Dead Shall Speak (An FBI/Romance Thriller Book 10) (13 page)

There was guilt. After all, he sent her. He should have said no. Ethan made a huge mistake, and now they were all suffering because of it. Work came first, and his family was paying for it.

“I’m so afraid.” Callen wanted to cry in the worst way.

Blackhawk knew what would help his brother.

“I was afraid today too.”

Callen rolled to his side so they were staring at each other across the open chasm of the two separate beds. “Why?”

“I worked so hard before Elizabeth to forget who and what I was. I built this veneer to make me look, act, and behave differently. I didn't want to be the ‘Indian’ in the room. I wanted to be Ethan Blackhawk, the man who worked damn hard for the FBI.”

“You are that.”

He released a pent up breath. “I wasn’t. I was lying to myself. You can’t change who you are, Cal. I was failing, and then I met her. Elizabeth charged into my life and knocked me on my ass. She hated the black and chrome, despised how I didn't ever let myself dress down, and she made me into the man I am now. This is who I am, and without her, I’m afraid I’ll go back. I’m scared I’ll become some work obsessed man who lets love and life slip away. I don’t want to become that cold shell of a human being again.”

Callen listened.

“When she finally comes home, what if she doesn’t love the man I am anymore? What if the time away makes her see that there are so many people out there who deserve her more? What makes this lowly man so worthy of her heart?”

There was the truth behind it all.

“I worry too. I wonder if this month will make her fall out of love with me. We both know you’re her husband on paper. I sometimes feel like the spare.”

Ethan was glad that he wasn’t alone, but he would have borne this by himself to save his brother’s heart. “Why us, Cal?”

“I have to believe that we’re just lucky. It’s all I have to hold on to at this point. I’ve asked myself that a million times, and there’s never an answer that’s good enough. Why did she fall for me, even after she had you? Will the love run out one day? Will she see that I’m so broken and damaged that it’s not worth it anymore?”

His heart ached for his brother.

“Yeah, I often wonder what I’ll do if that happens,” Ethan admitted. Funny, this talk wasn’t making him feel any better. In fact, he felt a million times worse.

Well hell…

Callen had to have faith in their missing partner. She’d never let him down. He had to think back to all the good things, like when she was defending him when other women hurt him, to keeping his heart safe in her hands. Elizabeth didn't falter.

They had to put their faith in that.

“I’m scared too.”

Callen knew his brother was carrying everything on his shoulders. After Ethan’s abduction, he had tried to do the man’s job, and it was overwhelming. Whitefox wanted to offer him peace.

“It’s going to be fine. I know it.”

Ethan wanted to believe him in the worst way. It was funny how this started out about making Callen feel better, and the man was now trying to do the same thing.

“Our wife makes everything better,” he stated. “The reason she does is because Lyzee was always meant to be ours. If she wasn’t, we wouldn’t fit. I would have cheated today, you would be obsessed with work, and our family wouldn’t be solid.”

A laugh slipped out as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “Yeah, you’re absolutely right. I can’t wait to smell her perfume, feel her skin, and know she’s safe.”

“I wish I could call her.”

He did too.

“We need to get some sleep, Cal. Tomorrow is going to suck. I’m missing half of the sleuthing team, so you’re going to have to play Lyzee.”

Callen snorted and without missing a beat, continued, “Yee haw, Cowboy.”

“That was terrible,” Ethan admitted, but it did make him smile. For that, he was grateful.

“Indians shouldn’t play cowboy. It’s confusing as hell,” Callen stated.

Ethan laughed, and then rolled onto his stomach to get comfortable. He hated this position, but without his wife, the bed felt foreign to him.

Silence befell the room.

“Ethan?” his brother whispered.

“Yeah, Cal?” he asked. This reminded him of when they were young boys at his grandfather’s cabin.

“Can I sleep with you? This feels wrong to me. It just reminds me of what we’re missing.”

Ethan grinned, his blue-black eyes sparkling when the light from the moon hit them. “You absolutely can.”

Immediately, Callen grabbed his pillows and hopped into the other king bed. Expertly, he placed the extra pillows between them, not to act as a barrier, but to be the stand in for the woman who held their lives together.

She was the cream in their cookie.

The glue that fixed all the cracks.

Immediately, both men moved toward the center, pressing their bodies against the ‘faux Lyzee’. It wasn’t perfect, but it allowed them to relax a little.

“Goodnight, Ethan,” Whitefox said.

“Goodnight, Cal,” he replied.

Sometime in the night, their legs tangled, their hands found each other, and they held onto the mass of pillows between them.

Peace was momentarily found, giving both men more strength to face the next day.

Without the woman they loved.

                               *    *    *

He waited for her to leave the bathroom after her shower. It was one of the best times of the day for him. Jaxon would be warm and flushed pink from the steam.

She would also be naked.

Just the way he liked her.

Since agreeing to marry him, Tony had opted to throw down some rules.

Every night, they talked about their day.

At some point, they wouldn’t be working together, and he wanted her to always know he was there to listen.

The next rule was that they wouldn’t go to bed angry. That was one he stole from his best buddy, Chris Leonard. He told him that it worked for him and Cyra.

Lastly, he liked his fiancée to sleep naked. From her reaction to the rule, and the way she threw in that he needed to do that, too, Tony could tell it was a hit.

They both won on that one.

When she exited the bathroom, towel wrapped around her body, he waited in bed. Slung across his lower body were the hotel sheets. Behind his head, his hands remained clasped.

Tony had Jaxon’s full attention. To be completely honest, he didn't mind her gaze sliding down his body, since it did exactly what it always did.

That one look turned him on.

Wildly.

“Tony,” she said, enjoying him watching her. In fact, everything he did was sexy and hot. There was something about knowing a more experienced, older man wanted her.

It made the butterflies flutter in her stomach.

“Come to bed, Jaxy,” he replied, his voice already thick with the tell-tale signs of lust and need.

She moved toward him.

“Lose the towel. You know the rule.”

Jaxon did as he asked, knowing that his bossiness in bed, his control, and his delicious masculinity made her even more wild. In the dirty, death-filled hole, she was generally the boss. Here, he was the king of their union.

She was perfectly fine with that.

Putting her trust in him was the ultimate sign of faith. While he was in charge, she knew there would be so much pleasure. Never would she have to worry that he’d let her fall. Tony would keep her wrapped up and safe until the end of time.

That was one amazing feeling.

She was blessed.

When she reached for his outstretched hand, he tugged, pulling her toward him. Jaxon tumbled, landing in his lap.

“Other rules first,” he mumbled, finding her throat with his mouth.

“The day sucked, I’m not mad at you, so let’s have sex,” she declared, covering all three rules at once.

He laughed as she sucked in a breath when his hands wandered across her flesh.

“Mine was pretty shitty too,” he offered. “Are you sure you’re not mad at me?” Tony asked. He knew that once the FBI began their investigation tomorrow, he wouldn’t be able to focus as much on her.

She giggled and squirmed in his lap. “Not at all, but if you don’t make love to me, I will be. I’m getting pretty pissed that your mouth isn't on me already.”

“Well then,” he stated, rolling until she was beneath his body and tangled in the sheets. Her arms were wrapped up and pinned beneath her.

When his mouth found her breast, she gasped in a mix of pleasure and want. “Tony!”

“Hush, Jaxy. This is what you asked for.”

He lit her body on fire with heated kisses. They ignited that spark of need into a full-blown burn, starting in her gut and moving outward.

There was only him.

It was only this man who could do this to her every day for the rest of her life.

Tony could so easily pull every emotion from her.

“I love you, Jaxon. I’ll love you until the day I die,” he vowed, moving down her body.

As she struggled to get free of the sheets, the tangle of them only made her more excited. She was his prisoner, and he was doing whatever he wanted to her body.

In true Tony fashion, he feasted on her.

Slow.

Torturous.

Licks.

He knew what made her wild, and as her body jerked beneath his oral assault, Tony was forever aware that he would never get enough of his fiancée.

“Fall for me, Jaxon,” he stated, nipping the most sensitive part of her body to shove her off the edge.

When she tumbled, he watched the red flush sweep up her pale Irish skin that he loved so very much.

“Oh God!” she shouted as the pleasure wracked her body, making the orgasm that much more powerful.

Tony slid up her torso, noticing that his minx was trapped in the linens. It gave him a surge of need and prowess. His wife-to-be was his prisoner.

This was just the way he liked her.

Moving to press her into the soft cushion of the mattress, his mouth drove her wild, first with kisses, and then bites to her flushed flesh.

“Tony!” she pleaded, still unable to get her arms unwound from beneath the sheets. “Set me free,” she begged.

“No. I like you this way,” he admitted, his erection throbbing. What he wanted was to bury himself deep in her body.

Soon, he’d be doing just that.

As she struggled to catch her breath, he slid back down her body, finding her even more wet and ready for him. With lips and tongue, he teased her more.

“Please,” she begged, wanting to run her hands all over him. She loved the treasure trail of hair that lightly ran down his chest to the prize she loved most.

Quickly, he whipped her body back to the edge and over. He loved hearing her shout his name as she tumbled. When she was vibrating in need, he moved up her body to stare into her brilliant eyes. “Who do you belong to, Jaxon?” he said, finding that the words coming from him were laced with a dark edge of lust.

“You, Tony. I’ll always be yours,” she vowed, breathing heavily.

“Prove it.”

With that, he was off her body and waiting for the woman he loved.

Jaxon freed herself from the tangle only to find him standing at the foot of their bed. Immediately, she knew what he wanted. At first, her fingers stroked him, pulling a low moan from his mouth. When her lips took over, it became desperate.

His hands found the lushness of her glossy red hair as he controlled the depth of her strokes.

It was heaven and hell all rolled into one.

There was nothing more erotic than watching his naked minx pleasuring his body.

When she pulled away, he stared down at her, trying to catch his breath.

“What can I do for you next?” she offered, running her fingers down his thighs.

His brain spun at all the possibilities.

With his hand open, he waited for her to put her fingers in his. When she was on her feet, he ran his mouth around her shoulders and neck.

Jaxon moaned as he pulled every ounce of lust from her body so easily. With Tony, there was never a doubt that he opened that locked part of her that she held back. As he distracted her with his mouth, he led her to the small settee in the room. When she was squirming against him, he took a moment to run his fingers through her wetness.

Yes, she was ready.

And so was he.

When she gasped at his invasion of fingers, he bent her over and filled her with something that would take her breath away even more. Sliding into her, he wasn’t gentle or easy, since he wasn’t feeling it.

“Oh God!” she gasped, as he took control of her body. When she thought he couldn’t go any deeper, he did.