Dead to Me (11 page)

‘Yup. She said he wouldn’t be there during the day, but he was.’

‘Are you sure she knew you’d been caught with it? I mean, maybe she never heard.’

‘A policeman went round to see her early the same evening. He told her, and she wasn’t even drunk then, so she couldn’t have forgotten. The truth is, she was just glad to get me out of the way. I reckon, if I hadn’t been nicked, she’d have been making me go with men by now.’

‘Surely she wouldn’t do that,’ Verity whispered in the darkness. ‘No mother would.’

‘Don’t you believe it!’ Ruby made a snorting noise of derision. ‘She’d already made hints about it. Anyways, it were good she never came to court. Wilby wouldn’t have felt sorry for me, if she’d met Ma.’

‘I bet she would’ve, and given your mother a good ticking off,’ Verity insisted.

Ruby sighed. ‘You don’t know what a good actress my ma can be. She’d put on her best frock and do her hair all nice, and she’d have the judge and Wilby convinced she’d done her best for me and that I was the wrong ’un.’

There was a hint of pride in Ruby’s last statement, and Verity realized that they were the same in this. They both had flawed mothers – some would say terrible ones – yet, despite that, it could be said that both girls loved them.

That was the point when Ruby began to tell her about ‘the man they couldn’t hang’, and Verity must have fallen asleep before the end of it.

The first week in Babbacombe was bliss to Verity. Lovely balmy weather, restful, peaceful and calming. Unlike Aunt Hazel, Wilby didn’t go on and on about what chores had to be done, she just calmly pointed out what needed doing, be that laying the table, sweeping the kitchen floor or peeling some potatoes, and she would get on with making a pie or a cake and let them work around her.

Verity had always liked to feel involved and useful but Miss Parsons, and latterly Aunt Hazel, had always hovered over her as she did jobs, implying she was doing it all wrong. Not Wilby, she barely even glanced at what the girls were doing, trusting them to do it well. The only comments she ever made were to compliment them on a job well done.

The structure to each day was comfortingly unchanging: breakfast in the garden, because it was such lovely weather, and then Wilby dished out a few chores. Later, she went shopping and she liked the girls to go with her. The shops in St Marychurch were only a short distance away and much nicer than the ones Verity was used to in Lee High Road, so that was no hardship. And they were always back for elevenses. Wilby made them milky Camp coffee, which seemed very sophisticated.

Ruby had lessons then until one o’clock, but Wilby included Verity in them and made them fun. While Wilby went off to the kitchen to make lunch she would get Verity to help Ruby with her reading.

The current book was
What Katy Did
, an old favourite of Verity’s, and each day Ruby complained that they hadn’t read enough of it by the time they were called for lunch.

Wilby liked to have a rest in the afternoons, and the girls were allowed to go out on their own. Sometimes they just sat on the grass on the Downs, watched the holidaymakers and talked, but on other days they went down to the beach. It was always a toss-up as to whether to make it easy on themselves by taking the funicular down to Oddicombe Beach, or take the tougher way of walking down the steep path through the woods to Babbacombe Beach. Oddicombe Beach was always in the sun – and there was a little sand, which was easier on bare feet when they paddled – but Babbacombe Beach had rock pools at low tide, which were fun to poke into. And there were boys fishing on the old stone pier.

Boys were something of a mystery to Verity, as she’d never got to know any. But Ruby was very enthusiastic about them, and she coached Verity to look interested in what the boys had caught, and to flirt with them. Ruby was adept at flirting; she had a way of catching a boy’s eye, smiling shyly, then turning her head away, so that in no time at all he came over under some pretext to speak to her.

They made up stories about themselves to tell boys: that they were cousins sent down to Devon because of an epidemic of scarlet fever in London, or that they were just visiting their aunt before going off on a steamer to America.

One day, as they walked back up the steep hill, Ruby started to laugh.

‘Our real stories are far more exciting than the ones we make up,’ she said. ‘I almost went to prison, and you are the daughter of a swindler who’s on the run. And here we are trying to be so terribly posh.’

Verity laughed too, she hadn’t thought of it like that before. ‘If we did start telling boys the truth, they probably wouldn’t believe us. How daft is that!’

They walked on a little further, panting because the hill was so steep. ‘I wish I could stay here with you for ever,’ Verity suddenly blurted out. ‘Aunt Hazel does her best, and I know she’s grown fond of me, but it hasn’t ever felt like home. I hate having no bathroom and the lavatory being outside. It’s going to be horrible there in the winter.’

Ruby patted her on the shoulder, a silent gesture of understanding. ‘When I first got here, I was scared to get into the bath,’ she admitted. ‘I’d never had one before. I had to wash in a bowl. But I’d hate to go back to that again. If you want, I’ll ask Wilby if you could stay?’

Verity pulled a glum face. ‘Even if she agreed, I know I can’t stay. I need to go back to school and get my school certificate.’

‘Maybe you can come back after the exam and get a job here?’

‘I owe it to Aunt Hazel to help her out with money for at least a year,’ Verity said. ‘Anyway, by then you might have met a boy, and we might be bored with one another.’

Ruby looked at her friend, her eyes twinkling. ‘I would never get bored with you,’ she said. ‘And Wilby thinks you’re a good influence, which is handy.’

Knowing how Wilby felt about her prevented Verity from agreeing to Ruby’s wilder schemes. Ruby wanted to slip out the following evening to meet a couple of boys they’d spoken to during the afternoon. They were seventeen-year-olds, and Verity had not only felt intimidated by them but she also knew Wilby was far too smart to believe the cock and bull story Ruby planned to tell her.

‘We can’t do that,’ she insisted, and then explained why. ‘Don’t spoil what you’ve got here just to meet a boy.’

Ruby sulked, but she did finally agree she would forget the idea.

‘I thought you’d be game for a bit of adventure,’ she said, glowering at Verity. ‘I didn’t expect you to be a goody-goody.’

Verity said nothing. She wished she had the words to tell her friend that being here on holiday with her was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she didn’t dare do anything that might upset Wilby and turn it sour. Nor could she bring herself to admit she was afraid of boys because of what her father had made her do. It was too awful.

There was a slightly strained atmosphere that evening. Ruby didn’t chat as she normally did, using the excuse she wanted to listen to the play on the wireless. If Wilby sensed anything, she didn’t remark on it and got on with her embroidery. Verity was relieved that the play was a good one and a perfect excuse for keeping quiet.

That night when they went to bed was the first time Ruby didn’t talk to her after turning out the light. Verity whispered that she was sorry, but there was no response.

They woke the next morning to the sound of heavy rain.

‘Well, that’s it, the summer’s over,’ Ruby announced, bouncing out of bed and going over to the window to pull back the curtains.

‘Does that mean I’ve got to go home?’ Verity asked, thinking that was what Ruby meant.

‘Of course not, you daft moo,’ Ruby grinned. ‘Sorry I was mean last night.’

Verity felt like a sunbeam had just shone through the window and tickled her nose. ‘You don’t need to say sorry, I felt bad because I was being so dull. So what are we going to do today in the rain?’

‘You can help me with my reading. There’s a Sherlock Holmes book downstairs, I’ve had my eye on it for a while.’

Verity was thrilled she’d been forgiven. ‘Okay, sounds perfect for a wet day.’

Wilby set some sums for Ruby to do after breakfast, and Verity went into the kitchen to help with the washing-up.

‘What was all that about yesterday?’ Wilby asked.

‘Nothing much,’ Verity said quickly.

‘I bet she wanted to do something you didn’t approve of,’ Wilby said. She looked hard at Verity, as if daring her to lie.

Verity shrugged, not wanting to admit Wilby was right.

‘I expect it was a boy. I’ve noticed she seems rather precocious in that direction.’ Wilby sighed, as if that troubled her. ‘Sadly, girls brought up without any love or guidance almost inevitably fall into the arms of the first sweet-talking man who comes along.’

‘But you’ve helped her, and shown her another way to live,’ Verity said. ‘She isn’t going to want to go back to her old life.’

‘Of course not, Verity, but young girls – especially ones as hungry for love as Ruby is – are at risk of being used and talked into going further than they intended. In such cases, the girl often finds herself in trouble, and the young man who once vowed he loved her often disappears.’

Verity wanted to show her indignation, to tell the older woman Ruby would never be that easily led, yet as unworldly as she was, she sensed Wilby was right. If Ruby had gone out last night, something might well have happened. Those two boys weren’t looking for a girl to just talk to.

‘You look shocked, dear,’ Wilby said. ‘Perhaps you think me hard on Ruby?’

‘No, I don’t think that,’ Verity said. ‘You know far more about such things than I do. Is there anything I can do to help Ruby?’

‘Just be her friend, and let her be yours, confide in one another, make her know you care for her,’ Wilby smiled. ‘You’ve got enough to deal with in your own life, Ruby told me you are dreading going back to school.’

‘Yes, I am,’ Verity said, hanging her head. ‘They’ll whisper about my mother gassing herself, and some will know about my father too. What can I say or do about it?’

Wilby gave her a hug. ‘Hold your head up high, dear,’ she said. ‘You’ve done nothing wrong, remember. People soon get bored talking about someone who doesn’t react to it. Now let’s see how Ruby has got on with those sums I set her.’

Two weeks after she’d arrived in Torquay, Wilby and Ruby waved Verity off on the London train.

Verity leaned out of the window and waved until she could no longer see them, then slumped down on to the seat and wiped the tears from her eyes. Just the thought of being back in Aunt Hazel’s dreary little house made her feel like bursting into tears. Wilby had suggested she came again during the Christmas holidays, but that seemed such a long way off.

Her first period had arrived two days ago, and she had been so glad that Ruby was there to tell her what to do. She thought she might die a death if she’d had to ask her aunt.

Back to school too. Another thing she wasn’t looking forward to. But, as Ruby pointed out, it wasn’t for much longer.

She must start planning what to do when she left.

‘No,
Michael, I mustn’t,’ Ruby said, pushing his hands away from her breasts. ‘Besides, it’s time I went home.’

It was a miserable, wet and cold evening in October, and Michael had promised to take her to the pictures to see
The Prince and the Pauper
with Errol Flynn but instead he took her to a pub in Wellswood in his car, and then after a couple of drinks brought her down to Meadfoot Beach.

It was high tide, and every now and then a wave came right across the road, almost hitting their car parked opposite under the cliff. Michael said it was romantic, but Ruby had the sneaky feeling he’d only brought her down here to have his way with her.

She had been seeing Michael for six weeks now and she had fallen hopelessly in love with him. He was everything she liked in a man – tall, dark and very handsome – she thought he looked a bit like Errol Flynn, with the same smouldering eyes. He was a reporter, and he’d told her that they wanted him on
The Times
. But that would mean moving to London and leaving her, unless she went with him.

‘Just a few more kisses,’ he pleaded with her, and his hand slid right up under her jumper before she could stop it.

His kisses made her feel like she was floating away on a cloud, and all at once she realized he’d unfastened her bra.
The touch of his hand on her bare breast was so delicious she lost the will to attempt to stop him.

A few more kisses and he had his hand up her skirt, his fingers finding their way inside her.

‘You mustn’t,’ she said weakly, but it felt so good she was writhing against him, wanting more.

Suddenly her knickers were off and he was pushing her down on to the seat, unbuttoning his fly.

‘Michael, no!’ she said in alarm. ‘I might have a baby.’

‘You won’t, I’ll be careful,’ he said, his voice all husky with passion. ‘You are so beautiful, Ruby, I must have you. You know I love you, there’s nothing to worry about.’

He’d never said he loved her before, and somehow that overrode any further objections.

It hurt a bit, and she was very uncomfortable, because her legs were stuck at an awkward angle while he bore down on her, breathing heavily. But it didn’t last very long. He made a loud sort of sigh, and then he was still. Almost immediately he sat up and tucked himself away.

Ruby wanted to say, ‘Is that it?’ All this time she had imagined something amazing, she hadn’t expected just a grubby little fumble, a few thrusts, and it being over in seconds.

But she didn’t say anything. She was embarrassed, a bit ashamed, and she felt silly that she hadn’t known what to expect.

‘Right, I’d better get you home,’ he said, lighting up a cigarette before starting the car. ‘Are you alright?’

She wanted him to say he loved her again and kiss her. She didn’t want to have to grope around to find her knickers and put them on in front of him. She certainly didn’t
want to be asked if she was alright, when surely he could sense she wasn’t?

‘Just take me home, Michael,’ she said and bit her lip so she wouldn’t cry.

Despite getting excellent results in her school certificate, most of the companies Verity had applied to for a job as an office junior didn’t even grant her an interview, and those who did were not the least impressed by her only experience being a Saturday job in the canteen at Chiesmans. One company even suggested she should work in catering. After being turned down so many times, she felt she had to take the only job offered to her – as an assistant in a wholesale goods company.

Cooks of St Pauls was a warehouse that supplied general shops with everything from knitting wool and haberdashery to clothing, shoes and outerwear. It was a rather grand old building, though very dusty and dark, right across the road from St Paul’s Cathedral. At her interview Verity was told that although her job would mainly be picking out orders, she would be moved to different departments now and then and also given a chance to try invoicing and other office work, so there was the prospect of learning other skills.

The first shock when she started at Cooks was that she had been put in the Corset Department. All the other assistants were men, and she found it excruciatingly embarrassing when they spoke of brassieres, cup sizes or suspender belts, as she’d thought only women knew about such things. But most of the orders were for ready-made corsets – stout, tea-rose pink ones like Aunt Hazel
wore – and as they were for elderly ladies, and not the least bit sexy, within a couple of days she was making jokes about them just as the male assistants did.

Working turned out to be nowhere near as exciting as she’d imagined it would be. Each morning the Department Manager, Mr Cushing, handed her a bunch of orders sent in from shops. They were almost always handwritten orders and usually barely readable. They might read:

2 Twilfit full cup girdles, size 36 bust. Tea rose.

1 Ambrose cream sateen corset, size 40 bust.

3 white cotton suspender belts, size 26 waist.

Her job was to pick the items from the shelves, tie the bundle of goods securely with string, attaching the costing note, then drop it down the chute which led to the packing department in the basement. Down there they would be put together with other items from different departments, packed securely, and one invoice including all the different goods would be written up. Then the parcel would be sent to the customer.

During the day there could be dozens of telephone orders too, and Mr Cushing was always praising her telephone manner. He said they had had girls before who could barely speak the King’s English, let alone manage to take down an order correctly and politely.

All in all, 1936 had been a sad year, with King George dying in January, and then all the will-he-won’t-he stuff of King Edward wanting to marry Wallis Simpson, and people arguing about whether a king could marry a divorcee. Finally, at the end of the year, the King abdicated, which most people seemed to think was a good thing. At least it
made more interesting news than the Nazi party dominating the German parliamentary elections, or speculation over Chiang Kai-shek’s intentions towards Japan.

Verity had managed to spend a long weekend last New Year with Wilby and Ruby, then a week at Easter, and two weeks in August. They were the highlights of the year, even though Ruby was working at the Palace Hotel a great deal of the time.

The New Year of 1937 had brought in a tangible air of hope as plans for George VI’s coronation were made for the 12th of May. People seemed genuinely supportive of the new king, his wife and their two little girls, Elizabeth and Margaret.

Verity helped organize the Weardale Road street party for Coronation Day, and for that day at least the whole of England buzzed with excitement. Ruby came up from Torquay for the celebrations and stayed a whole five days, which they managed to fill with not only the street party but also a dance in Lewisham, a fair on Blackheath and a shopping trip to Oxford Street.

But the coronation bunting had scarcely been taken down, and Ruby was barely settled back home with Wilby, before the newspapers brought back all the doom and gloom. There was the ever rising death toll in war-racked Spain, the explosion of the Hindenburg airship in New Jersey, and reports of Japanese troops taking Peking, Shanghai and Nanjing in the war with China. Then the Duke of Windsor, with his new American wife, made a controversial trip to Berlin and even met Hitler – something that created a great deal of criticism.

Every day without fail there was some reference in the newspapers to Germany, Hitler or the prospect of war, and on top of that they published sad and dreary articles about unemployment and poverty, which was still particularly bad in the north of England. Verity wondered if there was anything going on anywhere in the world that people could be cheerful about.

She and her aunt had made improvements to the house during the last year. Verity had moved into her mother’s room at the back of the house after her death, and with Aunt Hazel’s help she’d made it more attractive by making new curtains and a patchwork quilt. Her aunt had also paid a man to come in and decorate the hall and stairs; the paper was cream, with a green swirly pattern, and cream woodwork too. And through Verity selling a few more of her mother’s treasures they’d managed to buy a new green carpet.

The next plan was to get the parlour done. But her aunt kept stalling, because she couldn’t decide whether to get rid of some of her parents’ old furniture or not. Verity thought she should, she couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to hang on to the Victorian chaise longue. It was horribly uncomfortable and the horse-hair stuffing came through the imitation leather and pricked your legs. It also took up so much room. But she supposed her aunt was entitled to be sentimental about something she’d seen her entire life.

There were only a few of Mother’s trinkets left to sell now, but they had done well to eke them out over such a long period. Aunt Hazel was anticipating a pay rise at work soon, as business had increased during the autumn and up
to Christmas, which everyone seemed to take as a sign the Depression was ending.

Although by now Verity had got to know almost all the staff at Cooks, and liked many of them, she had made only one really close friend. Sheila worked in hosiery. They had met outside the Personnel Manager’s office on their first day at Cooks, and they’d been friends ever since. It was difficult to spend much time together outside work, as Sheila lived right out in Dagenham, but they always had lunch together. In the summer they ate sandwiches on the steps of St Paul’s, and in the winter they either had soup in a cafe on Cheapside or went into the staff canteen.

Sheila had five younger brothers and sisters, and she had to give nearly all her wages to her mother to help out. When they first started at Cooks, they only earned fifteen shillings and six pence a week, and Verity had to give her aunt eight shillings of that, so after buying a season ticket to get to work she didn’t have much left either.

Since joining Cooks, Verity had been moved around the company learning new skills in all the different departments – invoicing in accounts, working the switchboard, packing – and every three or four months she and some of the other younger girls would be summoned up to the boardroom to help collate pages for the company catalogue. That was an enjoyable job, as they could talk and listen to the wireless while they worked.

As the year drew to a close, Verity considered her future. Sometimes she thought she should use all her new skills and get a better job. But it was easy, undemanding work at Cooks, the other staff were fun, and she got regular pay rises. It might be a lot tougher in another company.

As for her father, he still hadn’t been caught. The last time a policeman came to the house to check that Archie hadn’t contacted Verity, he said the senior officers doubted they would ever find him now. He said they had some information that he’d gone to South Africa, but that had not been confirmed.

But with all the talk of war, and so many men bracing themselves for a call-up, Verity didn’t imagine the police cared much about Archie Wood.

She certainly didn’t.