Dear Sylvia (3 page)

It was dark where I was but where you were it was so bright you were taking off your hair band and you looked right at me.

Deer Sylvia,

My teacher Miss Glendon is giving me a hard time over my spelling! I have been working so hard on it too and dragging my dictionary whenever I go to write you a letter. But she gives us tricky words like three kinds of THEREs and UNFORTUNATELY.

She said — Owen! When you make such basic errors on the page people will think you are an IGNORAMOUSE!

Miss Glendon is yelling at lots of us not just me. I think she feels bad because she hasn't made us perfect and school is almost over. She doesn't know how hard I am trying. And how much it slows me down when I have all these stories and everything happening in my head to tell you.

Love,
Owen

PSST! When you do read these letters I hope you see I am not really an ignoramouse. But sometimes the dictionary doesn't have the words I need or else my eyes can't find them or they are on another page.

PSST again! Its OK if you don't remember seeing me outside with my hockey stick that night when I saw you. It was a long time ago and sometimes it is different depending on what side of the window you're on.

Deer Sylvia,

We are getting poorer and poorer. Dad came out of his office for the first time all week I think but it was because his typewriter ribbon was in shreds. He has not shaved in a long time. He raced out and bought six new ribbons. Mom and him had another loud windstorm but this time they didn't even wait for us to go to bed. They had it right in the living room. Mom said — how could you buy six ribbons when we haven't even paid the
electrisitty
electricity bill?

And Dad said — I'll be finished the book in six ribbons!

And Mom said — how many pages will that be?

And Dad said — about 400!

And Mom said — who's going to read a 400 page book? You won't even let me read the first 20 pages!

So Dad threw the pages at her and she went upstairs with them and we are all waiting.

Except Dad. He is CLACKclackCLACKing again.

Leonard and Andy and me are thinking of ways to make money so we don't have to eat boiled cans which is what we have for dinner now instead of food. We want to bring Sylvester to the river and make a show so he would dive underwater for his rock and people would pay us. He is the only underwater dog we know.

Love,
Owen

Deer Sylvia,

Mom doesn't like the Invisible Enshurince Man!

She spent all afternoon reading and reading in the bedroom with the door closed. When she finally came out her face looked gray as an old newspaper that's been left in the wall for 100 years and when you have to open up the wall to look for someone's skullbone instead you find the newspaper.

She said — who is Rebecca?

And Dad said — I made her up!

And Mom said — I want to know who she is!

But Dad couldn't tell her.

So Mom drove off in the car. She learned to giggle it herself. Now it's suppertime and we're having canned
beens
beans. I'll tell you what happens later.

Now it's later.

We sat and stared at the beans. It felt like we were all underneath too many blankets. Finally Leonard said — I can't eat this stuff its
poyzunned
poisoned!

Dad looked at him like he just pulled the ring out of a grenade.

Leonard poked his beans around and around on the plate.

He said in his little voice — they taste like clay.

Dad hit the table with his hand! We jumped and Leonard's plate rolled onto the floor like a hubcap.

With beans on it.

Then Leonard had to get the rag and the mop and another plate and a spoon and scrape all the poisoned beans into the garbage and Dad said he could go hungry if he didn't like beans. He said we were all spoilt and that kids in Africa would kill their mothers for beans as good as this. Leonard said he didn't want to kill his mother for any beans and he started to cry.

Andy said — who's Rebecca?

I thought Dad was going to explode another grenade. Instead he said — you have to have a love interest in a book!

Why? Andy said.

Dad got up and threw his beans in the garbage and said we could all go climb trees naked in a thunderstorm. He said we would learn about love interest when we were older. Then he went back to his office and going CLACKclackCLACK again at first really hard then like a woodleg pirate hopping across a stone street.

Andy decided we needed to clean up the kitchen so there wouldn't be a windstorm over that when Mom got home. While we were at it he said he thought Rebecca was the Invisible Enshurince Man's
seckreterry
secretary who had long red hair like a red silk rope down her back and she wore lipstick.

Leonard said — why does she have to wear lipstick?

Andy said — because the love interest secretary always wears lipstick. That's how you know who she is.

Leonard said — Mom wears lipstick.

Andy said — not at the office.

Leonard said — but Mom doesn't go to the office!

So she can't be the love interest! Andy said.

Andy said Rebecca wears special secretary spy glasses and that's why she can see the Invisible Enshurince Man who is in love with her because of her red hair.

Leonard said — what's so great about red hair? Fillus has red hair!

Fillus is a baby — Andy said.

And Leonard said to me — are you in love with Fillus because she has red hair?

I said I wasn't and Leonard said I was and I said I wasn't and the big pot of beans slipped off the stove and mostly went down Leonard's leg but it wasn't me!

Leonard was snapping his dish towel around and Andy caught it and somebody's elbow knocked the cupboard door and that's when the glasses fell down on the counter so close to Leonard he bumped into the bean pot.

Dad stopped going clackCLACKclack and I thought a world war would come stomping into the kitchen but it was just us with the broken glasses and Leonard crying over beans.

When he comes to bed tonight he's going to smell like them.

Love,
Owen

PSST! At least it's summer now. Are you swimming in your swimming pool?

Deer Sylvia,

Leonard took a bath so it was all right.

Whenever I go over to giggle Fillus to sleep Ant Lorraine and Uncle Lorne and Eleanor and Sadie always ask what is happening with the Invisible Enshurince Man. Tonight they knew already because Mom went over to their house and told them all about it! She told Lorne he should talk sense to Dad who should go back to work. And Eleanor and Sadie kept saying who is Rebecca?

So I told them about her.

Sadie makes me toast when I visit. She's good for that and it's OK because she's my cousin. Sometimes I know girls can get jellyus jealous. I think Mom is of Rebecca because of her red hair and lipstick. But just so you know I don't go for any of that. I think your hair is like flying up in an apple tree over a field of sunny corn and you don't need any lipstick on it at all.

Love,
Owen

Deer Sylvia,

Mom has a job! She is a
resepshunist
receptionist at the Lord Buggle Hotel in Claymore. She says hello and takes the money.

Dad didn't even make a big
arguemint
argument. He sits in his office now staring at the typewriter and not moving like he is waiting for a big fish to swim into his bear hands. I wonder even if he is breathing he is so still. But then he goes clackCLACK.

Sometimes he takes his pen and writes on the paper in the typewriter still like he can't make up his mind.

I am sorry if this is a strange thing to say. But sometimes I feel like I am the Invisible Enshurince Man. I get my box of letters from the closet and my dictionary and go downstairs to the basement where Uncle Lorne used to sleep in his cot before he married Ant Lorraine. He used to read car magazines there. Now I sit and write to you. It is like I am standing outside your house but you can't see me but I am still allowed to be there. I see you sometimes in my head when you stand at the window. I write you anything I want.

Love,
Owen

Deer Sylvia,

I moved my box down to the basement. I keep it under the wood under the work bench. My dictionary is by the hammers.

We are still poor. Even though Mom is working now. We had
cabbidge
cabbage soup for dinner which Leonard said smelt like laundry. Dad told him to not be so spoilt. Dad made the soup all by himself from his own
ressipee
resippy
idea. Mom is so tired now from
resepshuning
working all day she said we had to eat it.

Andy said we're so poor we're almost
orfins
orphans and so we need to scavenge for ourselves. We went looking for pop bottles. The first one we found Andy showed to Sylvester who sniffed and sniffed it. Then he ran off and we thought maybe he could sniff bottles and we'd be rich! But every ditch we looked in after that didn't have a bottle.

I think Sylvester just likes sniffing. We did take him to the river before but the only people who came were some kids who laughed when he dove underwater and then didn't pay us anything.

Sylvester still has his rock which you found for him back in the spring at my birthday. But I don't want him to lose it any more so I keep it under the workbench too and bring it out on special
okayshuns
occasions. Today I brought it out because Dad was CLACKclackCLACKing again almost as much as in the beginning. I was happy because I thought important things were happening with the Invisible Enshurince Man. Maybe someone was murdered and so the Enshurince Man has a case!

Then Leonard came running to me and he said — Mom is sitting in Dad's chair!

She was home from work.

We all went down the stairs to have a look. Leonard was right! Mom was sitting in Dad's chair by the window in the living room. She had her feet up on Dad's stool and she was reading the newspaper just like him!

Andy said — what if Dad sees her!

Mom put down the newspaper. How was school today — she said. Then she lifted up the page again to read.

Just like Dad!

Who went CLACKclackCLACK in his office.

But he was going to come out soon and see Mom in his chair with the newspaper and then the windstorm was going to blow up all over again!

So Leonard said — why don't you sit over here Mom?

In her chair.

I like the stool — she said.

But your chair is here! — Leonard said.

She put down the paper again. She was almost laughing.

But the CLACKclack stopped. Then Dad came out of his office. He looked at Mom sitting in his chair and she looked at him. And she lifted up the newspaper again!

Mom said — there's an interesting
ressipee
recipe here you might try.

And Dad looked at her.

And Mom said — doesn't cost a fortune.

And Dad went in the kitchen and put on his apron and came back out and we were all watching. He said — what is it? and she ripped it right off the page and gave it to him. Then she kept reading something else.

It was tomato soup meatloaf and it was a lot better than the cabbage soup!

If Dad keeps writing like this then he'll get to 400 pages in a couple of weeks and we'll be rich!

Love,
Owen

PSST! Fillus looks around now and holds up her own head. Her eyes are almost as blue as yours. She is not red any more except her hair. She is getting harder to put to sleep because she doesn't cry so loud before I get there. So she's ready for me. She likes me to carry her outside to look at the swing set and the swimming tub Eleanor and Sadie have because they are richer than us. Sometimes Sadie comes with me and tells me about her day. She and Eleanor read science books together and Eleanor tells Sadie facts about the universe such as the fact that everything is expanding all the time except when it isn't. And when you drop 2 rocks from the Leaning Tower of Pizza they both travel the same distance.

Sadie's eyes aren't like yours but they are less woggly now.

Deer Sylvia,

Dad has broken 1 of the keys on his typewriter! The e fell off and when he tried to put it back on again the arm bent and now he can't write. He is at a crushal crucial point in the story and if he could only get his typewriter fixed then we wouldn't have to be poor any more!

But there isn't enough money.

Today we all went to the Lord Buggle to go swimming. Dad was supposed to go too and have a holiday from his writing but he went looking for typewriters instead in Claymore. He thought there was a store. He was all droopy like Sylvester last year when I lost his rock.

Just 1 stupid e and everything would be all right again!

The swimming pool at the hotel was full of
kaloreen
calorine
chemicals and so you can only swim underwater with your eyes closed. Only then you go bonk! and your head is bleeding against the side of the pool.

It hurt but it was just a cut. Then when the lifeguard pulled me out of the water and she saw all the blood I guess it was like her own blood gushing out. Her face went all white and I said — are you all right?

But before she could say she was fine she fainted and chipped her tooth against the
concreat
concrete. Leonard came running up then and found the chip.

Mom says we can't go swimming any more at the hotel.

Love,
Owen

PSST! Dad found a new typewriter but Mom said it costs more than the car and we can't afford it. We can't afford anything. Andy is getting too big for his pants now and we can't afford new ones so Mom made him try on a pair of Dad's and roll up the legs and strap it all on with a belt. He looks like Rollo the clown! But you can't laugh at him or he gets sore.

Deer Sylvia,

Your letter came today and if your mother comes to get me I can go!