Deadly Spurs (8 page)

“
I know, Sis, it doesn’t make me any less sorry. So the letter,”
John said and she felt Mason stiffen and Thane flinch.

“
Damn, I forgot about that. But I had the rest, they don’t change that much so I know,” Arden said. It was their thing, he would write a letter before a mission and when he returned he gave it to her. She read it, and then would have a good cry. The last mission was the only time she hadn't gotten the letter.

“
This one was different,”
he brother whispered.
“Here,"
he said, holding out a tattered piece of paper to her. “
Read it now, but the original will be back at the ranch, you need to have it.”

Arden nodded and she looked at the folded piece of paper with sadness. This was the last letter her brother would ever write her. She didn
’t want to read it, instead she wanted to hold on to it and imagine what her brother would say to her. However, that wasn’t in the cards. Everyone was waiting for her to open the letter…

Slowly she unfolded the pages and felt something fall into her lap, she ignored it for now and took a
deep breath and began to read.

***

A,

***

Hey, sis, I hate to write this letter but I had to. I won’t be coming back from this mission, call it a feeling or whatever, but I know. So I need to get a few things straight here. You already know how much I love you.

The day we met, we bec
ame a family ourselves. There was no question in my head that we were brother and sister. Never has been, never will be. You were there for me at my worst. You know what I mean, the night I lost it. Thinking I had nothing to live for, because life was so shitty. My parents were drunks that should have never been allowed to procreate. I was failing school, and the foster parents were going to kick me out once again. I went into the bathroom in the school and sat in the stall, ready to just end the pain.

Then there you were, sitting in front of me, grabbing a hold of the gun I was holding and slapping me into reality. I will never forget what you said to me.
‘You are selfish if you think this will end your pain, it will only create more—for me.’ I never wanted you to feel like that again, but I know you are feeling that way anyway. It sucks. I will always be there for you, just talk, and I will hear, just think of me, and I will come. You will never be alone. I know this is strange, but I want you to believe me. Our connection was the most important thing in my life. I always knew I could count on you, you never let me down, and never made me feel like I was less than a man when I needed a hug.

Mason doesn
’t know I know about the night you slept together. Tell him it is okay, I would never get involved in that or be pissed. I know how hard you were searching for someone to love, and love you back. I would never deny your happiness…as long as it wasn’t Ice because he is a bit flaky.

You have to tell him your secret, I know you vowed to never think about that time again, but he will understand. I was going to turn over the information to LC when we got back but obviously, it didn
’t work out. There is more to it than what you think, I didn’t see it until it was too late, now you are in danger.

I know you are sitting there pissed that I even mentioned it in this letter because Mason probably is sitting in front of you, or he has already read this. But this is important.
Somehow, this is all tying together and this is just another piece of the puzzle.

You need to clear out the accounts and find somewhere to disappear. Mason and the guys can help, they can get you a fake ID, just until this is all over. In here is an ac
count you didn’t have access. I started it when I first got in the military, a part of my paycheck went into this account every two weeks. So there is more than enough there for you to use to disappear.

Also, look through your purse, in your wallet beh
ind my picture I left you a code. It is for a safe, it is behind the picture of us hanging on my wall in the apartment. Give it to Mason he will know what to do. Some things in there will help, including the stuff you gave me.

Be happy, A. I love you s
o much, and I know you love me too.

J

Arden felt a brush of a kiss against her forehead and knew it was her brother. He always did that before he left. Kissed her on the forehead and then gave her a chocolate bar.
Damn it, this hurt so much
. Arden opened her eyes and pulled her hands back, she would talk to him alone, right now she couldn’t deal with it.

“
Arden,” Mason said and reached for her. She pulled back and shook her head. When she stood, she felt something drop from her lap. When she looked down there was her chocolate bar.

She bent down and laughed through her tears,
show off
, she thought and then looked at the people in the room. “Can you all leave please. I need some time to digest this.”

Thane and Tulu nodded and walked to
the door after kissing her on the cheek. Mason and West looked like they were going to argue with her, she didn’t have it in her to deal with them. Tulu must have realized it because she walked over to the two large men who were dominating her space and pulled each of their ears until they followed. Protesting the whole way, but they followed. When she heard the click of the door shutting, she collapsed on the bed. Sobbing yet again.

Mason and West looked at the door helplessly. They could hear the sobs from inside and it was breaking their hearts. Mason's mother made soothing noises to the guys as they tensed and were ready to storm the door.

“
You need to remain calm, if you are distressed she will be also,” Tulu said.

“
She needs us,” Mason said.

“
Yes, she does, but you have to get yourselves in line first, go talk. I have seen where this is leading, and you both need to be on the same page. She will not be able to handle being pulled in two. I would guess that's what some of her distress is about. She has no idea who to turn to because she wants you both,” his mother said and both of the guys looked at her in surprise. Thane stood back laughing.

“
Ma, not going to have a sex-talk with you again,” Mason groaned.

“
Why not, I am an open-minded person. I know the ways of the world. I know what your friends have committed to. I am happy for you. You just need to make her see it can work. She will resist and you know this. Make a plan and stick with it,” Tulu said and patted both of their cheeks. “Such good boys, and if you have any questions on what goes where, I can help. I have read those books. You know those writers give quite the description. I wonder if any of them actually do those things. I mean they are so real and how on earth could they write it if they didn't know about it. Well anyway, I just finished reading two good ones about men who shift into things. Woo," Tulu fanned her face as she continued, "they were hot. I can give you some pointers. Hmmm…I wonder if Vince has a friend, that could be fun.” She laughed and turned to where the older man was waiting. “Going for coffee.”

“
Ma, you are killing me, seriously. Thane, go with them and make sure she doesn’t solicit a ménage,” Mason groaned and West laughed and put his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“
Just wait, ma and her will be on the loose soon together, we will never be able to control them,” West said with a twinkle in his eye. Both of them had battled over the years to try to make their moms normal. They gave up when they were sixteen and they had a ceremony, which included dancing under the full moon naked, to balance their powers. It creeped them out, and they had been hanging out with their friends that night. West was pretty sure he was going to go blind for a while, while Mason demanded therapy from his mother—for the whole football team.

Thane waved and laughed as he followed the older couple who were already talking and laughing.

Their silence was only interrupted by the cries from the room behind them. It didn’t sound like it was letting up, instead it sounded like she was getting worse. The small hiccupping noises ripped a hole in both their chests.

“
We need to talk,” West whispered.

“
Yeah and now,” Mason said as he pulled open the truck's tailgate and hopped on, letting his feet dangle, and relaxed against the side.

“
We've done it before,” West said joining him.

“
Yeah, but this is different. Arden isn't like the chick we picked up in San Diego—she matters. We need to make sure she knows we are in for the long haul. She won’t accept us any other way. I screwed up man. I thought I could forget her, let her go and find someone else. But seeing her, man, was like a kick in the fucking stomach. When I thought she was in the room alone, and refusing to even talk to me, I was fucking frantic. Thinking what if I lost her forever. I know she deserves more than what a broken fucked up guy can do. But I don’t care, she means too much to me, man. I need to have her in my life,” Mason said.

“
I get that, I just met her and I feel like she is the only one for me, like she has been just waiting for me to find her. Now that I have—I can’t let her go. So we both want her, we both are in this for the long haul, but what about everything else,” West said.

“
We need to make her see this is perfect for us. You are like my brother, with the exception of a few of the other guys, I couldn’t do this but now, even they wouldn’t work. We need to work as a team to make her feel safe, wanted, and hell, as if she is the only woman in the world for us. It is what she deserves. John told me about her past. She had some fucked up parents, they ignored her only to bring her out to prance her in front of their rich friends. Treating her like she was a possession. Then her dad fucked around on her mom. She saw him with the other woman, and when she confronted him, he hit her. Told her it was none of her business. Her mother stood by and nodded, looking at Arden like she was an idiot. John said she went wild. Figured if they didn’t care about her, no one did, not even herself. You know, drugs, drinking all that. Her father tried to control her, he hit her a lot, and when she finally had enough she ran. Her parents called social services and said they couldn’t control her. She lived on the streets for a few months until she was picked up shoplifting some food. She was then sent into the system, where she and John met pretty soon after. They became each other’s family. They were close. When John died she had to have been devastated. But I was fucked up, couldn’t face her and see the accusation in her eyes. I let him die, she needed him, and I let him die, man,” Mason said.

“
You didn’t let him die, you weren’t even with him. I read the report, fuck, you are lucky to be alive after the blast you and the others took. The asshole who blew himself up for a cause was at fault. You and the others have suffered enough, time to realize that what happened…happened. You can’t change it,” West said and then continued, “We all do it, SEALs, guys who wear a uniform, any of them. Police, Fireman, Rangers, Security Forces, we are responsible not only for our lives but for the lives of the people we work with, and the people we are protecting. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming being so responsible, having so many people depend on which step you take, and which move you make. But that's what we signed up for. That's what we believe in, and so did John and the others. They knew the risks and yet they still took them, because they believed in what they were fighting for. Man, I wish I could say it was different. I wish I could say all of the men you know or have served with are gonna be fine. But you know as well as I do, those are empty promises. Bad things happen all the time. A drunken man shoots his wife, then the policeman who comes to help is shot. Firemen respond to a five-alarm fire, people get hurt. SEALs go to where they are needed, and the fuckin' psychos in this world are like a roulette wheel—you never know where they are gonna fall, but they are going to try to take someone out with them. It is the nature of the beast. Hell, we could be walking across the street and a truck hits us. Seriously, there is no stopping fate. When it is your time, it is your time. We are lucky in this instant. I have always felt like I couldn’t get involved with someone, with you though, I know if something happens she will be taken care of, loved. Same with me, if something happens to you, know I will move heaven and earth to make sure Arden is taken care of. Even if this doesn’t work out. Even if our personalities are too much for her. I will still be there.”

Mason took a deep breath, he knew what his friend as saying
was true, if they were in, they were all in. It was their personality. But what if he failed them again, what if he didn’t have it in him to give Arden everything she deserved?

“
Man, I see the wheels turning, you can’t run from this, neither of us can. If for nothing else—we need to find out if this is what we think it is. We know we can share, not a problem. However, you need to begin to heal, and the first step is realizing that not every bad thing that happens in the world revolves around you. From the sounds of it, Arden may have been in danger long before we came into the picture, the difference is now she has us, we are on her side,” West said.

Mason sat silent and West allowed his friend to stew. He knew he'd come to the right decision, he had
to. Finally after what seemed like an hour, Mason spoke.

“
Well, let’s go and help our lady then, she sounds like she is working herself into a state. We need to take care of her,” Mason said and West wanted to punch a fist in the air, he felt like a door had opened and they were walking through to a bright future. A lot of things still needed talked about but right now, Arden was what mattered. They needed to get her through this.”

“
Wait,” West said and stopped his friend. “We need supplies.”

Mason fr
owned and then listened as his friend explained what he had in mind and smiled. Of course, two birds—one stone.

Arden lay sobbing, but she couldn
’t seem to stop, all of the shit she had been through in the last few months was finally coming out. She had cried when she was told about John, but she had never grieved. It was as if she had been hoping they were wrong, then she saw Mason, and she realized everything with her brother had been true. It had all been told to her from some nameless, faceless voice on the phone, then the notifying members who came to the door.

Now she was letting the past eight months of tears and pent up grief come out. Not just her brother, his frie
nds, the ones who were hurt by what had happened. Also for her relationship with Mason, that tenuous first few weeks where you just don’t know if it is going to work out. Would he leave the seat up, scratch his crotch when he was watching television, think she was there to serve only him. It was a dance, one she'd missed out on—one she'd craved. As she lay crying, all the loss and turmoil came out, leaving her body in the tears that flowed. Talk about a cleansing, she only wished it had happened sooner because right now, if she had to gauge where she was at, it was in the month after her brother's death, she had seven more to cry through. The flat tire she had and picked up the phone to call John, the night she turned on the television and heard a report about another terrorist bombing. There was so much more, all the anxiety.
Damn, she was a fucking head case
, she thought and then began laughing and crying at the same time.

Possibly, she was having the mental breakdown she always feared. When she wa
s younger, she thought she was crazy, she had no connection with her parents, not like her friends. At least she found out later that it wasn't her but her freaking crazy ass parents. If she had only know then, but seeing it as a child had been bad enough, as an adult, she knew her parents were involved in something terrible. Arden had no clue what, but John seemed to think the tiny hard drive she had packed with her when she left, seemed to be a clue.

Originally, she had taken it because she just want
ed to piss her dad off. Now, she looked back and she knew she had taken it for another reason. Even the child had seen there was something more to her parents than met the eyes. Sucking in a deep breath she sat up, pulled the pillow in front of her, rested her head on it, and thought.

Years later when she was moving into her new apartment, John had helped her. When they were going through old boxes trying to decide what she could get rid of, they had found her small box. An old cigar box, she'd decorat
ed with girly designs. John had teased her about it. When they opened it, she told him about everything she had saved from her previous life.

She had a picture of her and her parents. She looked pissed off at the world and they stood together with their
arms around each other, smiling at the camera while she looked awkward and out of place. She remembered the day it was taken, something big had happened for her father, they were celebrating. The picture was taken on their back patio with a hundred or more close friends drinking and eating along with them. They were always so wrapped up in each other, they had little time for her. Arden actually hated the picture and John understood why, he tore it down the middle leaving her parents in the box. Then he went and grabbed a picture of Arden and himself, and put it in the box as well.

The picture was from the day they were taken to the zoo, both of them had been excited, it was the first time they had gone. The foster family fed them hot dogs, ice cream,
and cotton candy until they thought they would burst. It was the best day of her young life. The day her and John had made their blood oath.

Arden smiled through her tears as she remembered the two young kids, using a pop can top to cut their palms.
When she looked at herself, she could still see the scar.