Decay (12 page)

“I was with him Friday night,” Angela added. “But he didn't say anything about going anywhere other than seeing another friend on Saturday. Did you talk to her?”

With an all too familiar roll of her eyes, Lyssa scoffed. She and her brother were a lot more alike than they'd care to admit. “I could barely find you guys. The only thing he's told me about you is your names and that you used to go to school together here before the, um, incident.” She glanced at the guidance counselor and shifted in her chair, clearing her throat. “But I don't know who he hangs out with from his other school. I've never met his girlfriend−”

“Ex,” Angela said quickly. “They're not dating anymore, but I know who she is. I can give you her phone number.”

“Thank you,” Lyssa said, and her gaze went down to her hands. It broke Cadence's heart. Clearly, the young woman was placing a lot of blame on herself. Cadence wanted to say it wasn't her fault.

Orlando was good at being aloof about his personal life. She didn't know the name of his ex-girlfriend either. Not her given name at least. She knew the girl was Sprout and attended the same school as him, and that she had a brother who was known as Bean. She definitely wouldn't have known they had broken up if he hadn't expressed such turmoil over the whole thing. He didn't like to talk about anything, not with her at least. Angela was obviously in the know.

Lyssa blew her nose. “I was hoping maybe he had been staying with one of you, or skipping to hang out. If you hear anything, please let me know.”

“Of course,” JD said.

Angela scribbled a phone number onto a piece of paper. “This is Tait's number. She might know something.”

“If you need a few minutes to yourselves, you can talk in the conference room. I'm sure this is very upsetting. Orlando may have left the school on not so pleasant terms, but he is a nice kid. I'm sure he appreciates how you've reached out to him,” Mr. Kalvin said. “Miss Holmes, I will be sure to alert the staff of this news and tell them to keep their eyes and ears open.”

“Thank you,” Lyssa said.

Cadence stood and took that as a good time to leave the office. She offered a small nod and a weak smile, and walked out the door. JD followed her while Angela lingered behind to talk with Lyssa some more. Cadence left the school office all together and started to roam the hallways of the massive high school. There was no hurry to get back to class, but she had no desire to talk inside of the conference room either. She didn't have a whole lot to say to begin with.

“Man,” JD whispered and moved to her side. He put an arm around her shoulders. “What do you think is going on?”

Shrugging, she tried to free herself of JD's grasp. He wouldn't let go. She forced his arm off of her with a shove that was gentler than she wanted to give him. “I have no idea, to be honest.”

“Well do you think he ran away? Was kidnapped? Got hurt doing...stuff...for Alan?” JD asked in a hushed voice.

“I said, I don't know!”

“Aren't you supposed to have all of the answers?”

She glared up at him. “Don't mock me right now. I'm still mad at you.”

He let out a soft whistle. “Just trying to lighten the mood a little. I'm worried, and I'm not sure what to think here. Especially given his choice in significant others.”

“We'll just have to inform Alan of what's going on and start looking. Angela seemed to have a few clues. We can find him.”

Taking her hand in his own, he gave it a gentle squeeze. “Are you okay?”

“I'm just as worried as you are,” she whispered.

“I hate you being mad at me Cadence. Tell me how I can make us better.”

She shook her head. “Don't get sweet on me. I can't stand it. Makes me want to cave on everything I'm feeling.”

“And what
is
everything you're feeling?”

“We should be focusing on Orlando.”

“Cadence,” JD said sharply, and it caused her to meet his gaze with her own. “We need to resolve this, or we're not going to be able to deal with anything else properly. I don't like sitting and not knowing.
Please,
talk to me.”

Her eyes closed. She couldn't stand staring into his hazel eyes and seeing all of the blind faith he had in her, held in his gaze. It broke her heart, and it made what she needed to say to him all the more difficult to do.

Taking in a deep breath, she said everything on her mind. “You're my best friend, and I love you deeply, but taking this adventure with you was a mistake. We moved way too fast, and I don't like who I am anymore when I'm with you. It's like my personal identity has become so involved around you, that I don't know how to be myself when I'm not with you. And when I am, I don't have the same kind of confidence I had. Don't you miss how we used to be? At all? Even a tiny bit?”

“We can have that back. It's not impossible. Give me a chance, and we'll go back.”

“I gave you my virginity,” she whispered sharply. “That is not something you can go back from. We can't pretend none of that stuff ever happened. Once you take that leap with someone, it makes or breaks the relationship. Ours is broken.”

JD stepped back, stumbling a little, his hand dropping away from hers and to his side. “Don't talk like this. You're kind of freaking me out. We aren't broken. We can fix it.
Everything
can be fixed!”

She shook her head. “No, it can't. There are some things that break, and even if you try to repair them the cracks will always be there. Some are more noticeable than others, but they're still there. I'm not going to make you give me what I've been wanting for so long. It won't mean the same thing if I tell you and force it out.”

“Please tell me anyway. I'll find a way. Please, don't...we aren't broken.”

They both were quiet for a long time. “You want to know?” she finally asked.

“More than anything,” he whispered.

“All I wanted was for you to tell me you loved me. That I was
yours
. And now I need space from this...whatever this was...since I was never your girlfriend...and figure out who I am again.” Cadence moved further away from him, and when she was unable to take the sight of his wide glossy eyes and dropped jaw any longer, she turned away from him, wanting to flee. So she did, and walked as quickly as she could down the hallway to go back to class.

JD continued to stand there. She glanced over her shoulder at him once, and his expression never changed.

“If this is about a label Cadence, all you had to do was ask for one. I'd have given it to you. I'd give anything to you,” he called after her.

He doesn't understand,
she thought, shaking her head. When she got back to her desk and saw the heart shaped cookie he'd brought her, tears filled her eyes.

“For you, my heart. I know it seems cannibalistic and gross, but then it'll be inside of you always.”
His words echoed in her mind. That had been all she had wanted from him as well as some kind of solid commitment.

Maybe I should go back and say I'm sorry. Take him back, change my mind.
She shook her head and pulled out her notebook so she could get back to work.
No, there's more to it. Being an ‘us' should have never happened. It was a huge mistake. I can't cave no matter how much I love him. This is for the best for both of us. If I go back, then all of the insecurity and identity problems will only return.

But if that were true, then why did she feel so dead inside?

 

 

Alan told Sir Tuliy all of the events from the last meeting with his charges. Normally, he didn't like getting so emotionally involved when talking business, but it felt nice to get things off of his chest. Stress was a factor everyone on the ship had to deal with, but not everyone could do so effectively. His growing friendship with Sir Tuliy provided him with a confidant for most things.

“So now my charges are usually fighting, and things are a bit awkward if they aren't. I'm trying to remain the voice of reason, but I'm kind of angry at them. How could they be so selfish as to pursue a relationship under this kind of setting? Especially one so immaturely acted upon,” Alan said.

Sir Tuliy was quiet, and his face was hard to read. It was expressionless, and his body was stiff. “They're young and have been friends for a long time. A high pressure situation would create the perfect catalyst for them to do something without thinking. I'm only sorry it resulted in so many hurt feelings, and that it might cause problems with our upcoming task.”

“I'm going to leave Cadence behind and bring the others,” Alan said. “She's of more use to me researching anyway. I can bounce back and forth with ease to check on her as needed.”

“I would be more than happy to stay behind to watch her as well,” Sir Tuliy offered.

“Won't you be needed on the field?”

The other man shook his head. “No. It has been requested I run the ship in Sir Orioltogorthan's absence.”

Alan couldn't hold in his groan. “I was hoping he wouldn't be coming on the mission.”

“I'm sure, but I think it would be good for him to actually watch you and your charges in action, then he might understand more of what you do.”

“I know you're right, but I'm not looking forward to it,” Alan said. The scrutiny of their superior was sometimes a lot for him to handle. With Sir Tuliy not going, Alan would probably face a lot more of it than he had as of late. Hopefully the break he'd given his charges over the weekend was enough for them to collect their emotions and sort out all of the drama that was going on amongst the group.

Tuliy shrugged. “Not many of us here on the ship
do
look forward to spending time with him. He tends to make me uncomfortable, to be honest. I respect him as an authority, but he would not be the type of man I'd seek the company of on my own. Honestly, he's not as scary as he comes off. Not in the way you're thinking at least.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don't think he would do anything to hurt you or your reputation here on the ship. No matter what differences he may have with your father, he's honorable. At the same time, there's something off about him that troubles me. I can't quite put my finger on it, though. Perhaps I shouldn't have said anything.” Tuliy stepped back into his room for a moment before returning to the den. His eyes were narrowed, and the concerned expression was enough for Alan to not be able to forget their conversation. If Sir Oriol troubled Tuliy, then Alan needed to be even more on guard than before.

He went into the kitchen to start preparing a snack. The plan for the day was to take a quick break before going to visit his charges and see if they were doing better. Orlando's school would be his first stop, since he had to figure out how he wanted to observe Bean and Sprout in their daily life as well. He needed to understand his enemy.

Tuliy settled onto the couch. “You're to call your father as well today.”

The news made Alan stop what he was doing. He put down the snack he was preparing and stared at his friend. “What do you mean, I'm supposed to call my father?”

His father was on another ship somewhere else in the galaxy. The last Alan had heard, he was in Earth's orbit as well but in another location. Communication between the two of them was sparse and usually in the form of letters, never through a video call. Even though his father was a high ranking military officer, Alan did not get special privileges to speak with him, and that was how he preferred things. Alan didn't want special treatment. The last thing he needed was more animosity between him and his comrades.

“Sir Orioltogorthan said that your father wishes to speak with you,” Sir Tuliy said. “You are to call him as soon as you are able. I have a 'phone' in the room here, if you'd rather speak without anyone breathing down your neck?”

“Yes,” Alan said stiffly. “I would like that very much. Give me a few minutes.”

“It will take that long to set it up.” His friend gave him a smile, but Alan had a hard time reciprocating it. He wasn't sure why exactly. Tuliy was nothing but nice to him. Sometimes it threw him off balance because Tuliy's emotions were much more pure than Alan would have ever imagined. The guy was a military genius. Shouldn't he have been more hardened? Or was Alan some kind of special exception for the simple reason that they were in fact friends?

Back home, Alan wasn't the most popular of people, so he might have not understood friendship anyway. His father's powerful military status caused Alan some strife in school. He also wasn't the most social in nature, which apparently made him undesirable to be around. Getting close to people just wasn't something that came easy for him.

Tuliy seemed to be the opposite. Where people avoided Alan, they flocked to Tuliy. The young man knew exactly what to say and when. He could captivate an audience, hold a conversation without showing signs of boredom, and display genuine interest in the feelings of others. Once again, Alan was more than a little jealous of his comrade.

Alan stared down at his snack and exhaled slowly, no longer feeling hungry in the slightest. He hadn't eaten much during the day, however, so he forced himself to eat a food called crackers with a spread called peanut butter. It was a food high in calories, but also protein, and it would hopefully keep him satisfied until dinner. The crackers were bland, but at least his stomach stopped growling. Now it only churned from nerves.

He moved into the den and saw Tuliy pushing a few buttons on a remote control. The young man motioned for Alan to stand in front of a large screen.

“Are you ready?” Sir Tuliy asked.

With a nod, Alan took in a deep breath. “I believe so.” He ran a hand over his hair to make sure it was smooth, and also checked his outfit over to make sure it wasn't inappropriate. The usual black pants and dark red vest would be okay, right? Or should he be more formal to respect the high rank the man held?