Dear Sir, I'm Yours (6 page)

“Me, forgive you?” Confused, Rae lifted her head enough to see his face. So somber and reserved, his brow heavily grooved. “I’m the one who ran away.”

His eyes widened, one corner of his mouth quirking with startled amusement. “Did you forget what happened in my office?”

“I didn’t forget.” She swallowed hard. She’d never been able to forget, no matter how hard she’d tried. A hot wave flooded down her face and neck. Embarrassment, yes, but more.

He’d revealed something in herself no one had ever seen before. She’d buried it, denied it, married someone else to try and wipe away his memory, but she’d never forget the way Conn had made her feel. “Are you sorry you did it?”

“I regret many things about that day. I should have made sure you understood what was happening. We should have talked and talked and talked some more before I ever attempted such a thing, so you didn’t feel pressured, unsure, or God forbid, afraid. I should have made sure you felt safe in every way and understood exactly how to tell me to stop. I’m sorry you were scared enough to run, but…”

His voice lowered, his fingers tightening on her chin. His eyes locked on her, daring her to pull away or deny the truth. “You enjoyed it. You found pleasure in what I did.”

She tried to answer, cleared her throat, and finally admitted the truth in a choked whisper.

“Yes.”

Slowly, he gave her a smile that curled her toes and wrapped a fist of molten steel around her heart. He stroked his fingers down her cheek, sending goose bumps racing down her arms.

“I wanted to be the one to teach you, which is why I made that mistake of rushing you. You were just so innocent and sweet, I couldn’t resist. You would have let me do anything.”

She squeezed her legs together, trying to quell the memory of his fingers sliding over her skin. Five years, and her body remembered every single moment. “I had no defenses against you.”

“You never came back to college.” His voice cracked, tight and grim. Although his hands remained gentle, his body tensed against hers. “I was your professor, and I scared you away.

You didn’t finish your degree, did you? My greatest fear, my shame all these years.”

She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault, honestly. Daddy was in a very bad accident the day I was supposed to come back to campus. He was electrocuted on a jobsite and nearly died. He lost a hand, a foot, and he’s unable to talk properly. With all his medical bills and physical therapy, I couldn’t come back to college, even if I’d wanted to.”

“I’m sorry to hear about your daddy.” Some of the tension singing in Conn’s body eased. His hand continued to slowly move up and down her face, wandering lower to her jaws and neck. “If you’d wanted to. So you didn’t plan to come back even before the accident?”

“I—”

“Truth, Rae. I still hold you to that promise.”

Her fingers wrapped tightly together in her lap. “I can’t lie anyway.”

“Everybody lies, darlin’, even if only to themselves, but your eyes always tell me the truth. I just want you to admit it out loud. Were you coming back to me before your daddy’s accident?”

“I don’t know. I didn’t have my car ready yet, I hadn’t packed up everything. I was…

scared.”

“Of me?”

She nodded. “And of myself.”

“So my first order of business is ensuring you’re not scared of me this time around, because I promise you, darlin’, it’s gonna be damned difficult letting you out of my sight again.”

Despite his arms around her and some of their troubled past honestly discussed between them, she still tensed. She couldn’t help it. With too many demands, restrictions, and controls, he’d stifle her. She’d lose everything she’d gained the past year without her ex-husband all over again.

“Shhh,” he whispered, smoothing his whole palm against her throat. “Not that way. Not until you’re ready.”

“I don’t want to be ready. Not if you’re going to control everything I do. Not if I’m going to change to try and make you happy. I can’t go back to that.”

“Is that how your dickhead of an ex-husband made you feel?”

Laughter spluttered out of her throat before she could stop it. “Sorry, his name was Richard, and Daddy always called him—”

“Dick.” Conn nodded, his fingers massaging her shoulder, his breath fanning her face.

He wasn’t threatening or loud, but tension still hummed in him. “Is that how he made you feel?”

Richard had made her feel like dog crap just about every single day.
Remember how that
felt
, she told herself, firming her resolve.
Never again will I let someone treat me like garbage.

Not even Conn.
“He was into control too.”

Conn made a low humming murmur, soothing and arousing at the same time, his fingers still dancing lightly on her neck. “I don’t control that way, Rae. Another misunderstanding of youth and innocence between us.”

“I’m not innocent,” she retorted, jerking her gaze up to his. Trouble. Mistake. He was close enough to kiss, and every muscle in her body sobbed for his mouth. “What do you want, then?”

He leaned closer, his eyes heavy lidded, his mouth tempting and soft. Surely that was the biggest misunderstanding of all, for a man like him would take whatever he wanted, especially a kiss. “You really have no idea what I want, darlin’. That makes you innocent. When I spanked you, which scared you more? That you let me do it, or that you enjoyed it?”

“Both.” She shuddered, drowning in the magic of his hands and his smooth, low voice.

God help her, but what else would she let Conn do? Could she refuse him anything? “What was the question you wanted me to answer today?”

“Whether you still wanted me or not.”

Oh. Heat curled inside her. “And do I?”

He chuckled and drew her tighter against his body. “Oh, yeah. As much as I want you.

Did you think about it today, Rae?”

She knew very well what he meant. “
Think about how good I’ll taste.
”

“Because if I was a controlling, abusive jerk like Dick, then I would have kissed you already and selfishly found out another answer for myself. I would have taken my kiss in your truck. Hell, I would have taken it when I had you trapped beneath me after I dragged you out from under the porch.”

She shuddered, remembering his weight on top of her, her hands pinned, her body controlled by his. “What answer?”

“How sweet are you going to taste?” he whispered, his hand still slow and gentle on her throat. “Are you going to moan into my mouth and slide your tongue deep? Or are you going to open up and suck me into your mouth?”

She wanted a kiss, she did, oh, she did. But how far would he take her? Caught in the burning intensity of his gaze, she felt like a twig tossed and drowned in a raging flooding river.

He didn’t move. If she wanted a kiss, she was going to have to take it herself. “Can I—”

“Anything you want.”

How long had she dreamed of his face, all rugged chasms and angled cheekbones? She traced her fingers over the planes of his face like a blind woman. Lightly, she feathered over his mouth, lips full and soft, hot velvet nibbling gently against her fingers. Scrambling onto her knees on the bench, she turned and cupped his face in both hands, stoking her thumbs on either side of his lips.

His hands left her, one hand gripping the wooden railing, the other fisted on his thigh.

Unsure and a little afraid, she hesitated. Didn’t he trust himself? Was he afraid of what he’d do if he was touching her while she kissed him?

The wood creaked beneath his hand and his entire body flexed against her. There was such power in his big body.

“Daddy always told me that I’d know the woman I was meant to love by how hard I had to work to control myself when I was with her. You, darlin’, wreck my control with a glance, yet the light in your eyes ties me up in a fragile feather-soft bond I’m unable to break. I don’t want to break it. I want you more than ever, and I’m going to prove to you every moment of every day that you can trust me.”

She stared at him, struggling to sort through the emotions raging within her. “Did you just say that you—that you—”

“I loved you then, Rae, and I love you more now. Do your worst to me, darlin’. I can take it.”

Her heart thundered, frantic, loud and desperate. They’d lost so many years. Regret clogged her throat. She leaned closer, brushing her lips across his.

“I always loved you.” Her voice broke, tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m sorry that I was a damned coward.”

“Shhh, Rae, it’s alright. It was my mistake, my fault. I should have—”

She pressed her mouth to his. Immediately, he opened his lips on a low purring rumble of satisfaction. Closer, she had to be closer. Straddling him on her knees, she slid her hand behind his head to comb her fingers through his dark hair. Inhaling him, she pushed her tongue into his mouth as he’d taunted to learn his taste.

Sweet tea, homemade bread, and deeper, just heat and sultry seduction.

And yes, she moaned into his mouth and she sucked his tongue deep, nibbled on his bottom lip, and tried to tell him how much she’d missed him.

Breathing hard and still crying, she kissed his cheeks, his nose, both eyes. “I never stopped wanting you.”

His hands came up to her back, his palms hot through the thin material of her blouse.

“You’ve been on my mind and heart ever since you left.”

She looked into the endless depths of his eyes and started to drown again beneath his intensity. He must have seen the unease growing in her eyes, because he drew her down and simply held her against his chest. His heart beat strong and rapid against her ear, sending a sharp thrust of need straight to her core. He wanted her, this fantastic, wickedly sexy man loved her after all this time, even though she’d left him.

“What now?”

“Keep your two promises to me, no matter what. Tell me the truth, and don’t run. I’m bound to scare you again. Hell, I’m scared, too. I’m afraid I’ll screw up again and drive you away. When I start to scare you, we’ll cool it, back off awhile. Alright? But you’ve got to tell me.”

She nodded without raising her head, more than happy to feel his arms around her, his strength cradling her and calming her fears.

“I’m warning you, darlin’. It’s been five years and I want you even more now than I did that day in my office. I’ve had all this time to fantasize about the many ways I ache to make love to you. We’ve always been in danger of spontaneous combustion.”

He smelled incredible, all woodsy musk, leather, and man. Such a man. She could lose everything to him, her heart, her pride, her soul. Even knowing the risk, she couldn’t make herself run again. “Just don’t hurt me.”

Easing her off his lap to stand before him, Conn stared into her eyes, his brow creased. “I didn’t hurt you that day in my office. Did I? I mean, really hurt you?”

“No.” She swallowed, fighting the urge to drop her gaze. “But the potential was there. I thought you might hurt me, and I wouldn’t even care. Until later.”

“Trust me, Rae. I’m going to work every single day to prove to you that you can put yourself in my hands, in my life, and never regret it. I will not hurt you.”

“Not even if I want you to?”

No shocked horror or recrimination filled his fathomless eyes. “Do you?”

His voice had lowered, a hint of rumbling growl creeping in to curl her toes and send shivers down her spine. “I don’t know. I never let anyone spank me before, either.”

“Fair enough. Do you want me to spank you again?”

Heat flared across her cheeks, down her neck and chest to pool lower. She was suddenly very aware of his hands on her hips, the strength in his arms and body. Her pulse fluttered, her heart kicking into high gear. “If you want to.”

“That wasn’t the question, Rae. Do you want me to spank you again?”

“I—I—” Her breathing quickened until panicky little sounds escaped her mouth, but her inner muscles tightened, too, aching with longing. Her breasts felt tight and hot, her nipples painfully stiff against the lace of her bra. While he did nothing but look at her with that heavy darkness spreading in his eyes. “I don’t know.”

Those lazy, smoldering eyes, his mouth slightly curved with a secretive smile—she wanted to crawl right back into his lap and kiss him again. “If I put my hand beneath your skirt and slipped my fingers beneath your panties, what would I find?”

Trembling, trapped by the weight of his gaze alone, she squeezed her fingers tighter on his shoulders. Holding him close, or preventing herself from fleeing? She wasn’t sure.

Intense and concentrated on her, his strength of character dragged the truth from her lips no matter how embarrassing. “Wet.”

“There’s the answer I was looking for.” Standing, he took her hand. “Let’s go finish our dinner before Miss Belle sends out a search party.”

Calming her breathing, she struggled to bring her raging hormones under control. “That’s all?”

Smiling that wicked knowing grin, he winked and drew her closer. “For now.”

Braced for him to pressure her into spending her first night at Beulah Land in his bed—

and the ensuing battle she’d have to wage with herself to refuse—her mind floundered.

Everything she’d feared all these years, his demands, his controlling nature, her weakness when it came to him, suddenly seemed ridiculous.

They climbed the porch stairs in silence, but at the back door, she halted. In the shadows, she couldn’t see his face. “What are we going to tell Miss Belle?”

“You don’t have to tell me a thing, Rae Lynn,” Miss Belle’s voice echoed in the night from the upstairs balcony. “I say you’ll hold out at least two weeks.”

Did she have a straight shot down to the gazebo? Where Rae had just crawled all over her grandson? Cringing, she tried to decide whether to burst into hysterical laughter or smack Conn for dragging her outside in the first place. Why had she signed that damned contract to work for the crazy old lady?