Dead or Alive (14 page)

He yearned to tell her that the beauty he’d experienced in the flight deck didn’t hold a candle to the beauty that stood before him now. Cocoa skin, doe eyes, heart for days…
she
was beauty.  She was his truth.  The truth he saw every time he looked at her.

Tears instantly threatened his eyes, and he turned away from her before she could see them come to fruition.

“It was, V.  It was beautiful.” He did miss flying.  He missed it the same way he would miss breathing if someone had taken him in a chokehold right that second.  Losing his license had been like losing a limb.  They may as well have cut off his air supply, because without it he felt as good as dead. If she wasn’t in his presence, keeping his sanity afloat, reminding him that there was still a reason to breathe, he would surely be dead by now, from the sheer agony alone.  “If I’d known you before all this… I would’ve shown it to you.”

“Yeah? You would’ve let me into the flight deck?”

“I might’ve even let you wear my hat.”

Violet gasped dramatically.

“Hey,” Remy scolded her mockery.  “My hat was very special to me.”

“Are pilots even allowed to let people into the flight deck, post 9/11?”

“No… but I would’ve done it for you.”

“Were you just
determined
to be in jail, or what? It’s bad enough that you went and got yourself framed for murder, but it sounds like you were well on your way to prison anyway.  Letting hot girls into the flight deck? Is breaking the law some kind of tick that you have?” Violet couldn’t make sense of the emotional upheaval that began inside of her the instant he smiled.  “Why did you become a pilot, anyway? Flying takes a serious toll on your body in so many ways, and it couldn’t have been safe being exposed to all the harmful radiation up there.  Being away from home as much as you were must have been so lonely.  Was it worth it, Remy?”

Remy sighed.  “If I had to do it all again… I wouldn’t hesitate.”

“Why?  What is it about flying?”

“I flew my first plane with my father when I was five. The moment he gave me the controls… I knew it.  I felt it. Everything was different. Other kids my age were thinking about Star Wars and porn.  All I thought about was flying.”

“Was your father a pilot?”

“Yep, started in the Army and didn’t stop until they made him,” he laughed.  “He’s a serious guy. Not physical, you know.”

“What do you mean, not physical? He didn’t touch you?”

Remy immediately jumped to his father’s defense.  “It’s just who he was.  I know he loves me.  But he’s never kissed me goodnight, or hugged me goodbye. He was just closed for business on that front.  The only time he ever really touched me was when he held me in his lap in the flight deck.  The only time he looked at me… was when we were flying.” Remy ran his hand down his face.  “I don’t know why I love it so much.  Maybe it’s because of him.  Or maybe I
liked
that it was such a lonely job, the perfect way to disappear. Maybe I was just looking for something.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno, V.  I’m just a weary pilgrim.”  He sighed.  “I’m just trying to find what feels like home.”

Violet’s mouth dropped, and she struggled not to laugh.  “You didn’t actually just quote a lyric from Travelin’ Through?”  It was her favorite song, and she was shocked that he knew it.

Remy looked just as shocked as her, and a blush crept to his cheeks.  “I keep forgetting you’re from Louisiana.  Of course you know Dolly Parton when you hear it.”

“Uh, duh.”

Remy laughed, turning to face her completely.  “You caught me.  I’m a fraud.”

Violet sang the next lyric to the song, her smile widening when Remy joined her.

They finished the line sloppily, solidifying that neither of them would be selling any platinum albums anytime soon, before falling into a fit of laughter.

Violet went to step away, but Remy caught her arm and pulled her back.  When she was within reach, he slung his arm around her waist unexpectedly, pulling her body to his with a surprising intensity.  The feel of his strong legs pressing against hers took over her senses, and they went into overdrive when his other hand found hers, tickling her palm with the beds of his fingers.  A gleam of uncertainty hit his face for only a moment, but it was quickly overridden with something else.  Something much more powerful. He raised their hands in the air next to their heads, fingers intertwining unevenly as he began a slow sway, eyes riveted to hers.

He sang the next line to her, eyes going to her smiling lips when his voice broke.

Violet gasped when he pulled her in closer.  She’d never been a great dancer. In fact, she’d venture so far as to call herself clumsy.  She never had been good at being led, and usually intimidated the man by trying to take control, but the movement of her feet seemed to follow Remy’s effortlessly. She only felt his bare toes under hers a couple of times before they found the perfect rhythm. He swayed them slowly, keeping up a simple rhythm with the occasional two-step thrown in.

She breathed in his scent as he pressed his lips to her ear, feeling them move as he sang, his breath hitting her skin with a gentle warmth that jetted across her entire body.  Unable to help it, she turned her head into his neck, brushing the tip of her nose along the crease that separated his neck and jawline, taking in his scent as they swayed.  When he brought their clasped hands to his chest and cradled them there as he moved, she could feel his heartbeat through both of their hands.

She couldn’t help a smile as they finished humming the song together, never breaking their slow sway.

Violet ran her fingers under her tearstained eyes, hiding them in his chest. “Dolly always gets me.”

She felt the vibration of his voice against her cheek as he responded. “It’s a great song.  I never thought about it, but it really describes us to a tee.”

“I never thought about it, either.”

It was an upbeat song with a deeper message about courage, perseverance, and redemption.  Three things he’d convinced himself were myths until the moment he’d taken this woman in his arms.  Now he knew that not only were all three possible, but so much more. “Listen to it some day, when I’m not around, and I guarantee you’ll think of me.”

Violet couldn’t tell Remy that he was already everything she thought of.  She couldn’t tell him that the thought of him not being around not only hurt her, but was downright unbearable. When he clutched her and shook her by the waist, gently, she raised her head.  They were so close she could feel his chest brushing hers and trace the darker blue designs in his serious eyes.  His heart pounded, and she didn’t know how she’d missed the arousal pressed firmly against her stomach until that moment.

He buried his hand in her hair, and all she could do was let her eyes flutter shut.

He didn’t keep her waiting for his lips to brush hers, and when they did, something shot through her that sent tears racing to her eyes faster than any Dolly song ever could.  His warm lips lingered on hers like his soul lingered in her heart, and she wrapped her arms around his neck with a possession that would’ve startled him if he hadn’t already been taking her around the waist with the same vigor.

Violet opened her wet eyes as his lips moved against hers, finding his eyes closed with passionate concentration.  She pushed her tongue out softly, brushing his lips, testing them, and something in him snapped.  He spread his lips aggressively over hers while yanking her body to his with a startling fierceness, and they moaned in time as the kiss grew deeper.  Letting him lead her, Violet’s eyes slowly fluttered shut as they craned their heads, looking for a depth that they hadn’t dared explore until that moment.  Feeling him grow harder still against her swirling stomach, she came to her toes, thinking she’d never need anything more.  A sound she barely recognized left her when he pushed his hands under her baggy t-shirt and cupped her naked breasts, and a strangled cry snuck passed his own lips, too.

He pushed his tongue into her eager mouth, twirling and pinching her nipples in time with his desperate kisses.

Violet was the first to pull away, because she realized she couldn’t breathe.  Not because they hadn’t come up for air, but because her violently pounding heart had sealed her throat shut, leaving her panting.  Her ears pounded and felt as swollen as her equally throbbing center.  Clawing her nails down the back of his head, she let him press his forehead to hers.

“Let me make love to you, V.”  His blue eyes grew soft in a way they could only for her and he pressed her nipples between his fingers with more vigor, tasting her gasp with his tongue. “I know you need it, baby. I need it, too.  I need you so fucking much.”

It took everything she had to shake her head.  “Sex will only make us lose sight of why we’re really here.” She gasped, moaning her displeasure when his hands went from her breasts to her waist, still under her shirt, pressing his fingers into the skin of her back as he squeezed at her, searching for control.  He stole one last kiss from her lips, one that lingered long enough to send even more moisture rushing to places it didn’t need to be.

Violet tugged her bottom lip from between his with a pained moan. “Remy.”

“Fuck.” He gasped, attempting to breathe deeply and calm his raging body. “I know, V.”

Several moments passed before he re-took her hand, took her into his hold, once more, and continued their slow sway.

And Violet crumbled.

He didn’t know.

He might’ve still been trying to find his way home, but Violet realized, terrifyingly, that she already had

***

Days later they shared a quiet breakfast, a much more pared down breakfast than the ones they’d had the first few days in the house.  It was a routine that they’d quickly fallen into.  Wake-up, have breakfast, work on investigation.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  Time was quickly proving, however, that sharing a bed with Violet Chambers had been an exceptionally bad idea, one that he hadn’t the faintest clue how to remedy.

They slept next to each other every night, and now that Remy had the strength to make it up the stairs, they slept in her bed.  It was never long before his lips were on hers, parting them with his eager tongue, but that was as far as it went.  As far as she was willing to push it.

Violet was allowing him to sleep beside her, no questions asked, and he hadn’t had another nightmare since.  He’d be lying if he said lying in bed with her every night, and waking up with a subsequent boner every morning, wasn’t taking a serious toll on his willpower, not just as a man, but as a human being.  No human being should want something as much as he wanted Violet Chambers, and not be able to have it.

For a while he’d told himself that just being able to kiss her and hold her while they slept would be enough.  He’d been deluded to believe that, because it simply wasn’t true.  He didn’t just want to fall asleep with her, he wanted to fall asleep inside her.  Satisfied, spent, drifting into an orgasm induced slumber.

But like everything else with Violet Chambers, it was simply not an option.

The dilemma he’d gotten himself into with this woman was incomprehensible. He’d never planned on dragging another person into his mess, and he certainly never planned to grab one that he’d find himself this desperately attracted to.  Choosing Violet had been a grave mistake, not because he couldn’t get rid of her, but because he no longer wanted to.  Quite the opposite, in fact.  He now yearned to keep her as close to him as humanly possible, and he dreaded the inevitable moment when she no longer was.

His heart churned.  What an idiot he’d been.  He could’ve easily grabbed one of the male reporters, the fat bailiff whose gun he’d swiped, or even his idiot lawyer. Anyone but her.  Anyone but Violet.

He should’ve fought harder when he’d tried to get rid of her on the dock.  He should’ve fought harder to stop her from getting this deeply imbedded in his problems, problems that weren’t even hers--that had never been hers.  But he had.

He refused to allow her to fall deeper.

He refused to allow
himself
to fall deeper.

So he knew he couldn’t have her completely, and he was thankful that Violet was showing enough willpower for the both of them. Simply sleeping
next to
her had already sent him into a black hole of emotion that was slowly eating him alive, so sleeping
with
her would be a mistake.  He knew it would be a mistake, and it had to be the stupidest mistake he’d ever been this desperate to make.  He wanted to make it more than air, even knowing that, once he did, he’d never be able to stomach letting her go.

And he would let her go.

Eventually.

His heart split.

But not today.

“This is incredible,” Remy said, around bites of his breakfast.

“Just a simple eggs benedict.”

“You know… you’re going to make an amazing mother one day.  Not just because you make a mean eggs benedict.”  He thought about his words.  “Hell, you make a mean everything, V.”

She loved how the ‘V’ slipped out of his lips so easily now.  He was the only person in the world who called her that, and she realized he would be the only one who was ever allowed to.  “You think I’d make a good mom?”