Dead Running (19 page)

“You promise?” I yearned to believe he could protect me if Muscle Man returned. His brown eyes caressed me. I held my breath, praying for the right words.

Jesse exhaled slowly and said, “I’ll do my best.”

He was physically and mentally strong, but still Jesse couldn’t promise to protect me. The disappointment was bitter, but somehow I knew he was giving me all he could. I was actually grateful he hadn't given me an empty promise. Jesse would do his best and it was all I could hope for right now.

I allowed myself to enjoy his touch and gaze for a moment before sidestepping around him. As much as I wanted to trust him, I still wasn’t sure why he wanted to protect me or if he was good or bad. The warm look in his dark eyes was too tempting. The only thing I was sure ofI couldn’t trust myself to be alone with him right now. I was milliseconds away from throwing myself against his chest and begging him to stay with me every moment.

I scurried up the incline, but had to look one more time. Jesse watched me. I ran. The only other choice was to leap into his arms.
 

*
         
*
         
*

“Are you sure you’re supposed to be riding the bike this far?”

Raquel’s legs rotated slowly so she could stay next to me while I ran. She’d volunteered to ride next to me, keeping me company for a few miles of my long run. She pushed back on the handlebars, adjusting on her padded seat. “Sure I’m sure. My doctor said light cardio would be good for me. It’s been weeks and we haven’t seen any more blood.”

“But doesn’t the bike hurt . . . down there?”

“Not too bad. Jared put an extra-soft seat on for me and the baby is doing fabulous. Stop worrying.”

I smiled, settling into a steady rhythm of steps. “Glad to hear it. Maybe I can stop doing your dishes.”

Raquel laughed. “I wish you and Jared could relax that much. So, have you seen Jesse lately? I sure like him."

I swallowed. Unfortunately I liked him more than I should and who knew if he actually liked me or was just “protecting me.”

“He's been busy,” I muttered.

There was silence for a few minutes before she asked, "How was your date with Damon Saturday?”

“The date was great.” I concentrated on the road. “It would’ve been better if Nana and Tasha hadn’t tried to sabotage it before I left.”
           
Raquel’s eyes burned into the side of my cheek. I studied the well-kept homes and lawns that eased past us.

“Nana and Tasha are in league again? Last time they got together they talked you out of traveling to South America to volunteer in orphanages.”

The bright morning sun crested the roofline of the house we were using for shade. I squinted and groaned. “How did I let them do that? I was all set up and excited to go.”

“It was a month after your parents died.”

I stared at the road. She would have to bring that up.

Raquel sighed. “What are they giving you a hard time about now?”

The blacktop swam underneath me. “Nana claims that you and Jared don’t think I’ll finish the marathon either.”

“What? Why would we say that?”

“I don’t know. Well, I could see Jared saying it, but I thought you said you were proud of me. That my parents would be proud of me.”

“Yes, I did, and yes, they would. Hell-freeze, Nana,” Raquel mumbled something else, probably a swear word I wouldn't approve of. “Your grandma always has to manipulate everything for herself. Is she upset because your knee is hurting or can she seriously not stand for you to succeed?”

“Something like that.” I kicked at some loose stones on the road as I shuffled by. In her own twisted way Nana had my best interests at heart. “Come on, El. Tell me the truth. Does Jared really believe in me?”

The uncomfortable silence gave me all the answer I needed. I sniffed, increasing my leg speed. This was supposed to be a slow, long-distance run but I needed some space.

Raquel caught me in seconds with her bike. “You know what a Papa Bear Jared is. How much he worries about you. He’ll be really proud of you when you cross that finish line.” She arched over her handlebars to peer at my face. “Are you tearing up on me?”

I turned away from her. “The leaves on that poplar tree are huge.”

Raquel snorted. “Honey. It’s okay to be mad at your family. Nana, Jared, Tasha. I know, Tasha’s been your best friend since you used to wear Depends to sleepovers.”

I cringed, why did Tasha have to share that with everybody?

“But all of them act like jerks once in a while,” Raquel continued. “I know they’re all trying to take care of you, protect you from yourself, but you’re a tough lady, Cassie. You can handle things on your own. You could’ve handled South America and you can definitely handle this marathon.”

I mulled over her little pep talk. “You think they’re trying to protect me because of Mom and Dad dying?”

Raquel shrugged and nodded at the same time. “Sure. It’s not like you’ve screwed up your whole life. It’s just been since your parents' deaths that you . . .” Her voice trailed off. Her high cheekbones turned crimson.

“Since I stopped believing in myself,” I muttered. “Which makes a bit of sense if you think about it because with Mom and Dad gone, who do I have besides you? Jared, Nana, and Tasha don’t give me much reason to believe in myself.”

Raquel sighed. “They think they’re helping. I know Jared just worries about you and doesn’t know how to show it.”

I ignored that because I knew it was true and we both knew there was nothing we could do to change it. “Do you think Mom and Dad are really dead?”

Raquel’s head whipped around so fast she smacked herself with her ponytail. “What?”

“Never mind.” I brushed my hand through the air and increased my pace. I had to be careful what I said. What if Raquel got the truth out of me? She claimed I was tough, but really I was just terrified. If she knew about Muscle Man's threats she’d tell Jared and make me call Detective Fine and Shine. I refused to tell them. They couldn’t find the faceless man’s murderer and they definitely couldn’t protect me if Muscle Man came back. I shivered in the morning air.

“What kind of a question is that?” Raquel asked.

“How do you think they get those begonias so big?” I pointed to a well-kept yard bursting with flowerbeds and greenery. The pink and red begonias ruled over marigolds and petunias.

“Honey, we all saw the pictures and read the tributes from the villagers who buried them. I’m sorry they’re gone, but there’s nothing we can do about that.”

“I know. It’s just . . .” I turned my head again. “Oh, I love the smell of pine trees. When I have my own house I’m planting a whole forest of pine trees in my backyard.”

“Are we going to talk about it?”

“Don’t you love the feel of the air on summer mornings? Refreshing yet still warm.” At least all this talking was making the miles go fast.

Raquel sighed. “Okay. I get it. I can only talk to you about your family until I hit your uncomfortable button. But you listen to me for a second. Yes, your mom and dad are gone, but you still have people who love you. Nana, Tasha, Jared, Tate, me. Especially me. Obviously, I adore your brother and think he’s terrific, but he can be a beast too. He doesn’t know how to take care of you
and
enjoy being your brother.”

I tilted my head to the side, really listening. I seldom gave Jared enough credit. He was the overbearing big brother who thought he had to be my parent now.

“You don’t have to fulfill Nana or Jared’s prophecies about you or let them hold you back,” Raquel said. “But like I said earlier, they’re just trying to protect you.”

“From doing something great?” I couldn’t help but respond.

“I don’t know what they’re trying to protect you from, but there is definitely some internal need for Jared to keep you safe. I can’t psychoanalyze everybody, just you.” She smiled then her face sobered. “Maybe they’re trying to give you an excuse to quit.”

I scowled at her. My legs churned through the distance and my head ached from withheld tears. How could I get Nana and my brother to stop coddling me and believe I could succeed? “Why would they do that?”

“Well, even you admit you’ve started some things in the past couple of years that haven’t panned out like we all hoped. Maybe they want you to blame them for quitting the marathon instead of blaming yourself.”

I turned and stared at her. “That is nuts.”

She grinned. “It’s your family we’re talking about. Nuts is normal.” Her grin disappeared. “But they’re wrong this time. You’re dedicated. You’re going to make it.” Her long legs rotated, pushing and pulling on the pedals. She tossed her highlighted ponytail over her shoulder. “You will make your parents proud. I can just see them cheering in heaven.”

I swiped at my face before she could see how her words struck me. Pressing my lips together for a few seconds I was finally able to respond, “Thanks, El. I love you like my own blood.”

“Back at ya.” Raquel’s legs flew into triple speed. “Race ya to the next block,” she yelled.

I laughed with relief and flew after her.

*
         
*
         
*

Damon and I walked to Nana’s front porch late Saturday night. Well, he walked and I tried not to waddle. My legs were a waste of muscle and bone. I’d finally agreed to go on another training run with Damon, Trevor, and Joe because it felt safer than running alone. Fifteen miles. Fifteen. At least the hills had been minimal this time and I’d managed to run the route without passing out or urinating on myself. Tonight Damon had taken me to a movie, for which I was grateful until I had to get up and move again.

Damon smirked at my obviously uncomfortable stride. “I can’t believe you’re already sore from this morning.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. It’s an accumulation of a week’s worth of damage.”

He reached for my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Make sure you stretch tonight, or it’ll be worse tomorrow.”

I groaned, leaning closer to him. “Thanks for the encouragement. How could it possibly be worse?”

“Don’t stretch and you’ll see.”

We stopped under the glaring porch light. “Aren’t you a ray of sunshine,” I muttered.

Damon smiled innocently. His eyes traveled across my face. The smile slowly disappeared as he focused on my mouth. I knew what was going to happen, but did I want it to happen? All night long I couldn’t stop thinking of Jesse. The way it felt when he touched me. His dark eyes. His declaration that he wanted to protect me. Him warning me away from the “redhead”.

Damon wrapped his large palms around my back.

I leaned around him and peered through the glass sidelight.

He arched a brow. “Problem?”

I chuckled nervously. “Wanted to make sure Nana wasn’t watching.”

“Uh-huh,” he murmured, his eyes focused on my mouth.

I studied his perfect face inches from my own. “Poor Nana,” I said. “You know how she worries about me. I know it’s kind of mean to deny her a show, but some things have got to be private, like my first kiss in a year.”

Damon’s eyes opened. He backed up an entire foot. His hands stayed awkwardly on my back. “A year?”

Did I
really
just say that? “Well, um, maybe it hasn’t been that long.”

He grinned and shook his head, bringing his hands back to his sides. “That’s . . . sad.”

My blush deepened. At least he knew I wasn’t a player. “Well, it depends on your perspective. It shouldn’t be sad for you because you get to be the person to remedy it.”

“I do?”

I teetered and had to lean against the house for support. “I, uh, was hoping so.”

Damon nodded, brushing a lock of hair off my cheek. I grabbed his hand, refusing to lose this moment. Damon pulled my hand around his shoulder then returned his fingers to gently stroking my cheek. “Then this is definitely good news for me,” he said.

I giggled.
How embarrassing
. “Yes, definitely good news for you. Sad news for all those other boys who tried and failed. But look at you. Here you are.”

Damon’s fingers slid into my hair. With gentle pressure he brought my face within centimeters of his. “Here I am,” he whispered.