemy. I understand more than you know.’ At this point John is thinking, ‘What the hell is he talking about?’ Keith then goes on to ask things about me like he is trying to get information about me in a sneaky way. That is what made me mad. I felt like he was trying to spy on me or something. Of course, John was shocked and outraged. He told me, ‘Who the hell does he think he is? Does he really think I would betray an 11-year friendship for him, I don’t even know him. What an asshole.’ I told John to send me the letter and he did. Keith called me that Monday. Everything was all happy and rosy at first. He thanked me for the books I had sent him for his birthday. I say, ‘Keith, I want to talk to you about something. John read me the letter you wrote to him.’ Keith says in a quiet tone, ‘Oh, he did.’ I reply with ‘Yes he did and he sent it to me… I’ll have it in a couple of days. What were you thinking, oh and for the record you keep getting John and Ken mixed up.’ Keith said, ‘Oh! Ok. I’ll see you later.’ And he hung up on me!

Can you believe the nerve of some people? That same day, I changed my telephone number. He did send me a letter that week and I sent it back to him. That was the end of me and Keith Jesperson.

I learned a few things about him in that moment. He really is a coward. When confronted and cornered he ran away like a scared little boy. He did not like the fact that he got caught red-handed, not one bit! I believe he was in shock that John would not bow down to his serial killer status and do what he asked. The way he tried to get information behind my back tells me that he is a very deceitful and deceiving man. Not to mention being very arrogant. I learned from being with him that he is very arrogant and controlling. He wants things done his way and when they are not he will act like a child. When things don’t go according to his plan he will get angry and yell at you. I can only imagine the way he yelled at his victims. There is no way to make him happy. There is nothing you can ever to do please him. I don’t believe that he has any remorse for what he did. I think he only regrets being caught. He did tell me if he had the chance to do it all over again that he would make a run for Canada. There he goes again, running away when he gets caught in something. He has the attitude of, ‘I am an infamous serial killer so everyone should just do as I ask with no questions and no
complaining.’ Well I guess he met his match with me.

When we were together he did send me a bunch of his art work to sell for him and I still have it all. I will not make money off of him like that. I am a better person than he is in that way. I do not feel bad that we broke up, it is for the best. I am sad over the loss of our friendship. I did love and trust him as a friend. He was a wonderful friend but a horrible boyfriend. If we had just stayed friends, we would still be in touch. One of the last things I ever asked Keith was, ‘Do you think you would ever kill again?’ His answer was, ‘Will I ever kill again? I hope not. But I do know how to kill and if faced with it in here I will if I have to.’ It was one of those questions that I already knew the answer to but wanted to ask anyway just to hear it from him.

I know there are a lot of woman out there that claim to love serial killers. I believe that it is 50/50. I believe that everyone is different so women are attracted to serial killers for different reasons. In my opinion, some are just looking for their 15 minutes of fame. Society has turned serial killers into celebrities in a way. These women want the notoriety of it. They want to be known as the woman of a serial killer. It is very easy to achieve this. All you have to do is write a letter to a serial killer, form a relationship and there ya go. Of course to meet a celebrity in Hollywood, it is not that easy. These women know this is the easiest way for them to get their few minutes of camera time.

I also believe that some of these women are naturally submissive and want to say that they have dominated a serial killer. If you really think about it, the woman does have all control in the relationship. She decides when she will write to him, visit him, accept his phone calls, send him money, etc. She can do anything that she wants and there is nothing the killer can do about it since he is in prison. I am sure if the role was reversed and these killers were out and about these women would be too afraid to be with them.

Some woman have this, ‘Oh, I can save him; I want to help him attitude’. They want to save the world and think they will start by changing a serial killer from a monster to a productive member of society. I am sorry to be the one to break it to them but that is not going to happen. Once someone has crossed the line to multiple murders there is no going back. Killers are what they are and there is no rhyme or reason for what they do. I believe that even some killers themselves don’t know why they have killed over and over again. To them it is like second nature. But some women still feel that love will conquer all and they will be the one to save him.

Some women are looking to be abused. They have had an abusive childhood or an abusive spouse so that is all they know. Some women just want the thrill of being with a killer. It is a rush to be in the room alone with someone that has killed so many times in cold blood.

Some women want to be with a notorious killer because it is the ‘cool thing’ to be doing these days. These women are posers of the worst kind. They pretend to like these killers just because it is the cool thing to do. In reality they don’t know the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and Charles Manson. They don’t even have enough sense to educate themselves about killers before getting involved. They jump into it to be liked and accepted by their ‘gothic’ peers.

Then there are woman like me that just get off on that type of violence. They are few and far between but they are some out there. They are sincerely sick and sadistic themselves and have no problem with the fact that their man is a killer, in fact they like it. Women like me don’t want any fame from it, they don’t care what others think of them. All that does matter is the killer they are in love with. They simply want to live in their own little world with their killer and not be bothered by anyone else. The women that are sincerely into it and love these people for who they are and for what they did are usually very strong and independent woman that don’t need anything from anyone. They are the exception to the rule. Of course everyone is different and who am I to judge. One of my favorite quotes of all time is a quote by French critic, essayist and novelist André Paul Guillaume Gide:
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.

I am a fan of yours. I need to know all about every detail of all your murders…Did you enjoy it all…did you get sex pleasure, cum? I want to know. I need to know everything about all of your murders. It turns me on. I am a strange woman with weird tastes. Send me a signed photo, please?

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First published in hardback in 2009
Paperback edition published 2011

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