Dead Stars (67 page)

“Gee, I don't think so. But if you find proof that I was, please let me know.”

He laughed.

“Your new pictures: I saw Arbus there, but what amazed me is there wasn't that aspect of the grotesque. What you've done is so
tender
—transcendent—& completely unsentimental.”

“That's very kind, Steve.”

“Beth said you weren't interested in selling any images & I completely respect that. I didn't want you to think that's why I was calling, because it isn't. I'm going to be in LA next week, & was hoping—I'd be honored if you'd show me some prints.”

“Next week? I'll probably be up in Marin–––––”

“O–––––”

“––––––but I can come down.”

“I can come to you . . .”

“No, it's fine. I'm gonna be commuting for a while, at least until I sell the house.”

“That would be lovely,” he said, humbled. “& thank you.”

“Did Beth mention any of my other work? New work?”

“I don't
think
so. She did say there have been more images taken since the ones I looked at.”

“There have . . . Steve, I don't know if you know that my daughter died a few months ago.”

“She did tell me that. I'm so sorry.”

“I took some pictures of her in the hospital. Pictures of her alone, & of—Jerilynn and the baby—which is healthy and blessed, by the way. She gave me a beautiful little granddaughter, Nikki.”

“It's hard to find words.”

“I made a series of prints—large-scale, 50 by 60. Is that something you'd be interested in seeing as well?”

“Yes, I'd be honored. And frankly, Jacquie, I'm interested in anything you'd like to show me.”

“Let me give you my email.”

“Perfect. And would you mind if I bring a friend? I know that James—Franco—would be thrilled.”

“Not at all.”

“He's become quite a collector. He's gone on an Eggleston bender.”

“I saw him not too long ago. He actually may own one or two of my early pieces. The 1st Jerilynn nudes.”

“Do you know what I actually think might be great? I'd love to throw you a little dinner party. Just eight or ten people.”

“That would be lovely.”

“Larry would want to co-host. He's got a beautiful new house in Bel-Air he loves showing off. Beth said he's
very
excited about the new work. What if we did something small? I think the Ruschas are back from Paris . . . Laurene Jobs . . . Joyce Carol Oates and her husband . . . Bob might even come if he's not touring—Dylan. Larry showed him at the gallery in New York. And Tina Fey. We're doing an event at the Nokia—”

“Tina Fey is the funniest woman who ever lived.”

“She started collecting. You'd love her. But whether we do a dinner or not, I'd of course love to come see whatever you'll show me.”

“I'm thinking—and it's
very
sweet of you to offer a dinner party. But I'm actually thinking—and tell me what
you
think—I'm actually thinking that maybe I could show the work at Larry's house. Maybe mix the two. I could hang the pictures, almost like an intimate gallery show. I'm not sure he has the space . . .”

“O he does! He has the space.”

“It might be a better place to show the images than my garage!”

“I think it's a wonderful idea.”

“I could even bring the last photos—of my daughter.”

“Well, that would be an absolute privilege. For everyone.”

During their conversation she'd wandered into the yard, and then the garage, where one of the enormous prints of Jerilynn hung in a temporary frame. Now she was staring straight at it. Her daughter looked so beautiful in the slate grey Alexander Wang—& Nikki lay on her chest in mid-squall.

“Because in a way,” said Jacquie. “It's the showpiece.”

CLEAN

[Biggie&Telma]

Search

Biggie's

operation was a success. The doctors said he would gradually recover “full powers,” though not for a few months.

Telma and Biggie were inseparable. Apart from Brando and the nanny, she was the only one Biggie would interact with. Brando even gave Telma her own bedroom. Gwen was comfortable with it because the children were well-supervised, and Telma did schoolwork with Biggie's tutor.

Gwen was there a few times a week for lunch and dinner. The story Brando told her about the mother who went away lay heavy on her heart. The father lived in one of the houses on the vast estate but apparently only materialized at night, to pace the grounds. Was he awaiting his wife's return? Or was it for his own death . . . Gwen never saw him, tho when she was over for dinner, did find herself doing a little rubbernecking into the dusky sprinklermist. It was all rather gothic—she couldn't help thinking of the father as Rochester's mad wife, shut up in secret rooms.

. . .

The invitations to cancer galas continued to come in, but Telma evinced no interest. Just before Michael wrapped his movie, he asked Gwen and her to tea but Telma declined. Telma emailed with Aleisha's mom and phoned the little girl twice a week w/o fail. She accompanied Biggie to the hospital whenever he had an appointment but otherwise stayed away, quietly abdicating her mayoralty. Gwen got all kinds of worried communiqués from the RNs, missing Telma & wanting to know “what was happening.”

Gwen didn't say it, but something
was
happening.

Her daughter was growing up.

. . .

She took the call in her bedroom at the Brainards'.

Her mom said that she and Phoebe were thinking of going to Hawaii for a week, and might Biggie and Telma like to come? Telma said no, they were in the middle of a big project, but told her mom she should go enjoy herself, that she'd
better
or Telma would be mad. While they were talking, a picture of Michael Douglas came on the television, & Telma told Gwen to hold on while she turned up the sound. Shia LaBeouf was being interviewed. “Cancer picked the wrong guy when it picked Michael,” he said.

They spoke a while longer, then Telma said she needed to check up on Biggie. Gwen had already expressed her concerns to Phoebe about her daughter's codependency; she was afraid Telma swapped one obsession for another. Phoebe said she thought the bond with Biggie was a far healthier manifestation of her altruistic spirit than her relationship to cancer was, which was grandiose & doomed to end badly. Phoebe said,
Would you try something? I'd like you to try and stop worrying, for 30 seconds at a time.

Before hanging up, Telma surprised Gwen by saying, “Mom, I'm going to marry Biggie one day. I don't know who's going to ask who, but someone's going to ask
somebody
.”

Telma said an Aloha! & was gone.

. . .

For the last week, Biggie was having more problems than usual. The doctors said it might go like that; the up and the down of it, until things settled. Telma did flashcards with him every day but sometimes he got tired. He'd say he didn't know certain things, but Telma was convinced he
did
. It could be really frustrating but she knew how to get him to push through.

When she stepped into his room, he was Google Earthing. He was listening to music on his Beats so she was able to kind of creep up & look over Biggie's shoulder, without him knowing. He was in Slovenia, loitering around the parking lot of the Skocjan Caves. (He'd been hanging there with his little “street view man” all weekend.) Biggie told her the caves were created by a sinking river, half on the surface, ½-underground. The wiki said that the subterranean gorge/waterfalls looked like something out of
The Lord of the Rings
.

She was about to let her presence be known when he opened Google & typed

mother

There were 1,341,000,000 hits.

END

David Rosenthal

Nothing to Undo

Sarah Hochman

Acknowledgments

Lily Burk

& Greg Burk & Deborah Drooz

John & Lydia Jane & Lisa Stafford Gladwell, Todd & Emily Horowitz & Elroy & Pebbles Solondz, James Truman & Leanne Shapton & Bunny, David & Carolyn Cronenberg, Ed & Danna Ruscha, Andre Balazs, Wallace Shawn & Deborah Eisenberg, Kate Adair Pohlman, Dr. Gary Bravo & Susan Seitz, Andrew Wylie, Leonard Cohen, Wendy Wall and Claudia Liberman, PG, The Midnight Mission, Salman Rushdie, Bunny & Adolfo, Carlos Castaneda, Father Fabricio Magaldi, James Ellroy, Julius Renard & Darien Donner, Rita & John, Eric Peterson, Bill & Carolyn & Bertie, Marylou Shockley, Hal de Becker Sr. & Hal de Becker Jr., Bob & Lauren Dubac, Peter Feibleman, Seth Flaum & Tamara Blaich, Michael & Wendy Tolkin, Danna & Ben & Rebecca Schaeffer, Jim & Kathleen & Julianna Seligman (and Matty & Herb & the boys), Sherman Alexie, Dr. Bob & Marge & Ted (and the boys), Frenchy Ruscha & Francesca Gabbiani, Dr. Edward Kantor, Jesse Dylan & Susan Traylor, Steve & Kathy Kloves, John Waters, Nadine Johnson, Pico Iyer, Chandra and Billy, Chris and Dori Carter, Susan Kamil, George Meyer & Maria Semple, Nick Marck & Linda Lichter, Mary McMannes, Dr David Bockoff, Mary Ann King, Marta Morales, Francisca, Maria, & Flor, Darren Star, Michael & Lisa & Sean Goedecke, Debbie Reynolds & Todd Fisher & Gloria Crayton & Mary Douglas French, Richard Buckley & Tom Ford, Cyndi Sayre, Chris Silbermann, Mark Gordon, Jim Bartholemew, Brad Spielman, Ron Hugo & Janice Hampton & Jeff Prettyman, Joan Halifax, Bret Easton Ellis, William Gibson, Jenn and Geoff and Ian, Andrea & Joshua, Oliver Stone, Allen & Tracey McKeown & Mabel & Johnny McKeown, Grant Vospher, Bryan & Billie Lourd, Dr. Shawn Nasseri, Dr. Bill Stafford, The Atlantic Group, George Garrett, Gayle & Murgatroyd Boarnard, Dr. Michael Chaikin, Paul Bartel, Cotty Chubb, Cita and Myles Cohen, Harry Shearer & Judith Owen, Dr. Jeremy Fine, Tom Scott, Lynne Scott, Laraine Newman, Glen Goldman, Tony Krantz, Alan Poul, Nelson Lyon, Terry Southern, Terry Gilliam, Ed Begley Jr. & Rachelle Carson, Frank Jones, John Graf, Luma & Lilly & Naqaqa staff, Kevin Nealon & Suzanne Yeagley, Ed Moses, UCLA Special Collections, Dave Mirkin & Savannah Brentnall, Paul Fortune & Chris Brock, Garry Shandling, Ken Finkleman and Miriam Cohen, Angela Janklow, Eric & Tanya Idle, Olivia Harrison, Jonathan Carroll, Dana Delany, Christine & Marlene & Guthrie McCarty Vachon, Bob Kaplan & Signe Johnson, Pam Koffler and Russell Fine, John Sloss, John & Kimberly Keefe, “Schultzie,” Brian & Cindy Rogers, Anne Thompson, Frank & Berta Gehry, Gerry Harrington, Gil & Janet Friesen, Leonard Michaels, Haley van Oosten, Wilkie McClaren, Leonard Brooks, Collin & Elizabeth Callender, Hughie Dixon, Charley Powell, Gus Van Sant, James Shaheen, Renee Tab, Jennifer Rudolph Walsh, Hudson Marquez & Susan Clary, Iosefo Dramea de Becker, David Rozansky, Father Fernando Mata, Miriam Altshuler, Bill Guthy & Victoria Jackson-Guthy & Ali & Jackson & Evan Minogue, Frank Roddam, Rose & Manfred & Hanna, Jerry Hartman, John Liechty, Ricky Jay & Chrisann Verges, Harvey Purgason, Father Thomas Sells, Darrell & Terri W, Jerry Stahl, Joan Hyler, Gail & Moon Zappa, The Delancey Street Foundation, Tom & Kathy Freston, Wes Craven, Marianne Maddalena, Mary Farley, Hector Babenco, Paul Schrader, Brandon Scott & Rylyn Demaris, Ted Field, Tina Brown, Tina Albert, Anne Thompson, Yoko & Yuko Kanayama, John Kinney, Tamara Masloff, Carol and Tony Monaco, Veronica Godoy, Jirka & Rasmus & Olivia, Alan Bernstein, Mike & Vanessa, Kristy & Damon, Liz & Ted

Bruce Wagner
is the author of
Memorial, The Chrysanthemum Palace
(a PEN/Faulkner fiction award finalist),
Still Holding, I'll Let You Go, I'm Losing You,
and
Force Majeure
. He lives in Los Angeles.

ALSO BY BRUCE WAGNER

Memorial

The Chrysanthemum Palace

Still Holding

I'll Let You Go

I'm Losing You

Force Majeure

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