Deadlocked 8 (5 page)

“It’s been a hell of a winter,” said Laura as
she closed the door behind us. As if to prove her right, the wind
gusted, stinging our exposed faces. “Usually the winters out here
in the flatlands are pretty mild.”

“Spring’s coming,” I said as I nestled my
hands in my pockets. “I’d bet this is the last gasp of cold
weather.”

“I hope you’re right,” she said and then
offered nothing else, as if there was more to say but she just
didn’t want to say it.

“Did Annie talk to you?”

She nodded and said, “Yeah.”

I expected her to offer an opinion, but she
just stayed silent as she stared off into the cold distance. I
wasn’t sure what to say, so I didn’t say anything. I gave her the
time she seemed to need.

“I want to say no,” she said before finally
looking back at me. “I want to lock her up in here so nothing can
ever hurt her.”

“I can understand that.”

“But I also want her to be happy, and locking
her in this place is guaranteed to make her miserable.”

“I’m the same way. I can’t stand being locked
up in a place like this. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I don’t
appreciate what you did for me. I’d be dead if it wasn’t for the
Rollers. I just prefer being out there.” I motioned out into the
wilderness that surrounded us.

“To finish your mission?” she asked, and I
sensed distrust in her.

“No,” I said quickly, which was as much a
surprise to me as it was to her. Despite how my life had revolved
around my father’s missions for me, everything had changed once I
saw the man that could be my twin. “I’m not sure what to think
about any of that anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“You saw the man that looked like me, and
that scar we shared.” I grimaced and toed at the snow. “That’s got
me questioning everything.”

“Come up with any answers?”

“None that make much sense. Maybe he was a
clone or something. Or hell, maybe I am. Maybe I’m not the same Ben
that helped your daughter get out of that facility twenty years
ago. Maybe I’m just some test-tube baby they created and implanted
with the real Ben’s memories.”

She shook her head and said, “I don’t think
that’s possible.”

“Did you ever think a man-made zombie
apocalypse was possible? Because that sure the hell came to
be.”

“Good point,” she acquiesced with a nod and a
slim grin. “That must be a hard thing to deal with.”

I shrugged and said, “To be honest, it’s a
bit liberating.”

Her expression revealed that she was
confounded as she asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, my whole life’s been dedicated to
killing those people. I felt a bit like a machine; just going forth
to do my duty, and never caring who I hurt along the way. And then
I find myself out here, searching for Jerald, and I happen to find
Stubs and Harrison. Everything about the way I used to live my life
would make teaming up with those two completely uncharacteristic
for me. I never gave two craps about anyone else before, and then,
all of a sudden, I found myself attached to a dirty old thief and a
Red-world house pet.”

“I’m not following,” said Laura. “What does
that have to do with the pilot?”

I’d been struggling to put the pieces
together over the past couple months, and it all made more sense in
my head than it did when I tried to explain it. “Maybe I’m just a
clone, and they created me to come out here and kill Jerald. Maybe
I never did any of that stuff I remember from before. That might be
why I took in Stubs and then started traveling around with
Harrison, two things I never would’ve done in the past.” I paused,
expecting her to agree, but Laura stood in silent contemplation.
“Sounds crazy, I know.”

“Yeah, a little bit. I would think that would
be a bit of a mind fuck.” I always appreciated Laura’s brazen use
of superlatives. She peppered her language with endearingly foul
words.

“It is, but it’s also sort of liberating. I
want to think that I’m a better person than the Ben that’s just an
assassin roaming the world, looking for his next victim.”

“Then what is it you want to do if you’re not
going to be hunting for your next target?”

“That depends on you,” I said. “I don’t know
that I’d ever fit into a settlement like the one the Vineyard folks
had, but I’m pretty impressed with the High Rollers. I like the
idea of roaming around the area, keeping people that live here
safe. If we can root out Jerald and his group, and if you’ll have
me, I’d like to join the Rollers.”

“I think we need you more than you need us,”
she said with a chuckle. “We’re not in the best shape these
days.”

“Does that mean you’re okay with me heading
out on a scouting trip with Annie?”

“Am I okay with it?” She seemed to find humor
in the question. “No, I’m not okay with it. I’m scared to death. I
hate the idea. I want to keep Annie here with me forever; locked up
and safe from anything that might hurt her. But that’s not what she
wants, and I need to stop trying to protect her.”

“She’s one of the toughest people I’ve ever
met.”

“Yeah, but I’ve seen a lot of tough people
get chewed up and spit out by this world.”

“I’ll do everything I can to keep her
safe.”

“You’d better, or you’ll have me to deal
with, and I’m a hell of a lot worse to have after you than Jerald
or any zombie you’ve ever gone up against. I can promise you that.”
She knelt and scooped up a handful of snow that she packed into a
snowball. She gently tossed it at me and I scrambled to catch it as
it smashed on my chest. The wet fragments fell between my fingers
and she laughed at me. For just a brief moment I glimpsed a softer
side of her that I hadn’t seen before. I could easily imagine her
as the carefree mother of two girls in another life; one that
hadn’t fallen apart.

She swiped her hands dry and then her smile
faded. “You’ll head out after the next time we have a few warm days
in a row. After the snow melts. You’ll have a week to get out
there, see what you can find, and get back here.” She stepped
closer to me and started to clean the snow off my jacket. Then she
put her hand on my shoulder and looked sternly into my eyes. “I’m
trusting you, Ben, and I don’t make a habit of putting this much
trust in anyone. Don’t let me down.”

* * *

Harrison had been uncharacteristically quiet
since I told him about my plan to go scouting with Annie. It was
late that night, after the majority of the others that shared our
room had fallen asleep, when he nudged me awake to discuss what was
weighing on his mind.

“You up?” he asked in a hoarse whisper.

I grunted something amounting to
confirmation, although I think I’d been dozing. I could hear Stubs
at my feet, snoring louder than anyone else in the room. I pushed
my toes into the pup’s side in an attempt to quiet him down, but he
just rolled to his other side, growled a bit, licked his lips, and
then started snoring just as loud as before.

“Can I ask you a favor?”

“Sure,” I said as I wiped drool from the
corner of my lips. “What’s up?”

“I want to go with you on this scouting
trip.”

I shook my head and said, “Sorry, buddy, but
that’s not…”

He interrupted me, “Not on the scouting part.
I won’t go with you to the airport. I just need to go check in on
some old friends.”

It was too dark to see more than just a vague
outline of his shape beside me. “Who?”

“There was a family that I used to help out,
and I want to make sure they’re okay.”

“Where?” I asked.

“Out near where Hanger used to be. They set
themselves up in a water tower by one of the trade routes. I told
you about them before.”

I shook my head and said, “No you
didn’t.”

“Yes I did, but you probably thought I was
full of shit.”

“You usually are.”

“Whatever,” he said as he adjusted his
position, rustling the sheet that we shared. “I just need to see
the kids. They depended on me, and I need to check in on them. I
figured that since you’re headed out that way, I could tag
along.”

“Wait,” I said as I recalled something the
old man had said to me when we first met. “Were these the disabled
kids you said you used to take care of? I do sort of remember you
talking about that, and you’re right, I did think you were full of
shit.”

“It’s the truth,” he said, sounding slightly
wounded by my disbelief. “They’re the reason I got banned from
Hanger.”

I hadn’t heard this story, and urged him to
continue, “What happened?”

“They got kicked out of the town, and I got
kicked out with them.” He seemed content leaving it there.

“Why?”

“They made mistakes.” He corrected himself,
“So did I. Same sort of mistakes I’ve been making my whole
life.”

“Drugs?”

“It’s not crazy to think some folks need an
escape from a world like the one we got stuck with. I got caught
stealing poppy, but it wasn’t for me, swear to God. I was getting
it for one of the older kids there. He’d been in an accident, lost
his arm and busted up his face; barely lived through it, and they
had him doped up on poppy while he was getting better. Poor kid got
hooked pretty good. Some folks just have that edge in them. You
know? Like a fish that can’t help but take a bite on any shiny hook
hanging down in the pond. He got the itch, and I was the only one
there that understood what he was going through. But things got out
of hand, and we got booted out along with some of the other kids
he’d been palling around with.”

“Is that why everyone calls you a thief?”

“One of the reasons,” said Harrison. “I won’t
lie, I got caught sneaking off with some things in the other towns
too. I’m no saint, Ben. No saint at all. But a lot of the stuff I
stole went to help those kids in that tower. They didn’t deserve
what happened to them.”

“Why didn’t they just move to one of the
other towns?”

“Too much pride,” said Harrison. “They were
sick of feeling like other folks had to take care of them, and
wanted to do it on their own. Easier said than done.”

One of the other people in the room grumbled
and tossed, wordlessly informing us that our midnight conversation
was disrupting her sleep. I tried to speak quieter, “It’s not up to
me if you can come along. That’s Laura’s call.”

“Well, I’d appreciate it if you got the okay
from her. If she says no, then I’ll go on my own, by myself. I’m
not a prisoner here.”

“Guys,” said the woman that we’d awoken, “if
you need to talk, do us all a favor and do it somewhere else.”

“Sorry,” I said. “We’re done.”

* * *

Winter held on longer than any of us
expected, and Laura’s insistence that we wait for three consecutive
warm days began to irk her daughter. Annie was more anxious to
leave than I was, but she also knew better than to argue too
vehemently with Laura in fear of causing her mother to change her
mind.

Annie and I were outside with Laura, watching
a stream trickle through the hills and pull away chunks of ice from
its banks. “See,” said Annie as she scooped up a handful of the
water and then let it fall between her fingers. “The snow’s
melting.”

Laura glanced up at the mountains that were
nearly hidden by the foothills. Only their snowcaps were visible
from where we stood. “I don’t know, Annie. The mountains are still
white.”

“And they will be through most of spring.
You’ve lived here long enough to know that,” said Annie. “Even the
trees are starting to bud. It’s time. We can’t put this off
forever.”

“Are you absolutely positive that you’re
feeling better? How’s your shoulder?”

“It’s fine,” said Annie as she rotated her
arm.

“And what about you, Ben?” Laura asked me as
if hoping to hear that I wasn’t ready. “How’s your rib? That was a
hell of an injury you had when you…”

“He’s fine,” said Annie for me.

I agreed, “I’m back to fighting shape.”

Laura knelt beside the stream and stuck the
tips of her fingers into it. Then she recoiled and cringed as she
said, “It’s so cold.”

Annie was quick to counter, “It always is.
It’s coming down from the mountains.”

Laura stood and wiped her hands off on her
sweatshirt. I could tell that she wanted to argue with her
daughter, but then her expression relaxed into concession and she
offered a pained smile as she nodded. “Okay, you’re right.”

Annie couldn’t stop from grinning and she
looked over at me in excitement.

“But this isn’t going to be the same as
before, Annie,” said Laura to temper her daughter’s eagerness. “If
you get in trouble, there’s not going to be a settlement nearby to
run to. You’re going to be on your own out there. And even if you
see any traders on the road, you’re going to have to assume they’re
working with Jerald.”

“We know,” said Annie.

“And there’s something else,” said Laura.
“You’re not going to be happy about it, but this isn’t up for
debate.”

“What?” asked Annie with a reticent and angry
tone.

“We’ve already started setting up New
Vineyard, and by the time you get back the refugees will all be out
there. And you’re going to go stay there with them.”

“What are you talking about?” asked Annie,
more dumbfounded than perturbed. “What about fighting Jerald?”

“I’ve already talked with Billy and Zack, and
they both agree with me. New Vineyard’s going to need a trained
scout…”

“What about Arthur?” asked Annie. “I thought
he decided to go to New Vineyard with David.”

“He did, because his leg’s still a mess. He’s
no use as a scout.”

“Why does New Vineyard need a scout?” asked
Annie.

“The things you learned from The Department
are important. They’re going to need your help training some of
their people. Look, Annie, there’s no point in arguing about this.
I’m not making this decision to try and protect you, I’m making it
because it’s the right thing to do. The reason you’re going on this
scouting trip is because you were right; you’re the only person we
trust to do it. And that’s the reason we need you to train others
to do the same, just like Jules and The Department trained
you.”