Chapter 13
Hayley was determined not to let the town’s suspicions about her guilt in the murder of Karen Applebaum consume her. In fact, when the day for the funeral service for dear departed Karen arrived, Hayley decided to accompany Liddy and Mona to the church.
“Are you friggin’ nuts?” Mona asked in her usual ladylike way.
“If I don’t go, everyone will speculate it’s because I have something to hide,” Hayley said, sifting through her closet for something appropriate to wear.
“But everyone knows you two hated each other,” Mona said, sitting on the edge of her bed chugging down a can of Miller beer.
It was ten o’clock in the morning.
“Mona, you can’t be drinking that. You’re pregnant.”
“You’re right,” Mona said, spitting it out in Hayley’s bathroom sink. “I’m pregnant so often I sometimes forget.”
“Look, I know it might appear hypocritical of me to go, but before this whole rivalry started, Karen and I were actually friends. Sort of,” Hayley said, pulling out a long print skirt and modeling it for Mona. “I want to pay my respects.”
“Suit yourself,” Mona said.
“What do you think? This skirt with a black sweater? Tasteful, understated, black top for mourning, but the skirt lets me be a little stylish.”
“Why are you asking me? I’m wearing what I’ve got on right now,” Mona said, standing up and twirling around to show off her dungarees and oversized gray sweatshirt with her lobster shop logo on the front.
“America’s Next Top Model,” Hayley said, laughing as she took the skirt off the hanger and slipped it on.
“We picking up Liddy on the way?” Mona asked.
“Uh, no, I don’t think Liddy is going to ride in the back of your pickup truck while wearing Donna Karan. She’ll meet us there.”
“Miss High Maintenance. Whatever,” Mona said, crushing her beer can in her hand after emptying it out in the bathroom sink.
Hayley threw on her sweater, fixed her hair, and applied a bit of makeup and within ten minutes she and Mona were riding in Mona’s truck to the church. When they arrived at the Bar Harbor Congregational Church, they had trouble finding parking. The whole lot was full and there wasn’t any street parking available.
“I can’t believe how many people are here,” Hayley said.
“It’s just a matter of giving the people what they want,” Mona said, cackling.
“Stop it, Mona. Karen might not have been the nicest person ...”
“She was a world-class pain in the ass,” Mona shouted. “Any way you cut it.”
“I hope Reverend Staples doesn’t ask you to get up and say a few words,” Hayley said, shaking her head.
Frustrated, Mona double-parked in front of the church and hopped out.
“What are you doing?” Hayley asked.
“Parking.”
“You can’t leave your truck here. You’re blocking the hearse. How are they going to transport Karen’s body to the cemetery if your truck’s in the way?”
“Like I’m going to stay for the whole thing. I’ll be long gone by the time they drag out Karen’s coffin.”
“But you’ll get a ticket,” Hayley said.
“The boys at the police department know not to ticket me if they see my truck double-parked. They’ll just think I’m making a lobster delivery.”
“To Karen’s funeral?”
“Mourners got to eat,” Mona said, losing patience.
“Fine,” Hayley sighed, getting out of the truck. “Let’s go.”
Hayley and Mona walked up the stone steps to the church’s front entrance and went inside. The organist was playing a somber hymn and it was standing room only. A crowd of people, mostly in black, were gathered around the coffin.
Hayley immediately spotted Liddy. She was in designer black, very chic. But Liddy also had an innate need to stand out everywhere she went, so she also wore a flashy diamond pendant that was almost blinding, along with a matching pair of earrings.
Hayley, however, wasn’t focused on her outfit. She was more concerned with Liddy’s face. It was contorted into a silent scream and her eyes were wild with fury as she stampeded over to Hayley and Mona.
“What’s up her butt?” Mona asked as Liddy descended upon them.
Liddy grabbed Hayley by the arm and squeezed it tight. “We have a situation. Outside.”
Liddy steered Hayley right back out the door. Curious, Mona followed.
Liddy led Hayley down the steps and across the lawn, out of earshot of the few stragglers still filing into the church.
“What is it?” Hayley asked.
“It’s an open casket,” Liddy said, near tears.
“What, is Karen’s face scaring the children?” Mona said, before busting out laughing.
“Mona, please,” Liddy said sternly and then swiveled her head back to Hayley. “I’ve been freaking out waiting for you to get here.”
“What, Liddy? What? Just tell me,” Hayley said, her stomach twisted all in knots.
“Remember my grandmother’s brooch, the silver one in the shape of a dragonfly?”
“Yes, I love that brooch,” Hayley said.
“I know. Which is why I lent it to you a few months ago to wear to the surprise birthday party Mona and I threw for you, but ended up telling you about a week in advance so you could dress appropriately.”
“Right. I looked so good that night,” Hayley said.
“Thanks to my brooch,” Liddy interjected. “Do you remember what you did with it?”
“I gave it back to you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I’m sure I did.”
“Trust me, Hayley. You didn’t.”
“Well, did you look for it?”
“I don’t have to. I already know where it is.”
“Well, then, what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, Karen Applebaum is wearing it. In her casket.”
“What?”
“It’s fastened right to her ugly maroon wool knit dress.”
Mona guffawed so loudly she had to cover her mouth.
Liddy spun around and glared at Mona. “You’re not helping.”
“That’s impossible. How did Karen get ahold of your grandmother’s brooch?”
“I was hoping you could tell me,” Liddy said, trying to remain calm. “When I got here, I did what everybody else was doing and got in line to pass by and take one last look at Karen. Mostly because I wanted to make sure she was really dead. When I got to the front of the line, I practically screamed my head off. Everyone was looking at me in horror so I mustered up some tears and just said I was overwhelmed with grief over losing such a dear, sweet friend. Like anybody would believe me! I hated the cow!”
“Wait a minute,” Hayley said. “Karen was at my birthday party a few months ago, and I remember she complimented me on the brooch and ...”
“And what?” Liddy asked.
“... and asked if she could borrow it to wear to the Way Back Ball and—oh, no ...” Hayley said, her voice trailing off. “I gave it to her but forgot to get it back. It all happened long before this whole feud between us erupted.”
Mona was having trouble breathing at this point, she was laughing so hard.
Hayley grabbed Liddy by the shoulders. “Oh, Liddy, I am so, so sorry. This is all my fault.”
“It’s fine,” Liddy said, patting Hayley’s hand with her own. “I understand. These things happen.”
“I’ll make it up to you, I promise,” Hayley said. “I’ll replace it.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Liddy said.
“No, it’s the least I can do.”
“You don’t have to replace it because you’re going to get it back for me.”
“What?”
“That brooch is priceless. It’s been in my family for generations. You can’t just replace it.”
“What am I supposed to do? Go back inside that church, march up to Karen’s coffin, and just rip it off her chest?”
“See, you already have a plan,” Liddy said.
“Are you insane?”
“I will not allow my grandmother’s brooch to be buried with that hag Karen Applebaum!”
Mona was now in such a state of hysterics, she lost her balance and stumbled into the hedges lining the church property.
“Liddy, I can’t. I just can’t,” Hayley pleaded.
“Yes, you can. Now you better go do it now because they’re going to close the casket once the service starts and then we’ll be royally screwed!”
“Want me to pull the fire alarm to distract everybody?” Mona asked, finally able to catch her breath.
“Liddy ... ,” Hayley pleaded.
But Liddy just stared at her, and Hayley knew there was no getting out of it.
“All right, fine, Liddy. You win. I’ll get the damn brooch back,” Hayley said, sweeping back across the lawn and up the stone steps.
“Oh, this I’ve got to see,” Mona said, chasing after her.
Liddy checked herself out in a compact mirror before following behind both of them.
Inside the church, Hayley slowly walked down the aisle toward the casket. At first she thought swiping the brooch might be easy, especially since there were only two people left in front of the casket. Most of the other mourners had already taken their seats.
But Hayley had forgotten about one key fact.
Her recent history with the deceased.
Everybody knew there was no love lost between the two. And all eyes were fixed on her. How was she going to steal the brooch with everyone watching?
Hayley lagged behind the last two people who stood at the casket. They cried softly, lingering a bit too long. Hayley started to sweat, worried Reverend Staples would start the service and she would lose her one chance to get the brooch back.
Finally, the two mourners walked away and sat down in a pew.
Hayley was the last one there.
Her back was to the congregation. She lowered her arm inside, as if to stroke Karen’s face. She began to shake her shoulders slightly to make it look like she was overcome with emotion and tears.
Her fingers slowly, methodically encircled the brooch. She gave it a quick yank but it was stuck on the fabric. She yanked again.
She heard murmurs behind her. What was she doing? Why was she taking so long?
She gave one last yank.
The brooch broke free, but it tore the fabric. She was about to surreptitiously pocket it when she noticed the good Reverend Staples, having already taken his place in front of the podium next to the casket to deliver his sermon, with a clear view of what she was doing.
His mouth was open in shock.
Hayley burst into tears. For real. This wasn’t happening.
Reverend Staples stepped over to her and put a comforting arm around her.
“Reverend, I can explain,” Hayley said, sniffling.
“I’m listening ...”
This was not going to end well.
Hayley decided the best course of action was to lie. “I was just adjusting it. It was crooked. But it got caught on my sleeve and ...”
Reverend Staples smiled at Hayley as if to say, “Dear, it’s probably not in your best interest to lie in the house of God.”
And it didn’t help that they were just a few feet away from a statue of Jesus on the cross.
Hayley decided to try a different approach. The truth.
“You see, the brooch doesn’t really belong to Karen,” Hayley said.
She was trying desperately to talk in a low voice, but everyone in the front pew was leaning forward, on the edge of their seats, straining to hear whatever words they could.
Hayley knew they would pick up enough to seal her fate forever as
that woman who stole the jewelry off a dead woman.
“Hayley, my best advice to you is to just come clean.”
“That’s what I’m trying to do, but I know we shouldn’t hold up the service any longer so why don’t I just sit down ...”
Reverend Staples leaned in closer and whispered into her ear. “I’m not talking about stealing Karen’s jewelry. I’m talking about her untimely death.”
Hayley stared at Reverend Staples, not knowing how to respond. A minister was telling her he thought she was guilty of murder.
“If you confess, He will take that into account come Judgment Day,” Reverend Staples said, pointing upward with his right index finger.
Then with one hand, he closed Hayley’s hand with the brooch in it and said, “I want you to keep that. As a reminder of your responsibility to Karen.”
He then turned her around, and sent her down the aisle to the pews toward the back where Liddy and Mona waited for her. Hayley was so distraught and embarrassed she didn’t watch where she was going and slammed right into someone. The impact nearly knocked her off her feet, but a strong pair of hands steadied her.