Dead Stars (44 page)

So on the couch Tom-Tom not nodding just gauzy smoking blunt/Jack D crunkin the war between her and the Jews, back & forth, it not being
enough,
her shit like not being patricia or
enough,
& it being OK you know it's just
loosers
striving for
whatever
, fame or normalcy or both together, just striving
not to be
loosers,
same way a fool on Celebrity Rehab strives for sobriety—no one would say trying to get/stay
sober
wasn't enough—you know it's all about the personalities & enmeshments anyhow,
that's
the fuckin Big Idea, Hymie, the funny funky
drama
that hooks you, the frickin dramedy, like don't get all hung up on the grand fucking
unified theme
, she went back & forth like that thinking it/she was enough, & the
other,
that anxiety-causing crazymaking still unformed hypothetical rejoinder to the kikey producers' pigheaded insistence on a
unified field
, a Unifying Fucking Purpose, some endgame goal she was tripping on that she/everyone would need to reach—
no no no, it was all good, it would all work, it was all perfect
, EVERYTHING would work, the future was the past the past was prologue the child was father to the man of the future
perfect
which was all contained in the NOW, the show had
already frickin happened
, that's what she'd already read in the
s, she was
already
the head of a
burgeoning empire
, all perfect, another little bump to get the energy to call forth a few more $$$$ . . . . . . . . . back to the internet, googling sundry reality players, it said Snooki only had $3 million which was a lot less than Tom-Tom thought, maybe they didn't update the site yet in terms of endorsement bootie, though actually maybe the conservative estimates were probably more accurate, they
did
say she was making $33,000 an episode, Audrina had $12 million,
holyshit
you're fucking
Audrina
and you have
twelve million fucking dollars
how did
that
happen, Kelly Clarke had $24 million
ohhhhhhhh
she didn't even want to look up Carrie Underwood but she couldn't resist checking Adam Lambert,
oh oh oh
he had
$5 million
, okay that's enough with the false
Idols—
fucking
Omarosa
had ONE POINT FIVE . . .
milli
————may as well get lost in KardashianWorld, Kim only made forty an episode, that's what it said, she only had $35 million, Tom-Tom thought it'd be a lot higher tho the $$$$ pour in so fast for the Kardashes that it's probably hard for a site to keep up
keeping up with the Kardashian's money
anyway, that had to be wrong because Tom-Tom read that Kim was buying back her sextape for $30 million, their mom was an amazing businesswoman she would
never
allow Kim to spend all of her fortune that way plus the wedding
alone
cost $15 million, the divorce prolly netted 3 times that in PR, it said Kourtney & Khloé made twenty thousand an episode & each had four milli, that can't be right someone really needs to update this shit Tom-Tom thought she could reach 4 milli pretty fast, 4 milli seemed a reasonable short-term goal, Kris Jenner had $20 million which again needed to be seriously updated but that was only right, she's the mom, it was
her
pussy they clawed their way out of,
she
was the one who changed their diapies
and
took their shit
hahahaahah! the son Rob was a real
looser,
maybe a good catch for
Bad News Bears
, even Rob Kardashian
Senior
had $3 million & he was fuckin
dead!!!!!
For some people the $$$$$ just keep raining down
no matter what
, even that sick fuck Scott Disick, who should have been taken into a basement & raped & tortured for stuffing money in that waiter's mouth,
never
treat food servers with anything less than
total respect
, that's how you take the measure of a man, the way he treats his
mother
& the way he treats
servers
, even that peacocking parasitical scarlet pimpernel FAIL Scott Disick had $2,000,000 USD networth——————& Olympian daddy
Bruce
had
one hundred million
in the bank, she wondered where they got
that
number, she hoped it
was
a hundred milli because that was fair too, he worked hard for it, plus he never lost his humility, he was a kind man, when she first started watching the show Tom-Tom h8ted on him because he looked like a tranny but now she knew he was going to be one of her heroes & guiding lights from her
own
Mount Olympus . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

. . . . . . . . . . she typed in
  Brando Brainard net worth   
    , the computer was sluggish, probably needed to
RESTART
but then the screen hiccups & she clicks on
http://www.celebritynetworth.com/category/richestbusinessmen/richest-billionaires/brando-brainard-net-worth/
and there it is:
THREE POINT EIGHT BILLION DOLLARS USD*!!!!!!!!!!! (*INHERITANCE)——& with a little more fucking around she finds the press release
:

 

Brando Brainard, CEO & Creative Head of Ooh Baby Baby Films, announced that Keira “Tommie” Thompson will be the new President & Head of Development of the company's two new television divisions, Hard To Get By Television and Just Upon A Smile TV. Brainard said Hard To Get By will focus on limited premium cable fare, while Just Upon A Smile will generate network and cable product, which includes reality and scripted reality programming. Thompson left SONY Pictures Television, where she was President & Head of Development for eight years. Before that she worked for Bernie Brillstein at Brillstein-Grey Entertainment.

 

Tommie Thompson . . . Tom Tom . . . Tom Tom Tommie . . . Thompson . . . ThomThom Tommie . . . Tom-Tom Tommie . . . Thompson Thompson---------

. . .
everything was making sense. Coming full circle. Thus it was written . . . in the
s and the starz channel.

She'd make her move as soon as Rikki was cast.

She Google imaged Keira:
fuckin hottie . . . . . . . . .

Just Upon A Smile TV—future home of
Bad News Bears!

It all felt so right that she felt like goofin, & typed it out. Made her own little hyperlink
fuck it'd already happened anyway right?
just to try it on for size & see what she could see:

 

http://www.celebritynetworth/richest-celebrities/tom-tom-hit-pop-singer-and-reality-star-BadNewsBears-net-worth/

 

YES.

She fell out.

CLEAN

[Reeyonna&Rikki]

I Had A Vision of Love

ReeRee

booked a table 10 days in advance but they still had to wait a ½hour to be seated, which was OK because she loved to peoplewatch. She'd asked for one of the garden patio banquettes with silk pillows that
yelp.com
recommended, but the woman on the phone said those were all reserved. The woman also seemed to be pressing her to make her reservation online but Reeyonna liked connecting with a human voice.

They parked a few blocks away because it was hard for her to look elegant getting off a motorcycle plus she didn't like the judgment in people's eyes that she was a bad mom-to-be for riding one in the first place. (She did have a cool pink helmet though, which Rikki locked to the bike.) Reeyonna thought she would have been less self-conscious if it was a Harley because a pregnant gal on a Harley made kind of a bold, fun statement that people were more likely to accept as not being reckless. But the kawasaki was small & old, and the gas tank was dented.

ReeRee had the whole evening planned. After dinner they were going to stroll to Millions of Milkshakes. She didn't care that racist h8trs on urbanspoon said the servers were rude & poorly groomed; she watched Kim Kardashian & her mom open the Millions of Milkshakes in Dubai online, which was pretty amazing, and wanted to try a Kim Kardashian shake.

The hostess led them to a beautifully set table with fresh-cut flowers & candles, unlit as yet because it was still light out, and because she was peeing so much (her 7th month) it was actually really convenient to be next to the bathroom. She told Rikki that the “restauranteur”-owner was actually one of the real housewives of Beverly Hills, then wondered aloud if Lisa Vanderpump would be there tonight. Reeyonna skipped lunch to be extra hungry—5PM was the only time Sur had a free slot, and she guessed that was why the crowd looked older. Paparazzi weren't even there yet.

She felt rich. The pawnshop gave her $2,100 for probably $30,000 worth of cameras and equipment, maybe more (
ask me if I care
), in crisp one-hundreds. They hadn't done anything fancy or fun since she stopped living at home & Reeyonna decided to treat them to Sur. The JustSpotted app on her android was always telling her people like Lisa Collins and Heather Morris and Kevin Dillon and Sharon Stone & Chaz Bono were having lunch or dinner here & she had a file of vids too of Hayden & Paz and Emmy Ros. & Miley and Selena all leaving Sur at different times (
www.x17video.com/celebrityvideo/
). She really hoped she would see someone famous tonight as kind of a reward for all the hard times she/they'd been having. (Right after they ordered, her phone said Britney was leaving a movie theater with her kids at the Malibu Lumberyard, Julia Stiles was filming in Barstow and
justspotted
leaving a Starbucks there, & Shia LaBeouf was entering a steakhouse across the street from the Standard in New York City's glamorous meatpacking district.) Still, Reeyonna wasn't raising her hopes too high because when she made the reservation she was told they could seat them at 5 as long as they could be
out
by 630, it almost sounded like they would have to sign a contract when they got there. ReeRee knew that celebrities generally didn't eat until at least nine or 10, at least not younger ones.

She decided none of it really mattered because for the 1st time since leaving home, Reeyonna felt like a human being. They did some MDMA & went shopping before their early dinner. ReeRee bought herself a stunning dress from Ovum, the Kardashian's new maternity line, and really
did
feel JustSpotted redcarpet glamorous. (She got Rikki an
amazing
beautiful shirt from Kitson, & jeans from 7For All Mankind.) She always wanted to own a pair of Louboutins and last week found a barely pre-walked pair online for $165. She wore bangles and nugget earrings from Belle Noel, Kim's jewelry collection, with lots of beauty products knocking around in her purse, selecting what
People
said Kim and HeMo and Rachel Bilson had in
theirs
—FusionBeauty Lip Plump Color Shine in Flirt, Dior Style Liner liquid liner in Black, Motives pressed eyeshadow in Toast, Joico Flexible Shaping Spray & Joico hairspray. Getting rid of those cameras made her feel better too, like she had cut off another dead piece of her mother that was weighing her down.

Her grandma used to say, “Don't just do something—sit there!” It felt so magical to just
sit,
to sit with your man in the
y ambience of an amazing Hollywood restaurant and be waited on by pretty, young, happy-faced servers, talented, gorgeous people with probably the same exotic/normal hopes and dreams you had, actors, singer-songwriters & painters, plus Reeyonna thought a lot of them were more like her too in that they didn't necessarily think of themselves as “artists” but of the type, say, who might want to become crime scene investigators or forensic pathologists should they have the time and money to go to med school or whatever school or lab you needed to go train. The servers made you feel good about yourself, they wanted you to love the food and the ambience (how could you not?), they wanted you just to be
you,
& to love yourself because if you
did
, it would be so
obvious
, you would
shine
, and shine your light on
others
, thus making it easier for them to love
themselves
even if it looked like they already did because a person could always love themselves
more
and the more they loved
themselves
the greater their love could be for
you
and the whole
world
. From their table Reeyonna saw part of a huge stone statue in the garden dining area (the person she spoke to on the phone said the garden tables were booked 6 months ahead at minimum), which their server (an actor, gay, who said he'd just done a
New Girl
) told them was an Indian god called Shiva. Shiva was young and freshfaced handsome, just like one of the servers, he looked so amazing and peaceful, a little like Ryan Seacrest but more manly, Shiva's smile reminded her of Adam Levine's right at that moment when his eyes are closed in blissful meditation and he's about to press the button before the others. As Reeyonna sat there taking everything in she decided not even to let the baby weight she put on—30 lbs.—upset her. On the ride over they passed a Nike billboard that said you are entirely up to you, make your body, make your life, make yourself. She'd learn a lot from Nike ads/affirmations & decided now was the perfect time to truly “make” this body—and this life—her own. Because suddenly it was
so clear
how a small ripple that began with a romantic dinner at Sur between two people who loved each other & loved their
servers
and all the patrons too on a faultless dusk soon-to-be (not soon enough!) night in West Hollywood (as Shiva & perhaps some older celebrities in the garden looked on) could expand and travel one knew not where, becoming a wave of light & love that helped to make the world a better place.

OMG the food was
crazy
good. She couldn't wait to bring her BFFs here, she missed them so much! Since she ran away everyone was planning to get together but something always happened and it got fucked up. ReeRee had the shrimp dumpling appetizer that
http://www.twisting-the-nosh-away/sur-menu-faves/
said was a fave of the Olsens & Rikki had the calamari Jimmy Fallon scarfed whenever he was on the “Left Coast.” For their salads, Rikki chose the Fantasia (HeMo said it was to die for) and Ree settled on the deceptively simple amazingly fresh house salad. A taste bud treat! For her entree, she ordered the vegetarian Arborio rice that Alicia Silverstone, Amber Tamblyn & Anna Paquin found so alluring (Mrs. Paquin Moyer also adored the lemon picada chicken) & Rikki got the Ahi tuna that Lamar & Khloé twittered about. For dessert? A blackberry cobbler that Sur's Facebook page said Dr. Drew always ordered “without fail” (also a fave of the late Jeff Conaway and the late Mike Starr), & a trio of sorbets which happened to be loved by the trio of Ivanka Trump, Ashlee Simpson & Lake Bell.

After three glasses of wine, ReeRee made up her mind to not just
do
something,
sit
there—meaning, past the verbally contracted 6:30PM ultimatum. It wasn't until 6:45 that the hostess approached with a sweetly pained expression to say she needed their table, which by then was totally fine. ReeRee had proved her point, that she was someone to be reckoned with.

They sauntered out. Still no paparazzi & the night was still bright.

. . .

They took Coldwater then turned left, west on Mulholland, tracing the mountain's spine until they reached a lookout with benches facing the Valley. Rikki lit a joint & they smoked for a while, standing/straddling the little bike like a wooden horse and staring into the glittertwink.

“Rikki, I want to move out of that house.”

Silence.

Wind.

All of the lights, above & below.

She was buzzed from the weed and the 7.5 vikes.

The MDMA was fading . . .

“We can find like a little apt above a garage in Hollywood or even the Valley. On Craigslist month to month.”

Silence & whistly wind between silences.

“I just keep having this
feeling
, I've had it since I got pregnant. That once we get a home of our
own,
good shit'll start to happen for us.”

They got off the bike and stood on the lip of the lookout where the grass met the dirt of the hill. Teenage wastedland. A good 10 minutes standing & staring into the bejeweled voidspace of the world. Benched themselves. Took in cityscape & night sky. Finished the blunt. Bathed in ½-wind/½-breeze, ½-warm/½-cool. ReeRee goosebumpshivered.
Holyshit I am so loaded Rikki this shit is so intense I am so, sooooooooooo fucking stoned.

Jus sittin on the dark of the bench . . . wastin' time. Wasted—

This bench is so weird . . .

. . . does it seem weird to you?

wind and silence wind and silence silence wind
swhoosh
swhoosh swhoosh
what
IS
that. Oh. Cars. Three cars. That's so weird they're behind us but it totally sounded like they were in front of us. In the sky. A fourth one slows—a couple looking for their own empty lookout. They clock Ree & Rikki & then the car vanishes.

Half a
swhoosh . . . . . . . . . . . . .

“Rikki, you have
got
to promise me
one thing
, you
have to
. Our baby is going to be
beautiful
but if something's wrong with it which there will
not
be but if there
is
you have to
totally promise
you will love it like you would a baby who was
perfect
.”
Crying now.
“Because what I'm saying is there is
no such thing
as a baby who isn't
totally fucking
perfect
. Will you promise?”

“Shit yeah. Course I will.”

She liked the firmness of his response. In that unexpected, cool voice she began to sing
I am beautiful no matter what they say
trailing it off to nothingness/voidspace again.

Then:

Quiet inward ruminations on both ends.

Then:

“You know, maybe I'll get that movie.”

“OMG, wouldn't that be
insane
?” Her own voice startles her and she realizes how stoned she is again. But so
happy!
“How much do you think you'd get paid?”

“I don't know. Shit. They gotta give me sumthin,” he said humbly, ever aware not to jinx.

“Probably like a hundred thousand? I am
so proud of you for doing that, Rikki
. I mean you fucking suited up & showed up, which is way more than
I've
been doing.”

“You're doing a
lot
. You're fuckin having a
kid
. That's
amazing
. That's
serious
, I couldn't do that shit.”

“Did I tell you that? How proud I was of you? OMG I don't even think I
did
, I've been a total
fucking bitch
. Ima
crazy
hormones. But listen to me Rikki are you listening I really want you to listen and hear this, it is
so fucking amazing
you even
did
that & that your
audition
was with Michael Douglas & Laurence Fishburne! OMG! How bitchen and magical is that? Did I ever tell you I really only started getting into
CSI really
late
? Like when
Laurence Fishburne
came on the show? He is
so totally
the reason I wanted to become a crime scene investigator. He was
totally
in my vision.”

“Vision?”

She grabbed Rikki's hand & held it to her belly for the babykick.

“Whoa,” said Rikki. “Boy's gunna be a soccer superstar.”