Dead No More (28 page)

CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

Monday, October 6, 10:00 a.m.

B
LISTERING
PAIN
RIPPED
through Lily’s shoulder, jerking her from the warm darkness. She groaned and forced her eyes open. Bright light blinded her. The sterile hospital smell accosted her nose. Painful memories poured into her consciousness. Confusion and raw sorrow flooded her, choking her.

She closed her eyes.
Derek. Jackson. Derek. Jackson.
Tears streamed down her cheeks and pooled around her ears.

Jackson hadn’t betrayed her.

“Lily girl.” Ben’s deep voice called to her. “Talk to me.”

Of course Ben would be in her recovery room, waiting for her to come back to them. He was always there. But Lily didn’t want to talk.

“Lil...”

“I can’t,” she whispered, her eyes tightly closed.

“Yes, you can. Talk to us.”

Us?
Lily’s eyes popped open. Derek leaned against the window, arms crossed. Ben sat in the chair next to her bed. She slowly pushed herself up.

“About what? That the man I was sent in to bring down killed my parents, then George. That the man I thought betrayed me, didn’t? Or that the man I trusted, my own godfather, turned his back on me?” She fought for breath. Anger ripped through her like hot lava, burning from the inside out.

“Lil. I spoke with Kennedy,” Ben said, interrupting her tirade. “He didn’t turn his back on you—on any of us. Kennedy was dealing with his own load of shit, right in his own backyard. Rowland had a Dům Hrůzy mole in Unit 67.”

Her mouth dropped open. She glanced between both men, searching their faces.

“It’s taken care of now—all the bombs were accounted for, every Dům Hrůzy mole has been taken into custody. It’s been a busy five days, but like I said, Kennedy didn’t turn his back on us. He was busy tackling his own hell.”

Lily shook her head and the world spun. She closed her eyes, pressing the tips of her fingers against her temples. “But he knew about Jackson.” Her eyes snapped open and brimmed with unshed tears. “Where is he? Where is Jackson now?”

The muscle in Derek’s jaw tightened.

She clenched the sheets, fought to steady her voice. “Derek?”

Tears illuminated the blueness of his eyes. He walked over to her, gently cupped her face in his hands and kissed her softly. The he turned and, without a word, left the room. Left her.

* * *

D
EREK
STORMED
OUT
of Lily’s room and glared at the tall man quietly leaning against the wall.
She’d asked for him.
Didn’t that tell Derek everything he needed to know?

“She’s asking for you.”

Jackson nodded and pushed off the wall. Stopping in front of Derek, he extended his good hand. “Thanks for keeping her safe.”

Derek reached out, shook the hand of the man who’d stolen the woman he loved. No
.
Jackson hadn’t stolen anything.
She’d asked for him.
“Of course, man. She’s one hell of a woman.”

A weary smiled tugged at Jackson’s mouth. “Yeah. She is.”

Helpless to do anything, Derek watched Jackson walk through Lily’s hospital door and back into her life.

She’d asked for him.

Derek punched the wall, turned and walked away.

* * *

H
ER
HOSPITAL
DOOR
OPENED
, and she swung her gaze to it, eager to see Derek, desperate for him to put his arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be okay. That they were going to be okay.

Instead, Jackson stood in the doorway. His arm hung in a sling. The remnants of an angry, fading bruise covered the right side of his face. Stitches crisscrossed from the corner of his eye to the top of his forehead.

The feebly constructed wall around Lily’s heart crumbled. She grappled for words as her heart jumped inside her, and that terrified her. “You’re alive.”

“Hey, Lily girl.”

Lily moved her lips, but couldn’t get her mouth to make any sounds. Jackson wasn’t dead.

Jackson looked over at Ben. “Sir, can you give us a moment?”

Taking Lily’s hand in his, Ben searched her face. “Lil?”

“It’s okay.” She blinked and swallowed hard. “Give us a minute.”

He squeezed her hands and stood, pointing at Jackson. “I could kill you for what you’ve put her through, what you’ve put all of us through.”

Jackson nodded, eyes downcast.

“You have two minutes.” Ben headed to the door. He stopped and glanced back at Lily. “If you need me, I’ll be outside.”

She waited until the door was shut before she looked at Jackson. Gray hair sporadically peppered his blond sideburns, played peekaboo in his beard. Lines etched themselves around his eyes. He seemed worn-out, old.

“Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be debriefing with the director?”

“My flight leaves in an hour.”

“Oh.”

“I had to see you before I left, had to explain. Or at least try.” He took two steps and stopped. “I couldn’t leave without telling you that I love you.”

His words twirled and tumbled around her head. She tried to make sense of them, of this moment. Jackson was alive. He hadn’t betrayed his country. He hadn’t betrayed her. He’d come back from the dead.

He was here.

Telling Lily he loved her.

Jackson moved to the side of her bed and sat down, careful not to pull at her IVs. She stared up at him, unable to respond, unable to react.

“I never stopped loving y—”

“Stop.” She held up her hand, halting him midsentence. “There’s nothing to explain, Jackson. You left. Without a word or an explanation, you left me. As a fellow operative, I understand what got you to your decision. I do. But it was the wrong one.”

“I never stopped loving you.” His voice cracked, and Lily’s heart broke for him.

She pressed her hand to his cheek and carefully measured her next words. No matter how she crafted them, they were going to wound him. But that didn’t change the fact that they were true. “I don’t love you anymore, Jackson. You were my first love, but—”

“Derek.” It wasn’t a question.

At the mention of Derek’s name, Lily dropped her hand and her heart nearly exploded.
Yes, Derek.
It would always be Derek. The man who’d found her, thrown her a lifeline, saved her.

The man who
saw
her.

“I love him.”

“I’m so sorry, Lil.” Tears pooled in Jackson’s eyes. “I never meant to hurt you.”

“I know.” And she did. She understood how quickly an undercover assignment could go to hell.

“As always, your instincts are spot-on.” Jackson got up, smiled down at her. “You couldn’t have chosen a better man. He’s perfect for you.”

“You checked up on him?”

Jackson laughed. It was a hollow, sorrowful sound. “Of course I did. Had to make sure the man who’d stolen your heart was good enough.”

“He didn’t steal it, Jackson. I gave it to him.”

“I know.” He leaned down and pressed his lips to Lily’s one last time. “Goodbye, Lily girl.”

CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

Monday, October 6, 10:10 a.m.

T
HE
MOMENT
THE
door closed, Lily reached for her phone and punched in Derek’s number. It went straight to voice mail.

“I don’t know what the hell is going on in that sexy, stubborn head of yours, Derek Moretti, but you better get your ass back here. Please, Derek, I need you. Come back.” She hung up and dialed the next number seared into her mind.

Marcus answered on the first ring.

“Where is he?” Lily asked, not even bothering to say hello. She wanted to know where Derek was, and she wanted to know now.

Her door opened and she looked up hopefully. She glanced over.
Ben
. Her heart sank. Not the man she wanted to see at the moment, but she waved him in. He moved to the chair next to her bed and sat.

She gripped the phone. “Marcus, where is he?”

“Lil, we both thought he was with you.”

“Well, he’s not. You tell him that if he doesn’t get back here, I will track him down and kick his ass.” She hung up.

Ben’s eyebrows arched, but he said nothing.

She drummed her fingers against the sheets. If Ben wasn’t sitting there guarding her, she’d have yanked out her IV by now and tracked Derek down.

“You going to talk to me, or are you just going to sit there silently fuming?” Ben placed his hand over hers, halting her sporadic movements.

What was she supposed to say? That she was terrified that the man she loved had just walked out on her? Derek had become a strong, solid, unfailing fixture in just a few short weeks, and she loved him for it.

Where was he?

She squeezed her eyes tight, willing herself to be strong. Just a little longer. She was quickly losing the battle that raged in her, especially as every cell in her body sat on edge, waiting for the man she loved to come through her door.

The pain in her shoulder flared, demanding her attention. Reaching for the medicine drip button, Lily pressed down hard. At least she could take care of one source of pain. She glanced toward the door. Her eyes grew heavy.

Please come back.

* * *

D
EREK
’
S
PHONE
VIBRATED
.
He hit End, pocketed it. Without a moment’s reprieve, the vibrations started again. Loud. Demanding. Angry. He dug into his pocket, yanked it out and took the call.

“What!”

“Where the fuck are you?” Ben’s hard voice demanded. “You should be here.”

Derek ran a hand over his face. “She made her choice, Ben.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ben snapped. “Jackson just left. She sent him away. She’s asking for you.”

Derek froze.

For me?

“All I can say, Derek, is your ass better be back here by the time she wakes up.” The line went dead.

Derek turned, sprinted back toward the hospital.

* * *

H
OURS
LATER
, L
ILY
AWOKE
. She glanced around, searching for Derek. Found him. He’d curled up in the visitor’s chair, his chin resting against his chest. Her whole body gave a collective sigh of relief as her eyes soaked him up.

“You came back.”

“I got your message. You okay?”

“Are you serious?” She gawked at him.
Am I okay?
“No. I’m not okay. Why did you leave?”

“Lil...”

She couldn’t read him. And she hated that. Paralyzed with uncertainty, she was unable to move. Panic, agony and fear slammed into her.

All at once. Consuming her.

Why was he hesitating?

Derek looked at her, his face pinched in concern. “You asked for Jackson. I thought...”

“Yeah, well, you thought wrong.” Tears brimmed in his eyes, melting Lily from the inside out. All she wanted Derek to do was take her into his arms. “Why are you sitting over there?”

Without a word, he pushed himself up, walked over and sat on the edge of her bed. She reached for him and wrapped her fingers through his. “Look at me.”

Derek turned the bluest eyes she’d ever seen toward her, pain flickering across his face. He thought she still loved Jackson
.
She wanted to laugh, and she wanted to smack Derek, all at once. She didn’t want Jackson.

She wanted
him.

“Jackson was my first love, yes. But I’m not that girl anymore.”

Derek scrubbed his hands over his face, rose to his feet. “Lily. Look. I don’t expect you to—”

“Stop.” She held up her hand. What was with people interrupting her today? And why was Derek acting as if she had a choice? She didn’t. She belonged to him—mind, heart and soul. “What is your problem?”

“
My
problem?”

“Yes, your problem. What is it?” Lily ordered herself to calm down. The last thing they needed was for the doctors to come running if any of the freaking machines she was connected to went off. “What’s going on in that sexy brain of yours?”

“Oh, I don’t know. The woman I love almost died, and her fucking fiancé just sauntered back into her life...all in the same day.” He kicked the dresser next to him. “So, yeah. I guess I do have a problem.”

“Derek, you can be such a caveman. I love you.”

He stared at her, almost as if he didn’t believe a word she said.

Lily sighed.
Stubborn jackass.
“Jackson’s gone. I told him I love you. He’s gone.”

Derek’s arms fell to his side. “You did?”

“Of course I did.” Lily patted the bed next to her.

Derek moved to her bed, sat lightly and pulled her onto his lap. She lowered her face to his, kissing him, losing herself in his taste, in his touch...in his desire. Breathless, Lily pulled way.

He burrowed his face into her chest. “I thought I’d lost you.”

“Never.” She cupped her hands under his jaw and forced him to look at her. “You could never lose me, Derek. I choose you. I’ll
always
choose you.”

* * * * *

Keep reading for an excerpt from DEAD DON’T LIE by L. R. Nicolello.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Y
OU
’
D
THINK
THE
second time around would have dulled the thrill. It didn’t. If anything, it was an even bigger high. Without this incredible group of people,
Dead No More
wouldn’t exist. I’m indebted to the following:

Jill Marsal, my agent and trusted business partner at Marsal Lyon Literary Agency. Thank you for fielding all my insane questions; I owe you!

Lauren Smulski, my editor at HQN. Your humor and critical eye is most appreciated, especially with this baby! Thank you for putting up with the countless queries, random emails and an insane timeline. Working with you has been an absolute dream.

Susan Swinwood, Margo Lipschultz, the art department and the rest of the amazing team at HQN for making this book the best it can be.

Catherine Coulter, your dedication to this craft is truly inspiring. Thank you for offering to read, for asking the hard questions, for taking time out of your busy schedule, for the invaluable advice...for paving the way for “newbies” like me. Let’s be honest: I’m still pinching myself here!

J.T. Ellison, for reading, for encouraging, for pulling me onto that dance floor, for welcoming me into “the tribe.” I’m forever grateful for your friendship, your wisdom and your outlook on life. Here’s to another chance meet-up on the East Coast!

Karen Evans, for your friendship and for helping track down this book amongst the black hole otherwise known as the postal service.

Lynnette Labelle, for your continued advice, humor and friendship.

Jo Gunnink, thanks for seeing the vision through the fog, and for cheering me on to “finish it!”

Sarah Martini, my cheerleader, confidant and friend—“Where’s the coffee?”

Lynette Ruiz, my gorgeous sister, who continues to cheer me on. Thank you.

My mom, Raenell, for taking time out of her beach vacation to hole herself up in her hotel room and read the final draft until the very last sentence. That’s unconditional love!

To all the sassy, courageous, gorgeous women in my life—you know who you are. Most only have one or two such friends; I’ve been blessed with several across the world. And to everyone else who continues to support this dream in one fashion or another, thank you.

And saving the best for last—my incredible husband, Drew. There are not enough words to completely articulate my love for you. Thank you for championing me on like only you can do.